jealous sub (Full Version)

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mons -> jealous sub (1/14/2006 7:58:00 AM)

what does anyone of the dmmes do with a jealous submissive answer fast please


mons



TexasMaam -> RE: jealous sub (1/14/2006 8:20:18 AM)

Hmm. Two identical posts?

I'd Reward Him. Seriously.

Then probably rub it in for fun.

TexasMaam



yourMissTress -> RE: jealous sub (1/14/2006 8:27:08 AM)

A fast answer to this would be impossible as we don't have nearly enough information.

Of what is the sub jealous? What rules are stated of that particular situation? Is the sub committed to you and you to him/her? Is this a casual relationship? Is the sub jealous or insecure?

and "fast answer please"? Are you asking for a way to handle your sub? Is this a situation that you are dealing with right this moment? How can anyone possibly advise you on how to punish or deal with a sub they don't know?



mons -> RE: jealous sub (1/16/2006 2:16:17 AM)

when i said answer fast it was because i want to keep him, but his wanting to know how many emails i get things of that nature he is so jealous he blow up and cursed no small blow up either what should i do now this us a group help not a asking how to handle him just what would you do keep him or .......... i am opening up myself for trouble i never had this happen before and we are just knowing each more now for three months so my question is how or what would you do with this submissive throw him away or kepp andhope training will work that all


mons



Jasmyn -> RE: jealous sub (1/16/2006 3:06:30 AM)

He is making HIS insecurities YOUR PROBLEM. Don't put up with it.

Forget that you might 'lose him' ... hell after a year of dealing with his insecure crap you might rue those words...but work on the now.

Ask him does he trust you. When he says yes of course I do then remind him his behaviour is not reflected in his attitude and you don't like dishonesty.

You are the dom here...there is no relationship without trust. So why allow someone to serve you who does not trust you.

Lastly, consider it is NOT insecurity, but CONTROL that is his issue, ie he seeks to control you, which he is by having you all in a flap about his so called jealousy.

And finally, never live in fear of losing love....




MstrssPassion -> RE: jealous sub (1/16/2006 4:33:57 AM)

by your own words... even as vague as they are... suggests that you are not in control of this relationship. It would seem that your sub is the one manipulating this involvement & doing so by pressuring you & having you doubt yourself & fear the result of your decision making.

This does not come across as dominant.

Furthermore you come to a board with nothing more than strangers & place yourself in the same scenario again, at least in the regard that you are having someone else make the choices for you.

Would I keep him, you ask... hell no, but I would not have been faced with this type of behavior in the first place. Often jealousy & lack of trust go hand in hand. Trust would be solidly in place long before I move into a relationship with a sub.

My only suggestion is that you take a real close look at what is happening around you & take charge of it & be confident in your decisions.



KatyLied -> RE: jealous sub (1/16/2006 4:42:18 AM)

I think you need to look at the relationship. Have things happened in the past that are fostering feelings of insecurity? If that is the case, these things can take time. Perhaps some additional work is needed in shoring up the insecure partner.



MHOO314 -> RE: jealous sub (1/16/2006 6:05:53 AM)

The answer is simple, if it were My sub:

Me Mistress--you not--end of story

I have always made it a point to seek out subs that do not show jealousy as a trait, protectiveness is one thing, jealousy is another that cannot be dealt with easily.



thetammyjo -> RE: jealous sub (1/16/2006 7:06:10 AM)

I don't think jealousy is related to scene role or orientation -- its a a condition either inherit or trained into people.

Whether one is monogamous, practice polyamorary or serial monogamy it can be an issue -- heck you don't even need to be in a relationship to feel jealousy.

I recommend reading "The Ethical Slut" regardless of one being poly or mono because it talks a lot about what can cause jealousy and how to address it.

Sometimes one person has so many issues that the only answer is to say "bye" but I'd say more often it reflects different ideas and expectation for attention and time and feelings that the couple (or more) haven't fully dealt with. For example if your partner needs more of your attention and doesn't tell you, you can't do anything about it; but if your partner tells you then you make a choice -- work on getting him/her more time or ignoring it and letting the jealousy continue. This doesn't mean you have to live your life according to the jealous person(s) but that you give each other information and you try to work on what will lessen that.

People can also be jealous of things and events not just people. Spending more time on the computer than with your partner can cause jealousy. Only wanting to be with your partner when they are tired or stressed can cause jealousy. I think jealousy is a lot like feeling insecure with one's position and role and that can be threatened or preceived as threatened by many things.

Jealousy is a feeling. What happens with that feeling and how it is addressed can be tackled but having the feeling is, well, just a feeling. As you address the triggers for the feeling maybe the feeling with lessen and go away over time. As someone who has been very actively and happily poly now for over a decade though I can tell you that so far it never entirely goes away because life always throws new things at you that will take your or your partner's attention elsewhere.



fergus -> RE: jealous sub (1/16/2006 7:18:51 AM)

*sung to 'drunken sailor*

What can ya do with a jealous subbie
What can ya do with a jealous subbie
What can ya do with a jealous subbie
Earl-aye in the morning

Beat him with a spoon until he submits
Beat him with a spoon until he submits
Beat him with a spoon until he submits
Earl-aye in the morning

If we take a notion to, we can add endless verses here ;)

Mons, I am SO sorry! I just couldn't resist.

At any rate, I agree with the others, particularly Jasmyn about him making his insecurity issue your problem. Well, if he is going to make it your problem, handle it in a way he will live with, but not like one bit! As the Domme, take charge.

fergus



MsDeamonSeeker -> RE: jealous sub (1/16/2006 8:27:16 AM)

Agreed Ladies............when a subbies jealousy gets out of control and we as the Dominants can't keep the submissive in check there are 2 things that I'd do, beat the shit outta him/her, or tell them to make the choice to submit-shut up-move on or walk the fuck away.........they alwys have that right!

MSDaemonSeeker



yourMissTress -> RE: jealous sub (1/16/2006 9:04:04 AM)

What I'm reading in your post is insecurity and inexperience. You seem as if you are afraid to lose this subbie. The questions I would then pose to you are:

1.What makes the sub think he has any right to know your personal business?
Any sub that made these kind of inquiries to me would find his place under my foot fast and surely.

2. Are you truly the Dom in this situation?
Doesn't sound like it if you are defending yourself to a sub.

3.Why would you be worried about losing a sub that displays these traits?
If this continued with a sub of mine, he would be the one worried about finding another Domme.

4.Do you have a mentor that can help you with this situation?
I started with a mentor 15 years ago, and still have Domme's that I respect that I can talk to when I am presented with a foreign situation and desire a 2nd opinion.



mons -> RE: jealous sub (1/17/2006 5:23:17 PM)

thank you all the problem was i never had this happen before ever it shock me i read all of the replies and all were so helpful. we talk after a long time of not speaking to me, i made it clear no way wil i keep him, he is not that important that i will keep him if he ever even looked as if he would blow up again, i found out why but it made no good excuse i told him as my sibmissive when something happen you will come and speak of the problem not hold it in ever, no i am not scare to lose him he is kind and a great talker loves to read and we have many thing we both speak about and have in common but as he know he is not the only submissive male around and i will repace when as domme we train someone we become close and i had spend time on him i am working on his embarressment of what started this problem so he crawl back thank you all and i know this i do not know everything i even after 9 years my goodnes i still will ask for help from others and i am glad you all were here to help oh yes he has a punishment coming which he knows and respect what willl happen we also spoke of trust without it we have nothing thank you all somuch again [&:]



KatyLied -> RE: jealous sub (1/17/2006 5:46:13 PM)

quote:

I think jealousy is a lot like feeling insecure with one's position and role and that can be threatened or preceived as threatened by many things.


Absolutely.
And there are Doms who foster their sub's feelings of jealousy and insecurity, by telling them it's not real....when they know it is based in reality. Do they do it for power? Do they do it because they are insecure?



veronicaofML -> RE: jealous sub (1/17/2006 6:35:44 PM)

is it truly jealousy?

and not just envy?

or is it just a brat?

and what happened to;
"we agreed this and this is in the situation, before you gave consent, and now we are into it, you decide you can't handle it, start acting up, and causing issues where there should be none?"

so in this...
again i say over and over..........

communication..
keep all your cards on the table and no dealing off the bottom of the deck and changing " rules" in the middle of the relationship.

sometimes maybe...i said maybe..people agree to something they were not quite sure of..or didnt figure on...jumping with both feet is my motto but never ever do it until you know how deep it is.

take care



Evanesce -> RE: jealous sub (1/17/2006 8:11:04 PM)

quote:

Agreed Ladies............when a subbies jealousy gets out of control and we as the Dominants can't keep the submissive in check there are 2 things that I'd do, beat the shit outta him/her, or tell them to make the choice to submit-shut up-move on or walk the fuck away.........they alwys have that right!


I wouldn't even give them that choice. There is no place for jealousy in my life, and it's something I will not tolerate for even the briefest of moments. In my world, if you're jealous, I don't want to hear about it, and if I DO hear about it, you're gone.

I've dealt with my own jealousy issues - stemming from insecurity when Master and I first became involved. He never knew it, because that burden was my own to bear, and it is no longer an issue. I expect the same from any slave that seeks to serve me.



mons -> RE: jealous sub (1/18/2006 2:19:18 AM)

i will do that thank you for you help all of you

mons[:D]



pandora29 -> RE: jealous sub (1/18/2006 6:22:56 AM)

I have to agree with All the ladies and the gentleman.Once he has crossed that border from sub to trying to be boyfriend then he has overstepped his bounds.I have had Many friends in the nilla world,both men and women who have tried to take our relationship to the next level against my knowledge and they got corrected.

It sounds like he wants to be more then a sub to me,you took him as a sub and unless you wih to change his status remind him that's what he is and to know his damn place or leave.


FACT: The ratio of male subs to female Dommes is overwhelming...in other words there are other fish in the sea.

Hope that helped mons



thetammyjo -> RE: jealous sub (1/18/2006 8:19:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: pandora29

I have to agree with All the ladies and the gentleman.Once he has crossed that border


I just wanted to quote this line to say that my advice was quite different from the rest I saw so far in this thread.

Jealousy is a feeling and you can't just order a feeling away.

If a relationship is worth it, you must work on the jealousy issues together. If its not, you take everyone else's advice and walk.

But to think you can "lay down the law" and have someone stop feeling jealous is completely unrealistic.

If jealousy is something you don't want and don't want to work on together, I'd say don't even bother saying "it will stop" to someone then. Just end the thing and move on.

An order to stop being jealous may result temporarily in the overt jealous reactions stopping but it won't stop the jealousy and I firmly believe you just set yourself up for problems later. I don't see the point in setting future problems up like this.

I also frankly believe that most of the people on this board were raised in societies where monogamy and jealousy are promoted. That means we all have to deal with these expectations in some fashion (to overcome, to accept, to live by, to live against, etc). This means that I think it is highly unlikely to find anyone without any degree of jealousy which they either accept and use or struggle to lessen.

So its either work or walk -- an order is not going to solve this problem in my opinion.



mons -> RE: jealous sub (1/20/2006 3:59:15 AM)

tammy jo

thank you i read all of the post and i want to keep him he is worth it i do not have the time to go around training subs and when something happens just dump him off somewhere. jealous is a normal thing i will punishment for his blow up but i can not beat that normal feeling out of him we talk and he understand there is not need for that sure as many said there are many more subs in the sea but i had the one i want andas a expernice domme i know that a good subs does not come along very often many are open to the things they wishfrom a domme but some do not adore adomme as my sub does with turth and a open heart that is open and willing to learn all i have to teach him thank you again

mons



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