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How to get a feeling across to a pro-Domme - 2/6/2009 11:43:24 AM

Chgolostnlooking

Posts: 46
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline

Greetings,
Let me start by saying this is my first post in this area. I've learned a lot by lurking here.

I recently had my first pro-Domme experience. Some parts of the session were good - and some could've been better.

What I want more of is something more "intimate". Not sex - not something that looks like, feels like or could be in any way be confused with sex. What I wanted more of was things whispered in my ear. Threats or promises - it doesn't matter. What I wanted more of was her hand on my shoulder, squeezing or slapping me depending on what she was saying. I wanted to feel her body weight against me back.

I got her slapper. I got her flogger. Those were good and I appreciated her time and effort. But, if I wanted to ask her to do something more... I'm not even sure how to put it into words here? If I wanted more intimacy. I wanted her scoldings. I wanted her hand in my hair and for her to jerk my face up to look at her. Eye contact.

How do I convey those kinds of things in the best way possible?

Many thanks for reading - and another thanks in advance if you decide to post an answer.

Post #: 1

RE: How to get a feeling across to a pro-Domme - 2/6/2009 12:11:35 PM

MistressAinCT

Posts: 205
Joined: 2/21/2004
Status: offline

The long winded answer, but you asked!

As a pro I can tell you a few things that might help. Unless you have known her all your life, she isn't going to instinctively know what you like and not like. Therefore, your first session might not go as planned for either of you. This, like any other relationship, needs time. Unfortunately, most men want the instant grat thing and because they don't get it with someone new right off the bat, they never return and go from Pro to Pro.

I have also gotten "I have been seeing a Pro for x years but I wanted something new...". As nice as the newness is, familiarity is what makes a better relationship. And I don't appreciate being compared to anyone either as a Pro or lifestyle...I digress away from your question.

The other mindset is that if you are paying, you should get satisfaction. Please remember that as cold as this sounds, to many ProDommes, its a business arrangement and nothing more. you will only receive what you pay for, so unless you make your wants and needs clear, you might never get it. you just have to ask, and if she is open, she will comply. Some have check lists and you need be honest. There are ProDomina who say "this is what you will GET and like it!" and many men happen to go along with that. And they are happy. If you talked to her a while before you went to her, she should know something about what you want or expect. If this was a 10 min coffee of 5 min. phone conversation, you shouldn't have expected much.

An example is that during a conversation if a man wants to be cross dressed and I don't do crossdress play (which I don't) he isn't a match for Me and I don't take him (yes, I have turned people down). But if he never tells Me this and then asks for it and I don't do it, well, he isn't going to be happy. Would save us all a lot of time if people would just state what they want.

Emotional? There are people I clicked with as a pro and had a GREAT time with beyond the session. Then there are people I just wish would get out of My sight. Cruel, cold but fact. I tend to be a bit more, well, giving at times on a "friend" level (that isn't a good term either, but let's go with it )but as I stated before, many do not and say if you want emotion, get a girlfriend who owns handcuffs.

I hope this helps. Please don't judge the one experience with this Pro as something bad unless she hurt you beyond what you asked for. If she is unwilling to listen to you, perhaps you need find someone else. I find it good business practice to at least appease the client because after all, its financially lucrative to do so. I have a personal slave to take care of everything else, I don't really need a client to do that.

Good luck!

_____________________________

When you have them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow www.mobiusmetals.webs.com

So many toys-so little flesh...

(in reply to Chgolostnlooking)

Post #: 2

RE: How to get a feeling across to a pro-Domme - 2/6/2009 12:19:10 PM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

Hi Chgolostnlooking

As someone who used to be a pro Mistress I can hopefully give you advice.
First of all when you went to see this Mistress for the first time, did she give you a gap at the start of the session to find out what you want? and if so did you communicate clearly to her about your wants and needs?
A Mistress is not a mind reader and a short session with someone she doesn't know can involve an awful lot of guess work. If the client refuses to communicate properly then the Mistress will probably choose the safest option which is straight, simple and to the point... saying that I would always of had enough info to know about slapping the face and pulling the hair and I would of been whispering intimidating things in his ear regardless of weather he had specifically asked for that or not!
You are paying for this and she is giving you a service. She, more than anything else wants to get it right because getting it right not only brings you back but makes it more enjoyable. Even as a pro Mistress one gets immense satisfaction out of a client walking out of your door with a big smile on his face!

Maria

< Message edited by allthatjaz -- 2/6/2009 12:21:25 PM >

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos

Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to Chgolostnlooking)

Post #: 3

RE: How to get a feeling across to a pro-Domme - 2/6/2009 1:08:58 PM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

~FR~

As a Pro I can say it doesn't always go right the first time. As much as we would like it to be that way.
I also agree with both MistressAinCT and allthatjaz and cant add anything else.
Except to stress dont hold a first bad time against Her or other Dommes.

Happy Spanking

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to allthatjaz)

Post #: 4

RE: How to get a feeling across to a pro-Domme - 2/6/2009 1:15:14 PM

MsFlutter

Posts: 1305
Joined: 11/12/2008
From: East Coast
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Chgolostnlooking

What I want more of is something more "intimate". Not sex - not something that looks like, feels like or could be in any way be confused with sex. What I wanted more of was things whispered in my ear. Threats or promises - it doesn't matter. What I wanted more of was her hand on my shoulder, squeezing or slapping me depending on what she was saying. I wanted to feel her body weight against me back.

I got her slapper. I got her flogger. Those were good and I appreciated her time and effort. But, if I wanted to ask her to do something more... I'm not even sure how to put it into words here? If I wanted more intimacy. I wanted her scoldings. I wanted her hand in my hair and for her to jerk my face up to look at her. Eye contact.

I'm not a pro but ooooooo - I just got goose-bumps when I read your post because what you describe is so typically how I do things. Its so NICE to see it told from the other side of the kneel !!

I have an insight fetish, can you tell? ;)

_____________________________

'Dont torture yourself, Gomez darling. That's my job' Morticia Addams

"The right data, filtered through an idiot, can yield a bad answer." einstien5201

(in reply to Chgolostnlooking)

Post #: 5

RE: How to get a feeling across to a pro-Domme - 2/6/2009 2:34:50 PM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

I'm glad you got such GREAT advice from some of the pro dommes... and I should add, anyone who reads here regularly knows that I am a fan of prodommes.. but in the end, if you want a relationship.. you might seek beyond that.. also pro dommes need relationships too, so you might want to strive to be the personal slave of one...

that said... good luck...oh and like others have said.. frankly, sometimes the first time at ANYTHING doesn't go perfectly.. so you should keep working on it... really did anyone's first time at sex go perfectly? even with experience... with a new partner... it takes time...

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to Chgolostnlooking)

Post #: 6

RE: How to get a feeling across to a pro-Domme - 2/6/2009 2:48:52 PM

ShaktiSama

Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

Sounds like what you want is real intimacy.

I've never been a pro, but if I ever was to go that route--this is exactly what a paying customer would never get. There are some things that will always be reserved for the men in my life that are lovers, not clients.

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 7

RE: How to get a feeling across to a pro-Domme - 2/6/2009 3:03:08 PM

MistressAinCT

Posts: 205
Joined: 2/21/2004
Status: offline

I have taken personal slaves from a client pool. Like everything else, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I know many ProDomina who require subs to BE clients before hand so they get something out of it if it doesn't work out. Some offer packages, or a minimum number of sessions before you can apply to become a personal, etc.

you can always try that route, but again, you need be an established client and give the relationship time.

_____________________________

When you have them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow www.mobiusmetals.webs.com

So many toys-so little flesh...

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

Post #: 8

RE: How to get a feeling across to a pro-Domme - 2/6/2009 3:54:45 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

The same way you said it here? How else would she know unless she is a mind reader?

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to Chgolostnlooking)

Post #: 9

RE: How to get a feeling across to a pro-Domme - 2/6/2009 4:08:55 PM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

I have no interest whatsoever in being a pro-Domme, but have done some casual play. I would *not* do that kind of play unless we actually did have emotional/romantic intimacy, and were actively dating or in a relationship.

(in reply to Chgolostnlooking)

Post #: 10

RE: How to get a feeling across to a pro-Domme - 2/6/2009 8:04:36 PM

MsDDom

Posts: 368
Joined: 1/1/2009
From: GA
Status: offline

i figured b/c it is pay for play scenes, it is never intimate...??
from men i know who do ProDommes, that is what i am told...it is exactly what they pay for and is more a fix until they actually enter into a more intimate D/s relationship.

[my 2 coins]

_____________________________

...:: MsDDom ::...

... live Life honestly ...

(in reply to Chgolostnlooking)

Post #: 11

RE: How to get a feeling across to a pro-Domme - 2/6/2009 8:32:24 PM

malloves69

Posts: 913
Joined: 9/15/2006
Status: offline

dont pay her

maybe then she might listen to you about what you want to do together

but if you dont pay her dont blame me if she canes your ass until you cough up what you owe her

not paying a pro is not a good idea ...might want to scratch that ....just kidding ladys

hiding under my desk ......mal

(in reply to MsDDom)

Post #: 12

RE: How to get a feeling across to a pro-Domme - 2/6/2009 9:14:53 PM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

How do I convey those kinds of things in the best way possible?

Print this posting out and give it to her to read. You are the paying customer, so you get to say what you expect for your money - you are the boss. It is like having a house built - things you do not specify you do not get. I am serious - ask yourself why you can tell us, but not her?

(in reply to Chgolostnlooking)

Post #: 13

RE: How to get a feeling across to a pro-Domme - 2/6/2009 9:17:42 PM

Chgolostnlooking

Posts: 46
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline

Many, many thanks for the excellent ideas. While attempting to find a strong woman for a relationship I thought I would try a pro-Domme.

I am a little disheartened to hear that what I like best and would like most is (understandably) perhaps not available to a paying customer off the street.

Again, many thanks for your time and comments. If there is a next paying session, I'll bring up a few of these points and see what she says. Perhaps some sort of a small compromise could be reached between us. Or, if not, perhaps I will ask more questions to another in my area that I feel comfortable with.

(in reply to malloves69)

Post #: 14

RE: How to get a feeling across to a pro-Domme - 2/6/2009 9:22:17 PM

Chgolostnlooking

Posts: 46
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

How do I convey those kinds of things in the best way possible?

Print this posting out and give it to her to read. You are the paying customer, so you get to say what you expect for your money - you are the boss. It is like having a house built - things you do not specify you do not get. I am serious - ask yourself why you can tell us, but not her?

I can ask here and don't feel as nervous as when I'm standing in front of a living, breathing professional that makes her living from guys like me coming thru the door. Perhaps on my tenth session with a Domme (her, or others) I'll feel more comfortable. But on my first session with a pro-Domme, I feel lucky that managed to speak correctly, walk a straight line and remembered where I put my car keys.

(in reply to antipode)

Post #: 15

RE: How to get a feeling across to a pro-Domme - 2/6/2009 9:23:56 PM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

Does she do emails? You could always have a conversation that way.

_____________________________

HBIC

(in reply to Chgolostnlooking)

Post #: 16

RE: How to get a feeling across to a pro-Domme - 2/7/2009 1:42:21 AM

foreveryoung01

Posts: 2
Joined: 2/8/2007
Status: offline

I made the mistake of seeing a pro once when I when I was looking for intimacy. Unfortunately the sexual gratification I felt did little to ease the cold and emptiness I felt when I walked out of her house. It was not her fault, I was seeking something she could not possibly give. For me, I needed to have a emotional bond for my needs to be met, which unfortunately just did not work with a pro. Maybe if you can write down what you truly want you will be able to verbalize it better with her...just a thought. Good Luck!

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 17

RE: How to get a feeling across to a pro-Domme - 2/7/2009 2:56:07 AM

BondageBarbieX

Posts: 495
Joined: 4/1/2008
Status: offline

If you are paying for it I would work it out in negotiations before the session.

(in reply to Chgolostnlooking)

Post #: 18

RE: How to get a feeling across to a pro-Domme - 2/7/2009 7:32:35 AM

Sylverdawn

Posts: 1123
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Pro Dommes are people too.... if you choose to see her regularly you will build an understanding ...she wants you to come back.. you see she is selling a service and you are buying that service she wants you to be a *satisfied customer*.. so tell her.. I like to be verbally abused.. I like the feel of your hands on my skin.. ie spanking ,, I like *dirty* talk... I want to be told what to do .. I would like to experience a sense of service... I would like to a scernario where is less about play and more about the set up or the roles of Mistress and slave...good luck.. from your profile you certainly seem a diamond in the rough...SD.

_____________________________

“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.” Elyane Boosler

Being a women is hard work Maya Angelou

(in reply to BondageBarbieX)

Post #: 19

RE: How to get a feeling across to a pro-Domme - 2/7/2009 10:42:29 AM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

Have you thought that getting what you want might not be what you want? If any Domme pro or otherwise gives a sub what they want they are acting.
In my opinion, and I'm sure I will be flamed for it, even if your paying it still should be about what the woman wants.
It's the same on the other side for me as well. If a sub knows what reaction I want then he might act it and that isn't what I want.
Isn't the real deal what we are all looking for?
A natural D/s relationship even if it's only for half an hour.
My advice to you OP is to try and forget the woman who formed you as a submissive unless there is a chance of you getting back with her and move on. So many people seem to be looking for the same relationship that they lost years ago. You can be of service to anyone. Just find someone who needs help. You can give your submission to a pro Domme if you feel submissive towards her. But I think you are looking for the right relationship for you so I'd stay away from proDommes and keep searching for the elusive D/s relationship that is right for you. It may not include BDSM at all.
My idea is find the right person and most things will come right if you work at them.
But then what do I know lol.

(in reply to Sylverdawn)

Post #: 20

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