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Responsibilities of a Master/Partner - 1/29/2009 11:31:09 AM   
LilacPromise


Posts: 33
Joined: 1/28/2009
Status: offline 		There is an opinion I have heard that the repsonsibilities of a Master or Partner (Boyfriend/Husband) vary when their sub/slave is also their partner  (girlfriend/wife.) I was just wondering how others might view the varying responsibilities if any between the two relationships.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Responsibilities of a Master/Partner - 1/29/2009 1:07:10 PM   
Mel12261981


Posts: 7
Joined: 12/18/2008
Status: offline 		100 people have read this and NO ONE has an opinion?  Shame on you!

If the Master/slave or Dom/sub relationship flows over into a vanilla relationship then there is really no different expectations then that of any other boyfriend or husband, or girlfriend or wife.  The only difference is what got them together, if it was fishing that brought them together you wouldn't expect either partner to bait the others line, give up fishing or start fishing with different people.  If the couple was together and stumbled into BDSM in their own rights together, then it is like any other thing that a couple shares.  In short there really is no added responsibility that is to be assigned in my opinion with a bdsm relationship incorperates vanilla into it or vise versa.  I however have to admit, once bdsm and vanilla tied into one another for me, I was far more intune with my husband and his needs then most of the other wives I knew, and he was by far more affectionate, proud and intune with my then most of the husbands I knew.
Just my opinion there.
Why didn't you put down your thoughts on the matter?  You almost have to have an opinion if you posed the question.

(in reply to LilacPromise)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Responsibilities of a Master/Partner - 1/29/2009 1:36:55 PM   
Demspotis


Posts: 61
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		Every relationship is unique; and the responsibilities in any relationship depend on many different things. They can perhaps be divided into social and individual things: some are dictated or just assumed based on the standards of a society or a subculture (for example, if someone is aligned with one or another ideology or subculture in the bdsm world, or any other that includes some kind of D/s dynamic); and others come from purely individual values and traits, including and especially emotions.

The opinions of others with whom we are not in some way connected really don't matter. What is really important is to know how the people we get involved with understand the responsibilities of the partners in a relationship. It is reasonable to consider that different kinds of relationships might give different responsibilities, but it's not definite, because of the many variables.

The variable of emotion is most likely to change things, including a person's perception of their own responsibilities toward the other person. It could change a hypothetical D/s relationship from one of exploitation (whether benign or malign) to one of nurturing, for example. On the other hand, some people consider that there is a responsibility to be nurturing to those under their dominance. That's my stance, and I recommend it to others. I call this principle "dominance oblige", punning on the traditional ideal of "noblesse oblige", the responsibility of nobility to care for and protect those under them.

~Demspotis

(in reply to Mel12261981)
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RE: Responsibilities of a Master/Partner - 1/29/2009 2:07:09 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Every relationship is different. For us, the health and well being of the relationship comes first. Which means that as he knows I'm not bi, forcing me to have sex with another woman is something that he won't do. Since he knows it would cause irreparable harm to the relationship.

Someone who doesn't much care if you stay with him won't accept your limits, they want what they want and if it destroys the relationship afterwards - well, so be it.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Demspotis)
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RE: Responsibilities of a Master/Partner - 1/29/2009 2:14:58 PM   
T1981


Posts: 557
Joined: 12/6/2008
Status: offline 		Responsibilities: Do no permanent harm (includes emotional and spiritual)
If there are limits, respect them.
Push when given permission to (this was one of the hardest things at first, as my husband just didn't know how to push and it frustrated us both for some time, as I needed to be pushed)
Be a decent person
Know your aftercare

....that sort of thing



_____________________________

"Nothing is pointless, every single thing you do resonates." -Pintsize

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Responsibilities of a Master/Partner - 1/29/2009 2:42:56 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		Every couple of months someone gets on this Responsibility Kick.

Op Forgive me as you are about to get a LOT of information that isn't directed at you but rather at the concept of what it is that you have asked.

Lets get something straight. There are NO rules in BDSM. Even the Basic "Protect Life" although a give in for most is NOT A RULE. Case in Point is SlaveMaster who killed 6 women under the guise of BDSM. Once one has accepted this it is easy to understand that NO MATTER WHAT there are different strokes for different folks.

No matter how many times you ask the question you will get a different answer because what BDSM is, cannot be defined in words that are definded by words. BDSM as a LIFESTYLE takes on as many forms as there are fetishes and trust me that's higher than I can count with or without my shoes on.

So what are the Responsibilities in a BDSM Relationship? Same as in a Vanilla Relationship.

The Problem I have is all too often this question is asked when a slave is tired of being the only one doing dishes or taking out the trash, so someone wants someone else to say that a responsibility to the orther party is equal share or that a Master should help with the housework and in a perfect world yes that is what would happen but you know what some people are Lazy and don't want to do shit and when they have a slave they expect them to do the things that they don't want to.

Someone I respect a whole bunch made a comment that I have since Adopted as it makes so much sence it isn't even funny.

I prioritize my life based on Wants and Needs and I define the priority as such

The slaves NEEDS come First
My NEEDS come Next
My WANTS come Next
The slaves WANTS come Last

This is SO SIMPLISTIC that ANYONE can follow it. The Problem comes in teaching your slave the difference between wants and needs.

My RESPONSIBILITY to my slave is to make sure her NEEDS are met.

So that you know my slave is also my Wife so this applies to your question.

However what I do on any given day to help her or what I expect of her change with my mood. Some days I require very little and I am happy otther days I require much and I expect it done. As long as I have given her what she needs to do as I request then I have met my responsibility to her.

Truth of the matter is this works about 95% of the time and 5% of the time I need to guide her to what I expect.

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to T1981)
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RE: Responsibilities of a Master/Partner - 1/29/2009 2:46:02 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LilacPromise

There is an opinion I have heard that the repsonsibilities of a Master or Partner (Boyfriend/Husband) vary when their sub/slave is also their partner  (girlfriend/wife.) I was just wondering how others might view the varying responsibilities if any between the two relationships.


The responsabilites of a Partner vary depending on the relationship and the other partner. Things like that have nothing to do with the lifestyle, simply the people involved.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to LilacPromise)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Responsibilities of a Master/Partner - 1/29/2009 2:48:06 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		For me personally I wouldn't take on a Dom, who wasn't my partner, We either have a full complete relationship or he's not going to dom me.

However that being said, I guess it depends on the relationship. It's different for everybody.
quote:

ORIGINAL: LilacPromise

There is an opinion I have heard that the repsonsibilities of a Master or Partner (Boyfriend/Husband) vary when their sub/slave is also their partner  (girlfriend/wife.) I was just wondering how others might view the varying responsibilities if any between the two relationships.

(in reply to LilacPromise)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Responsibilities of a Master/Partner - 1/29/2009 3:40:01 PM   
MasterTslave


Posts: 200
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline 		My Master is also my husband.  We started out as a vanilla relationship...Master T was into BDSM for many years before I knew him...I was open to all kinds of kink...so he told me he liked to "tie up women and have sex with them" and wanted to know if I was interested in that (this was before we had ever had sex or kissed)...I told him that I was open to anything and he started training me...
I would say that there are no rules as to responsibilities...other than normal household things...so a little vanilla mixed in with bdsm lifestyle.
As another post said...there are no rules for BDSM...whatever floats your boat.

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Responsibilities of a Master/Partner - 1/29/2009 3:41:37 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LilacPromise

There is an opinion I have heard that the repsonsibilities of a Master or Partner (Boyfriend/Husband) vary when their sub/slave is also their partner  (girlfriend/wife.) I was just wondering how others might view the varying responsibilities if any between the two relationships.

Responsibility IS responsibility. I don't try and seperate it into neat little cubby holes.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to LilacPromise)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Responsibilities of a Master/Partner - 1/30/2009 2:20:04 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		~FR~

Pretty much we are both responsible for being true to our natures. He's the caretaker of the power, needs are prioritzed and what's most important comes first regardless of who needs what. Wants, desires, whims and fancies are on his schedule so sometimes that means I get what I want, when I want and sometimes I don't. He usually gets what he wants when he wants, but not always since he still hasn't quite Mastered the outside universe, just the private one we dwell within together. We both submit to circumstances beyond our control and I'm a bit more adaptable in that department than Himself but I'm pretty good at keeping an even keel for him in those times. Not perfect, but pretty good. The husband/wife thing is more of an aside than anything else and doesn't play into our personal dynamic too much except I get to do some extra stuff because we're married that otherwise would have been more difficult.. like move with him to Portugal.


_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Responsibilities of a Master/Partner - 1/30/2009 4:01:20 AM   
sujuguete


Posts: 263
Joined: 7/3/2008
From: DC metro area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

The slaves NEEDS come First
My NEEDS come Next
My WANTS come Next
The slaves WANTS come Last



Steel, I like this!

To the OP, why would a marriage make a difference in the level of responsibility?  To me, it seems the level of responsibility taken on by the Dom is directly related to the amount of control he/she takes from the sub.  The more control released by the s, the more responsibility falls on the D, whether they are married or just occasional play partners or somewhere in between.

_____________________________

"The true man wants two things: danger and play. For this reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything." ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Responsibilities of a Master/Partner - 1/30/2009 6:55:42 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		 On a general basis, I don’t see my responsibilities to a slave I own as being much different to those responsibilities to my two dogs. Legally she owns toe girl and I own the boy but we both take care of them because I delegated the care and feeding etc to Lady Neets and myself which is what it is with slaves owned by Bruin Cottage. A slave personally owned by me is my responsibility as long as I am home.   I accept on collaring a slave, full responsibility for:
  • her well being (including safety),
  • care,
  • health,
  • further education,
  • training,
  • discipline,
  • maintaining an open channel of communications for all situations in which she can speak freely after asking to do so.
  • Ensuring that there are clearly written Home Rules, Standing Orders, special orders, and that she understands them.
  • I am also responsible for her uniforms and other clothing requirements.   
Remember as my slave I own her and she is the property of Bruin Cottage of which I am the head, or she is my personal property. Such things as her daily tasks and any BDSM play or behavior in public  or when there are guests present, do not come under the auspices of this thread.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to sujuguete)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Responsibilities of a Master/Partner - 1/30/2009 9:32:01 AM   
MarcEsadrian


Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LilacPromise

There is an opinion I have heard that the repsonsibilities of a Master or Partner (Boyfriend/Husband) vary when their sub/slave is also their partner  (girlfriend/wife.) I was just wondering how others might view the varying responsibilities if any between the two relationships.


All relationships are different, of course, and the answer will vary depending upon how the couple collectively defines "slave". In my view, a preexisting intimate partnership of affection dilutes and complicates the pursuit of slavery. If lover came before slave, lover trumps slave in many ways. I say this due to the rigid way I define slave and the strict expectations inherent within it which often don't mix well with "lover". This is not to say I believe lover and slave can't exist equally on the same plane. Rather, it requires some very interesting math from both parties—math that is excruciatingly rare and difficult for most to implement realistically.

(in reply to LilacPromise)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Responsibilities of a Master/Partner - 1/30/2009 9:37:12 AM   
LilacPromise


Posts: 33
Joined: 1/28/2009
Status: offline 		Thank you all who took the time to post replies.
Appologies if I pulled up an old thread with my question.
This interested me, as I personally see that if two people are in a Master/sub relationship and also within a relationship be it B/f / g/f or Husband/wife there are no different responsibilities - infact I could not be in a BDSM relationship with someone outside of a Partnership relationship. I feel the two very much blend together enhancing each other.
 
Lilac

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 15
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