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Bi or straight? - 2/7/2009 5:43:33 AM

MistressAinCT

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I'm not sure this is the forum for this because its not necessarily a BDSM question, but one of sexuality.

What constitutes someone who identifies as "bisexual"? If a person is attracted to both sexes WITHOUT sexual contact, is that bisexual? Does a person have to be actively physically involved with both sexes to be considered bisexual?

In other words: can a woman identify as being bisexual if she is attracted to other women but has never been with one nor wants to be? And what IF she wants to be but for some reason, can't (maybe partners are hard to find for example)?

If a man has ONE homosexual encounter but doesn't want to have another one, is he considered bi?

I know, its what each one of us feels inside, but I am curious as to what others think because threads have been posted about forced bi and many profiles say "bisexual". Can one be forced, seriously? Does saying you are bi, make you so?

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RE: Bi or straight? - 2/7/2009 5:55:41 AM

Madame4a

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From: Washington, DC area
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You could look up the Kinsey scale which might help.. although its completely limited in my mind. I think that sexual orientation is a lot more complicated, at lease mine is, than a list of numbers. Its not a bad starting place though.

good luck.. this is a hot button issue for many, including me -- I prefer that other people not define my orientation for me, and yet they try really hard to do so *grin*

for me, without getting into great detail, I do not believe that those terms are only about SEX... its also about romance, nesting, partnership and who you really connect with on whatever level works for you... to me sex, can be purely a physical act, and does not always equal orientation. I'm sure others disagree ... well, I know they do.

< Message edited by Madame4a -- 2/7/2009 6:02:09 AM >

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RE: Bi or straight? - 2/7/2009 6:01:32 AM

colouredin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

You could look up the Kinsey scale which might help.. although its completely limited in my mind.

And used very ethically questionable research methods.

MistressAinCT Basically its whatever you want it to be. I was having an interesting sexuality discussion recently and a girl said 'well how many men does someone need to sleep with to be gay" and I interjected, well if you can be a virgin but straight then well you dont have to have sex with anyone to be gay. Because you dont.

You have bi-curious for people who arent really sure for whatever reason. I always used to be told I couldnt be bi if I had only slept with men, its a pile of crap when I did sleep with woman it didnt suddenly change me, I didnt instantly qualify for the label.

I think that sexual acts are only sexual in the connotations. I think a man can suck another mans penis without being gay or bi and I guess thats what 'forced bi' means though its isnt really. There has I think been an influx of women saying they are bi to 'get men' which shows how stupid the women are and when it works how shallow the men are.

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Post #: 3

RE: Bi or straight? - 2/7/2009 6:10:28 AM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

You could look up the Kinsey scale which might help.. although its completely limited in my mind. I think that sexual orientation is a lot more complicated, at lease mine is, than a list of numbers. Its not a bad starting place though.

good luck.. this is a hot button issue for many, including me -- I prefer that other people not define my orientation for me, and yet they try really hard to do so *grin*

for me, without getting into great detail, I do not believe that those terms are only about SEX... its also about romance, nesting, partnership and who you really connect with on whatever level works for you... to me sex, can be purely a physical act, and does not always equal orientation. I'm sure others disagree ... well, I know they do.

The limitations in the Kinsey scale were addressed in part by the Klein sexual orientation grid.
http://members.tde.com/ben/kleingrid.html

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 4

RE: Bi or straight? - 2/7/2009 6:49:15 AM

MarcEsadrian

Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressAinCT

I'm not sure this is the forum for this because its not necessarily a BDSM question, but one of sexuality.

What constitutes someone who identifies as "bisexual"? If a person is attracted to both sexes WITHOUT sexual contact, is that bisexual? Does a person have to be actively physically involved with both sexes to be considered bisexual?

In other words: can a woman identify as being bisexual if she is attracted to other women but has never been with one nor wants to be? And what IF she wants to be but for some reason, can't (maybe partners are hard to find for example)?

If a man has ONE homosexual encounter but doesn't want to have another one, is he considered bi?

I know, its what each one of us feels inside, but I am curious as to what others think because threads have been posted about forced bi and many profiles say "bisexual". Can one be forced, seriously? Does saying you are bi, make you so?

Forced bisexuality is of course prevalent among many D/s enthusiasts, so the question is quite relevant and a bit of a mental tavern puzzle if one thinks on it for a bit. It's fun to ruminate over.

The art (if you will) of enjoying something that is not enjoyable is really a different animal altogether, and a rather complex one, as you know. If you enjoy being used this way only to please your Master or Mistress, it's a contextual arrangement projected upon the third party—at least until the addictive nature of the emotional masochist begins to take over and blurs the lines, perhaps.

In that sense, can one be made bisexual over time? In some cases, I believe so. There's some nefariously amusing mind candy over a Mistress openly declaring her slave's sexual orientation for him, and turning him out regardless if he likes it or not. I suppose in these scenarios the submissive party has to possess or be open to developing a healthy strain of emotional masochism, if not some degree of bisexual proclivity. The alternative modus operandi is naked loyalty. Perhaps the male in this scenario is fiercely devoted and will swallow untold buckets of Hell for her. If that's the case, he has no inherent desire within to be with another male, so his actions will remain the actions of a loyal automaton and not much else.

(in reply to MistressAinCT)

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RE: Bi or straight? - 2/7/2009 7:21:30 AM

VeryNastyDom

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This lifestyle has many labels to describe a range of human activities, and thus simple words are doomed to failure just as if you asked what color is a rainbow. As an example, all slaves are submissive but when precisely does the behavior of a submissive cross the line into becoming a slave? I am not smart enough to draw a bright line.

As to sexuality, it is similarly a continuim, I think of women who are attracted to women as bi-curious if they have never taken it further or if they have only done it once or twice and are not sure if they want to continue. Those who have done it, liked it, and want to do it again are bisexual. Those who tried it, maybe even liked it, but don't intend to do it again I view as heterosexual. Your definitions may be different.

And no, I don't think a "change" in sexual orientation can be forced. Exploration can be encouraged, slaves can be commanded to do things due to their submission, but that does not reprogram the brain.

(in reply to MarcEsadrian)

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RE: Bi or straight? - 2/7/2009 7:23:53 AM

T1981

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VeryNastyDom

This lifestyle has many labels to describe a range of human activities, and thus simple words are doomed to failure just as if you asked what color is a rainbow. As an example, all slaves are submissive but when precisely does the behavior of a submissive cross the line into becoming a slave? I am not smart enough to draw a bright line.

As to sexuality, it is similarly a continuim, I think of women who are attracted to women as bi-curious if they have never taken it further or if they have only done it once or twice and are not sure if they want to continue. Those who have done it, liked it, and want to do it again are bisexual. Those who tried it, maybe even liked it, but don't intend to do it again I view as heterosexual. Your definitions may be different.

And no, I don't think a "change" in sexual orientation can be forced. Exploration can be encouraged, slaves can be commanded to do things due to their submission, but that does not reprogram the brain.

I like this definition.

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RE: Bi or straight? - 2/7/2009 7:25:35 AM

colouredin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VeryNastyDom

I think of women who are attracted to women as bi-curious if they have never taken it further or if they have only done it once or twice and are not sure if they want to continue.

So when you were starting out your sexual life, were you straight-curious?

_____________________________

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There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to VeryNastyDom)

Post #: 8

RE: Bi or straight? - 2/7/2009 7:55:39 AM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressAinCT

I'm not sure this is the forum for this because its not necessarily a BDSM question, but one of sexuality.

What constitutes someone who identifies as "bisexual"? If a person is attracted to both sexes WITHOUT sexual contact, is that bisexual? Does a person have to be actively physically involved with both sexes to be considered bisexual?

In other words: can a woman identify as being bisexual if she is attracted to other women but has never been with one nor wants to be? And what IF she wants to be but for some reason, can't (maybe partners are hard to find for example)?

If a man has ONE homosexual encounter but doesn't want to have another one, is he considered bi?

I know, its what each one of us feels inside, but I am curious as to what others think because threads have been posted about forced bi and many profiles say "bisexual". Can one be forced, seriously? Does saying you are bi, make you so?

Honestly, I don't spend a lot of time thinking about others' sexuality. I take them at face value.

However for myself...I am somewhat attracted to females or maybe it's just that I really admire beauty. I would like to kiss a girl and maybe feel her up a little bit. However, I don't consider myself bisexual for several reasons. I wouldn't have oral sex with a woman. I wouldn't want a relationship with a woman. I probably wouldn't want to be with a man or woman searching out bisexual females either.

I think that determining your sexual orientation is more about getting to know yourself and personal growth. One of those things that are more about the journey than the destination. I think society tries to force us into working out something that we can list with checkboxes and human sexuality is far too complex for that.

_____________________________

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--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to MistressAinCT)

Post #: 9

RE: Bi or straight? - 2/7/2009 9:01:09 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Acts do not equal orientation.

Yes, a person can know their sexual orientation without actually having sex. Heterosexuals tend to not have much problem figuring out who they want to lose their virginity with.

You can be forced to perform acts which would appear bisexual, but that's irrelevant to your inner desires. As well, just because someone IS bisexual doesn't mean they want to have sex with everyone.

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RE: Bi or straight? - 2/7/2009 9:48:28 AM

MistressAinCT

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So here is another observation:

I have only heard about forced bi when it came to male/male. Most males are very homophobic (stating the obvious here) so the "forced" issue is well, "forced".

Now here is the question: Has anyone ever experienced female forced bi? Are women more likely to NOT resist than a man? Is there such a thing?

I think female/female is more accepted or expected (not sure either of those terms are correct) so there is no need to "force" or meet with any kind of non-compliance. Maybe its a porn thing-I don't know. Women tend to be more proud to be bisexual and more open than a man would be. This is just My opinion, but I have nver heard of forced female bi.

Anyone?

_____________________________

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So many toys-so little flesh...

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Post #: 11

RE: Bi or straight? - 2/7/2009 10:22:09 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressAinCT
Now here is the question: Has anyone ever experienced female forced bi? Are women more likely to NOT resist than a man? Is there such a thing?

Of course there is. I've been ordered to have sex with lots of people- you can be forced to have heterosexual sex too you know. Again, just because a person is oriented to have sex with that biological sex does not mean they want to have sex at that time with that person.

Female subs tend to want to perform more and it's more acceptable for them to pretend to be bisexual, so it's not as much of an issue.

But trust me, it's still force- just with a bit more sugar and honey and lace covering it up.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MistressAinCT)

Post #: 12

RE: Bi or straight? - 2/7/2009 10:42:44 AM

littlewonder

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Yes I've been ordered to be with another woman but I am not attracted to females whatsoever. They don't turn me on and I didn't enjoy the acts at all.

Because I had sex with a female doesn't make me bi. It just means I was forced to do the act.

You can be bi, straight, homosexual or whatever and never have sex. You can have sex with whoever and still not be that orientation.

It's what you feel you are and who you are attracted to.

I'm only attracted to men and only one at a time so it makes me a monogamous heterosexual. I knew that before I even lost my virginity and that's what I will always be.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 13

RE: Bi or straight? - 2/7/2009 12:07:37 PM

humbledude64

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From: Palm Beach Gardens, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: VeryNastyDom

This lifestyle has many labels to describe a range of human activities, and thus simple words are doomed to failure just as if you asked what color is a rainbow.

I thought the color of a rainbow was skittles? Oh, maybe that's the taste of a rainbow.

I would say the rest of what VeryNastyDom had to say hits the nail right on the proverbial head.

Otherwise, I will just say that I had a fantasy about purchasing sex from a male prostitute and then, in guilt ridden angst, cutting off my penis afterward. Does that make me a buy-bi-bye sexual??? (I guess that would actually make me tri-bi curious.)
What if I wanted to have sex with a stewardess while I was disembarking from a plane? I do like those uniforms. Does that make me a buh-bye sexual? Fans of SNL will get that one.

I'm just having fun. Sorry. Just goes to show you that labels can be taken way too far.

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RE: Bi or straight? - 2/7/2009 12:11:42 PM

sweetnurseBBW

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I don't pretend to define what it means for others, I can only define what it means to me. For me it is a desire for both sexes that may or may not include sex.

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RE: Bi or straight? - 2/7/2009 12:30:11 PM

CallaFirestormBW

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For me, when I'm working with people providing pastoral care, I consider their sexuality to be according to their -preferences-... for example, if a person finds both men and women sexually attractive, regardless of whether xhe acts on that or not, then xhe is bi-sexual. Xhe doesn't even have to have an equivalent level of preference for one or the other. My own female companion generally prefers males, and is most sexually attracted to males, but she has the -occasional- interest in females... maybe 3 or 4 in her entire life, but it's still there, so she's still bi.

I, on the other hand, couldn't care less about what gender a person is. I'm about equally attracted (or repelled) by males and females. I'm also bi, but I'm not bi in the same sense as my companion is. I am also celibate for long periods of time, and sex has a very minimal role in my life... but whether I'm having sex with someone doesn't change the nature of my bisexuality.

In the same way, if a person has a sexual encounter with a person of the same gender, but is completely repelled by the experience, and has no interest in people of that gender, then that person is het. For a person or persons in authority to that individual to insist on further compelling that person to experience more same-sex encounters when xhe is clearly not attracted and is repelled by the experience, is, at least to me, tantamount to raping that person.

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RE: Bi or straight? - 2/7/2009 12:59:40 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressAinCT

I'm not sure this is the forum for this because its not necessarily a BDSM question, but one of sexuality.

What constitutes someone who identifies as "bisexual"? If a person is attracted to both sexes WITHOUT sexual contact, is that bisexual? Does a person have to be actively physically involved with both sexes to be considered bisexual?

In other words: can a woman identify as being bisexual if she is attracted to other women but has never been with one nor wants to be? And what IF she wants to be but for some reason, can't (maybe partners are hard to find for example)?

If a man has ONE homosexual encounter but doesn't want to have another one, is he considered bi?

I know, its what each one of us feels inside, but I am curious as to what others think because threads have been posted about forced bi and many profiles say "bisexual". Can one be forced, seriously? Does saying you are bi, make you so?

I remember long ago on CM , having a debate about the fact that a friend of mine had had male/male sex but was straight. Someone said that he MUST be *bi* simply because he'd *had a go*or been *open to it*. Which I think is a lot of rot, frankly.

I'm curious about what it might feel like to touch or lick someone else's vagina but , to date, I'm sexually attracted to men.

I certainly could be *forced* to commit bi-sexual acts.

I wouldn't rule out finding a female sexually attractive JUST because I haven't to date.

agirl

(in reply to MistressAinCT)

Post #: 17

RE: Bi or straight? - 2/7/2009 1:21:50 PM

VeryNastyDom

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quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin
So when you were starting out your sexual life, were you straight-curious?

Yep, and I remain curiuos anytime a woman walks by.

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 18

RE: Bi or straight? - 2/7/2009 2:28:59 PM

aravain

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I look at it this way:

I identified as homosexual for the first 18 years of my life (well, not counting those that you don't really think :P), despite not having any 'intimate' or sexual contact with men, though I DID have contact with women. When I finally had sexual contact with a man it affirmed it for me.

I mean, *anyone* CAN have sex with anyone. I would think that identifying as hetero, bi, or homosexual means what sex you ENJOY having sexual contact with... in addition to a few other indicators.

Sexual contact with a woman isn't *out of the question* for me, I guess is the sticking point. I won't enjoy it for the sex (actually, I find it kinda icky) but there are women I've been attracted to before (they tend to either have very boyish qualities or a strangeness that transcends sex and/or gender for me) who trigger my 'must please' sense. However, I would never *ever* pursue a relationship with a woman. I'm only interested in a relationship with a man.

Hence why I identify as homosexual (and have only had sexual contact with men since I was... gosh, 11 or 12, which I guess was kinda young).

Of course, I've been told that my gay card has been revoked when other gay men hear about *any* contact with women that I've had.

Maybe my view is silly?

(in reply to MistressAinCT)

Post #: 19

RE: Bi or straight? - 2/7/2009 3:42:04 PM

SurrenderForMe

Posts: 229
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

What constitutes someone who identifies as "bisexual"? If a person is attracted to both sexes WITHOUT sexual contact, is that bisexual? Does a person have to be actively physically involved with both sexes to be considered bisexual?

In other words: can a woman identify as being bisexual if she is attracted to other women but has never been with one nor wants to be? And what IF she wants to be but for some reason, can't (maybe partners are hard to find for example)?

If a man has ONE homosexual encounter but doesn't want to have another one, is he considered bi?

I know, its what each one of us feels inside, but I am curious as to what others think because threads have been posted about forced bi and many profiles say "bisexual". Can one be forced, seriously? Does saying you are bi, make you so?

Quick answer is, anyone can call themselves anything they want. From my perspective, I would say that someone is bi if they are attracted to the same and opposite sex. They never have to act on it.

My take on forced bi is forcing someone to interact with the same sex, and they are not interested. Ergo the forced part. What I've seen and read about other peoples take is generally the same expressed sentiment, but is usually not the same in reality. Lots of forced bi of people who are reluctant to admit they like it, want to pretend they don't and even dive right in and openly enjoy it. But they still call it forced. People are weird.

(in reply to MistressAinCT)

Post #: 20

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