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Master/ Dom communication games (?) - 1/31/2009 5:12:14 AM

azsubron

Posts: 5
Joined: 1/16/2009
Status: offline

i am curious on other subs/ slaves take on this. i have noticed on various times when email communicating with Doms/ Masters, especially in the beginning introduction phase, that a number of these Doms/ Masters relish playing the elusive communication game (?). i do not mean instant email responses but messages that may take a week or so before receiving any sort of response. Several that that contacted me and exchanged information/ thoughts and i replied to, only to wait a week or more for any sort of response. When following up with an email inquiring as to whether they had received my message i was told that i was an impertinent sub and had stepped out of my place and in one case, called nasty names and more.
Perhaps it's just wanna-be Doms and Masters that seem to do this the most? The email wanker-be's? My line of thought is that if there is any sort of relationship potential or attraction, that it is to everyone's benefit to keep open the communication even if to say " I am busy and can not respond properly now". Is this elusiveness a game that so many Doms/ Masters play or just plain rudeness?
i had a very loving and special Master for 3 years and perhaps was a bit spoiled by our special relationship. Communication was always open and followed through with and our relationship blossomed into a great friendship that no longer fit our Master/ sub relationship hence we remain now as very good friends.
Am i reading into things incorrectly? Is politely inquiring as to whether one had received my message after no response after a period of time truly a bad thing? Is writing off these potential Masters for this communication lapse an error?
Feedback and thoughts are appreciated..
thanks

Post #: 1

RE: Master/ Dom communication games (?) - 1/31/2009 5:23:11 AM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: azsubron

i have noticed on various times when email communicating with Doms/ Masters, especially in the beginning introduction phase, that a number of these Doms/ Masters relish playing the elusive communication game (?). i do not mean instant email responses but messages that may take a week or so before receiving any sort of response. Several that that contacted me and exchanged information/ thoughts and i replied to, only to wait a week or more for any sort of response. When following up with an email inquiring as to whether they had received my message i was told that i was an impertinent sub and had stepped out of my place and in one case, called nasty names and more.

Has it crossed your mind that people have busy lives, and an e-mail from someone whom you have never met isn't a priority?

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to azsubron)

Post #: 2

RE: Master/ Dom communication games (?) - 1/31/2009 5:30:57 AM

T1981

Posts: 557
Joined: 12/6/2008
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I would rather say that if they call you names after you send a polite "Hello, still there?" then yes, they are wannabe's and wankers. Rudeness does not make a Dominant, nor does being too busy to at least respond with "Sorry it took so long, I've been busy."

_____________________________

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(in reply to NorthernGent)

Post #: 3

RE: Master/ Dom communication games (?) - 1/31/2009 5:31:16 AM

NormalOutside

Posts: 622
Joined: 1/8/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: azsubron

i have noticed on various times when email communicating with Doms/ Masters, especially in the beginning introduction phase, that a number of these Doms/ Masters relish playing the elusive communication game (?). i do not mean instant email responses but messages that may take a week or so before receiving any sort of response. Several that that contacted me and exchanged information/ thoughts and i replied to, only to wait a week or more for any sort of response. When following up with an email inquiring as to whether they had received my message i was told that i was an impertinent sub and had stepped out of my place and in one case, called nasty names and more.

Has it crossed your mind that people have busy lives, and an e-mail from someone whom you have never met isn't a priority?

That's absolutely true.

EDIT: Good point also, T1981.

< Message edited by NormalOutside -- 1/31/2009 5:32:28 AM >

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RE: Master/ Dom communication games (?) - 1/31/2009 6:59:38 AM

feydeplume

Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline

"Is writing off these potential Masters for this communication lapse an error?"

I think it is at least worth back burning them. Maybe not for the first few emails, but if the pattern persists, then yeah, put them in the maybe folder and keep looking. They are not as available-committed to developing a relationship with you that will fit your needs.

are you really "over" your last Master if you are comparing everyone to them? Just a thought, not a recrimination.

_____________________________

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If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

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Post #: 5

RE: Master/ Dom communication games (?) - 1/31/2009 7:29:50 AM

azsubron

Posts: 5
Joined: 1/16/2009
Status: offline

So true about not getting a timely response from a stranger but when they initiate it in the first place it is odd especially if they send more than one message. i understand about being busy..i am too. In common sense, after a week or two and no response, one should be able to at least send a message saying they are busy and will respond or perhaps a "no thanks" would be better than nothing. i agree with T1981 in this.
as to feydeplume, good point. i do not typically mention my previous Master nor see a need to but do indicate that i have some experience in serving. But good point. i do miss serving him and yet now we have a wonderful friendship. Perhaps so many of the other Masters pale in comparison and that clouds judgment but gee.
Edited- If i were to initiate a contact and wrote someone (a stranger) and they did not respond i could easily dismiss it as they not being interested and yet if one write me for information and i respond in detail, at least an acknowledgment of a type should be given at some point. Simple courtesy.

< Message edited by azsubron -- 1/31/2009 7:54:52 AM >

(in reply to feydeplume)

Post #: 6

RE: Master/ Dom communication games (?) - 1/31/2009 7:55:29 AM

feydeplume

Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
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It sounds like you have given this search real priority in you life and that isn't true for everyone else on the site, even the ones that initiate contact. And the ones that are actively seeking someone are probably actively searching new profiles, responding to people that have initiated contact with them, trying to keep up on the contacts that they have made, and keep their jobs, eat and get some sleep.

All that said, if a potential D doesn't seem as into you as you are to them, let it go. You have worth and are loveable and will find someone that sees that and has other things in common with you, like your desire for a form of manners and not being cussed at for emailing someone. Hang in there!

_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to azsubron)

Post #: 7

RE: Master/ Dom communication games (?) - 1/31/2009 8:06:25 AM

subgirl2009

Posts: 13
Joined: 1/12/2009
Status: offline

I always think the words "they are just not that into you". Not everyone is going to be, not every Dom is going to want to make you as much of a priority as the sub would make Him/Her. You accept and wait, or recognize that it's not meant to be and move on. For me, I don't understand why it has to be a game -- but if it is, it's clear to me that this is not the D for me since I am much about the honesty.

I have met several D's on this site who feel they are showing their "intellectual depth" by pacing their responses...or demonstrating to me that They are willing to go slow. It does not have the desired effect and i end up seeking elsewhere.

Just one (inexperienced) sub's opinion...SubGirl

(in reply to azsubron)

Post #: 8

RE: Master/ Dom communication games (?) - 1/31/2009 8:17:50 AM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

That'll be fine yet even a little bit of common courtesy would be appreciated in this case. Taking into consideration that people do lead busy lives, yet using that as an excuse all the time gets to be a worn out excuse. My thoughts if a person initiates a conversation, at least have the decency and politeness to reply back within a short period of time, no matter what side of the whip a person is on. Most times if a person takes several days or a week to reply, a simple apology does work wonders and too bad many people forget that.

_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

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(in reply to feydeplume)

Post #: 9

RE: Master/ Dom communication games (?) - 1/31/2009 8:35:52 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

I've recently been in a similar position. I quite quickly decided that if someone doesn't have the courtesy to reply in a week or so, particularly when they initiated contact, then they're not right for me. And moved on. Anyone who was rude to me after a polite email got back as much as they gave, then 'block'. It's par for the course when looking, I'm afraid.

There's plenty of Doms out there, and plenty who don't want to play games. I've met some fantastic people, and all showed good manners and courtesy right from the start. Use email contact as an initial filter - if you're not happy with them online, it's fair to assume you won't be happy with them in r/l either.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to beargonewild)

Post #: 10

RE: Master/ Dom communication games (?) - 1/31/2009 10:03:25 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

That's not really a gamn so much as either they don't have much time or priority to respond, or they are conversing with a lot of people and it takes awhile to get to all of them.

So you just decide- is this working for me?

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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Post #: 11

RE: Master/ Dom communication games (?) - 1/31/2009 10:54:25 AM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline

I would find it annoying.

You can use CM to see if they have opened your message or not.

If someone isn't interested enough to respond within a day or so of receiving your email, you should probably just leave them alone.

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to azsubron)

Post #: 12

RE: Master/ Dom communication games (?) - 1/31/2009 10:57:25 AM

NorthernGent

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Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: T1981

nor does being too busy to at least respond with "Sorry it took so long, I've been busy."

What? You think that typing 'sorry' in a message means that person truly is 'sorry'? I don't believe it - seen too many people who are all about social nicieties and not much in the way of substance (when push comes to shove).

When you're in a relationship, you have certain obligations; when you've e-mailed someone a couple of times, you owe her nothing.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to T1981)

Post #: 13

RE: Master/ Dom communication games (?) - 1/31/2009 12:28:43 PM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I'll remember that the next time a stranger messages me for whatever reason and won't bother reading and just ignore the message. Somehow I just don't see replying back in a reasonable amount of time being an obligation, just view it as being polite. Guess it's complete wrong of me to expect that some measure of politeness still exists in an electronic medium.

_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to NorthernGent)

Post #: 14

RE: Master/ Dom communication games (?) - 1/31/2009 1:15:15 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

I have a lot of friends that message me thru CM. I have a number of "acquaintances" that message me as well, and I have a few that seem like if we get to know each other better, there MIGHT be a possibility of something being there (friendship, relationship, whatever).

I respond to the categories in order of "priority" and interest... meaning, my friends get a quick response, unless it's something I want to spend a lot of time on, then I put it off for later (and thank goodness, they seem to understand if I forgot that I wanted to respond to something and end up not responding at all). The next category is the acquaintances, and after that, the "might be's."

It sounds like, for these people, you are falling into the category of "might be's.". It's going to take longer to get a response if you're in that category, no matter who initiated contact.

That's my take on it, anyway.

Cali

_____________________________

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(in reply to beargonewild)

Post #: 15

RE: Master/ Dom communication games (?) - 1/31/2009 1:15:24 PM

NorthernGent

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Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: beargonewild

I'll remember that the next time a stranger messages me for whatever reason and won't bother reading and just ignore the message.

Or you could follow my lead: read the message and then ignore it. I'm charitable like that.

I suppose it's a matter of personality - I reply when I get an interesting message.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to beargonewild)

Post #: 16

RE: Master/ Dom communication games (?) - 1/31/2009 1:39:19 PM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

When you're in a relationship, you have certain obligations; when you've e-mailed someone a couple of times, you owe her nothing.

I have people on here who dont message me back for weeks, I dont care isnt a reason to block someone or give up all hope, if they say interesting things I can still learn from them and thats pretty good. I dont see everyone I talk to as my future dom.

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(in reply to NorthernGent)

Post #: 17

RE: Master/ Dom communication games (?) - 1/31/2009 1:52:13 PM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

I dont see everyone I talk to as my future dom.

As said earlier, I think it's matter of personal taste. This is illustrated by your way of doing things when compared with my way of doing things. This is not a social avenue for me - I have my friends and I'm quite happy with them (I'm not saying it is a social avenue for you, but it helps to lay the foundations for what I'm about to say). This means I will communicate in two fashions: 1) I post on threads that I find interesting. 2) I mail the women that I find interesting - I've read their posts and I see something in them that I like, and yes, to mail a woman she would have to be someone with whom I thought something could happen. Small talk e-mails from strangers whose posts I've never read, aren't going to amount to very much and are of no use to me.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 18

RE: Master/ Dom communication games (?) - 1/31/2009 2:27:56 PM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: beargonewild

I'll remember that the next time a stranger messages me for whatever reason and won't bother reading and just ignore the message.

Or you could follow my lead: read the message and then ignore it. I'm charitable like that.

I suppose it's a matter of personality - I reply when I get an interesting message.

I can agree that personality has a role to play. Unfortunately through my eyes, I am unable to see things strictly in black and white, there's too many shades of grey between the two extremes.

_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to NorthernGent)

Post #: 19

RE: Master/ Dom communication games (?) - 1/31/2009 5:20:25 PM

SassySarijane

Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: azsubron

i am curious on other subs/ slaves take on this. i have noticed on various times when email communicating with Doms/ Masters, especially in the beginning introduction phase, that a number of these Doms/ Masters relish playing the elusive communication game (?). i do not mean instant email responses but messages that may take a week or so before receiving any sort of response. Several that that contacted me and exchanged information/ thoughts and i replied to, only to wait a week or more for any sort of response. When following up with an email inquiring as to whether they had received my message i was told that i was an impertinent sub and had stepped out of my place and in one case, called nasty names and more.
Perhaps it's just wanna-be Doms and Masters that seem to do this the most? The email wanker-be's? My line of thought is that if there is any sort of relationship potential or attraction, that it is to everyone's benefit to keep open the communication even if to say " I am busy and can not respond properly now". Is this elusiveness a game that so many Doms/ Masters play or just plain rudeness?
i had a very loving and special Master for 3 years and perhaps was a bit spoiled by our special relationship. Communication was always open and followed through with and our relationship blossomed into a great friendship that no longer fit our Master/ sub relationship hence we remain now as very good friends.
Am i reading into things incorrectly? Is politely inquiring as to whether one had received my message after no response after a period of time truly a bad thing? Is writing off these potential Masters for this communication lapse an error?
Feedback and thoughts are appreciated..
thanks

The part I bolded and colored tells me they are definitely not a match as friend or more. If I have exchanged one or two emails with someone and don't hear from them for a week or so after the last email I sent, I usually don't bother with a follow up, just move on with my life; and if at some point after that, they contact me again, I may or may not reply at all depending on what they say in their email.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
LPTnB

(in reply to azsubron)

Post #: 20

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