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TranceTara -> RE: Army Suicides at Record High (2/3/2009 5:40:52 AM)
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Firm,
First and foremost let me express my sorrow at what you have had to endure. I cannot begin to imagine what it is like being on the front line in a war. And then, to have a son who was blown up with 80 to 100% disability is something I cannot fathom since I have no children. I do not know what to say for there really are no words that can ease the pain you must face every day.
I had read the article originally posted several days ago. Then when I saw this topic in a thread I decided to see what others had to say on the matter. So, I read the OP and aravain's post and had to re-read a couple of times to get the meaning behind the words he used. I must admit that in no way did I get that he was calling soldiers subhuman. I understood the point he was trying to make, that many soldiers need help in readjusting, re-acclimating to civilian life.
I kept reading to see what others had to say and found myself on a journey I had not intended to take. I was forced to look at my own reactions to certain posts and find that I had been reacting to words. So I decided to check the definitions for several of the words that had prompted some heated debate:
People:
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/people
Human:
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/human
Humane:
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/humane
Humanity:
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/humanity
soldier:
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/soldier
Society:
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/society
sociable:
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/sociable
The derivations of the words are given, which is why I like this website as a dictionary.
So, then I read ownedlilsweetie's post #44 on page 3.
quote:
I think this thread would be most effective if those posting looked past the opportunity to get defensive and justify their opinions to others, and rather contained an open and honest discussion about moving forward and how to help these veterans, who are clearly hurting. I understand that each of us has a fundamental need to have our opinions understood. However I also believe that, opinions aside, we all agree that there is a definite problem that exists. I refuse to believe that quibling over details will in any way help solve it. The system in place for returning veterans is underfunded, understaffed, and abysmal in quality. The process veterans go through to get approved for service related disabilities, as well as their GI Bill benefits, is painstaking and designed to hinder the veteran in his or her efforts. Do I know why this is or the motivation behind it? No, and I can't say I really care about how the fubar system came to be. What matters is that it remains fubar, and that is a disservice to those who risked what they could to protect what we all have. I don't expect any solution or resulting alternative system to be perfect, as things rarely are. But that does not mean I can't work to make that which is in place infinitely better
Yes, I agree with you. Let us focus on finding ways we can help rather than getting caught up in a word. And, TheHeretic, in no way am I trying to belittle the feelings you have. I understand where you are coming from. Granted, I may not have read what aravain wrote the same way you did, but I have not had the life experiences you have so the words he used will not have the same effect upon me. I do not wish to discount your feelings at all. If there were someway of wording it in a less offensive way I would like to hear how you would like to have seen it written. That way I can better learn to communicate in a non-offensive way to more people.
Words do have a lot of power if only for the meanings we project onto them. I know I have my own hot bottons. For example TheHeretic, when you said, quote:
I wasn't aware of your orientation when I said a blowjob would be your appropriate thanks to a veteran for the freedoms you so casually take for granted. if I used your line of logic, I could then assume you are anti gay and quite homophobic. Being a lesbian, and seeing what that kind of inciteful language can do to enrage people against me and my gay, lesbian, bi and transgendered friends, well, it angered me quite a bit at first. Then I had to go within and see that underneath that anger was fear and saddness.
On Decemeber 13, 2008 a 28 year old out lesbian was beaten and raped for 45 minutes by 4 men in a hate crime against lesbians. I don't mean to go off topic, so please bear with me as I try to make my point. Using such language allows such fear and hatred to fester to such a point where people think they can use such violence. Language is power. And, in my mind, I did consider these men "subhuman" to be able to do such an act. Perhaps I am no better than they for harbouring such unkind thoughts. So, when I read that you were making something that felt anti-gay to me, well, it hurt. I am tired of anger. I would hope that you have more tolerance for those who were born, by God's choice, to be of a different sexual orientation, for you seem to have a lot of passion for those who are treated unfairly.
So, then I read BKSir's post #57 on page 3. I was then reminded why I wanted to read this thread. How can I help? How can I be of service. Thank you BKSir. I may not be able to solve the world's problems, but I may be able to help one or two people with some kind act of service. That reminds me of a parable I have always found solace in:
The Starfish Story
Original Story by: Loren Eisley
One day a man was walking along the beach when he noticed
a boy picking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean.
Approaching the boy, he asked, “What are you doing?”
The youth replied, “Throwing starfish back into the ocean.
The surf is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them back, they’ll die.”
“Son,” the man said, “don’t you realize there are miles and miles of beach and hundreds of starfish?
You can’t make a difference!”
After listening politely, the boy bent down, picked up another starfish,
and threw it back into the surf. Then, smiling at the man, he said…”
I made a difference for that one.”
======
So, BKSir, I humbly thank you for showing me I can make a difference. Sure, I may not be able to donate millions of dollars or do great things, but I can do small things with great love.
And, Heretic and Firm, I thank you for helping me see that there is so much suffering and pain that I know nothing about. You have helped me to open my heart a little more so that it can break at the suffering I had not thought about. And in that breaking, I am able to face more of those shadows I was hiding inside. I know that you both care very much and please don't let a word keep you from doing good. And, as I mentioned, if there were a better way to word it I would love your input.
I finished a book called Ethics 101 by John Maxwell. Towards the end he wrote on p. 87 through 88:
1. Treat People Better Than They Treat You
It's easy to love people who love you. And showing kindness to people who treat you well is little more than common courtesy. But how do you respond to poor treatment by others? Do you return disrespect with disrespect? Do you meet aggression with aggression? It doesn't take much for unkindness to escalate into greater conflict. Take a look at some of these seemingly petty disagreements that grew into ful-blown war.
*A dispute between the cities of Modena and Bologna over a well bucket about nine hundred years ago began a war that devasted Europe.
*A Chinese emperoro once went to war over the breaking of a teapot.
*Sweden and Poland flew at each other's throats in 1654 because the king of Sweden discovered that his name in an official dispatch was followed by only two et cetereas, while the king of Poland had three.
*The spilling of a glass of water on the Marquis de Torey led to war between France and England.
*By throwing a pebble at the Duc de Guise, a small boy causd the massacre of Vassy and the Thirty Years' War.
I will be the first to admit I have much anger in my heart. I have learned I need to look at it and not react from it. Sure, there are many injustices in this world that would anger anyone. Jesus was known to throw tantrums when he saw injustice. (I do not have the exact reference, but I can ask a friend of mine who is a reverend.) When I read how so many veterans can not get the counseling or medical care that they need, well, I became infuriated. CEOs on Wall street felt they earned bonuses with the bailout money used to help those very institutions they ran into debt. If I had that kind of job performance I'd be fired! How despicable indeed. And yet, the anger does no good so I need to channel it into positive acts.
And I ask, how good does it feel to be right? I saw how there were little digs and some posters wishing to prove others wrong and have them admit it. All I ask is you each go deep into your heart and ask yourselves, "Will being right bring me happiness? Will being right help those veterans? Will being right bring peace to this world?" I have no answers for you, only myself. To paraphrase Shakti Gawain, Do you choose the love of power or the power of love?
And, all I can do is the little things. I can work on myself to help bring to light all of my darkness so I can spread the joy, the peace and love and hopefully touch another so they in turn may act kindly to others. And, by this ripple effect, perhaps one day we can find peace and give care to all those who need it. The outer world is but a reflection of what is going on inside each and everyone of us and the only control I have is over my own actions, my own words and my own thoughts.
I hope I did not offend anyone with my words. That was not my intention. I just get saddened when I see so much pain and suffering and with a topic such as this, we all can make a difference by writing to our congressmen and congresswomen and senators. We can all give a smile to a stranger and go volunteer to the VA, or somewhere, to help those in need who have not the money or means right now.
Anger is an energy and can be channeled into doing positive things. It does not have to be used to call people names, belittle them, judge them, or treat them unkindly. Sure, I get thoughts like that in my head. I'd be a liar if I said otherwise. But I am no longer acting on those thoughts. I see them, acknowledge them and sometimes go home and cry because I need to let it out.
I work in retail and people go off on me if there favourite lavendar soap is out of stock. It does not matter that there are 6 other brands of lavendar soap. To them this is unforgiveable and they let me know in not so kind ways. In my head I think, "Why don't you go volunteer at a hospice and see what true suffering is?" On the outside I tell them I am sorry and will make sure it is in stock as soon as possible, even if the manufacturer is out of stock. lol Ah, such is the world we live in.
And to be honest, I may not have fought a war, I may not have lost a child in war, or had one so severely injured, but still, many days I wonder what it would be like to just never wake up and not have to listen to all the anger and see all the suffering. I made a sleeping cocktail yesterday so I could get about 6 hours of sleep. I just combined a couple of pills so I could knock myself out. And some days I wonder what would happen if I just combined a lot more than two. I have lost all of my immediate family and have had poor health. Yet, I know my suffering is nothing like those who must face battle every day. It is nothing like those in third world countries just wishing for a handful of rice and a cup of water. It is nothing like a parent losing a child or having that child injured, raped or disabled. But you know, sometimes it gets so tiring and daunting trying to be of service, and yet, I feel I was born to serve. It's one of those funny paradoxes.
And ownedlilsweetie, I think you said it beautifully so I hope you don't mind me quoting you:
quote:
My above post was, in large part if not entirely, opinion. Most posts are. The fundamental function of boards such as these is to bring people together to promote the exchange of ideas and opinions in a nonthreatening forum so that a sense of community might be established. I felt that the posts on this thread were somewhat negative in energy, and I tried to contribute an idea that might channel the energy expended in a more positive manner. I was attempting to show how, in my opinion, we could use these forums as a potential catalyst for positive change.
Anyone can agree or disagree with my posts here at their own discretion. I will not judge them for it - it is their right. Nor do I feel the need to defend my opinion. If someone wants to infer something I did not say from the contents of what I did say, chances are that clarification will not clarify the issue. That is negative and/or wasted energy that serves no constructive purpose.
Thank you for that. And thank you all. May we find some common ground so we can be part of the solution, not the problem.
Blessings,
TranceTara
P.S. Sorry for any typos. I edited the blatant ones but I've had severe insomnia the past two weeks and go 24 to 36 hours without sleep so I may have missed others. I hope I came across somewhat coherent. If not, let me use the wise words of Groucho Marx:
"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five."
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