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RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... - 2/3/2009 3:21:14 PM

Evility

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quote:

ORIGINAL: rednicky
I considered doing them just to make him happy but I read somewhere that 'tolerating' someone's fetish is not the way to go.

I almost spit Coke© all over my monitor.

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RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... - 2/3/2009 4:27:56 PM

bamagirl4u

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Don't doom it before you even meet him..lol..you don't have to do anything you don't want to. Keep the first meeting in public and see how you feel about him as a person as opposed to your Daddy/Dom//Master. I hope it works out perfectly for you! Let us know!

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RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... - 2/3/2009 4:32:35 PM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: rednicky
I'm not sure Desfip. He brought them up and seemed insistent about them. But only because I had an open mind when he talked out it.

Did he say he wants these things every single time? Or just that he couldn't be happy in a relationship that didn't include them? There's a difference there. Ask again.

Did he say what he would do if you tried these things and hated them? Would he still insist on them every single time? Ask in detail.

You need a lot more communication. And a safeword. Because the first time he does spank you, it will be much more painful than it will six months down the line, simply because you have no experience. Beyond that, if it's full fledged pain play does he propose to teach you to enjoy taking some pain or does he get most turned on doing this to a girl who hates it intensely. You need to know before you get hurt.

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RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... - 2/3/2009 4:46:04 PM

Knite064

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your getting some great advice but could i suggest you maybe take a few steps back;you ve met a guy that can potentially fill what your looking for but getting worried about all these things before you ve even met does seem a way to stress yourself out completely.
Why not shift your mindset a little and just decide your going out to meet a guy that you like and take it from there.
After all if you were dating a vanilla guy would you seriously be discussing whether you would give him a bj on the third date or just turn up and see how you both get on?.lifestyles no different in that respect.

your fresh to the scene..just take as much time as you need and dont jumble up the getting to know process

Other than that ...have a great time on sunday and we can all have a pyjama party sleepover sunday night and you can tell us all about him

edit..still have nt mastered posting on this forum ...message intended to OP :)

< Message edited by Knite064 -- 2/3/2009 4:47:55 PM >

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RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... - 2/3/2009 5:01:49 PM

hereyesruponyou

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OK, so you are inexperienced in sexual relations in general. We've all been there. But you are open to at least seeing what all is out there. Think of it this way, right now you have as much chance loving something as hating it. And like most of us you will likely find your lists of things that you feel that extreme about will get shorter and shorter as you gain more experience. Be patient with yourself. And most importantly, have fun!!!

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RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... - 2/3/2009 5:57:12 PM

DominaSmartass

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From: This month? Maryland
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As others have said, be open to trying things. But I will add this: he needs to acknowledge your inexperience and be open to taking you seriously if/when you really don't like something. You'll know what you love, what you can tolerate because he likes it, and what you really don't/can't once you start experimenting. If I am starting out with someone who has basically no experience, I allow a certain degree of leniency in terms of play compared to what I would expect of someone with a number of years under his/her belt.

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RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... - 2/3/2009 5:58:04 PM

SlayerZ

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Experience isn't the be-all and end-all of human existence, if you like something or if you're interested in a particular activity then you'll know it. Sometimes knowledge is innate, it doesn't always have to be imparted by some great higher being nor does it have to be associated with experience. A teacher can teach a student a subject, but it's really up to the student to learn, if there's no passion, if there's no will then it's all for nothing.

In this case, in the world of BDSM you just know, if something turns you on then you'll know that you're open to it and you'll know that it's something that exites you and that it's something in which you wish to indulge in. At the end of the day we are all animals; there are times when instinct kicks in and guides you do try something in which you wouldn't normally.

On the other hand, sometimes people need to be taken in hand and shown what's out there. Speaking from experience, I've not always known that I had a taste for BDSM, nor have I always known what fetishes/kinks turned me on. It's all a learning process, there are people who are blessed with just knowing, without being taught, without the need to be taken in hand and guided, and there's the others who require some personal guidance.

At the end of the day, fetishes/kinks should be mutually desired, welcomed and appreciated, all parties involved should get the same amount of thrill, the same joy as well as the same respect from said activity.

Whatever you decide; good luck. :)

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RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... - 2/3/2009 6:03:05 PM

GreedyTop

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quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

A Cop?
Oh nice, wait till he sticks a loaded gun in your pussy.

*puddle*

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RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... - 2/3/2009 6:35:35 PM

lally3

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someone mentioned compromise. in almost every situation there will always be compromises. things that get suggested thatll squick a person out, or make them think

i dont think i have ever entered into a D/s relationship and not thought

! at some point. but i keep an open mind and id like to suggest you do the same.

in the end, as beth pointed out, from mercnbeth, submission is submitting to the man and making the choice to pleasure him as well as be pleasured by him. its a two way street.

i think that maybe you need to work out why these things gross you out. does it interfere with your image of him. can you take the view that whilst he is carefully exploring your needs its only fair that you share his.

if his needs are really really grossing you out and keeping an open mind just wont get you through then its possible youre not compatible. but if you want to be compatible with him, if you want to explore your needs with him then hoping that a self professed BDSMer will slide into a vanillaesque relationship in order to keep you happy isnt very fair on him.

im not being harsh, please dont think that. but i do think this is a problem you need to deal with. his kinks are his kinks and he is fully entitled to them, they are not the problem here. youre attitude to them is.

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RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... - 2/3/2009 6:50:10 PM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

A Cop?
Oh nice, wait till he sticks a loaded gun in your pussy.

*puddle*

The gun wouldn't do it for me, nightstick however ...

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RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... - 2/3/2009 7:33:19 PM

goodgirl85

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I have to ask if you've tried any of His fetishes with other partners? If not, explain to Him you are a little apprehensive about them and let Him know you that you are sexually inexperienced. This could make a huge difference in how He introduces certain sexual activites.

I strongly suggest trying some, if not, all of His fetishes, you never know what may press your buttons if you give them a chance. Obviously if you know some of these are going to be hard limits for you then don't budge on those, but let him know. If you're not putting sex into the mix right away, then I wouldn't about it. If you end up not being compatible sexually at least you come out with a great friend.

I only suggest this, because its how I got into most of my kinks. I wasn't sure I was even subbie material until I met my First Dom. Now I'm into all sorts of things I never dreamed I would be into.

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RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... - 2/3/2009 8:35:22 PM

Andalusite

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Umm, SlayerZ, there are lots of things I wasn't interested in originally, that held no interest for me, that I enjoyed once I tried them. I haven't seen much evidence that anyone automatically knows what they will and won't like in WIITWD until they explore a bit. If something is a hard limit/squicky for them, then absolutely, they don't need to try it to know they don't want to do it, but most things are more neutral than that.

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RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... - 2/3/2009 9:04:19 PM

MyWorldCT

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Ok, hold on.... I just checked-out your profile and you have been on CM for ONLY 3 weeks and you are 20 years old. Be careful running to catch the train...

If you really NEED to go see this guy, you have only know for a few weeks, then make sure you talk it out, are very clear, have a safe word (not "stop that", or "that hurts", or "NO"), and make sure a few other people know where you are going and who you are going to see. It may be embarassing to tell others, but if they are your friends, then they will undertand.

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RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... - 2/3/2009 9:54:24 PM

myotherself

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From: The cold bit of the UK
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

A Cop?
Oh nice, wait till he sticks a loaded gun in your pussy.

*puddle*

The gun wouldn't do it for me, nightstick however ...

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RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... - 2/4/2009 1:55:35 AM

chezzy71

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The operative is you found him so FAST.Slow down and smell the coffee a bit.Your excitement needs tempering.

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RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... - 2/4/2009 6:01:31 AM

SlayerZ

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

Umm, SlayerZ, there are lots of things I wasn't interested in originally, that held no interest for me, that I enjoyed once I tried them. I haven't seen much evidence that anyone automatically knows what they will and won't like in WIITWD until they explore a bit. If something is a hard limit/squicky for them, then absolutely, they don't need to try it to know they don't want to do it, but most things are more neutral than that.

Yep. which is why I stated that some people need to be taken in hand and guided towards new experiences.

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RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... - 2/4/2009 6:14:06 AM

BondageBarbieX

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It depends on what the fetishes are.If they fall into my hard limits that would be a no for me.

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RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... - 2/4/2009 6:37:43 AM

ranja

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Hello rednicky are you still reading the advice or have you been whisked away and banged up by the big bad policeman?

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RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... - 2/5/2009 5:48:19 AM

SlayerZ

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MyWorldCT

Ok, hold on.... I just checked-out your profile and you have been on CM for ONLY 3 weeks and you are 20 years old. Be careful running to catch the train...

If you really NEED to go see this guy, you have only know for a few weeks, then make sure you talk it out, are very clear, have a safe word (not "stop that", or "that hurts", or "NO"), and make sure a few other people know where you are going and who you are going to see. It may be embarassing to tell others, but if they are your friends, then they will undertand.

That's actually a terrific point.

That's one of the prime reasons why I'm not holding my breath with regards to meeting anyone here; so many people are in such a rush! When a new female sub comes onto the "market" all the male Doms' stampede for their message box, in an attempt to get to the sub first. It's all too rushed for me. Call me old fashioned, but I want to get to know someone and lay a foundation of trust and respect before I enter into something. I would rather do things my way than only be with someone before I got to them first.

Also, I do think some subs are taking their life in their hands when they are willing to let, what is essentially a stranger, have free-rein on their person.

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RE: When he has fetishes that you don't... - 2/6/2009 6:21:50 AM

SimplyMichael

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He could always try doing what I do. I corrupt them and teach/train/manipulate them into loving things they said were vile at the beginning and refused to do.

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