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Questions to ask potential Dom - 1/10/2006 3:40:23 PM   
sultryvoice


Posts: 368
Joined: 3/31/2004
Status: offline 		I have tried to look in the archives for this and I am not having any luck..I am talking to a potential Dom and I want to know more about him. I don't want only D/s compatibility but compatibility in other areas. I have waited a long time and I want to be sure we have enough in common for it to have a chance of working. I would like to compile a list of questions as a guide..I am open to your suggestions..

Respectfully,
sultry

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For it is they who let in the light.


www.themarkbycpi.com
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RE: Questions to ask potential Dom - 1/10/2006 3:45:48 PM   
EriaeMelody


Posts: 29
Joined: 1/10/2006
Status: offline 		Well, if this was just a 'nilla relationship you were trying to build on...what kind of things would you want to know?

Those are the questions that I would be asking...the D/s side...that's obviously there already, so now you need to know what kind of a person he is outside the scene.

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(in reply to sultryvoice)
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RE: Questions to ask potential Dom - 1/10/2006 4:17:17 PM   
lsycko


Posts: 7
Joined: 8/28/2005
Status: offline 		Well, i would start with your interests. What do you like to do for fun, or entertainment.

(in reply to EriaeMelody)
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RE: Questions to ask potential Dom - 1/10/2006 4:20:39 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Ask him about his life, his work, his hobbies, his family. You can tell a lot about someone by learning their basics. You should learn what he's about as a person before you get overly concerned about the Dom stuff. Then you can move on to lifestyle and kink-specific information.

Good luck!



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“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to EriaeMelody)
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RE: Questions to ask potential Dom - 1/10/2006 4:27:10 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I'm with everyone else. A BDSM relationship is built on trust. You can't have trust if you have no prior relationship. Sure, you can play here and there but that is far from a relationship.
So, get to know him. Who he is, what his hobbies are. Are you compatible on a vanilla basis? If you are then start asking the lifestyle questions.

(in reply to sultryvoice)
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RE: Questions to ask potential Dom - 1/10/2006 5:40:57 PM   
sultryvoice


Posts: 368
Joined: 3/31/2004
Status: offline 		Yes, I plan to do those things..I do know a bit already..but the vanilla is what I'm concerned about right now..I know we have some possible compatibilities in D/s..Thank you for your answers..

Respectfully,
sultry

_____________________________

Blessed are the cracked,
For it is they who let in the light.


www.themarkbycpi.com

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Questions to ask potential Dom - 1/11/2006 3:04:14 AM   
floorkitten


Posts: 50
Joined: 4/28/2005
Status: offline 		sultry,

here are some great questions to ask potential dominants - even titled as such...lol

http://www.kamsky.org/Submissives/Submissions/floorkitten/questionsfordominants.html

~kitten

(in reply to sultryvoice)
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RE: Questions to ask potential Dom - 1/13/2006 6:23:54 PM   
sultryvoice


Posts: 368
Joined: 3/31/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you for the link floorkitten..

_____________________________

Blessed are the cracked,
For it is they who let in the light.


www.themarkbycpi.com

(in reply to floorkitten)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Questions to ask potential Dom - 1/13/2006 7:13:43 PM   
aurora31


Posts: 266
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you for the link floorkitten. I never can rember the questions I want to ask a potential Dom/Master. Now I have a list I can just look at and ask away. Play 40 questions...lol

aurora

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RE: Questions to ask potential Dom - 1/13/2006 7:22:50 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Even I have to admit, that is one hell of a list of questions......very, very smart and well thought out.

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RE: Questions to ask potential Dom - 1/13/2006 10:25:35 PM   
subfever


Posts: 2895
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: floorkitten

sultry,

here are some great questions to ask potential dominants - even titled as such...lol

http://www.kamsky.org/Submissives/Submissions/floorkitten/questionsfordominants.html

~kitten


That's an impressive list of questions there!

(in reply to floorkitten)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Questions to ask potential Dom - 1/13/2006 11:29:31 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		somehow seems to take all the romance and passion out of it really, but then again I am picturing meeting in some cafe and sitting down and being grilled with all 40 questions . I don't think I would really ask many of those things outright, but most would be a good thing to learn.

_____________________________

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Ha Ha...Charade you are!

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RE: Questions to ask potential Dom - 1/14/2006 1:06:45 AM   
MadameDahlia


Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline 		They're good questions for anyone to ask really... Dominant individuals and submissives alike could ask all of them, in some cases with a bit of tweaking.

Very nice link...

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Questions to ask potential Dom - 1/14/2006 4:02:27 AM   
gbgirlz2003


Posts: 65
Joined: 12/23/2005
Status: offline 		Those are terrific questions. I tend to try and avoid the touch-feely ones and concentrate on the REAL ones. Like who are you ...REALLY?
and the isnsitance on talking to others he/she has been involved with.
I would never get involved with a divorced person without first taking the ex to dinner...lol.
Every story has various angles.

_____________________________

One of Master's many sluts

(in reply to MadameDahlia)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Questions to ask potential Dom - 5/31/2006 8:39:27 AM   
truesub123


Posts: 15
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		As for me, I am very intuitive. I just let the conversation flow. If it doesn't go anywhere,that tells me something. If it's going great, then I start to read between the lines...look for indications of his personality; is this someone I respect? does he like the same things I do? does he respect women? is he unethical? sensitive? intuitive? You can tell this kind of thing by just listening to a person. No need for 20 questions. Even with STD concerns, you can tell if this is the type of person who will keep you safe, insofar as is humanly possible.

(in reply to gbgirlz2003)
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RE: Questions to ask potential Dom - 5/31/2006 3:27:50 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gbgirlz2003
I would never get involved with a divorced person without first taking the ex to dinner...lol.
Every story has various angles.


While I understand your sentiment, I would have a problem with that. You see, my ex died just a few months ago (no I did not do it!) so there would be no way for someone to talk with him. But it's a great idea if the ex is alive, around, and willing.

(in reply to gbgirlz2003)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Questions to ask potential Dom - 5/31/2006 6:09:13 PM   
cillydom


Posts: 332
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		I just put this in another thread but i think it fits here too>


I don’t think there is a shortcut to finding out about someone.

That said get a sense of wether his answers are consistent across different questions and try to determine if he is giving you answers he thinks you want to hear, his answers should be his answers wether you like them or not.

Below is something I put in another thread.

How to find dom/subbie.

Take two pieces of paper. On th first write a description of the person you want.

On the second piece of paper with much thought write a description of the relationship you desire.

Take the first sheet of paper and tear it up.

Take the second sheet of paper and go find him/her.

(in reply to sultryvoice)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Questions to ask potential Dom - 5/31/2006 6:59:26 PM   
babysburnin


Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline 		The list of questions is a great one...just remember, anyone with half-a-brain can answer those questions "correctly" to win you over.  There is no substitute for first-hand experience with a person.  Use the list of questions as things to ask while getting to know the person, rather than a pop-quiz.

_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

(in reply to sultryvoice)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Questions to ask potential Dom - 5/31/2006 7:09:59 PM   
pinkee


Posts: 487
Status: offline 		To the Op:  by "potential Dom" i presume you mean a Man from whom you are considering accepting a collar.
 
S'where, under the nick "candystripper" is a thread on background checks.  If you cannot find it, email me on the other side.
 
pinkee

(in reply to babysburnin)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Questions to ask potential Dom - 6/1/2006 11:43:55 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline 		I liked the questions included in the link given to this thread earlier however with some of the questions, criminal conviction and mental illness I would ask for more information to put it into context eg if a person experiences depression and their mood is stable because they are compliant with their prescribed medication that would be ok. 

I like to ask a dom to tell me a bit about his dreams, his values - what really matters to him.  I find that I also learn a lot from how a person copes with the silences that may occur naturally over dinner, does he try and fill the silences with superficial talk or is he happy to just 'be'.

smiles

wanders

(in reply to pinkee)
Profile   Post #: 20
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