RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile

RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile (Full Version)

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MsMillgrove -> RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile (1/28/2009 11:34:32 AM)
No I don't do it. I had a sub in training offer to delete and I said no. The word "deactivate" could mean "hide for awhile". Not delete account. A comment on something in the original post.... OP states asks other dommes if they require a deactivation of profiles from prospective subs. She explains that this has happened to a friend of her sub. She says the boy is new to the site and she fears that he will be taken by a scammer. Here's what I am wondering about: did she pass an opinion that this is a red flag..along to her sub who passed to the friend? One of the things I find frustrating during that initial "get to know each other.. moving into consideration" phase...is the willingness of other femdom to allow their subs to pass along views.. fears, worries, criticism etc. (I am not suggesting that this happened in the OP situation) Whenever I hear another person's version of events (and this one is about third hand now.. we don't know the original domme or sub.. nor do we know "why" this request was made of the sub.) I tend to wait awhile for commenting....to see what else develops. (of course if a sub is told to blindfold self, and sit alone in a motel room at 2 am with the door unlocked, waiting for a domme to come for the first meet--well...obviously.. a Red Flag should be raised to the sub by Everyone) For so many to speculate on the 'why' and cast aspersion on a sister who could very well be reading this thread... it bothers me.. We have no idea why she requested this of the sub and there might be a perfectly ok reason for it. It's not a red flag to me. Only a development in their consideration period. Which is a delicate, fragile time. No personal safety issue is involved, which is the only reason I would wave a flag. One of the quibbles I have with CM forums is the willingness of many of us (me too sometimes).. to jump on someone else's choices and judge them. Just sayin'

LaTigresse -> RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile (1/28/2009 11:38:17 AM)
The only way I would consider this is if there was something negative she could not cope with. Example: someone kept sending her nasty emails, she is too well mannered and kind to just delete and ignore or block, and they were upsetting her. Or, as a punishment because she was spending too much time playing online, and not getting the things I wanted her to do, done. Either one would be reflective of an actual "real" relationship. Not an online cyber thing.

lateralist1 -> RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile (1/29/2009 12:42:10 PM)
I wouldn't do it but I can't comment on whether it is right or wrong. Good practice or bad. It just smacks to me of not trusting the sub. As far as I'm concerned until he's collared he's a free agent. And as collaring for me is for life then it's going to take a lot of time for any relationship to get to that point.

MissMorrigan -> RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile (1/29/2009 1:13:05 PM)
While I understand deactivation of a submissive's profile can be done for a variety of reasons, including (as suggested by LaT) poor time management, I would much rather teach them how to manage that so that they were more productive with their day. When Reality had an issue with time spent online and he was slacking on his chores, it was decided he could only check his mail/surf the internet between certain times rather than remove it altogether and build resentment - I didn't need to check on this as one of the traits I admire in him is his honesty - it was hard for him initially but he soon got used to getting all he needed to online within a specific timeframe. He is a gentle person and I would much rather help him build his confidence in order that he can learn how to assert himself. He was incredibly shy, still is to a larger extent, but now no longer backs away from a situation that makes him uncomfortable. I can't and don't take credit for that, he's put in the hard work (with support). I think when a person embarks on a course of action that has a great deal of uncertainty and insecurity as the driving force, I think they are just setting themselves up for a collision. Edited to add: As for whether it is right or wrong, only those within a relationship can decide what is/isn't acceptable for them and we choose what works for us. quote: ORIGINAL: lateralist1 I wouldn't do it but I can't comment on whether it is right or wrong. Good practice or bad. It just smacks to me of not trusting the sub. As far as I'm concerned until he's collared he's a free agent. And as collaring for me is for life then it's going to take a lot of time for any relationship to get to that point.

E2Sweet -> RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile (1/29/2009 1:31:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan ... how would you feel at your respective other demanding that this be done and any emails you receive are read by them firstly, would you not feel this was intrusive and a slight to your integrity? I just think this scenario would most often be a huge error on the dominant's part. It's so easily misinterpreted as the dominant not trusting the submissive's intentions and/or judgment. Filtering someone's written correspondence with others is more so a remedy to handle a problem with a small child than it is a way to conduct yourself in an adult relationship. While I cannot speak of all, I will say that in general, submissive types are not children that need to be parented.

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