how to use your submissive ways... (Full Version)

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SexySassySensual -> how to use your submissive ways... (1/28/2009 3:10:16 PM)

This is not my dom yet, however he had asked me to post that I am under the consideration of ..him..  He is teaching me ...and said this to me..  "dammit girl... use your submissiveness to make me Wanna MAKE YOU HAPPY "

Ok ..now I am new to the titles  not to the lifestyle ways.. I am new to dating again..and I have been talking to this man, for almost a month now..and met him twice...  He is great..  He does have patience..but when he said that ...I feel lost.. How does one use their submissive ways..

I would like some ideas...please....





T1981 -> RE: how to use your submissive ways... (1/28/2009 3:14:06 PM)

I'm unsure of what he's asking for - is he asking for things that you'd like to have as part of your submission? Rules? Rituals? Certain types of play?



Mercnbeth -> RE: how to use your submissive ways... (1/28/2009 3:17:36 PM)

quote:

...How does one use their submissive ways..

I would like some ideas...please....

 
did you try asking him for specific examples of what he considers to be "submissive ways"?



littlewonder -> RE: how to use your submissive ways... (1/28/2009 3:18:08 PM)

dunno. I don't think I have "submissive ways". I am just me at all times. Why not just be yourself and he'll either like you for who you are or he won't.

Maybe he means he wants you to seduce him. That has nothing to do with being a sub though. It just has to do with finding ways that please him, make him want to be with you. Romance him, do things for him, give him a massage, compliment him. These are just things that you do for someone that you really care for.



RCdc -> RE: how to use your submissive ways... (1/28/2009 3:19:08 PM)

You would need to ask him outright.  If he says you should already know, If I were you, I would tell him I am not a mind reader and to serve correctly I must know clearly.  His reaction to my service creates submission.
 
Either he doesn't really know himself, or is just a bad communicator.  Worse case scenario he is trying to get you to top from the bottom by using manipulation.  Until you request clarification, what we say is just guess work.
 
the.dark.



charlie63 -> RE: how to use your submissive ways... (1/28/2009 3:20:06 PM)

I'd like to help, but I'm at a loss. Can you provide more background or context?



feydeplume -> RE: how to use your submissive ways... (1/28/2009 3:21:32 PM)

Things that come to my mind, in no particular order and with no context for this statement:
Beg for "it"
Behave well enough that he doesn't have to be correcting you constantly and can get down to have fun with you
Meet him at the door wearing nothing but nipple clamps and a crop in your mouth
Write him an email of a fantasy, an explanation of why you were "bad" and how sorry you are, or an explanation of how "good" you were and how hot it made you to serve

It could mean a jillion things. Some of this is a bit funny, but it could also be serious, depending on your relationship and how you view and act on submission and dominance.



sparkyRBF -> RE: how to use your submissive ways... (1/28/2009 3:29:02 PM)

I'm agreeing that you should ask him to define what your 'submissive ways' are. 

however, in my own personal experience, if Master had said that to me it probably would mean something like. "stop being so argumentative"  or "stop questioning me and just do it, trust my judgment"  or "stop fighting me at every turn"   or "try pleasing me in a quiet respectful manner"  or "try to figure out how to please me instead of me having to constantly tell you to do this or do that"  

course. you would have to figure out what he specfically means.  I know some girls like to have their submission wrenched from them and some guys find the challenge fun for a week, month or two, but it soon gets old and frustrating.  

I don't know you or your dynamic to say this is what it is,  just giving my opinion on my own personal experience.

best of luck to you 





SexySassySensual -> RE: how to use your submissive ways... (1/28/2009 3:35:43 PM)

Ok going back over the conversation since it was in an instant message.  It was the manner in which I was to speak to him.  He said    "she's allowed to question me... but it MUST be done VERY respectfully... understand?"

she better be very soft... even ask for permission to give a respectfully given opinion that may differ with whyat im thinking

adding sir... and asking permission... will make me much more open minded

then we discussed a few other things..and he was pleased... I said I would be honored, sir... the said more or less that , that was exactly it....what he wants..

SO I don't want to  make things worse..I understand respect, make sure its a good time to talk...   I as please that I was able to make him happy...which in turn mad me happy..
I am still learning here..and not saying that this is the DOM for me..but I want to learn and grow also...as I felt really good about myself in this situation...and want to learn more.

Thank you for all your input ..




T1981 -> RE: how to use your submissive ways... (1/28/2009 3:39:43 PM)

If what you were doing at the end, speaking respectfully, pleased him then I think you're on the right track. How long have you known him? Have you met him in real life? I am utterly willing to show respect with first meetings online, but I don't modify my speech for just any Dom online. These things make a difference.

Also, if this is an online thing, showing submission can be alot harder than in real life....





SexySassySensual -> RE: how to use your submissive ways... (1/28/2009 3:41:39 PM)

I have known him for a month now, and met him twice in person.  



T1981 -> RE: how to use your submissive ways... (1/28/2009 3:43:07 PM)

Then that's at least a good start! If you're looking for active ways, eye contact restriction can go along way towards showing submission, as can sitting demurly with your hands folded in your lap, that sort of thing. Kneel at his feet when appropriete. Fey had given some really great suggestions, too.



SexySassySensual -> RE: how to use your submissive ways... (1/28/2009 4:12:42 PM)

I am having a bit of a hard time when talking online thru instant message...to me its just harder to show him.  But in person much easier.  Funny eariler today ..I did , write him some short letters, that i know he will find erotic...oddly enough, it as exactly the story of me waiting on him to come home wearing nothing, with my head down...until he gently lifts my head up to see my eyes, reaching his.  And I wait for him to sit....So i am hoping this is pleasing to him ....

I am just looking for new ideas...



sparkyRBF -> RE: how to use your submissive ways... (1/28/2009 4:18:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SexySassySensual

SO I don't want to  make things worse..I understand respect, make sure its a good time to talk...   I as please that I was able to make him happy...which in turn mad me happy..
I am still learning here..and not saying that this is the DOM for me..but I want to learn and grow also...as I felt really good about myself in this situation...and want to learn more.

Thank you for all your input ..




If you were happy in making him happy then you are on the right track. Good job!   and hon, you never stop learning, just when you think you have it down something will come along that makes ya go "aHA!"  and even then you learn something after that. 

Feydeplume expressed it better than i did. 

Not to go off topic too much but Master and i started out 'vanilla'.  He is a Dominant personality and i am a submissive one, but we 'found' (as if it was lost LOL) the BDSM concept and started exploring it together.  I found the more submissive, passive, compliant i was the more it brought out his "Masterly" qualities.   I may have acted a bit in the beginning but now it is second nature as being Master is to him.  






Underumam -> RE: how to use your submissive ways... (1/28/2009 4:28:05 PM)

Glad I'm submissive. That Dom stuff's too complicated....;)



feydeplume -> RE: how to use your submissive ways... (1/28/2009 4:53:39 PM)

It can be really tricky learning a Ds quirks and wants. You might want to check out the recent thread about training to see a discussion about this very thing. He is trying to get you to learn HIS way of doing things, of ways to please and tease him. This is training, plain and simple.

as a sort of homework assignment (check with him and with yourself about this), go back over your conversations and see if you can make a list of the things he wants from you like how to ask questions and how to ask for attention.

And thanks guys for saying i had some good ideas. I really tried to think of different scenarios and what I or others I know have done.  And I will get that story about the skiing and pants as soon as i get a moment T.



feydeplume -> RE: how to use your submissive ways... (1/28/2009 4:55:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Underumam

Glad I'm submissive. That Dom stuff's too complicated....;)


DOOOOOOOD! so with you on that. Having to have a plan and a goal and follow through and walk the walk and... hey wait...isn't that, I mean subs... *gives up and goes back to the cold medicine*



sparkyRBF -> RE: how to use your submissive ways... (1/28/2009 5:19:44 PM)

quote:

And I will get that story about the skiing and pants as soon as i get a moment T.


I can't wait to hear this, and i get the feeling your signature line is involved.



feydeplume -> RE: how to use your submissive ways... (1/28/2009 6:03:03 PM)

hehehe It's up in random now http://www.collarchat.com/m_2425195/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#2425195 and to stay on topic here...

When asking probing questions about the details of the "training", try to make notes once in a while and not get caught up in the emotion of the moment. It is hard not to get caught up, but the stuff he is telling you is stuff he wants you to remember.



OsideGirl -> RE: how to use your submissive ways... (1/28/2009 6:09:58 PM)

So this man isn't your Dom?

There's a large difference in the outward display of submissiveness that I display based on whether it's just some guy I've talked to and met for coffee...and the guy who's my Dominant.

Personally, I don't call someone Sir, unless he's my Dominant. I don't feel that I need to respectfully ask permission to show a differing opinion of someone that isn't my Dominant. I treated any Dom that I was getting to know with courtesy, but until I actually belong to him, feel that he doesn't get to control how I behave.



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