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RE: I want you, but want to change you - 2/8/2009 5:20:12 AM   
sparkyRBF


Posts: 157
Joined: 2/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite


I only smoke if I'm on fire, so it is irrelevant to me, but I do agree it would be an improvement for most people. I'm a size 5/6 Petite, my BMI and body fat are in the normal range, and I like my current figure. However, I've had people tell me they wanted me to weigh under 100 lbs. (I would be in the hospital with a feeding tube down my nose and an IV in my arm) or over 170 lbs. (I'm very active, and being sedentary enough to gain anything like that much would drastically interfere with my interests, and I don't think it's physically possible for me to gain that much weight unless I had doctor-ordered steroids or something else that completely messed up my metabolism). I told them I wasn't interested in them no matter how much I weighed, and to find someone who already fit their ideal.


I guess the difference with Master monitoring my diet is that we have the same goal in mind,  my health.   I'm just following his path to get there.   I know Master wouldn't ask something like the above because he has my best interest at heart.  And frankly,  I have always felt if i feel good about myself, i have more to give to Master.  So it's a win win. 

A Master who would ask a sub to change into a negative just to please him would not be the right one for me.

What i was trying to say before in my prebedtimealreadytakenmymeds post was:  Say you meet someone on here, you both love fishing, you both love gardening, you both love long walks on the beach, you both love pinot griogio, you both want to own a clothing store business, you both want to retire in the bahamas, you love his hair, his eyes, he loves your hair and eyes, but he is allergic to cigarrette smoke.  If before you got to know how compatible you were with him, he told you, you would have to quit smoking (yes, i read you don't smoke, just showing an example here) would you give up that chance for happiness because you felt he was trying to change you? 

We are all human... Doms included, and we all have good traits and bad traits, but what has to be figured out is the "good" good enough to tolerate the bad?


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sparkyRBF
Happily owned slave
of
RedBotttomFarms

(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: I want you, but want to change you - 2/8/2009 5:34:17 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

And i still say ive never managed to change a man to extent he puts loo seat down.


Mine sit, end of story

Become a Domina, one good slam on the winkie creates the never ending "memory"--works everytime.
 


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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: I want you, but want to change you - 2/8/2009 5:36:52 AM   
sparkyRBF


Posts: 157
Joined: 2/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

thought process:
 
< ok her pic looks good, I'm sure she has big boobs and a decent ass, so if I can get her to think I rock, I can change those silly ways of hers and make her devoted to me and 'herman"--after all that's all women really need---a food f*^%k on occasion--yeah I can do that--wow those lips would feel really nice around 'old herman'. She's just filled with those silly notions because she hasn't met a real man.>
 
the prosecution rests.
 



who's herman?   I had a hamster named herman but DeCat ate him 


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sparkyRBF
Happily owned slave
of
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Profile   Post #: 43
RE: I want you, but want to change you - 2/8/2009 5:48:07 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		To me, and this is based on the slavery i am familiar with, when a Man inspects a woman to see if she has the potential to be his slave, that is exactly what he is calculating -- her potential.  This to me indicates that yes he will change her or work on changing her to meet his expectations and standards that her potential indicated to him she has.  I would find it odd if someone went into being a slave to a Man and not expected to change and be mallable to such change because as a slave she is there for his pleasure which means he will take the potential he saw and expand it until it is what gives him ultimate pleasure.  If the concept of having potential versus being the perfect being for him right off offends you then obviously this type of Man is not someone you will be a good slave to and he won't be a good Master for you.

Many women would balk at this and i am sure they find men who are happy with the off the rack slave --- meaning she is made as she is and he takes her or leaves her -- what he gets is what he see and yes he may be able to assessorize or roll up the sleeves to modify the look but the rest is stuck as is; and there are some men who seek to finger the material and look for certain things in the material that will allow him to make what he wishes from that material.  Neither way is wrong and neither way is right, it simply means if you are an off the rack woman who is more focused on being who you alone have made yourself, then you will be better off with a Man who is seeking an off the rack woman.  If you are a woman who is crated in preservatives and are material for a Man to create from despite what you may already believe you are, then you are better off with a Man who has the itch to mold and create and alter to find that which he enjoys. 

I always wonder why people get so indignant when they encounter the latter instead of the former.  Neither is correct or incorrect, its simply what people enjoy or don't enjoy.  You either are ready made to disassemble and rebuild would ruin the whole of what you are or you are mallable material that depending on the owner you are capable of being dissessembled and recreated to his specifics. 

angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 2/8/2009 5:50:52 AM >

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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: I want you, but want to change you - 2/8/2009 6:00:52 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Barelyangel, some things aren't changeable. Like a person's height, so how can someone demand a sub grows 4"? Or sexual orientation. I'm straight, not bi, not lesbian. It doesn't matter how much someone demanded I love having sex with other women, it still isn't going to happen.

Oh and demanding I adopt six cats wouldn't work either, unless he has a miracle cure for allergies.

And reading a profile and writing the person to say they are perfect except for x, y and z is just as rude as it would be for you to go up to an obese person and demand they lose weight so you don't have to look at them as is. And it's that kind of demands from strangers that the op was complaining about.



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RE: I want you, but want to change you - 2/8/2009 6:14:28 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		DesFIP, then common sense would be that the POTENTIAL for those things to change obviously aren't there and if that is the potential they want then they look elsewhere for such potential meaning they find the height they want. Grins last i checked heels go all the way to 6 inches or more.  But maybe its not about her changing that part of her but instead her reaction to said comments. Some women will get offended and huffy and that's that, others may use their imagination and come back wth a sassy comment or some off the wall response that continues the communication and the get to know you phase because he enjoyed her humor.

Sure you can nitpick this to death but don't play it with me - not interested and its really plain silly.  If you can't figure out the word potential and how it applies then obviously you are the type of off the rack person a Man needs to be content with what he gets.  There are some Men who enjoy women they can make specific to their specifications and there are Men who don't want to do the work.  You have been around long enough to understand that there are vastly different people in this world and because of same it means approaches to people are different.   Sorry not all people are going to do things as YOU like or want them too, so you have a choice, understand someone approaching you in this manner isn't probably doing so to offend, or block them and not let it irritate you because they didn't read your user manual for approaching you.

I don't think its rude at all to message a person saying pretty much you are perfect except for x, y, or z, instead of taking it negatively i would see it as they see potential in me to become what they want completely.  I would probably then delve a little deeper to see the whys behind their statement.  I think its all based on how you take things and if you get your knickers in a twist because a Man interested in your profile honestly explains based on your profile he likes what he sees except for x, y, or z, then maybe that is what he needs to find out to garner your potential to his style of mastery and enslavement.

TO YOU, its rude, to me it simply the right of a Man inspecting women to become his slave.  If i don't like how he comes across then i simply tell him not interested.  I however am a woman who understands potential and enjoy Men who like to create.  You obviously don't.  So you get irritated lol your let it effect you negatively and you feel offended.  I don't put that much effort in people i don't know.  And if someone on the street came up to me telling me i had to change something because they don't like looking at it, i would probably laugh and say yeah i'll get right on that. 

angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 2/8/2009 6:19:27 AM >

_____________________________


What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson


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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: I want you, but want to change you - 2/8/2009 6:51:40 AM   
SassySarijane


Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline 		It's going to depend on what they want to change about me first and foremost. Will I make some adjustments and compromises on certain things? Yes, I will. I will not become someone else (losing myself) in order to please a partner however.

If it's as previously stated "Oh, you're perfect for me now you will be bi and love it (when you are not at all), you will T, U, V, W,  and no longer do or like X, Y, Z (insert ridiculous changes totally opposite of who you are and what is good for you), then no way in hell is any kind of relationship going to work.

If I'm not acceptable for myself without major altering changes then we do not match and we are not getting involved.

I am going to naturally adjust and compromise in any relationship (without losing who I am and becoming a different person) in order to facilitate happiness, fulfillment and show love and take care of my SO/dom. I tend to tone down some habits that aren't pleasing or work on breaking them in the interests of my partner's happiness, but to change drastically or completely (such as breast implants, mutiple piercings, etc.) outside, as well as inside (sexual orientation, opinions, views, morals, etc.) just so the partner gets what he/she wants while you lose who and what you are in order to do it is in my view and opinion very stupid and destined to fail.

Taking the time to find someone who actually DOES match works much better for all involved. I'm not saying everyone is going to find a perfect match. I don't believe there is a perfect match, but there are very good matches requiring little compromise or adjustment to work. I expect to adjust and compromise and have done so for every relationship I've been in, in some waaaaaay too much, losing who I am. I will not however, totally change in order to be acceptable and good enough for someone else. If I have to be totally opposite of who and what I am for someone to love me then I do not want that person's love. It's not real and honest love, it's not love at all to me.

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Sarah2
Deviant Mind
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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: I want you, but want to change you - 2/8/2009 7:04:54 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		FR
I believe that a dominant who seeks radical change is going to view submissives - slaves as fungible and pretty much anyone will do. You might as well go buy an erector set then go ahead and build it to your specifications. Humans, generally, come pre-assembled though. It will not matter so much what likes, dislikes, limits etc are in place because everything will, eventually, be set aside, in order to create the stepford submissive. What I have noticed is that the molding, the creating, the process is where it´s at for that type of dominant and once the job is complete, then the time has come to move on to the next project which often means that the newly altered submissive-slave is left in a corner like last years Christmas toy.  Personally, I think it behooves people to have a fairly clear idea of what they seek in a partner then a dominant can tweak, shave down corners, add some glue here and there and other minor alterations to get to the person stepping in the right direction along the dominants chosen path.  I sort of have the opposite view of barelyangel in that a submissive or slave who is that changeable is the one who is off the rack while the one who is already fairly well established and just needs a bit of tailoring will be found in the upscale end of the department store. Gotta love Slaves R Us. ::chuckles:: If you want a silk dress, start with a silk worm, not a sow`s ear. On the flip side, someone seeking that sort of radical change will also do with any old Dom, Dick or Hairy who comes along .. standards not required and all that because you are so willing to be radically altered it just doesn´t matter much who does the altering.

MMV and probably will

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: I want you, but want to change you - 2/8/2009 7:06:36 AM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		Women constantly want to change me. Oh, they say they want me just as I am, and then they get me and suddenly have a couple of things that could be just a tad bit better.

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(in reply to frazzle121)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: I want you, but want to change you - 2/8/2009 7:14:28 AM   
SassySarijane


Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline
quote:

a submissive or slave who is that changeable is the one who is off the rack while the one who is already fairly well established and just needs a bit of tailoring will be found in the upscale end of the department store.


I see it that way as well, Bita. If a submissive or slave is too changeable then anyone will likely do for them as a dom or master. I want someone who fits me as I am overall, who wants me as I am. The adjustments and compromises will come, but won't need to be real drastic or total because I will be accepted and loved for who I am.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
LPTnB

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
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RE: I want you, but want to change you - 2/8/2009 7:25:52 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle121

I wasnt talking the introduce to new experiences. I got a message today from someone who said,   hey you are perfect.

Sounds good.  Then i got the lose weight, quit smoking, and god knows what else.   I stopped reading and said we are not compatable.


With regards to the changes you mentioned above, well i'm all for them. Smoking kills, i smoke myself but have quit for a D before now. Being obese can kill, being overweight can damage your health. Surely changes which improve our health can only be a good thing.
Having said that if you are not prepared to make those changes then don't.
 
For some modification of various kinds is a fetish, all good in my book if thats what you are into.

_____________________________

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If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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Profile   Post #: 51
RE: I want you, but want to change you - 2/8/2009 7:32:57 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		hey bita lol Neiman's or Walmart, when you take something off the rack ready made -- its off the rack ready made lol.  The rest is just geography.   grant it, Neiman's has a lot more caliber of ready made's but then it comes down to how much the Man is willing to spend.  The same is for potential -- he can buy cheap material or dish out for the raw silk. 

Occassionally, a Man comes across gold that he didn't realize it for what it was no matter if its ready made or not that he got on sale or in the cheap stop.

Edited to add -- ALL in ALL, most PEOPLE assess people they are interested in for the potential that person has to become what they want -- the individual decides whether the value of the finished product will be worth the cost of gaining same.  As well as the degree of change in a person depends on the individual relationship -- some men want to make very little some men may want to make drastic but all in all the potential they assess at the inspection is what determines how it will play out.

angel







< Message edited by barelynangel -- 2/8/2009 8:08:55 AM >

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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson


(in reply to SassySarijane)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: I want you, but want to change you - 2/8/2009 7:40:52 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline
quote:

If a submissive or slave is too changeable then anyone will likely do for them as a dom or master


Actually this is not what i am indicating at all and it seems people are turning this around to be from a slave's perspective of the MAN not the man's perspective of the woman and HER POTENTIAL. It seems people aren't understanding what being assessed for potential means but they are acting as if they see it as a generic woman that will do for any man.   I am sorry but you don't seem to understand the concept of potential here and seem to think its a concept of taking anything because anything will do because its changable.  No lol that is not potential assessing.  Perhaps people need to focus on the word potential instead of attempting to say someone capable of being changed is simply generic -- THAT is not potential assessing. 

Yes some Men will take anything and many Men will see the potential to reach and maintain their expectations and standards -- THAT is very specific and very non generic.  And it also means not just any woman will do.

From a slave's perspective -- being a mallable slave for a man who is capable of achieving such -- changeable slaves are usually MORE discriminating of the Men who would own them than not.  This is because they know that not just any man will be capable of fulfilling their needs of mastery and enslavement and will that will be needed to change them to satisify his needs.  Its work and most Men don't want the work and her value to them needs to be assessed as to the cost it will be to the Man to achieve what they wish. 

I am at a loss why people think malleable means generic or ordinary, or that seeking potential means he will take anything and everything.  When you look at a piece of material do you just take anything you put your hands on because it can be made to look like what you want, or do you find the one that has the most potential to be what you want it to be?


angel


< Message edited by barelynangel -- 2/8/2009 7:50:36 AM >

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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson


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RE: I want you, but want to change you - 2/8/2009 7:45:33 AM   
MissSepphora1


Posts: 669
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline 		Are hard limits hard limits or just suggestions?
If a sub says hard limit I will not have sex with a man, I respect that.  End of story.
Or should I just look at a hard limit as another opportunity to get my way and I win if I get him to change it?

(in reply to barelynangel)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: I want you, but want to change you - 2/8/2009 7:47:29 AM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline
quote:

I think its all based on how you take things and if you get your knickers in a twist because a Man interested in your profile honestly explains based on your profile he likes what he sees except for x, y, or z, then maybe that is what he needs to find out to garner your potential to his style of mastery and enslavement.


If they start off by saying that like saying they like all but x, y and z is one thing.. but don't waste months saying the person is perfect and then say I want to change you.... or ask for changes that would be harmful  such as indulging in alcohol, drugs if you can't have for medical reasons or telling the sub they want them to stop taking prescription meds prescribed by a doctor when he has no medical degree,,, or changing the core of who they are.... eg sub to part time domme or introvert to extrovert.


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RE: I want you, but want to change you - 2/8/2009 8:58:06 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

I am at a loss why people think malleable means generic or ordinary, or that seeking potential means he will take anything and everything.  When you look at a piece of material do you just take anything you put your hands on because it can be made to look like what you want, or do you find the one that has the most potential to be what you want it to be?


angel



::snipped for brevity::

I get what you are saying and what I am saying is that no matter what sort of potential you think that a polyester blend has, no matter what sort of bias you cut the fabric on or what design you eventually turn it into, it will still be a polyester blend, not 400 thread count egyptian cotton. You cannot change the raw material. If, however, you start out with 400 thread count egyptian cotton, you can still tweak the fabric, change it into whatever shape you want or cut the bias however it suits you.  We are not that far off here, I don´t believe. We just come at it from differing perspectives. For me, off the rack means that you are just like everything else that is on that rack and my brain does not wrap around individuality and subject to tweaking rather than radical change equating very well with off the rack. It is rather the same arguement argument just on the flip side. I think off the rack and the word fungible comes to mind. That is just the way my brain works. Fungible and individual are pretty much polar opposites. I am also not understanding how one can see potential but then tear down the vessel that holds that potential to turn it into something entirely different. That is why I spoke of radial change rather than tweaking or honing all that is already there. Why enforce radical change rather than tweak or hone when it is the person as they are that had the bright spot of potential already in sight?

Ugh .. I am having issues using this European keyboard. It is going to take me a few days to find out how to use all the function keys. I am sure there is great potential here, but after using American Qwerty for 35 years, it is a radical change to try to use this contraption. lol

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to barelynangel)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: I want you, but want to change you - 2/8/2009 10:30:05 AM   
Jeptha


Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle121 ...And i still say ive never managed to change a man to extent he puts loo seat down.
Really?
If you can't find a guy who can handle that, as well as some of the other things posters have posted about, I have to wonder; what makes you select these people?
It really is a little baffling.

(in reply to frazzle121)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: I want you, but want to change you - 2/8/2009 12:32:47 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		FR...........

I'm WELL up for being *changed* for my benefit.  That's why I dared to throw my poor little self at M.

Now here is a man that liked loads of things about me and quietly nipped and tucked the things that didn't suit him or me. Now, I may not have known at the time which bits he was going to nibble at but he's a dab hand at stealth.....lol

The hidden part of *change* often is the amount of  consistant effort it takes when it's been undertaken.

The majority of people want to be accepted for what they fundamentally are. I've changed all sorts of things , in all sorts of ways and am still the same me....with some nifty bits.

agirl





(in reply to Jeptha)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: I want you, but want to change you - 2/8/2009 12:57:27 PM   
Serenelysmiles


Posts: 46
Joined: 11/7/2008
Status: offline 		I think that, inherently, people need to choose their partners, whether they be Dominant,  or submissive based upon whom they are now.  One person cannot change another person forcibly.  If a Dominant wants to change you completely, and they are changes that you do not want, then that person isn't looking for you.  They are looking for some fantasmagorical ideal, and are expecting you to bend yourself to fit into some preconceived mold they have of their perfect submissive, or slave.  However, if you have a real desire to change, ie lose weight, quit smoking (Chantix is great, by the way, if you can get past the first two weeks of nausea), and a Dominant sees this as potential, is supportive, and capitalizes on your desire that can be a healthy and desirable change.  One of the things that makes me adore my Master completely, He loves me not only for whom I am, but who I have the potential to become.  In turn, that makes me work harder to recreate myself in ways that will be pleasing to Him, and that, again in turn, nurtures my own personal growth.  This is my opinion, at any rate.  

_____________________________

Peace, love and light.

Namaste',

serene

"Though art to me a delicious torment." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson~

"Wit is well-bred insolence."~Aristotle~

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: I want you, but want to change you - 2/8/2009 2:40:11 PM   
sblady


Posts: 433
Joined: 9/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Serenelysmiles

I think that, inherently, people need to choose their partners, whether they be Dominant,  or submissive based upon whom they are now.  One person cannot change another person forcibly.  If a Dominant wants to change you completely, and they are changes that you do not want, then that person isn't looking for you.  They are looking for some fantasmagorical ideal, and are expecting you to bend yourself to fit into some preconceived mold they have of their perfect submissive, or slave.  However, if you have a real desire to change, ie lose weight, quit smoking (Chantix is great, by the way, if you can get past the first two weeks of nausea), and a Dominant sees this as potential, is supportive, and capitalizes on your desire that can be a healthy and desirable change.  One of the things that makes me adore my Master completely, He loves me not only for whom I am, but who I have the potential to become.  In turn, that makes me work harder to recreate myself in ways that will be pleasing to Him, and that, again in turn, nurtures my own personal growth.  This is my opinion, at any rate.  


 I agree 100%. 

To the Doms expecting submissives to change from A-Z before getting to know them as a person or allowing them to adjust to a new relationship, their loss. 

I think of the Doms I've met online and in real life who wanted to change XYZ or tamper with things that were hard limits.  As a person who was just exploring her submissive side and D/s relationships, it was a bit overwhelming to be told I'd essentially have to change numerous things, some of which are not possible.  For instance, the high heel thing...love em, but having severe nerve damage, would said "Dom" pay my medical expenses and my bills as I'd likely break my neck and lose my job?  Nope, didn't think so.

There were limits I never thought I'd tamper with, however, my Sir's acceptance of "me" inspired me to do things I'd never done nor considered doing.  As Serenelysmiles stated, I worked to change things about myself to please Him and it's been a rewarding experience for both of us.




< Message edited by sblady -- 2/8/2009 2:42:04 PM >

_____________________________

Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values. Dalai Lama





(in reply to Serenelysmiles)
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