RE: How much is too much?

RE: How much is too much? (Full Version)

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mistoferin -> RE: How much is too much? (1/11/2006 8:44:10 PM)
michael, This is going to sound kind of harsh and I want to assure you right up front that what I am about to say is said with no ill will...but I have been reading some of your threads and the only conclusion that I can come to is that you are making your life much harder than it needs to be. You are throwing roadblocks in front of yourself. A lot of good people have given you good advice....on several different topics....but no matter what the advice given is it seems you have a reason why you can't follow it. You are a slave.....a slave to yourself. You have yourself locked in a cage, a prison of your own making. But michael.....it is you who holds the key. Don't say I don't have transportation.....say I will call a cab, ask a neighbor, put an ad in the paper for a driver, ride a bicycle, take up jogging.....whatever it takes....just get there. Don't say that there aren't enough Mistress' in your area.....there only needs to be one.....right? Don't say that people in your area are hardasses........surely they are not all that way and you could find one who isn't. Don't say that people there aren't receptive to new people.....be persistent...go often....and soon you will not be new. Don't say that no Mistress' will talk to you....talk to subs....they drive cars too right? You are finding every reason(excuse) why you can't....if you devote half as much time to finding the ways that you can you will be fast on your way.

michaelGA -> RE: How much is too much? (1/11/2006 8:50:08 PM)
thank Y/you all for Y/you kind input, i shal refrain from "whinning any further and wonder off somewhere to re-think my life.

yourMissTress -> RE: How much is too much? (1/11/2006 8:51:14 PM)
Obviously no suggestion is good enough for you. What is it that you hoped to gain from this post? Did you think that some Domina was waiting by her computer for a whining, stubborn and obstinant subbie to show up? From the attitude you are exhibiting here I will be amazed if you haven't turned off every Domme that's read this post.

michaelGA -> RE: How much is too much? (1/11/2006 8:54:45 PM)
i am going to consider all that was told to me and figure out how to accomplish these feats. it was not my intention to turn anyone off...as i stated before, please excuse my current demeanor as my depression is extremely high and i should not have made any threads in my current state of mind. again, i am sorry to upset anyone and shall step away for a while and let my composure collect again.

Sunshine119 -> RE: How much is too much? (1/11/2006 8:55:04 PM)
Michael, I am sorry you are having such a hard time of it. However, I just read through your whole profile with all its journal entries. You apparently have a girlfriend AND were collared until a month ago. And while you've never apparently had any real time experience, took a "break" in looking for a Mistress because of the pain of the breakup. Quick break. You want a real life? Go out and find one. You keep telling us what you CAN'T do. You keep telling us there is only one Domme in your area of GA to talk to. You tell us you are looking for the ONE, but according to your profile, it would be a one that would only play with you with no sex involved. For many Dommes who are looking for their ONE, they would be looking for a full relationship. And yes, there are many more male subs looking for Dommes than female subs looking for Doms. Maybe you really are only looking for the kinds of services provided by a professional Domme, but don't want to pay for it. However, if you really are looking for your one, you're not going to find her by limiting her to play only and to setting up barriers to meet and play in real time. If there is no social BDSM group in your area, find a way to take a bus, taxi or WHATEVER IT TAKES to get to one in order to meet real people. If nothing else, you'll make REAL friends in this lifestyle. And maybe, you'll get the opportunity to at least be dominated in a play setting. What do you have to offer your prospective Domme that sets you apart from all the other seekers? What are your unique strengths that you have to give? List all of your strenghts on your profile. The point is, if you want it bad enough, you'll find a way to get it. Even if you have to move out of Podunk, GA. If it is as important to you as you say it is, JUST DO IT! Whatever you've been doing for 10 years obviously isn't working. If the existing plan isn't working CHANGE IT! Now, enough whinning, get off your butt, away from your computer and get into your life! quote: ORIGINAL: michaelGA is it possible for a submivvies to grow weary of searching for "The One"? it seems the road is paved with large amounts of tar (BS) and the journey is full of traps (games). i have been in the lifestyle for about 10 years, but it's all been online and it seems finding who i am gets to be a daily challenge. if you think i'm whining, fine...i've heard it all before. but i see it as a frustrated cry for help. it''s hard on fem subs/slaves to find "The One', it's almost impossible for a male sub/slave to find them. does anyone have any (positive) suggestions for me?

JohnWarren -> RE: How much is too much? (1/11/2006 9:52:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: yourMissTress Obviously no suggestion is good enough for you. What is it that you hoped to gain from this post? Did you think that some Domina was waiting by her computer for a whining, stubborn and obstinant subbie to show up? From the attitude you are exhibiting here I will be amazed if you haven't turned off every Domme that's read this post. He did much the same thing near Christmas. He asked for suggestions and dismissed every single one as either unworkable or that they "made him depressed." Collecting pity chips can be addictive.

michaelGA -> RE: How much is too much? (1/11/2006 9:55:18 PM)
i am NOT dismissing anything here, i am stepping back to re-think things dang, i should learn to keep my mouth shut and paint on a smile

subtlesubie -> RE: How much is too much? (1/11/2006 11:01:34 PM)
classykindasassy: quote: I'm offering my perspective as a coach. I know it will seem counterintuitive at first, but I can tell you after living this myself, and coaching others for the last 5 years, I have an awesome life. I'm sure this poor depressed shmoe feels a lot better knowing this.

michaelGA -> RE: How much is too much? (1/11/2006 11:10:26 PM)
thank you for your enlightening opinion, i shall endeavor . everyone is oh, so kind. [sm=rolleyes.gif]

Wolfie648 -> RE: How much is too much? (1/11/2006 11:26:24 PM)
quote: is it possible for a submivvies to grow weary of searching for "The One"? it seems the road is paved with large amounts of tar (BS) and the journey is full of traps (games). i have been in the lifestyle for about 10 years, but it's all been online and it seems finding who i am gets to be a daily challenge. if you think i'm whining, fine...i've heard it all before. but i see it as a frustrated cry for help. it''s hard on fem subs/slaves to find "The One', it's almost impossible for a male sub/slave to find them. does anyone have any (positive) suggestions for me? a) it's just as hard for male doms (seems to me at any rate) finding a female slave b) keep at it. 1 day, 1 week, 1 month, 1 year, 1 decade, 1 lifetime. D (owner of j).

wipmebeetme100 -> RE: How much is too much? (1/12/2006 1:31:58 AM)
quote: f you think i'm whining, fine...i've heard it all before. but i see it as a frustrated cry for help. it''s hard on fem subs/slaves to find "The One', it's almost impossible for a male sub/slave to find them. Dude....you have an excuse for everything. Anything that anyone has suggested to you concerning this post..you have a reason why it can't happen. You are a pessimist, you view things too negatively. I wouldn't want you as my submissive...i wouldn't even want you as a friend. I try to surround myself with positive people....it helps me remain positive. I recommend a lobotomy which might help to produce major personality changes. Or....at least move out of that shitty town you live in where public transportation sucks, people are rude...and the Dommes should all be shot. Peace, cathy

fldrkhorse -> RE: How much is too much? (1/12/2006 3:29:47 AM)
quote: is it possible for a submivvies to grow weary of searching for "The One"? it seems the road is paved with large amounts of tar (BS) and the journey is full of traps (games). i have been in the lifestyle for about 10 years, but it's all been online and it seems finding who i am gets to be a daily challenge. if you think i'm whining, fine...i've heard it all before. but i see it as a frustrated cry for help. it''s hard on fem subs/slaves to find "The One', it's almost impossible for a male sub/slave to find them. does anyone have any (positive) suggestions for me? The answer to your quesion is yes. In my growth if found the every sub I've come in contact with feels frustrated no matter how long they've been searching. I offer a few suggestions that have helped me: 1. Know what you're looking for, or atleast what you're not looking for. That will save emotional anquish. 2. Expand your search, both geographically and psychologically. This is small community nationwide. 3. Meet people with the intent to learn something, not necessarily that they might be "the one." I've been on CM for a very short time and made new friends. Because this is a small community, you never know who knows whom. 4. Always be learning, always be growing, so when that right person does show up, you'll be prepared.

IrishMist -> RE: How much is too much? (1/12/2006 6:17:26 AM)
Michael /shakes head sadly Are we going to go through this again? Once again, you have turned away every bit of advice with nothing but one excuse after another. As already stated, we went through this at Christmas time and you did the same thing. For every bit of advice given, you had an excuse; and then you got angry and accused us of not giving you workable advice. /shrug You are never going to get your life on track, and find the happiness that you are searching for unless you can STOP MAKING EXCUSES. Only one person is responsible for your happiness...and that person is YOU. If you are not happy, then dayum it, get off your ass and do something to change it.

FTopinMichigan -> RE: How much is too much? (1/12/2006 6:41:59 AM)
IMO, I've seen quite a few very good suggestions, and some very thoughtful insight into the situation that's been posted. Michael, I don't think it's a surprise to you that your posts/messages come off as a downer to many folks. A potential Domme will read into them too. Most people enjoy being with folks that have a bit more positive outlook on life in general. I realize you're not feeling your best, all the time, but there are very few people that enjoy surrounding themselves with those that find the negative in every view of the world. As someone else posted, the ten years of online activities, does not equate to ten years of experience to most people. You've gotta take some chances, at some point in your life, and take the reigns of responsibility to either enjoy life, or stay at home and watch it on the screen. If you stay at home, then thrive there...with that choice...don't complain about it. The choice is yours. My own advice is to accept the advice of others, and get out! I would venture a good bet that much of your depression will alleviate with getting out of the home. The Yahoo Group you mentioned joining previously, may have picked up on the same attitude that others have seen here. You have to figure a way to project the positive side to yourself, if there is one. People will respond to that much better, and perhaps you'll be able to make "friends." Making friends is a way to enjoy community. I have helped many scene folks, that didn't have transportation, that lived near my own home, when getting to fetish events. It's just a ride, but I had to know them a bit before making the offer. Based on your attitude/posts...I'd hesitate to offer you ride myself. Try to really listen to what others offer here. There is much wisdom coming from many members on CM. K

MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: How much is too much? (1/12/2006 6:44:33 AM)
quote: i know that going to local groups and munches would help, that works for people with transportation, not for someone that depends on others to get around. So take a step backwards. What are you ACTIVELY doing to work on your transportation issue? If transportation is constantly the issue with you not getting out and meeting people, then solve the problem. If it's financial, get some training so you can get a better job. If it's because you lost your license, do what you have to do to get it back. You are not - I repeat - you are not going to find a domme in your back yard while sitting on your duff at your computer. No Mistress is going to reach over, pluck you from your unhappy life, and make things all better. You have a number of things working against you to find someone - being involved in a vanilla relationship (isn't SHE The One?), your 10 years spent on the internet (I would not accept a sub with this track record), but primarily your tendency to make excuses rather than to actually do something that DOES work. As I've suggested elsewhere - sometimes you need to take a step back, suspend your search, and work on YOURSELF to remake yourself into someone a Domme would see as an asset. Think it can't be done? A year ago, I quit my job, moved back in with my parents, and went back to college full time because I was working too hard for too little money and wasn't getting anywhere in my previous profession, which was creating all sorts of problems from not having the energy or time for a good relationship to simply not being in a position to incorporate my own fantasies fully into my life. While I'm in community college (another 1 1/2 years), I doubt I'll find a sub local enough that can work with my crazy school/work schedule. That's fine. When I transfer elsewhere, I will either have more free time (if I can get grant money for tuition so I can afford an apartment), or less if I have to commute 70 miles one way to school. That's fine too. Because when it's all said and done, I'll be in a lot better position in my life to have the kind of relationship I ultimately want. And yet - I still find time go to munches (which I drive minimum 60 miles one way to attend) and other local functions as I can fit them in my schedule - at least once a month. I don't currently have a sub in my life but you know what? My life rocks right now, and I am exactly here I need to be. Break down the walls of the little box you've built around yourself, Michael. Improve your life. The act of working on yourself and your life will help shed that negative outlook you have. No more excuses and NO MORE WHINING.

veronicaofML -> RE: How much is too much? (1/12/2006 8:40:13 AM)
ole pa told me...if ya look in the mirror when yer shavin..and ya dont like whatcha see...DO something ...or shut up.. ya only 2 choices in life.. put up or shut up... if ya want it bad enough...find new solutions to an old problem... it's called yankee ingenuity... take care

truesub4u -> RE: How much is too much? (1/12/2006 9:47:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin michael, This is going to sound kind of harsh and I want to assure you right up front that what I am about to say is said with no ill will...but I have been reading some of your threads and the only conclusion that I can come to is that you are making your life much harder than it needs to be. You are throwing roadblocks in front of yourself. A lot of good people have given you good advice....on several different topics....but no matter what the advice given is it seems you have a reason why you can't follow it. You are a slave.....a slave to yourself. You have yourself locked in a cage, a prison of your own making. But michael.....it is you who holds the key. Don't say I don't have transportation.....say I will call a cab, ask a neighbor, put an ad in the paper for a driver, ride a bicycle, take up jogging.....whatever it takes....just get there. Don't say that there aren't enough Mistress' in your area.....there only needs to be one.....right? Don't say that people in your area are hardasses........surely they are not all that way and you could find one who isn't. Don't say that people there aren't receptive to new people.....be persistent...go often....and soon you will not be new. Don't say that no Mistress' will talk to you....talk to subs....they drive cars too right? You are finding every reason(excuse) why you can't....if you devote half as much time to finding the ways that you can you will be fast on your way. Very well put. Actually pretty much all the post were good. Even the ones telling Michael to get off his ass and stop whinning. I see no reason to try to add anything here. Other than the fact that whinning about things you CAN do someting about is waisted energy. But hey, what do i know. I"ve done some whinning myself according to others.... LOL

Daedalus84 -> RE: How much is too much? (1/12/2006 11:20:38 AM)
I was online for a fair while, not as long as you, and although the whole BDSM and D/s concepts fascinated me it wasnt until i started going to events and getting out there that i really started to enjoy it truly. The computer is a place to learn and to enjoy, its not a place to live.

veronicaofML -> RE: How much is too much? (1/12/2006 11:22:35 AM)
oh michael... just like people get fed up finding THEE perfect job...yes. please dudes........ hang in there... i KNOW your frustration....i KNOW your eagerness. i KNOW your passion. She is out there for ya! take care

gbgirlz2003 -> RE: How much is too much? (1/13/2006 4:43:20 AM)
quote: i tried one Yahoo group locally but the people there didn't like it that i asked for rides to events so i left it, as opposed to remaining and being laughed at for being the only person who couldn't get anywhere without asking for help. people here, IMO, are rude and hardassed. sorry for being so bold. I am going to take a guess and say what people really did not like was that a total stranger was asking for favors. I feel badly asking friends for rides, much less an online acquanitenance. You come across as a whiney boy. No one wants that kind of person around them. Try getting a life; then exploring the lifestyle. You have to have something to offer. No one likes someone who comes to a buffet without bringing a dish. You think this board is harsh? Try real life. These are only people you do not know reacting to your words and the way you come across.

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