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TranceTara -> RE: submissives with unhealed issues- (2/2/2009 1:59:54 PM)
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Hi Underumam,
I hope you don't mind me adding my own thought since I'm not a Mistress.
I had past experiences as a novice over 20 years ago where I was introduced to BDSM by women who thought a slave was something to hit and treat like crap. There were no rights. So, I left the world of BDSM thinking all in it only wanted to hurt subs and slaves.
Since then I have talked with people, communicated via email, read, and most of all meditated and come to an understanding of what makes me the best person I can be so I can be of service to my Mother Gaia first and foremost.
So, when I read these words from GoddessT, my heart sang for I know there are those who are on a similar path. There is no one right way, but to know others vibrate as I do shows me I am not alone on my quest.
quote:
For Me a relationship is about two people
or more, and the two of them, are as valuable,
No one is worth more then the other one,
cmon now !
And then I read from vampchick88:
quote:
When pet found me I was in a very dark place in my life, broken, and pretty much just a dead girl existing functioning in everyday life but not knowing anything that was going on. pet was a very important person who helped me learn I needed to face my demons head on, not supress them. Allow myself to know that things really did happen but its not my fault. Taking advise from him was the best thing that ever happened to me. I did not see it as he was topping from the bottom by giving advise. He was truely helping me and guiding me through things that I needed advise to do. Because of him I'm now well on my way to almost being my old self again but a little wiser. I don't know where I'd be if pet didn't take the time, patience, and endurance to help me....probably still broken.
I got tears in my eyes and my heart sang for the love pet had for Mistress. The heart knows no boundaries, whether that be race, religion, country, species (no, I am not speaking of bestiality but caring for all beings on this planet), class, or BDSM label. If someone cannot relate to me as a human being first, then they have no place in my life. I can care about them as people, but my time is equally as valuable as anyone else's and only those who have earned a place in my circle of friends are allowed in.
And to chamberqueen for:
quote:
As a Domme, if I had a sub under consideration I always made sure to help them when they were going through a difficult time, especially if it had to do with being unsure of themselves as far as the lifestyle goes. A lot of subs are sure that they have the most terrible kink in the world and must just be disgusting. I would help them to accept this as part of themselves and work with them on ways that they could get their needs met.
and MsEmper2 for :
quote:
As you can probably guess with My SN, I lean more toward the approach of helping in My lifestyle choices. When I started out I encountered many s. types (subs, slaves, bottoms, etc.) who assumed they were or identified as weak, unworthy, w/o value, etc. My goal in the encounters that I have is to empower them to operate from the knowledge that they have dignity, strength, power, value, etc. I can't imagine how I could exchange power any other way. It would just feel dirty to Me.
Thank you both. I have learned that most people have issues that may pop up now and then, whether submissive, slave, Domme, Mistress... Human beings can be vulnerable and it is nice to have someone there.
I know I have felt crazy for many of the thoughts I have had. In my last attempt with a Mistress I expressed these thoughts in journal entries that were overwhelming. I now realize that what can happen, as one opens their heart to a Mistress, many thoughts of unworthiness may surface. In my case, these ego bound thoughts came up to keep me separated. It was almost like I was split into two people. A part wanted so much to please her and another kept saying, "You are insane. You are weak. You are worthless. You are not a slave. She'd never want you. You suck as a submissive." So I'd write and write. She said getting long entries was overwhelming and I felt bad. When she had read what was in them she then knew what was going on, but such is internet communication. I had offended her, I felt guilty, she had asked me not to communicate for awhile, it was torture, and I felt she would never want me, so, I labeled myself unworthy and deleted my profile back then.
So, holding onto the thoughts that I was bad, a failure, no one would want me, too many unresolved issues, etc., I found a leather group that helped me deal with my guilt and failure over that online fiasco and have grown stronger from that experience. Trust is still a bit difficult for me. That is okay. It does not mean I won't trust, it means I am more careful and yes, I can become very vulnerable so She must be willing to hold me. And, of course, I would be there for her if She ever wished to let go for awhile.
I am reading various books on leadership, for work, and the more I read the more I can relate the qualities I seek in a leader and in being a leader to those I seek in a Mistress. And for me, and me only, this path is about sharing, loving, healing, growing spiritually, having a lot of fun, smiling, experiencing joy, not running from the pain (emotional or physical), sharing, compassion, integrity, honour, respect, ethics, morals... Well, you get the picture. lol
One book I love is called Ethics 101. I love how the author said there is no such thing as business ethics. You either have ethics or you don't. Simple. lol I liked that.
Underumam, thank you for a most wonderful topic that I needed to read. And to all you kind Mistresses for sharing your isight and hearts, Thank You!
I don't know if it's out of line, but here's something I wrote when I got tired of people wanting to either ignore me or rescue me:
DEVIANT
Deviant. Crazy. Psychopath. Schizophrenic.
The names those revered as the educated in society give
those of us brave enough to face our inner demons long
enough to become lost souls.
Don’t analyze me!
Please, just listen.
Please, just witness.
Please, just someone be there when i’m in pain.
i’m not looking for a cure, nor a fix.
i just need an understanding soul who can say,
“Yes, I’ve been there. It hurts, it’s scary but you’ll
survive. Here, hold my hand.”
1/15/2001
Peace and blessings to those who want it.
TT
(edited for some spelling errors I caught after the fact. ;0)
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