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feelings? :) - 1/27/2009 8:54:02 AM

urlittleprincess

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good morning to everyone! :)

i was in another thread entitled 'what do you call your dom'...and one person replied that she used to call him Master or Sir, but as the vanilla began creeping into the relationship the way they addressed each other became less formal.

im just wondering what it means when a Dom is constantly telling His submissive how cute she is (do you know how cute you are? i think you are so adorable!)...or saying how much He likes her (I just want you to know how much I like you...I like you so much...I liiiiiike you!)...and isn't so much into the discipline anymore. are His vanilla feelings outweighing His Dom feelings??? will it even out? :)

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RE: feelings? :) - 1/27/2009 8:58:56 AM

Maya2001

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why would one want to define feelings as Dom or vanilla...why can't they just be human feelings?????

< Message edited by Maya2001 -- 1/27/2009 8:59:22 AM >

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RE: feelings? :) - 1/27/2009 8:59:31 AM

colouredin

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Hmmmm too much of anything is a bad thing but I dont think a Dom enforcing how attractive he finds his sub is un-Domly especially if its something that the sub really needs to hear.

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RE: feelings? :) - 1/27/2009 9:05:13 AM

Aileen1968

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If he gets too verbally or physically mushy or romantic I point it out to him and call him a douche. Then he does something mean and nasty to me to counteract the sweetness. It works wonderfully for us.

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RE: feelings? :) - 1/27/2009 9:06:46 AM

RCdc

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So you don't find verbal appriciation domly? It's just you own personal thing and it isn't us you should be speaking to. If your dominant is being so verbal and you are having issues with that, then talk to him. If you aren't getting the discipline you require, speak to him.
However, remember who is the authority in your relationship and decide if you want to submit to it.

the.dark.

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RE: feelings? :) - 1/27/2009 9:36:14 AM

E2Sweet

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quote:

ORIGINAL: urlittleprincess

...im just wondering what it means when a Dom is constantly telling His submissive how cute she is (do you know how cute you are? i think you are so adorable!)...or saying how much He likes her (I just want you to know how much I like you...I like you so much...I liiiiiike you!)...and isn't so much into the discipline anymore. are His vanilla feelings outweighing His Dom feelings??? will it even out? :)...

In comparison, there's a generous amount of vanilla-ish mussy-ness that happens when my dominant-type and I are together. I accept that its part of her style of dominating and just generally interacting with me. I don't view it as a negative in any way, and I don't feel she is acting un-domme-ly because she expresses feelings for me. Personally, I'm not even concerned if it does or does not balance out with more formal ways of us verbalizing as a dominant and submissive. With regard to protocol in general, she does have the power to change and enforce pretty much whatever she wishes, so basically at this point in time it's the way she wants it and I'm fine with that.

I don't see any of this being an issue unless someone within the arrangement is not getting something they want internally. If that's what's going on, then it may be wise to have a discussion about re-working some of the protocol to see if some tweaking pushes more of the sub's yummy-buttons or perhaps places her in a better headspace.

In the end, if a discussion and making some changes improves the relationship even in the smallest way, then wouldn't it be worth the effort?

Edited for clarity.

< Message edited by E2Sweet -- 1/27/2009 9:48:53 AM >

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RE: feelings? :) - 1/27/2009 9:57:31 AM

urlittleprincess

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oh oh....dont get me wrong!! i do enjoy His attentions and compliments!! sometimes i am too much of a thinker and analyze and read into things. He is large and in charge most of the time...even when i think He is being a pussy...cat....lol

4 months ago He decided that He no longer wanted D/s between us because the dynamic was such a battle between us. at the time i felt it was a horrible change just prior to me moving in to live with Him. now that i am here we have grown back into the dynamic and it is way beyond what it was before...much better! i guess i just react to the mush by thinking we are going back to the land of no D/s! lol above all else, i need consistency or i do tend to push!

i get the point too....stop analyzing the why's and wherefores...and just enjoy. thank you for all responses!

< Message edited by urlittleprincess -- 1/27/2009 10:03:03 AM >

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RE: feelings? :) - 1/27/2009 10:00:02 AM

badlilthang

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my former rt Master through 7 years called me princess or cunt with the same love in His voice - He could also make the simple words "what was that, princess"? sound like a death sentence..chuckles.

All in its time i say - and no - Him being soft and cuddly with me - for instance after a rough scene and telling me how cute i am...(with makeup running down my face - red eyes - hair a mess)....just made me feel....you guessed it - like a princess - and very proud to be His...

i knew who was in charge - always. And a Dom can not be DOM and harsh and tough 24/7...no more than i could be a slave on my knees around the clock...s...

if the Dom side seems to be totally missing - i think i would ask Him straight out. Simple? :)

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RE: feelings? :) - 1/27/2009 10:19:13 AM

E2Sweet

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quote:

ORIGINAL: urlittleprincess

...i guess i just react to the mush by thinking we are going back to the land of no D/s! ...

Well see now it all makes sense. You've made a connection between waning protocol and a fear of losing a large element of (or perhaps the root of) your relationship. That's totally understandable and very human. I hope you've made him aware of this concern of yours.

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RE: feelings? :) - 1/27/2009 10:56:40 AM

urlittleprincess

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hello E2Sweet! yes, that connection is definitely there...D/s was at the root of the relationship and when He said He didn't want the D/s anymore it totally devastated me...we are on track better than ever but when He is too sweet for too long it worries me...<sigh> thanks for pointing that out to me! maybe i can just relax a little because when He comes home to me He needs to destress a little too! :)

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RE: feelings? :) - 1/27/2009 11:25:21 AM

came4U

Posts: 3572
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From: London, Ontario
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quote:

If he gets too verbally or physically mushy or romantic I point it out to him and call him a douche.

Oh I like that one. lol Ditto.

< Message edited by came4U -- 1/27/2009 11:26:34 AM >

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Post #: 11

RE: feelings? :) - 1/27/2009 11:54:06 AM

junecleaver

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For me...there aren't really Dom feelings and vanilla feelings. There's just...the way I love my SO and feel loved by my SO. The way I connect most deeply with my SO is by giving them a whole bunch of control over me. I try to pair myself with people who connect to their SO by being in control. If we stop with the 'D/s things' we stop being able to connect at the deepest point. It's not that vanilla creeps in...it's that we are being a little lazy and not communicating the way that works best for us.

I think people who are compatible and being themselves in their relationship will weigh things out.

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RE: feelings? :) - 1/27/2009 12:54:59 PM

devotedinSD

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Why do you think that if a dom tells his slave how cute she is he won't care about discipline anymore?

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RE: feelings? :) - 1/27/2009 1:45:43 PM

urlittleprincess

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my concern is more with the constant gushing and praise...it is nice to receive but eventually i start thinking He is blowing smoke up my ass! then again, He is not usually so free with the compliments so i am also not used to hearing it from Him like that. He told me a long time ago that He isn't like other men, meaning He wouldn't be chasing me with compliments all the time in order to get in my pants...i totally laughed at that one!!! and He is right...He isn't like other men so when He starts gushing it is confusing....

but, as some have suggested i will chill out and try to enjoy it! ;)

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RE: feelings? :) - 1/27/2009 2:06:59 PM

DavanKael

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It always interests (And kinda amazes) me when people can not reconcile kindness and loving behavior with D/s. As you said, OP, your concern is over the kindnesses connoting to you that the dynamics are falling away and that's an important factor. It also stood out to me, though, that you mentioned D/s was such a struggle for you in your relationship before he decided to toss the dynamics. Perhaps those issues remain?
Davan

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RE: feelings? :) - 1/27/2009 2:35:57 PM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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Talk to him about it.

What we do here, because we have a blended family and cannot use protocol or ritual, is try to schedule more play time to take up the gap.

But why would you want to be with someone who didn't really like you and didn't express his feelings towards you? Have the rules changed? Are you still supposed to go without underwear? Are you suddenly not required to have dinner on the table at 6:30? Or whatever your rules are, if they haven't changed then I don't think your relationship has suddenly turned vanilla.

If he's in charge, then that means you follow his decisions, including his decision to appreciate you and tell you how much he likes you.

But if you are feeling adrift and need him to yank your chain tighter, then tell him that. He isn't a mind reader. And I doubt he'd mind reddening your ass to make you feel better.

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RE: feelings? :) - 1/27/2009 4:43:30 PM

kallisto

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

It always interests (And kinda amazes) me when people can not reconcile kindness and loving behavior with D/s.

This was my thought. Being kind, loving, affectionate, complimentary, generous, polite, etc. doesn't take away from his "big, bad, Domliness". The authority is still there... well at least for me.

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RE: feelings? :) - 1/27/2009 5:19:37 PM

Lashra

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I have deep loving feelings for my sub. I do not hesitate to tell him that I love and adore him. He knows that he belongs to me and I do not have to remind him of that fact. I am a laid back Domme with only a few protocols. So this works for us.

FYI Dom "feelings" can vary, so be happy that your Dom is happy, he could be displeased and take his collar back.
If you need "more" then tell him, perhaps he isn't aware that his showing his emotions in this way bothers you or makes you think of him as being "less Domly". If you need more discipline, again tell him as I am sure he is not a mind reader, most of us "D" types aren't.

Good luck,
~Lashra

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RE: feelings? :) - 1/28/2009 8:20:33 AM

urlittleprincess

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Joined: 12/18/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

It also stood out to me, though, that you mentioned D/s was such a struggle for you in your relationship before he decided to toss the dynamics. Perhaps those issues remain?
Davan

good morning DavanKael,

i think the majority of our struggles together were due to the long distance between us. i was only able to visit once a month for a week at a time and it was hard going from being my own ultra responsible and independant girl who controlled everything at home and work to being His sub/slave and giving up control of practically everything.

the time at home was more an issue between us than the time together though. now that i live with Him 24/7, we both find it far better...and suits us well! i have been reconciling the 'fantasy' image ive had of this lifestyle with my own personal reality...i realise sometimes my mind still wanders to the fantasy side...not His fault at all. He has been slowly reintroducing expectations and consequences as He sees fit...i welcome the changes because His interest and committment to the D/s part of our life signifies something special to me...something i thought i had lost....and because He is bringing it back to the relationship it makes me feel more positive about our future...not sure if that makes sense...

i have been accused many times of overthinking things...and i am trying to learn to go with the flow and just accept and enjoy life...hard sometimes because i myself am a control freak. i have always been the dominant in my own life!!

have a great day! :)

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RE: feelings? :) - 1/28/2009 9:00:56 AM

urlittleprincess

Posts: 149
Joined: 12/18/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

If he's in charge, then that means you follow his decisions, including his decision to appreciate you and tell you how much he likes you.

good morning DesFIP,

nope...no undies and dinner is always on the table when He gets home from work!

i would never want to be with someone who didnt genuinely like me...He made it clear when we started that He also wants a best friend/partner/lover in His slave. i am not comfortable sitting on a pedestal in either the dominant or submissive role and am a little uncomfortable with the constant expressions. when He is ultra gushy it just reminds me of how men have behaved toward me...submissively. i guess i have to change some of the way i see certain behaviors afterall, He is definitely the dom and is definitely asserting His controls...

thanks so much and have a great day! :)

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Post #: 20

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