quote:

ORIGINAL: rednicky

I was looking for a thread dealing with this and found one! But, unfortunately, it didn't really didn't provide me with the responses I was looking for. I'm a feminist (some form of one anyway), but I take it a step further than traditional feminists. Feminists are searching for equality. I want to get even. As in, instead of being equal with men, I want the role to be reversed. I want there to be a glass ceiling for men. I want women to be on top while men are treated as the weaker sex. It just makes me angry when I look back on history and see how people who are part of my demographic are treated. I am not only a woman but an African American woman. One can say, and I would not deny it, that I am bitter. Because I 'am' bitter. If I had it my way, a simple apology for slavery from the President simply wouldn't do. I'd want to enslave white people for about 200 years. Then I'd call it even. Of course, I know that feeling this way is wrong. Especially since I have never personally been a slave. But I'm not someone who is looking to be right. I'm looking for revenge. I'm sure this is ironic coming from a submissive woman who actually seeks (and perhaps has found) a white Dom. You'd think I'd be some sort of Dominatrix looking to make a white submissive male suffer. Honestly, something like that wouldn't be gratifying if the male submitted 'wanted' to be tortured.

I guess the only reason I am a daughter-type submissive is because I was made this way. Growing up, I was always treated as a child, even when I got to the point where I was no longer one. Because of the way I look, adults would underminr me even though I voted like they did, paid taxes like they did, and worked like they did (Soon I'll be able to drink like they do as well). But I'll always be treated like a 12 year old. Take today for example. I went to the deli like I do almost every day and I ordered an egg salad sandwich on potato bread with extra mayo. The woman refused to give me my extra mayo (which I order EVERY TIME I go there)! She didn't want me to 'kill over' (as she put it). Even though I insisted, she said no. And she said I'd have to put the mayo on my sandwich myself. She would not want to be responsible. Apparently, I was too young to be so unhealthy. First off, since when is it her place to tell what I should and should not eat? She's there to take my order. Not tell me what's best for me. I know that, had I been a grown woman who actually 'looked' like a grown woman, she wouldn't have said a thing. She might have shook her head, but she would have taken my goddamn order (sorry, a little pissed right now). But because I am petite, with a baby face and a baby voice, she did not take me seriously. Now I 'could' have gotten loud and demanded that I get what I ordered but causing a commotion is not how I handle stuff like this. Especially when the person is handling my food. I just silently vowed to myself not to let this woman prepare my food anymore. I'd just get in a different line next time.

I feel as though I am at the bottom of the totem pole. Not only am I a woman but I am a woman of color. And not only am I a woman of color but I'm a woman of color who looks like she should still be in middle school. People either treat me like a child or they dismiss me all together. I get carded just to see a rated R movie, while my friends (whom are younger than myself I might add) walk in with no trouble. And this causes me to have somewhat of an attitude issue (things could have gotten a whole lot worse at that deli). I just want to be treated as a normal woman. I want unquestioned respect without having to ask for it. I want to be treated like all the other women my age are treated. But I'm not. And it gets frustrating. I want to submit like a normal submissive woman but how can I when the people around me act like they're the bosses of me? Instead of 'choosing' to submit around people I want to submit to, I am forcefully dominated by the people around me and, only when I catch an attitude or get loud, do people treat me with the respect that is automatically given to everybody else. I don't want to be mean. But that seems to be what it takes in order to be treated like a goddamn adult. Since I can't get the respect I want in real life, I suppose I work with what God gave me by choosing to act as a child in this lifestyle. It's the only way I can be taken at least half-way seriously. Sure, I'd act like a child in this lifestyle, but the men would know ahead of time that I'm not. I'd get the best of both worlds. I'd be protected and spoiled as a child but recognized as a mentally stable adult with the capacity to make her own decisions. But this seems to only be limited to the 1 man I choose to dominate me (whom has gotten to know me). Never could I expect such treatment in real life. Because even if I do behave as an adult in real life and demand respect, people still look at me and say "Seriously, where's your mother?"

I remember I was at a Hallmark last year and the lady wouldn't let me make an expensive purchase because she thought I was 'too young' to have a credit card. It wasn't enough that I had my photo ON my credit card. I had to provide two more forms of I.D. Because even my driver's License wasn't enough. And when she saw that I actually was old enough, she had the nerve to drag her co-workers over so that they could look at me and gasp along with her. How dare she! How rude! And the bitch in me would have kicked in, too. But I was raised better than that and I simply smiled and asked if I could make my purchases.

I just cant help but wonder what it will really take for me to be taken seriously. Do I have to be a bitch all the time? Do I have to tape my Driver's License to my forehead? Why can't I be treated in ways that come naturally to everyone else? Why do things have to be so hard for me? Why do I have to rely on the internet to find a man because men in real life don't view me as a woman but as a kid? It seems like the only men who bother see me as a sexual being are pedophiles who really DO think I'm a child in which they can manipulate. Every time I go out with friends, the guys often wonder why one of my female friends brought along her 'little sister'. I'm angry and bitter and I want to get back at the world so badly. But then I know for a fact that I'd be alone from then on. Every time I am underestimated (which is everyday) I'd get defensive. Being polite about my circumstances doesn't seem to be enough to get respect in this world. No, I have to be rude and mean and bitchy in order for me to be taken seriously. And when I do act that way, no one wants to be bothered with me and I end up alone. And it's only going to get harder as I get older. When I'm ready to buy my first car, will a dealer even acknowledge me? What about when I want to buy a house or get a job? Sometimes I just wish I were normal. Profiling is a bitch. And it hurts so much that I can't help but cry. Because I just can't win...

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ORIGINAL: colouredin

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ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan


You spoke of wanting not just equality, but revenge.  I'm sure you're not alone in having that feeling.  I'm sure that many--if not most--black Americans (and probably Native Americans) who have some historical consciousness feel the same way, in their heart of hearts.

This to me shows your own bigotry, im white and i read it and i saw the race thing and I saw the woman thing and you know both were equal in fact the first thing she spoke about was the fact that she wanted men to experiance the glass celieng. This post? well it shows me how ignorant you are

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ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

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ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan

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ORIGINAL: marie2

rednicky:

I'm not sure where the deep resentment that you feel towards whites and men springs from, so I don't really feel like I can suggest anything in that area. 

Well, insofar as she's referring to whites, I know where it "springs from."

And, if I was a woman, I'm sure I'd know where the sentiment towards men "springs from," also.

You don't need therapy for THAT!

You MAY need some if you don't have a clue where it "springs from."

Another victim?  From the dominant side?

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ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan
I'd be happy to show you how much of a victim I am, any time...

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ORIGINAL: colouredin

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ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Let me know when you figure it out.  I still have occasions where I'll post something and then a male dom will post pretty much the same thing and all thr girls will oooh and ahh and go "Oh you're such a wise and wonderful master" to him and ignore me. 

Hmm I have noticed this with my posts on occasion however I realise that its not about my sex but more the way that I express myself.

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ORIGINAL: FullfigRIMAAM1

Great post and advice QuixoticErrant.
Welcome to the boards.    M

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ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan
I'd be happy to show you how much of a victim I am, any time...

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ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf

Someone can have a victim mentality and still be physically and emotionally assertive. They can also make veiled threats concerning physical violence. Makes it no less than a victim mentality they are speaking from.

I can understand your's and the OP's feelings, but I cannot excuse the things you say. Does that make sense? Emotions occur, it is controlling them or how much we allow them to effect us that often becomes a problem.

So will the perception of this post be different since I am white? Are there any other factors that color your perception?

"Veiled threats concerning physical violence"?

From moi?

I think not!

You don't have to excuse the things I say.  That's quite all right, thank you very much.

My skin may be colored (black, actually), but my perceptions are not.

(in reply to OrionTheWolf)