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RE: Tricky situation - 1/30/2009 5:06:52 AM

alysia

Posts: 257
Joined: 5/3/2008
From: Wales
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
I have dealt with people that, for whatever reason, are trying to get a rise out of me. And I have found that killing them with kindness, even if it is not 100% sincere, is often the best way to deal. Nothing anyone can dump back on me, and it REALLY tends to annoy the living hell out of the perp!

This statement made alysia smile and brought back some good memories. Her Nan always said to kill people with kindness is the best way to deal with them. You will always look good and they will eventually lose it and end up showing their true colours.

Good luck for your munch colour, and let us know how you got on.

well wishes,

alysia

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 21

RE: Tricky situation - 1/30/2009 6:05:15 AM

sparkyRBF

Posts: 157
Joined: 2/23/2007
Status: offline

Here is my 2 cents worth.

Whenever i need to make a decision that has some emotion behind it i've been taught to always use my head and not my heart. Logic vs emotions. I'd remove the emotion and look at it objectively. Is she breaking any rules? Is she aware she is breaking the rules? Does she contribute to the group? Does she deter from the group?

As a leader of the group you have a responsibility to make the decision on what is best for the group, not yourself. You have a co organizer, i read. I think it would be a great idea to involve her, as she would be able to be more objective and the two of you confront this girl with any rules she is breaking. Maybe handle it like you would a member of the group who you liked but someone else came to you with trouble with. But keep emotion out of it.

And btw, i didn't think that sounded bitchy at all.

best of luck to you.

_____________________________

sparkyRBF
Happily owned slave
of
RedBotttomFarms

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 22

RE: Tricky situation - 1/30/2009 6:26:31 AM

MsFlutter

Posts: 1305
Joined: 11/12/2008
From: East Coast
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I can only tell you what I would do, if I wanted to go.

Take my time, put on my best war paint, most awesome clothes, and best IamtheQueenofthefuckinUniverseIrule, attitude that would intimidate the Queen herself. I would also quitely make sure to tell a few people I knew and trusted what I was worried about, and go.

I have found that a heaping dose of self confidence works wonders. I would also pretend this person was not even there at all, unless she approached me. Then I would do my best impersonation of my great aunt, a southern belle transplant if there ever was one, and be so god damned polite and nice to her (rather like the queen being kind enough to talk to a servant) and let her make a fool of herself..............IF she has the balls to.

I vote for LaT's approach - classy and lethal at the same time.

I rarely bring my own ballbat to a conflict because I can always count on the unschooled one to provide me with everything I need. All *they* usually need is an opportunity to put holes in their own credibility, and an audience to witness while they do it.

_____________________________

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"The right data, filtered through an idiot, can yield a bad answer." einstien5201

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 23

RE: Tricky situation - 1/30/2009 6:33:29 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

This is a tricky one because its your munch and your efforts that make it happen and this woman is clearly causeing unharmony and disruption.
I don't think banning her is an option at this stage for the simple reason that she can and possibly will go on to form a bad reputation of your munch. Someone who is happy with something will possibly tell another person but someone who is unhappy with someone will tell as many people who are willing to listen.
She is relying on you being a coward (that you won't face up to her) and this way she believes she is in control of the situation.
If I were you I would smile sweetly when she arrives and whisper to her 'do you mind if we have a quick word'. I have done this many times, often with dread in my stomach but because it has been something that proves to work, (in that she is very unlikely to turn you down). Take her away from the others, outside if need be and tell her that both of you clearly need to sort the problem out. Stay calm and keep your cool. Let her know that you don't like this bad atmosphere between you and her. (Dont put all the blame on her or she will just become defensive) and that you would very much like to shake hands and tell everyone else to mind there own business. She is probably going to be relieved and she is probably going to make a real effort to fit in. If not then its time to ban her because you have been the big girl and she is behaving like a child.
If it works then don't discuss with your friends what you said to her because that has a tendancy to come back and bite you on the nose. Clear things up and then put a lid on it.

Whatever you choose to do good luck but whatever you do DONT stay away from your own munch.

Maria

P.S. if all esle fails give me a call and I will gladly come and do it!!

_____________________________

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Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 24

RE: Tricky situation - 1/30/2009 6:53:41 AM

MistressLamia

Posts: 36
Joined: 5/27/2008
Status: offline

You do have an uncomfortable situation here. It seems she is determined to cause trouble even if it makes her look bad. Most people would be embarrased to air dirty laundry in public. I think the advise to have your co host talk to her is a great idea. If she continues to behave like a catty little girl ignore her. Chances are others there will also begin to ignore her. They came there to have a good time and won't want to listen to her babble about nonsense. She will either give up and behave or not come anymore.

_____________________________

It's not that I don't care about you. I just care about me more.

(in reply to allthatjaz)

Post #: 25

RE: Tricky situation - 1/30/2009 7:22:46 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

My advice is to invite me to your munch and i will deal with her

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What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 26

RE: Tricky situation - 1/30/2009 7:33:33 AM

cjan

Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsFlutter

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I can only tell you what I would do, if I wanted to go.

Take my time, put on my best war paint, most awesome clothes, and best IamtheQueenofthefuckinUniverseIrule, attitude that would intimidate the Queen herself. I would also quitely make sure to tell a few people I knew and trusted what I was worried about, and go.

I have found that a heaping dose of self confidence works wonders. I would also pretend this person was not even there at all, unless she approached me. Then I would do my best impersonation of my great aunt, a southern belle transplant if there ever was one, and be so god damned polite and nice to her (rather like the queen being kind enough to talk to a servant) and let her make a fool of herself..............IF she has the balls to.

I vote for LaT's approach - classy and lethal at the same time.

I rarely bring my own ballbat to a conflict because I can always count on the unschooled one to provide me with everything I need. All *they* usually need is an opportunity to put holes in their own credibility, and an audience to witness while they do it.

Ditto. It's a can't lose approach for you, Lime(y) Tart. Listen to your crafty, cruel elders on this one.

< Message edited by cjan -- 1/30/2009 7:35:04 AM >

_____________________________

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall ,frozen , dead, from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."- D.H. L

" When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks in to you"- Frank Nitti

(in reply to MsFlutter)

Post #: 27

RE: Tricky situation - 1/30/2009 8:01:12 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

This kinda all smells like idiot drama to me.

Act sweet, courteous and cool. If someone is a drama maker, people will see it for what it is.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 28

RE: Tricky situation - 1/30/2009 8:57:39 AM

feydeplume

Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline

There is always superglue and itch powder... j/k as an organizer of the munch you sort of have a duty to show and put on a good face. She may aggravate and upset you and that sucks, but perhaps it is a case of her being so scared/new/needy/threatened by you-comparing herself to you and finding herself lacking? Pity is often and ugly thing, but compassion is always beautiful, if you can manage it. There is a chance she is being such a twit because she is staved for attention and love, has brittle self-respect, and is bitter over her situation and damage.

Just saying.

_____________________________

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If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 29

RE: Tricky situation - 1/30/2009 9:25:10 AM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

Ok so sorry this is going to sound very bitchy. There is a girl who I have met once because she came to my munch, I do not like her now she has acted very inappropriatly towards me. No details I just cant stand the girl. Anyways she doesnt like me either, and recently that has become more evident by comments etc and she has decided to come to my munch obviously with the intention to stir (I know this because she told a friend of mine who she used to date) so heres the thing, can I ask her not to come? Can I tell her she isnt welcome? I dont think I can, but I dont really want to feel like I cant go to my own munch but at the same time I dont really want to get into anything with her. Ohhhh the drama, what should I do guys?

Here is a thought grow up. You get more than one person in a room and personalities will clash. Last time I checked you were in charge of yoru emotions. Who wants to attend anything where some ppl act like they are still in high school.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 30

RE: Tricky situation - 1/30/2009 9:26:36 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

Aww BadOne, your own brand of advice coated in sweetness always makes me feel so warm and fuzzy, thankyou so much.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 31

RE: Tricky situation - 1/30/2009 9:36:59 AM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
Status: offline

I would take Tigresse's advice if it's inevitable that this chick will be there. Stand tall and keep your chin up, and most of all, RULE OVER HER. People like that aren't worth wasting your time worrying over them (although I realise how upsetting they can be... bitchiness abounds).

And SailingBum? It's not colouredin who has to grow up

.

_____________________________

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 32

RE: Tricky situation - 1/30/2009 9:48:31 AM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

Aww BadOne, your own brand of advice coated in sweetness always makes me feel so warm and fuzzy, thankyou so much.

Hey babe,

Trying to keep it real.

Lustfully BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 33

RE: Tricky situation - 1/30/2009 9:56:47 AM

Jeptha

Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline

I like the advice to stay above board and remain civil and polite, but I'd also like to offer another idea, even if the idea is just for consideration and not for acting on.

I think it's a viable alternative to "call them out" on their behavior - preferably (in my opinion) with a minimum of drama.
In other words, you can explain what you are feeling without being completely possessed by the feelings.

It's sort of using your head while not denying your heart.
Be honest about it, without attempting to be hurtful (or sophisticated, or whatever.)

I think it takes practice to do this, though. And that kind of practice is probably best done with people who you are closer to and whom you trust more.

An example of what I mean is to just ask, very politely, for clarification about the other's behavior and intention, in just those words: "What does that mean? Do we have a problem? I'm sorry, I'm confused: Is there something you'd like to say? Tell me more about that.", etc.

It's tricky because you have to admit that something is bugging you, conceding a vulnerability of sorts.
But, wow, that means you're human. Something we're perhaps too afraid to show at times.

Like I say, this may not be the option to go with here. However, sometimes it is a good option to just get something out in the open.

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 34

RE: Tricky situation - 1/30/2009 9:58:18 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

^^^^^^^^^^^^

Sound's like something from a really cheesy porn movie.
Slimey yuk.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 35

RE: Tricky situation - 1/30/2009 1:58:14 PM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

Can I tell her she isnt welcome?

Let's say she turns up, what can happen that you'd rather avoid?

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 36

RE: Tricky situation - 1/30/2009 4:18:19 PM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

Be polite but firm and having your co-host handle the situation away from the rest of the group would be best. We have had a few people who had to be uninvited after causing major problems at a venue but the resulting fall-out split the group. If you do nothing, the situation will escalate and your better behaved members or the ones who dislike conflict will start staying home and you will be stuck with the problem person.

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 37

RE: Tricky situation - 2/1/2009 11:12:33 AM

Cookiedom

Posts: 5
Joined: 8/3/2008
Status: offline

CI - She probably wont go, as she is worried about the money she owes me - I knew that would come in handy one day lol

Plus and I am very sorry, the weather looks like its going to be really bad. While I dislike work, I wouldnt want to get caught in the middle of the countryside in a snow drift, just to get out of going to work the next day. So while I would love to attend (its been ages), I probably wont. Unless someone with a very powerful tugboat, hooks it up to the UK and drags us to the West Indies. Yep, I know, it wont happen.

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 38

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