Define Dom

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Reckage -> Define Dom (1/26/2009 4:48:52 AM)
From my point of view to be a Dom you first have to be a Gentleman and a Man. To be a Gentleman requires respect for subs and their family and friends and an understanding of their needs. To be a Man is to never take anything from a sub except her respect, mind and body, a man takes care of business and does not move in a leach off a sub, neither does he accept money, support etc - So if I am wrong someone please enlighten me. I see way too many profiles where the sub complains the last guy milked her for money or support. Maybe therer shoule be a Union for you subbies!

colouredin -> RE: Define Dom (1/26/2009 4:51:04 AM)
Hmm I dont think there should be a union my ex had money off me, that was because I made bad choices. The ideal bloke would be a gentleman but we dont live in an ideal world

Lashra -> RE: Define Dom (1/26/2009 4:54:25 AM)
To be a Dominant to my way of thinking, is a person that must be a natural leader (regardless of gender)who inspires another to follow them. A Dominant should care for and take care of her/his property and never betray the deep trust that should be established in the relationship. A Dominant should also be a good decision maker (I've met a few who were really BAD decision makers). Just my 2 cents ~Lashra

Usako -> RE: Define Dom (1/26/2009 4:55:35 AM)
I don't really waste time with defining things. To me, dom is short for dominant be it male or female. I don't hang on any other pretty ideas than that.

CatdeMedici -> RE: Define Dom (1/26/2009 5:00:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lashra To be a Dominant to my way of thinking, is a person that must be a natural leader (regardless of gender)who inspires another to follow them. A Dominant should care for and take care of her/his property and never betray the deep trust that should be established in the relationship. A Dominant should also be a good decision maker (I've met a few who were really BAD decision makers). Just my 2 cents ~Lashra Bravo! Well stated!

feydeplume -> RE: Define Dom (1/26/2009 6:40:45 AM)
I don't think i can DEFINE a Master or Ma'am, but i know what i think of when i think about all the great ones in my life. They have great senses of humor, love to learn things, take great joy in life, can differentiate in their own minds the difference between and order and a request, have and are dealing with their own demons, have bags and bags of compassion and empathy, and really see the little things other people do. They are careful in their judgments of others, know what they will and won't have in their life, and strive to live up to their personal standards. oddly that is about the same list of qualities that i see in most slaves (the ones that are happy) as well. For Dom/mes and subs, well I can't make any real generalizations there since that runs from people that like a little play acting in the bedroom from time to time to people that live like M and s, but don't like those words. As for Tops and Bottoms, well more power to 'em says I. At the least they know what they want and what they can do for themselves and others in at least one aspect of their lives and have the personal integrity to own their own pleasure and work to achieve it.

oceanwynds -> RE: Define Dom (1/26/2009 6:43:55 AM)
By your definition, then i would not be a happy sub. Sir is very much a gentleman, so that part makes me happy. I do not support Sir, so that part will fit as well. I am permitted to buy groceries when I am staying there occassionally, that makes me happy. Sometimes I am told to save money for a special goal, this teaches me how to manage my money and contributes to Sir helping me in being self-sufficient. I do not fix Sir, or offer solutions to any problems he might encounter, but I do support him by taking care of myself. This gives him one less thing to worry about.

littleone35 -> RE: Define Dom (1/26/2009 7:48:29 AM)
My Master is a gentleman and very much a man. he does not like me to spend any money on him. I do sometimes though if it is Christmas his b day our annivasary(SP). Special occasions but even then i am not allowed to spend too much. To me a to define a dom these qualities he has confidence, sense of humor, have self control, and for me have to have a sensual side to them be gentle but firm. Ther are others but these are off the top of my head. Matt's littleone

ThundersCry -> RE: Define Dom (1/26/2009 7:50:39 AM)
Jerk?

ThundersCry -> RE: Define Dom (1/26/2009 7:52:23 AM)
Whoops! I didn`t see the money part... I can always use a little more cash...

peppermint -> RE: Define Dom (1/26/2009 10:03:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Reckage From my point of view to be a Dom you first have to be a Gentleman and a Man. To be a Gentleman requires respect for subs and their family and friends and an understanding of their needs. To be a Man is to never take anything from a sub except her respect, mind and body, a man takes care of business and does not move in a leach off a sub, neither does he accept money, support etc - So if I am wrong someone please enlighten me. I see way too many profiles where the sub complains the last guy milked her for money or support. Maybe therer shoule be a Union for you subbies! Nice fantasy...but let's face reality. A Dom and submissive have a RELATIONSHIP. If they live together they have EXPENSES. I suppose if the Dom is independently wealthy, he can support both himself and his submissive without any financial assistance from the submissive. Reality is that most people don't have that kind of income. So...we share our expenses. This is not leaching...this is sharing a relationship...with all the vanilla needs such as food and shelter having to be taken care of BEFORE the D/s dynamic can happen. In my RELATIONSHIP I pay for food, electricity, the annual rent on our RV site, and 1/2 the vehicle insurance. He pays for upkeep of the motor home, diesel and other expenses while we are on the road, his half of the vehicle insurance, the car and its gas, and eating out. He does not leach off me....we SHARE. We just got back from a cruise that I paid for as I had the money to do so. According to your fantasy we are doing it ALL wrong and Gary is not a Dom because he accepted that cruise from me..and accepts that I pay some of the other expenses. (shrugs) We really don't care about your definitions. Your definition of a Dom wouldn't work for us but I am more than willing to allow you to live your life as you see fit for YOU. Anyway...enjoy your personal definition of a Dom. I like Lashra's definition so much better than yours.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Define Dom (1/26/2009 10:18:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Reckage From my point of view to be a Dom you first have to be a Gentleman and a Man. To be a Gentleman requires respect for subs and their family and friends and an understanding of their needs. To be a Man is to never take anything from a sub except her respect, mind and body, a man takes care of business and does not move in a leach off a sub, neither does he accept money, support etc - So if I am wrong someone please enlighten me. I see way too many profiles where the sub complains the last guy milked her for money or support. Maybe therer shoule be a Union for you subbies! Wow it's too bad for all those NON male dom/fem sub relationships out there, they simply just don't pass muster. I don't want a union. I also do enjoy serving- and I see no reason why I shouldn't be allowed to serve financially. You don't want my service, that's a-ok with me. But don't try to act like you're a cooler dude because of it.

WestBaySlave -> RE: Define Dom (1/26/2009 10:32:42 AM)
A dom is someone who desires control in his or her relationships. It's as loose a definition as I can come up with, considering that there is a vast spectrum of good doms, bad doms, newbie doms, experienced doms, inept doms, conscientious doms, occasional doms, etc... When it comes to what I seek in a dom, that's a rather different matter - and most of it doesn't apply to anyone other than me and the doms in my life.

DesFIP -> RE: Define Dom (1/26/2009 3:10:34 PM)
In the modern world most families are two income families. So if they both work and pool their money for the household, then he couldn't be a dom? Not in my viewpoint. As far as people who say they got involved with people who used them, happens in the vanilla world too. Healthy people set healthy boundaries. Unhealthy people don't have good boundaries. Nothing D/s specific here that I can see

greeneyedreamer -> RE: Define Dom (1/26/2009 4:06:37 PM)
quote: From my point of view to be a Dom you first have to be a Gentleman and a Man. To be a Gentleman requires respect for subs and their family and friends and an understanding of their needs. To be a Man is to never take anything from a sub except her respect, mind and body, a man takes care of business and does not move in a leach off a sub, neither does he accept money, support etc - So if I am wrong someone please enlighten me. I see way too many profiles where the sub complains the last guy milked her for money or support. Maybe therer shoule be a Union for you subbies! I Think it works both ways. The female Domme/ or Submissives should not leach money from a Dom/ Sub male or female. Basicallly people do what they want with their money and their time. It's a shame there are unscrupulous people in the world. Such is life not just BDSM.

servantheart -> RE: Define Dom (1/26/2009 8:09:21 PM)
Forgive my simplistic thinking, but isn't a Dominant someone who.....dominates?

AquaticSub -> RE: Define Dom (1/26/2009 8:24:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Reckage From my point of view to be a Dom you first have to be a Gentleman and a Man. To be a Gentleman requires respect for subs and their family and friends and an understanding of their needs. To be a Man is to never take anything from a sub except her respect, mind and body, a man takes care of business and does not move in a leach off a sub, neither does he accept money, support etc - So if I am wrong someone please enlighten me. I see way too many profiles where the sub complains the last guy milked her for money or support. Maybe therer shoule be a Union for you subbies! Are you wrong? Well no, in that it's your opinion and I don't think there is much I could argue you. But it's not my defination. By the way, the lack of capital letters in the following post doesn't mean I regard the terms lightly. It's because neither my owner or I believe that anything but deities, formal names and other things dictated by grammar get capital letters. For me, a gentleman opens car doors, buys flowers, says "please" and "take you" when he doesn't have to, tips well, treats those who work for him and serve both - both inside his home and out with respect. He can be harsh. Interestingly, I had a discussion with a friend of mine about how we viewed the term gentleman. To her, a gentleman has to be gentle. For me, it's a title that one earns by polite and respectful behavior, regardless of how hard he throws me against the barn wall. [:)] To me, a man takes care of his own and a good man helps to take care of those he doesn't have to. The needy in his community. He takes care of those around him how he can. If the woman in his life (assuming a heterosexual relationship for this post) has better earning power, a man is not threatened by it because he is secure in his masculinity. If he needs money, he is man enough to accept help - not a foolish boy who refuses to admit he needs it. Then, he shows himself to be man by then repaying what was given to him and more. Valyraen, my beloved owner, is a leech by your standards and others. That's fine. When we got together, I had an income. He didn't, not to speak of. He has shown himself to be a fine man in my eyes by getting a good job, paying rent, taking care of me and buying food, clothing and things for me that I don't need. My money helps now but not very much. Some males milk females for money. And some female milk males for money. Growing in a situation where there was money, I find both equally disgusting, equally trashy and equally.... ugh I'm not even sure there is a word for it. I've learned how to smell out people who judge by money as though it somehow makes for class and happy relationships. It's a foul ordor - not saying I get that you. Just in general. Edited to add: I realized I didn't touch on the term dominant, probably because for me it's very simple. I don't make much attempt to define the terms in other people's relationships because they aren't mine. A dominant, in my eyes, is someone who enjoys dominating and nothing more than that. You don't have to be a nice guy to be a dominant. And I would also be against a subbie union. I mean... what would happen if I didn't pay my dues?

beargonewild -> RE: Define Dom (1/27/2009 2:24:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Reckage From my point of view to be a Dom you first have to be a Gentleman and a Man. To be a Gentleman requires respect for subs and their family and friends and an understanding of their needs. To be a Man is to never take anything from a sub except her respect, mind and body, a man takes care of business and does not move in a leach off a sub, neither does he accept money, support etc - So if I am wrong someone please enlighten me. I see way too many profiles where the sub complains the last guy milked her for money or support. Maybe there should be a Union for you subbies! As a broad general framework, that sound good though each person who identifies as a dominant does according to how they believe a dominant should be like. Just because a person identifies as a dom doesn't mean they are any different from a vanilla person who takes advantage of others. Don't forget there's probably just as many doms complaining about how their last sub wasn't honest or true. Maybe if more would fully take responsibility for their choices then they wouldn't bitch and complain so much.

StormsSlave -> RE: Define Dom (1/27/2009 3:15:05 AM)
Umm...I'm in the sounds good on paper camp. However, in the real world, I make a lot more money than My Lord, therefore it makes much more sense for me to do the supporting. He works to keep me in a job, making sure I'm fed, entertained, and sufficiently fucked. The job market tanked here this year, and the help wanted ads went from two pages to two columns in about two weeks. We're just glad I have a job, and we're happy to work at making that work. As for the rest, he's always good to me, and treats me like the love of his life. I would be so disappointed if he never let me give him anything. It would break my heart not to be able to give him gifts and take him out to eat. He does so much for me, every day, it's the least I can do. Thanks for your definition. It was at least an interesting read.

hopelesslyInvo -> RE: Define Dom (1/27/2009 3:37:04 AM)
dom (dŏm) -me > noun a self titled reference of a person involved in bdsm that identifies themselves to others as being dominant willed in their relations. > verb the act of a dom, domme, major domo "getting one's way" with another person through various means of control, esp. in a manner enjoyable to the dominant person. [Lat. joogyboogywoogie, meaniejeans.]

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