RE: Neither role is easy in this lifestyle

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Neither role is easy in this lifestyle

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Neither role is easy in this lifestyle

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Neither role is easy in this lifestyle - 2/3/2009 10:06:41 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

I value my slave above everyone else in my life, and would choose her over all others, but know that it doesn't make this life easy for me. In fact, it makes it that much harder. If you want to be a good owner know that if you struggle, you are probably doing something right.

Interesting.... I would say the very opposite... Choosing my girls has made my life alot easier for me... and I would say that if your struggling... What are you doing wrong?

I would agree with this, too.

Owning Fox has made my life more complicated, poly is simply more complicated, that isn't a fact of Ds really.

In many ways owning Fox is much easier than my mostly vanilla relationship with my husband. The lines of authority and power are very clear, there is no struggle with Fox; lots of struggles with the husband sometimes.

Fox has taken on a lot of the chores and financial work I would have to do otherwise. Owning him has freed me to spend more time on my writing and before on my finishing my PhD.

Yes, I did take on responsibilities when I got him but so did he. I think those balanced fairly well or he took on the greater burden.

But then this revolves around my definition of a slave. We own slaves, consensual or not, to make our mundane lives easier.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: Neither role is easy in this lifestyle - 2/3/2009 12:12:46 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Relationships on any level are not easy. We take courses to get a driver's license. Nobody ever takes courses on becoming self aware, having a realistic view of needs vs wants, how to communicate effectively etc in order to get a license that allows you to then have a relationship.

Hopefully we learn from our mistakes, but a lot of people never do.

As far as us, instead of putting the focus on either one of us at the expense of the other, we put the focus on what the relationship needs to stay healthy. We look for win/win solutions and by approaching it that way instead of adversarially, we usually find them.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: Neither role is easy in this lifestyle - 2/3/2009 12:19:35 PM

Naberius

Posts: 98
Joined: 1/7/2009
From: Dalton, GA
Status: offline

This lifestyle for me isn't a lifestyle, but it is life, my life which is lived daily. I may not have slaves at the moment (stated so in a previous thread), but that doesn't mean I don't live it. As with anything in life, nothing is easy about it, same is said for the lifestyle or keeper of slaves and in turn the slave or submissive will find it equally challenging at times just the same. The idiot who says life is easy should be shot lol

_____________________________

We do not learn without pain -Aristotle

(in reply to SorryNoBS)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: Neither role is easy in this lifestyle - 2/3/2009 6:18:49 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
Of course life isn't all peaches n cream, but I like to keep perspective by reminding myself that this is another of those middle/upper class problems. I'm so blessed I actually have time to care about the issues of being in a relationships that's alternative. I have enough leisure time and money to be able to discuss these issues online.

That doesn't mean the problems disappear, but it puts them in the right frame of reference.

So true, LA. Pretty much anything discussed around here would fall into that "middle/upper class" problem. Worrying about where food, water, shelter, clothing and safety are going to come from are problems indeed. Worrying about most of what we discuss around here is definitely something we do at our leisure, not for our very survival. It is great to keep that "right frame of reference" indeed. Really keeps things in perspective

........................luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: Neither role is easy in this lifestyle - 2/3/2009 7:17:05 PM

SorryNoBS

Posts: 3
Joined: 12/2/2007
Status: offline

I just want to thank everyone that has replied thus far. I don't believe my opinions to be the end/tell all, but just opinions. All of the opinions, even the ones that disagree with mine are helpful to someone. It just goes to show that everyone has a different situation and and different needs and wants from this lifestyle. Again thank you everyone for following up on my post.

(in reply to slaveluci)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: Neither role is easy in this lifestyle - 2/5/2009 3:41:19 AM

clearlyme12

Posts: 10
Joined: 1/14/2009
Status: offline

Quite new to the message boards, but this topic stirred something inside of me.....

This will always be a hard subject, there will always be hard decisions and choices to make....you want the best, but to get the best, both sides will have to work at it. But it should also be natural.....it shouldnt feel forced. If this is the life you chose to lead, you want to be happy doing it. So yes, i think hard work, but happy and loving hard work!!

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: Neither role is easy in this lifestyle - 2/5/2009 5:38:19 AM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

nothing that is done as 'role-playing' is going to be easy to pull off 24/7, but if it comes naturally to you, then it's all uphill from there, save for the usual bullshit that everyone in the world goes through from parents to partners.

(in reply to SorryNoBS)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: Neither role is easy in this lifestyle - 2/5/2009 11:11:34 AM

Jeptha

Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
Of course life isn't all peaches n cream, but I like to keep perspective by reminding myself that this is another of those middle/upper class problems. I'm so blessed I actually have time to care about the issues of being in a relationships that's alternative. I have enough leisure time and money to be able to discuss these issues online.

That doesn't mean the problems disappear, but it puts them in the right frame of reference.

So true, LA. Pretty much anything discussed around here would fall into that "middle/upper class" problem. Worrying about where food, water, shelter, clothing and safety are going to come from are problems indeed. Worrying about most of what we discuss around here is definitely something we do at our leisure, not for our very survival. It is great to keep that "right frame of reference" indeed. Really keeps things in perspective........................luci

I wonder about that.
My observations have been that, besides the computer and internet service, there is very little additional financial outlay for WIITWD. That doesn't place it above the province of the poor (depending on how that's defined, of course).
~What you are referring to (food, shelter and clothing) are actual survival issues, and more primary needs, for sure.
But I don't think that once those essential needs are met you instantly become "middle/upper class" economically speaking.
Or do you?
What's the definition of such things, really?

(in reply to slaveluci)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: Neither role is easy in this lifestyle - 2/5/2009 12:33:43 PM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

Interesting post.

I think the difficulty will lay, if any and especially for an inexperienced Dom/sub in the conditioning of every day life. I think back to when I first started dominating. I had this real hunger to go there but when I got that first chance I found it to be hard work. I had been brought up to always be polite, never to be expectant and to always put others before myself. Call it vanilla protocol but its the way we are brought up and its the way we bring our children up. When we first start to dominate/submit we have to do a great deal of thinking out of the box. The physical side is far more simple because that could just be a form of play acting but the mental side is against everything we have learn t in our lifelong lesson.
The more we get to know our Dom/submissive, the more we relax and become comfortable in our own roles but until then the natural
flow is not always there and it could easily become stressful.

Maria

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos

Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: Neither role is easy in this lifestyle - 2/5/2009 12:52:02 PM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

If it's too hard I stop doing it. So presumably does my sub.
I think it depends on the people in the relationship.
If it comes naturally to both/all parties then it should be easier if they are the right mix to start with.
Finding the right relationship/s though can be difficult if not impossible.
It must depend on past experiences of relationships as well though.
Men who have been brought up by a dominant mother seem to be easier to dominate. It's often in the upbringing but not always.

(in reply to Jeptha)

Profile

Post #: 30

RE: Neither role is easy in this lifestyle - 2/5/2009 12:53:43 PM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
Of course life isn't all peaches n cream, but I like to keep perspective by reminding myself that this is another of those middle/upper class problems. I'm so blessed I actually have time to care about the issues of being in a relationships that's alternative. I have enough leisure time and money to be able to discuss these issues online.

That doesn't mean the problems disappear, but it puts them in the right frame of reference.

So true, LA. Pretty much anything discussed around here would fall into that "middle/upper class" problem. Worrying about where food, water, shelter, clothing and safety are going to come from are problems indeed. Worrying about most of what we discuss around here is definitely something we do at our leisure, not for our very survival. It is great to keep that "right frame of reference" indeed. Really keeps things in perspective........................luci

I don't happen to agree with this.

Are you both suggesting here that someone who is working class can not relax into an emotional, physical relationship and that this sort of lifestyle is a luxury?
I fundamentally disagree.
we have both lived the good life financially with everything we wanted but it was all material bollocks and it certainly did not bring us closer or deeper in our individual needs.

I have been destitute and hungry in a foreign country but it was during that time that my BDSM lifestyle started and it started because I became incredibly open, deep and at one with my partner.

We now live a lifestyle where we have established everything we need for survival. We are not interested in placing ourselves in society based on our material wealth. We have learnt significantly more about ourselves and our physical and mental strengths through struggle.

< Message edited by allthatjaz -- 2/5/2009 12:55:41 PM >

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos

Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to slaveluci)

Profile

Post #: 31

RE: Neither role is easy in this lifestyle - 2/5/2009 1:32:42 PM

came4U

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline

OP, nothing wrong with your concientious struggle to keep yourself in check, but to me, that is all it should be...intstant, reactionary, innate and non verbal in (thought).

I wouldn't advocate someone I chose as a Dominant disclosing these debates in his head to me (as a diary of sorts).

I tend to know what goes on in the minds of men I know, which is their downfall. Men who are too easily read are the least misunderstood and least dominant to me.

Any disclosure of any of your points in my direction would reek of weakness, weaknesses I don't want to witness.

Other women might find it enlightening and romantic, it is far too open and self-judgemental for my taste.

I would prefer a thinking-monk type, that rationalized his fears and expectations of himself and me without worrying about my judgement as a priority. Harmony through his quick-witted projection not mental interventions that cause him stress and possible reasoning for self-defeat.

(in reply to allthatjaz)

Profile

Post #: 32