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Speculum fear - 1/13/2006 4:51:41 PM   
Sirandlittle1


Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		My Sir is wishing to use a speculum on me. The thought terrifies me.

Pap smears cause vaginismus, ie. muscles in the vagina clamp shut, preventing insertion without severe discomfort, of psychological cause.

So this is right up there in edge play for me. Despite this, i have purchased the speculum, not because i wish to experience it, i truly do not. But he wishes to, so therefor, i want to please and obey.

I feel sick in my stomach thinking about it. Other challenges that have been really difficult for me to achieve, ive done so by tapping into something it triggers. Or it has ignighted something i did not know before hand.

Therefor, for those of you who'm have tried this form of play, what areas of the mind and therefor body, does it trigger for you? An obvious one i anticipate is the helplessness of the situation. Im not particularly turned on by bondage induced helplessness, as i prefer freedom to move and touch. Plus, im getting long in the tooth to be tied for too long these days lol.

I didnt post this in ask a submissive, as i wanted help from any perspective.
Helpful hints beyond, use lube from others experience would be useful.

shitting myself here! little1 (note, its been 9 years in between pap smears as i avoid avoid avoid, even though i know the risks)
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RE: Speculum fear - 1/13/2006 4:56:40 PM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirandlittle1

I didnt post this in ask a submissive, as i wanted help from any perspective.
Helpful hints beyond, use lube from others experience would be useful.




Don't forget to breath. Your breath reminds you that you're alive. You can breath through any fear. Try not to hold your breath between the inhalation and the exhalation. Focus on the breath and you'll be on the other side before you know it.

For your sir, if he's never used a speculum before ask him to please not disengage the lock until he's removed it from your tender parts. They tend to pinch.





_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

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RE: Speculum fear - 1/13/2006 5:10:59 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		This is one of those things that only over riding your fear will allow this to work. By your own admission you close up just at the thought. This does not bode well.
I would take some private time with a vibe and slowly go from there. Learning to enjoy "objects" and creating more positive connections is part of the path. I also agree with the breathe idea. Tensing up mentally and physically are an invitation to self forfilling prophesy of pain. Meaning...you think it will hurt, you tense up mentally and physically so it DOES hurt.
I'm guessing that there may be something you're leaving out. I'm thinking bully gyno with cold hands and colder tools. I would ask your Sir why he really wants this when you're so obviously afraid. Understanding his motive as well as being honest about your fears are the first step to allowing him to help get you past this.

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RE: Speculum fear - 1/13/2006 5:38:32 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		I had the enjoyment of listening to workshop on this particular play when i was in florida back in early summer. I was appreciative of two very important facts to this play. One... learn how to do it from someone that has done it alot... so I hope your Master is experienced in the activity and not doing this on a whim. Two... LUBE LUBE and more LUBE and just encase that is not enough... MORE LUBE.



Correction... my girl just reminded me that it was this past fall... mmmmm I need a better memory

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 1/13/2006 5:40:44 PM >

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Speculum fear - 1/13/2006 5:48:43 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Pap smears cause vaginismus, ie. muscles in the vagina clamp shut, preventing insertion without severe discomfort, of psychological cause.


I am not sure what you are saying here. Is this something that you yourself have experienced, or some information that you have gotten from some other source. Having worked for an ob-gyn and assisted in a multitude of pap smears, I can tell you that vaginismus is an extremely rare side effect of a pelvic exam. Provided you are using the appropriate size speculum and have properly warmed and lubed it....there really should be no discomfort beyond a sensation of pressure. Those who do experience vaginismus generally do so because they are very apprehensive or fearful, most commonly because of embarassment or a lack of experience or understanding of the procedure....as you stated, a psychological cause.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: Speculum fear - 1/13/2006 5:57:35 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline



quote:

I didnt post this in ask a submissive, as i wanted help from any perspective.
Helpful hints beyond, use lube from others experience would be useful.


Run yourself a hot, hot bubble bath before the play. Turn off all the lights in the bathroom and light a bunch of candles. Put on some soft music and ....... relax. Focus on the pleasure your Dom will receive and not on your own fears. Indulge in some of your more erotic fantasies while you're in the tub to help you open up.. literally and, yes, add plenty of Astroglide ::or your lube of choice:: to your own natural lubrication. Keep in mind the deep trust you have for your Dom, knowing he is going to do his best to minimize any risk to your good health and allow yourself the freedom to please him in this particular way. Train your mind to your Dom and his pleasure and .. who knows.. you may find you enjoy it more than you ever thought possible.

Best of luck,

Celeste

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RE: Speculum fear - 1/13/2006 6:36:06 PM   
foxglove716


Posts: 648
Joined: 7/4/2005
Status: offline 		Youre have every right to be terrified. Those things are freezing cold.



_____________________________

Illusion is the first of all pleasures. -Oscar Wilde

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RE: Speculum fear - 1/14/2006 12:56:40 AM   
Sirandlittle1


Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		He has explained that he wants to do this, as he finds it erotic. Gaping is a work of art to Him. Although its not my bag, i can see that with anal, it gapes, only when it is worked correctly. So that would be a complement. But vaginal is going to be held open, so it isnt really gaping is it. I just dont get it?

That also, it will push me.

My reference to vaginismus is relevant because this is what happens to me, when i get a pap smear, and its shut real tight, before im even touched. Its not in any way due to gyn clumsiness.

I appear to be 'medically frigid' lol

I understand the anatomy part, know that its not going to hurt, yet, i still tense up like a tense thing, involuntarily, my knees are shut real tight, just typing about it, Yuk!

Perhaps in the bath? did i understand that right? Doesnt the water softened skin become more vulnerable to tears and grazes?

Thankyou for taking me seriously, the advice, sounds very good.

Little1


(in reply to foxglove716)
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RE: Speculum fear - 1/14/2006 5:20:22 AM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Does your sir know how to insert it? Am a nurse have seen thousands of speculum exams and know there definitely is a technique for it.

(in reply to Sirandlittle1)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Speculum fear - 1/14/2006 5:25:48 AM   
Sirandlittle1


Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		As he's never done this before to another, then i doubt it. Not a huge call for this skill career wise. And i ensure he plays with no other, so no.
So it will be what he has researched, and go slowly with lube.
He is not a nurse, he's a manager.
Those that play in this area also started somewhere. I know how to use them, and can show him. Its really not rocket science is it? And he will of researched first. Thoroughly, as hurting me would be something he'd avoid, knowing how edgy this is.


(in reply to kiwisub12)
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RE: Speculum fear - 1/14/2006 6:38:50 AM   
Smythe


Posts: 369
Joined: 12/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirandlittle1

He has explained that he wants to do this, as he finds it erotic. Gaping is a work of art to Him. Although its not my bag, i can see that with anal, it gapes, only when it is worked correctly. So that would be a complement. But vaginal is going to be held open, so it isnt really gaping is it. I just dont get it?

That also, it will push me.

My reference to vaginismus is relevant because this is what happens to me, when i get a pap smear, and its shut real tight, before im even touched. Its not in any way due to gyn clumsiness.

I appear to be 'medically frigid' lol

I understand the anatomy part, know that its not going to hurt, yet, i still tense up like a tense thing, involuntarily, my knees are shut real tight, just typing about it, Yuk!

Perhaps in the bath? did i understand that right? Doesnt the water softened skin become more vulnerable to tears and grazes?

Thankyou for taking me seriously, the advice, sounds very good.

Little1




little1, thanks for posting about this. To be honest, your words moved me quite a bit. you are willing to confront something that you fear deeply, not for your health (although maybe he can give you a pap smear while he is there??!!) not because you want to confront your fear, but simply because he asked you to do it. To me, this is one element of true submission. The fact that you are willing to do this means that you trust him, and you have to focus your thoughts there.

Also, I know from My boy that when I am paddling or beating him and he has to find a way to tolerate more pain, he really focuses on his breathing, and making himself relax so that he can flow with it instead of fighting it with his body.

anyway, you just reminded me this morning of the beauty of submission, thanks.

Smythe


_____________________________

Do not consider painful what is good for you.
Euripides

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RE: Speculum fear - 1/14/2006 7:05:41 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline 		I can't help with the fear, but I'll make a suggestion that might make the experience one you will want to repeat.

Once the warmed speculum has been inserted and expanded, he should hold a hand-held vibrator against the base. The depth of penetration and the stretching of the tissues make the effect much different than can be obtained in conventional vibrator play.

Make sure you are lying on a wide surface. I've had people completely bounce off bondage tables and one managed to invert a four point swing


_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

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RE: Speculum fear - 1/14/2006 9:05:33 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

Therefor, for those of you who'm have tried this form of play, what areas of the mind and therefor body, does it trigger for you?


emotional trauma from past experiences involving a speculum that were indeed excrutiating, forms of meditation get this slave past it---this slave had some serious physical issues of the ovaries, fallopian tubes, uterus & cervix and at one point, this slave couldn't even get a tampon in there. the pain of the inserted speculum was NOT psychologically-based and had nothing to do with the temperature of the speculum, the finesse of the gyno or the vagina itself.

quote:

shitting myself here! little1 (note, its been 9 years in between pap smears as i avoid avoid avoid, even though i know the risks)


this slave might not be here if it hadn't been for early detection of cervical cells turning to the "dark side"( Doctors call them "pre-cancerous" and like to keep an eye on it, early treatment can be the difference between surviving or not).

this slave's first thought after reading this post was perhaps your Master's ultimate concern is the health of your reproductive organs and/or your life and perhaps He is trying to help desensitize you and help you to overcome your speculum fear in a positive way so that a pap smear is not so traumatic that you avoid it for another nine years.

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RE: Speculum fear - 1/14/2006 9:13:02 AM   
watchersgirl


Posts: 23
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline 		It's something I've never tried in play, although I want to! But my partner was abused as a child (every way possible) and has a terror of speculums (specula?). We explained this to our new ob/gyn who made a point of using the smallest one she had and warming it up first, and, contrary to her usual practice, letting me be in the room with her holding her hand. And it wasn't as bad as she thought. So quite apart from your question, I think you need an new ob/gyn who understands how to deal with people whose bodies clamp shut when the speculum comes near.

Maybe your master would be willing to introduce it gradually. Warming it up, using lube, and just trying to insert the tip *w/out* opening it. Gradually taking the closed speculum deeper in future sessions. Trying to make it enjoyable. Kind of like the way therapists help people with phobias. First thinking and talking about doing the thing they're afraid of, then visiting the site (if they're afraid of flying, the airport), and gradually working up to actually getting on a plane for a short flight.

Please talk to your Master about this so he realizes it's a serious fear for you. If he's considerate of your feelings, he'll help you overcome it before using the speculum and stretching you with it.

_____________________________

"The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom."--William Blake

"Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes)"--Walt Whitman


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RE: Speculum fear - 1/14/2006 5:37:16 PM   
LadySonelle


Posts: 280
Joined: 8/24/2004
From: Santa Fe NM
Status: offline 		Darling slave, you are willing to try a form of play that terrifies you and that is so beautifully submissive! Such willingness takes My breath away!

Several things come to mind. You might wish to handle and examine the speculum he is desiring to use. You may also purchase a child's or small sized speculum which will be less uncomfortable.

If I were your Sir, I would allow you to insert the speculum yourself, in order to minimise the discomfort. If he has not had any experience with the speculum, he will need to read up on it and preferably have a more experienced Dom/me show him how it is used.

Here I will give you some tips. Warm the speculum. That goes without saying, but I shall, anyway. BEfore the session, you might try to use a dildo or other dilation toy, GENTLY to glide into the vaginal vault. Use copious lubricants.

I wilkl assume you are using the standard duckbill speculum. One thing I find works well is to slide the speculum in *gently* in a sideways orientation with the handles facing to the right or left and the blades sideways in the vaginal canal. This is a more natural position. Once the speculum is inside, GENTLY rotate the handles into the correct position, turning the device inside your vaginal canal (this works best with a small speculum! Don't try it with a larger one). Then, and only then, expand the blades by turning the small wheel. Clitoral stimulation during this phase of the scene helps you to relax and even orgasm with the instrument in place.

Withdrawal is accomplished the same way, slowly reduce the blade width by turning the know, but not all the way closed. With perhaps a 1/8 inch opening between the blades, the speculum should be gently rotated back to the sideways position and withdrawn *slowly* so that the vaginal tissue can slip away from the metal surface without stress.

You should consider going to a female gynocologist. I find that My own doctor is miraculously good at vaginal exams and Pap smears!


Also, and this is most important to your mental well-being... the vault of the vagina has remarkably little sensation as compared to the outer areas. The cervix has almost no sensation at all and can be grasped with very sharp omplements without (in nearly all cases) extreme discomfort other than a sensation of dull pressure. With conditioning, even possibly hypnosis, gentle handling and care, you may well find that speculum play is very exciting!

If your Sir permits you to insert the speculum, either by yourself during a bath or during the scene, you will find that such play can "de-toxify" the fear. Feel free to write to Me if you have questions. Also, Google is your friend! Search on terms such as "speculum examination techniques" and such in order to read more. Information will help dispel your fears.

Lady Sonelle

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Come to My domain and read My Lessons online! http://www.LadySonelle.com then place yourself beneath My loving Hand!

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RE: Speculum fear - 1/14/2006 7:28:17 PM   
kisshou


Posts: 2425
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline 		Have you thought about watching everything that is going on with a mirror.

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RE: Speculum fear - 1/15/2006 1:27:10 AM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		A couple of days ago I used a speculum on My slave girl,she found it very enjoyable,I was able to insert a small dildo in the hole of the speculum...drove her wild

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

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RE: Speculum fear - 1/15/2006 1:29:26 AM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		Shoot...meant mention I used quite a bit of lube a surgical kind that is sterile.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to MistressSassy66)
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RE: Speculum fear - 1/15/2006 1:52:36 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

Perhaps in the bath? did i understand that right? Doesnt the water softened skin become more vulnerable to tears and grazes?


The hot water is going to make you more pliable, but it doesn't make your skin any less durable. As a speculum shouldn't be used passed the point of resistance, tears and grazes won't be the issue. If you want an added safety factor, simple cover each side of the instrument with a lubed condom to help out. Relaxing, breathing and focus are great tools to use to get past fears, but ultimately, arm yourself with as much knowledge via research as you can before engaging in an activity that you find so terrifying. Slow and steady, only taking things as far as you can comfortably tolerate them and a strong desire to please your Top with the activity can help you carry things all the way. You don't have to start off with marathons you know. Most crawl before they walk and walk before they run.

Celeste

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RE: Speculum fear - 1/15/2006 8:48:37 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		In addition to the great advice- you've communicated your feelings and thoughts to him.

Do the scene, see what happens. Then you will both know. Your fear doesn't seem to be overwhelming or possibly damaging, and then you can see whether either/both of you want to continue this and/or in what way.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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