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Emotional Sadism - 2/1/2009 5:23:04 PM   
windycitysub78


Posts: 55
Joined: 4/22/2008
Status: offline 		This subject really fascinates me. It was incredible experiencing it, although I must say it is a rather private thing for me.  Suffice to say I needed quite a lot of after-care to pick myself back up again.  Funny thing is, as uncomfortable as it was, like a junkie I wanted more of it.

What are your favorite scenarios involving emotional sadism?
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RE: Emotional Sadism - 2/1/2009 5:25:54 PM   
MyWorldCT


Posts: 98
Joined: 1/23/2009
Status: offline 		Do you mean like finding your emotional weakness or deepest fears and having a Dom exploit them to torture you?

< Message edited by MyWorldCT -- 2/1/2009 5:26:22 PM >

(in reply to windycitysub78)
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RE: Emotional Sadism - 2/1/2009 5:42:14 PM   
Knite064


Posts: 169
Joined: 1/21/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: windycitysub78

This subject really fascinates me. It was incredible experiencing it, although I must say it is a rather private thing for me.  Suffice to say I needed quite a lot of after-care to pick myself back up again.  Funny thing is, as uncomfortable as it was, like a junkie I wanted more of it.

What are your favorite scenarios involving emotional sadism?


Im not sure if your describing what i term mindfu**ing which is homing in on extracting any emotion from a sub or slave and re channeling it to create one hell of a time together.

Its certainly not sadism but a favourite of mine is to mention a very specfic time over a few days(say 1.23 am) and ensure she remembers this time even if she thinks im a little crazy over it.
Then creating a scene which is full of various mindfu**s,so called humiliation play and very dark.......if i succeed then she climaxes at exactly 1.23 am (if not the time is still there to play with another night and shes none the wiser) whilst shes still high on whats happened i show her the clock and gently praise her whilst reminding her of the crazy two days she just had to listen to me or receiving texts repeating this time.
Its an incredible high watching the puzzled face and then the slow realisation of just how controlled shes been and it kicks of a second scene which is much more tender and gentle as a way of bringing her back.

I enjoy most facets of mindfucking but ill leave this post for now with the tame example above till im sure what your asking but if you are new to it then do go forward gradually





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RE: Emotional Sadism - 2/1/2009 5:57:10 PM   
MasterLark


Posts: 249
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline

If you mean emotional sadism by abusive narcissists, not interested.

Some think of it as mindfucking as on p. 86 of the SlaveCraft book --

"...Masters may be genuinely picky or simply enjoy the predicament. They may place us in by criticizing our work and ordering it re-done. Some Masters enjoy the mental stress that the predicament generates in the slave. This is emotional sadism, and some Masters find great pleasure in it. Most of the time this is referred to as a 'mind fuck'..."

I prefer to talk about inducing fear as arousal (SSC)...

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RE: Emotional Sadism - 2/1/2009 5:57:39 PM   
windycitysub78


Posts: 55
Joined: 4/22/2008
Status: offline 		Well, I do understand that emotional sadism and mindf&cks go hand in hand.  ...or maybe I am not up on the terminology.

For me the mindf%ck  involved with the feeling of abandonment, insecurity, jealousy, and humuliation.  The connection between us was so great it allowed for some incredible scenes, ones in which I entered a different world it seems like.  We had a normal loving vanilla relationship, and I guess through a proper mindf&ck she would manage to convince me there is no love there from her side. 

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RE: Emotional Sadism - 2/1/2009 6:39:37 PM   
Knite064


Posts: 169
Joined: 1/21/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: windycitysub78

Well, I do understand that emotional sadism and mindf&cks go hand in hand.  ...or maybe I am not up on the terminology.

For me the mindf%ck  involved with the feeling of abandonment, insecurity, jealousy, and humuliation.  The connection between us was so great it allowed for some incredible scenes, ones in which I entered a different world it seems like.  We had a normal loving vanilla relationship, and I guess through a proper mindf&ck she would manage to convince me there is no love there from her side. 


I dont think its a question of being up on terminology but more a question of  how each of us interpret the terminology .
What is acceptable for me personally is exploiting what ultimately excites the girl by learning about her.
To suggest to a girl that she is going to be abandoned(to use one of your examples) for me would be unacceptable but to create scenes that exaggerate her desire for being totally controlled are where im coming from.(and yes at times that can be done through what would be viewed as cruel means by the outsider that did nt understand the dynamic and the depth of feelings and mutual trust involved , but never where the girls self worth suffered.).

There is a fine defining line between a couple playing mindfuck games in the confines of a strong healthy loving relationship and mindfuck games being played between a D  and an s with mutual low self esteem issues which was why i commented earlier on taking things slowly(not suggesting you are but suggesting you examine your motivations behind your desires.

be well



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RE: Emotional Sadism - 2/1/2009 6:51:47 PM   
MyWorldCT


Posts: 98
Joined: 1/23/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: windycitysub78

Well, I do understand that emotional sadism and mindf&cks go hand in hand.  ...or maybe I am not up on the terminology.

For me the mindf%ck  involved with the feeling of abandonment, insecurity, jealousy, and humuliation.  The connection between us was so great it allowed for some incredible scenes, ones in which I entered a different world it seems like.  We had a normal loving vanilla relationship, and I guess through a proper mindf&ck she would manage to convince me there is no love there from her side. 


If your Domme was able to make you believe that she did not love you anymore and you believed it, then you have some "issue" which are unresolved in your relationship, or your realtionship is not as deep as you want to believe.  Trust and confidence are of the utmost importance from both sides in any relationship.

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RE: Emotional Sadism - 2/1/2009 7:02:37 PM   
windycitysub78


Posts: 55
Joined: 4/22/2008
Status: offline
quote:


If your Domme was able to make you believe that she did not love you anymore and you believed it, then you have some "issue" which are unresolved in your relationship, or your realtionship is not as deep as you want to believe.  Trust and confidence are of the utmost importance from both sides in any relationship.


It was a past relationship - no longer with her.

We had a great connection, and we both trusted each other.  It ran deep, or at least as deep as a previous relationship can run! :) 

It amazes me how powerful the mind can be - to trick a person like that.  ...especially me, a level headed "Type A".

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RE: Emotional Sadism - 2/1/2009 7:12:32 PM   
MyWorldCT


Posts: 98
Joined: 1/23/2009
Status: offline 		I agree.. I like to get a rise out of my subs, but I have seen them just fold inside when I walk away or tell them that "it is just not worth it for me anymore".   I had a girl I did this too who cried for 2 days straight and would not listen to me, until I bought her roses, dropped petals one by one on her until she looked at me and stopped crying.  I dropped petals on her for about 3 hours (almost ran out of roses to pull the petals off of).  So, sometimes it backfires on you, but it is fun to have them beg you to explain, to talk to them, to hold them... 

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RE: Emotional Sadism - 2/1/2009 7:58:35 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		My former owner was emotionally sadistic.  For a long time it fueled me, and I always wanted to see how much more I could take.  He loved for me to suffer for him - to miss him deeply, to suffer from things he would say about me (past and present).  Degradation played a big part in this.  For a long time I soaked it in and loved it. 

The problem I now find, without his ownership to shield me from my internal demons, is that he is gone but the words are not.  And they, at times, haunt me and bring me to dark places.  It's something I struggle with, but in time I will work through it. 

Neither of us viewed this emotional sadism/masochism as a form a play; it simply "was."


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



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RE: Emotional Sadism - 2/1/2009 8:05:20 PM   
natasha66


Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline 		~FR~

I have no use for emotionally sadistic (read: abusive) doms.  Been there and done that.  Got the t-shirt.

_____________________________

"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
~Basil Fawlty

Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.



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RE: Emotional Sadism - 2/1/2009 8:12:58 PM   
windycitysub78


Posts: 55
Joined: 4/22/2008
Status: offline 		Well, we loved it.  In a very weird way, it brought us closer together.  I know this does not work for everyone, but we were two people perfect for that type of play.

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RE: Emotional Sadism - 2/1/2009 8:19:11 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: natasha66

~FR~

I have no use for emotionally sadistic (read: abusive) doms.  Been there and done that.  Got the t-shirt.


This is how I view it as well.  I don't know if it was emotional sadism in my case, or whether it was just me picking men who were verbally abusive.  This is not to say that every dom I've been involved with was abusive, but a couple of them were. 

I don't have a problem with being called a degrading name or such in the appropriate context, I even like that at times, as long as I know he doesn't really regard me as a stupid bitch or a dirty fucking whore.  But I've experienced some relationships, one in particular, where the dom was just downright verbally abusive across the board, and after a while, it really started to wear me down and make me feel shitty about myself.  He would just criticize me continuously in very hurtful ways, as if he intended to push my buttons.  Needless to say, that didn't work out for very long.   There's no need to cut someone down in order to feel like a big bad dom.  It's just too damn easy.

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RE: Emotional Sadism - 2/1/2009 10:52:43 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		I can enjoy feeling vulnerable, scared, or even terrified, but if you mean emotional sadism as in verbal abuse/degradation/humiliation, I don't find the idea appealing at all.

(in reply to marie2)
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RE: Emotional Sadism - 2/2/2009 12:59:31 AM   
BondageBarbieX


Posts: 495
Joined: 4/1/2008
Status: offline 		Not something I would be into

(in reply to windycitysub78)
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RE: Emotional Sadism - 2/2/2009 1:23:53 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		Don’t most of us do that in the context of scenes? Humiliation and making her exhibit self degradation are part of my scenes if I am close to the girl. I am sadistic in all ways, what can I say? I’d feel pretty silly smiling, apologizing and overly concerned when I was dominating and beating a submissive. It can also carry over to periods of what I think of as talk scenes. Those are times when I make her feel her submission even though it doesn’t end up in play. She knows exactly what I’m doing when this is going on.

But I was also told the other day that I’m a nice guy by the same submissive I do these things to. She had a bad cold and I didn’t feel like playing with her because I didn’t want to humiliate and say mean things to her when she was sick. She, not completely joking, asked if I would just beat her then.

It all comes down to compartmentalizing again. When I play with her I am emotionally sadistic, but other times I would never act that way. I will even qualify that the play has limits with the emotional sadism. There are many things I won’t say. I have to know what works as a domination type turn on and what would be uncomfortable for both of us.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

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RE: Emotional Sadism - 2/2/2009 3:21:36 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Sorry emotional sadism? Not sure that is for me.

I adore the mind games, the humilation and all that but emotional sadism to me means something a little less nice. I think it really is about where the enjoyment comes from. Do people enjoy hurting someone emotionally? If they do then I dont want anything to do with them.

The conflict and mind games though can be wonderful, the embaressment, I think it comes from a differant place its more teasing.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

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RE: Emotional Sadism - 2/2/2009 3:51:17 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

My former owner was emotionally sadistic.  For a long time it fueled me, and I always wanted to see how much more I could take.  He loved for me to suffer for him - to miss him deeply, to suffer from things he would say about me (past and present).  Degradation played a big part in this.  For a long time I soaked it in and loved it. 

The problem I now find, without his ownership to shield me from my internal demons, is that he is gone but the words are not.  And they, at times, haunt me and bring me to dark places.  It's something I struggle with, but in time I will work through it. 

Neither of us viewed this emotional sadism/masochism as a form a play; it simply "was."



In my mind, what that "was" was abuse, emotional abuse.  The mere fact you got off on it at the time doesn't change that to me.  It is the effects that you are feeling NOW that show it for what it really was.

Same goes for "mindfucks"...as in abandoning a blindfolded sub...by PRETENDING to walk out of the room, not by grabbing a flight to LA.  The point is to make them feel terrified but allow them the security that you are right there, with the implication to me that if you aren't "right there" on some level, it is because you are an abusive asshole.

Didn't you and I used to fight about this on the boards?

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RE: Emotional Sadism - 2/2/2009 7:55:59 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

My former owner was emotionally sadistic.  For a long time it fueled me, and I always wanted to see how much more I could take.  He loved for me to suffer for him - to miss him deeply, to suffer from things he would say about me (past and present).  Degradation played a big part in this.  For a long time I soaked it in and loved it. 

The problem I now find, without his ownership to shield me from my internal demons, is that he is gone but the words are not.  And they, at times, haunt me and bring me to dark places.  It's something I struggle with, but in time I will work through it. 

Neither of us viewed this emotional sadism/masochism as a form a play; it simply "was."



In my mind, what that "was" was abuse, emotional abuse.  The mere fact you got off on it at the time doesn't change that to me.  It is the effects that you are feeling NOW that show it for what it really was.


In retrospect, I can see that.  It's interesting how a person can go from an abusive situation to a LESS abusive situation, and because the abuse is less, or different, it seems refreshing, natural, normal, healthy.  While a lot of good came out of that relationship, there are some not so good things in its wake that is becoming clear as time passes. 

quote:


Didn't you and I used to fight about this on the boards?


We sure did. 

I can't reply to your second paragraph.  Too fresh still. 


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



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RE: Emotional Sadism - 2/2/2009 8:18:07 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

It's interesting how a person can go from an abusive situation to a LESS abusive situation, and because the abuse is less, or different, it seems refreshing, natural, normal, healthy. 


That is how I came to see how I was being emotionally abusive to my partners, I finally had a partner who didn't respond by yelling, biting, screaming and the rest.  I stood their alone doing all that...and I sure as hell did not like what I saw.  She got me in touch with an amazing therapist and I was a better man for it.

If I can change and become a better partner, you can change and pick better ones!  Since you seem to be picking better partners, you are growing, you are learning and changing, that is a GREAT sign.

You really REALLY should come to the MAsT meeting next weekend, I am going because I get a lot out of it.  I am not sure what the topic is but it is always interesting.  We have even talked about abuse at past ones...if you were there you would have gotten to see me as a sobbing emotional mess.  The meetings get that intense and that personal.

< Message edited by SimplyMichael -- 2/2/2009 8:20:42 AM >

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