RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks (Full Version)

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crouchingtigress -> RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks (2/8/2009 9:51:43 AM)

No, I am not at all interested in the least about deception or that particular taboo.

My interest in this and in all bdsm outreach I do in my leather family, is the idea that no one person ever feel ashamed or weird or wrong for having kinky desires. To channel those desires in healthy ways, and create languaging to be able to communicate everything in thier heart effectivly so that both or all parties get thier needs met.

That is not to say i am not interested in taboo at all, no I have plenty of things I adore I cant even mention in mixed company.

I dont think a boy living with his parent qualifies though, it does not make me hot even a little....(not there there is anything wrong if that is someones elses kink) What makes me hot is the idea of personal growth and soul exploration and intrucing him to things that make my life more managable, like leather family, leather code, samurai code, responsibility, self awareness, contribution, integrity, ect....woof.



crouchingtigress -> RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks (2/8/2009 9:52:55 AM)

yum.[:)]



Jeptha -> RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks (2/8/2009 11:25:00 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

Yeah I hear you, I am also thinking about the work involved and emotional investment....what are your thoughts on how to keep him from getting too emotionally attached?
Be very direct and honest with him about your intentions.
(I don't know you, but from what you've written here it sounds like you would have no problem with that.)
This is one of those cases where you have to tell them what you are going to do, tell them what you are doing, and then tell them what you just did.
You have to spell out the terms of the relationship every step of the way.

I agree that the problem is mostly the potential snag with the parents.

I wouldn't want to penalize him for still living at home. It makes some sense these days.

And I understand your desire for privacy (...and not meeting the parents.)

Maybe have a long talk with him about your feelings around that and see what kind of relationship he has with his parents: do they respect his privacy? Does he respect the fact that he still lives in their house (ie; respects their rules, etc.)?

If he seems sufficiently mature and independent despite the fact that he's still at home, I'd say go for it.




domiguy -> RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks (2/8/2009 11:39:02 AM)

Fine line....(Welcome back...just returned to the friendly shores of CM, myself.)  Anywhoooo, tis' a very fine line you tread.  The hawtness factor has to be overshadowed in some sense by youth being wasted on the young.  They are so cute and so fucking dumb.  Outside of kink where exactly lies the commonality?

That being said, if the tables were turned and I had some eighteen year old beaver propped up and menacingly staring me square in the face, I would hate to think what would transpire.

My hypocrisy knows no bounds. 

I only pray that I languish  a bit 'fore my final demise so that I may convince those in charge that I have accepted Jesus Christ as my personal saviour...Just in case. I am that type of hypocrite.

Do what works for all concerned.  Especially for you.



Jeptha -> RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks (2/8/2009 11:53:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

I only pray that I languish a bit 'fore my final demise so that I may convince those in charge that I have accepted Jesus Christ as my personal saviour...Just in case. I am that type of hypocrite.
At least you are considering all possible outcomes. That's good!
quote:

...Outside of kink where exactly lies the commonality?

That's a good question to consider, as well.



LaTigresse -> RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks (2/8/2009 12:06:08 PM)

quote:


My interest in this and in all bdsm outreach I do in my leather family, is the idea that no one person ever feel ashamed or weird or wrong for having


So who to better teacher him!

If he really is 19 I wouldn't worry about him lying to his parents. I can just as easily imagine him saying "I am going to hang out with friends" on his way out the door as have a need to manufacture some elaborate lie. Lots of 19yo's still live with their parents and not many of them have to account for every moment away from home. Even the occasional overnighter shouldn't be an issue. Unless he has really meddling parents.

As far as commonality.......again, not something I would be concerned with. You are not looking to marry the guy, just spend time with him and teach him.



crouchingtigress -> RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks (2/8/2009 12:54:14 PM)

Great advice Jeptha, i like the idea of telling and retelling and then telling again where the boundaries are....

And you make a good point about penalising him for living at home when so many folks are doing that nowadays....so yes a good long talk about how much he shares with his folks is on the horizon....



crouchingtigress -> RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks (2/8/2009 12:59:27 PM)

Welcome back you sexy double whipped mocha frappuccino with two shots of espresso!

Yes I am going to cop to it...the hawtness is pretty hawt....those sweet doe eyes just melted me...putting the roof on my dungeon today with the other boys will give me a good measure of how he plays with others....and that will go a long way to gauging his emotional maturity.




crouchingtigress -> RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks (2/8/2009 1:00:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse


As far as commonality.......again, not something I would be concerned with. You are not looking to marry the guy, just spend time with him and teach him.


purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrfectly worded ....thanks!



SimplyMichael -> RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks (2/8/2009 1:02:27 PM)

Tigress,

Having had the intense pleasure of both your company and looking into those eyes as you shared your wisdom with me at SWL, I think any 19 year old would look back on his time with you as a rare blessing and a gift of incalculable value.



SwimGoldfishSwim -> RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks (2/8/2009 1:14:19 PM)

i'm a 19 year old and i have a teacher who is much older than i am and i am very glad that i have the possibility of having someone who is experienced to help me out with this and teach me in ways my first dom was incapable of providing. Though yes my age group has a tendency of making bad decisions at the time why not help him make good ones? Give him the experience he will use and need in the future to make better decisions and find a better way to express himself?

As far as emotional attachment just be very upfront about what you two are. The parents may provide as an issue if they are overbearing but i think that if you two are compatible then why ruin a fun time that both of you would enjoy and grow from.






NCNutCase -> RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks (2/8/2009 1:27:47 PM)

My thoughts...

If he is as sincere as you believe him to be, he is giong to find experiences... You come across as a well educated, sincere caring person and that is the kind of person that could give him the best introduction/early experiences...

Open, honest communication is the key to any relationship... Be open about your concerens and if you chose to step forward let him know you are doing so with concern and will not tolerate drama from any 'mistakes' he makes in this regard (assuming that is how you feel).

As for the parents, my thought is at first I would not dictate to him how to deal with his family. He has spent 19 years learning how to handle them and although he may not make 'the best' choice, he will make the choice that works for his current relatinoship with them... The one place I think you could make requirements in that is to protect yourself from potential drama.

At 19 it is very likely that his parents do not keep close tabs on where he is going and who he is hanging out with. Naturally this could be wrong, but the open, honest communication that would preceed the relationship would give you the needed information to evaluate that.


I believe there is nothing wrong with getting to know the boy better and then deciding if you wouild like to move things forward beyond a simple friendship. A couple more lunches, asking him to to journal or otherwise write on topics to help you make a more well informed decision sounds like the right step forward to me. I can definately appreciate your concern about the parents, but until more is learned I wouldn't cut him off over it.



crouchingtigress -> RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks (2/8/2009 2:14:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Tigress,

Having had the intense pleasure of both your company and looking into those eyes as you shared your wisdom with me at SWL, I think any 19 year old would look back on his time with you as a rare blessing and a gift of incalculable value.


That was so fun seeing you and Elegant and Archer and Fire and Dominasmartass, what a great con that was. Looking into your eyes was one of my highlights too. I hope things are going great as you go foward with the ideas we shared....endless possibilitys!!! And I hope to see you at SW next year too.

It is good advice and I appreciate your insight this thread has helped me feel better.




DominaSmartass -> RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks (2/8/2009 2:30:18 PM)

Note: I don't assume all new people are young or all young people are new, hence my use of "new/young" to mean either, or both.

Speaking both from starting out at age 20 and now, 5 years later, after several attempts at relationship with new/young submissives, I would say to proceed with caution. There are circumstances I know of where extremely young and new people have ended up making great submissives/slaves, but they are the minority. Most of the young/new people have no idea what they want even if they think they do, say they do, and they can convince you they do because they really believe it themselves. In my experience, what a 19 year old wants or who they think they are, changes month to month. There are exceptions though, and if you've found one then lucky you! :)

So mostly my advice is to take things slowly and don't get too attached too quickly cause he could go poof in the blink of an eye.

But I wish you the bust of luck!

ETA: It was so great to meet you too, CT...I wish I'd know Michael was there, that would have been cool. Michael, I was one of the 5 people in charge of running the stage show so you might have seen me running around frantically the whole weekend.



ExSteelAgain -> RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks (2/8/2009 2:32:40 PM)

Hey CT…welcome back, you smart and beautiful lady. I commented on another thread concerning age that intelligence and personality will eventually win out, but I’ll be honest here and offer the word of caution. At nineteen, you can’t even legally drink. It is not about D/s. Frankly, I wouldn’t contract/partner with a nineteen year old for most anything. Don't think it is any different because it is about D/s.



crouchingtigress -> RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks (2/8/2009 2:42:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SwimGoldfishSwim

i'm a 19 year old and i have a teacher who is much older than i am and i am very glad that i have the possibility of having someone who is experienced to help me out with this and teach me in ways my first dom was incapable of providing. Though yes my age group has a tendency of making bad decisions at the time why not help him make good ones? Give him the experience he will use and need in the future to make better decisions and find a better way to express himself?

As far as emotional attachment just be very upfront about what you two are. The parents may provide as an issue if they are overbearing but i think that if you two are compatible then why ruin a fun time that both of you would enjoy and grow from.



Wow thank you for your perspective! You are intelligent and thoughtful. Seems the TNGs that I meet are just awesome theese days.



crouchingtigress -> RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks (2/8/2009 2:49:04 PM)

quote:

He has spent 19 years learning how to handle them and although he may not make 'the best' choice, he will make the choice that works for his current relatinoship with them... The one place I think you could make requirements in that is to protect yourself from potential drama.


Thank you you post was very helpful...and the above quoted part.. was a gem!



crouchingtigress -> RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks (2/8/2009 2:53:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass

Note: I don't assume all new people are young or all young people are new, hence my use of "new/young" to mean either, or both.

Speaking both from starting out at age 20 and now, 5 years later, after several attempts at relationship with new/young submissives, I would say to proceed with caution. There are circumstances I know of where extremely young and new people have ended up making great submissives/slaves, but they are the minority. Most of the young/new people have no idea what they want even if they think they do, say they do, and they can convince you they do because they really believe it themselves. In my experience, what a 19 year old wants or who they think they are, changes month to month. There are exceptions though, and if you've found one then lucky you! :)

So mostly my advice is to take things slowly and don't get too attached too quickly cause he could go poof in the blink of an eye.

But I wish you the bust of luck!

ETA: It was so great to meet you too, CT...I wish I'd know Michael was there, that would have been cool. Michael, I was one of the 5 people in charge of running the stage show so you might have seen me running around frantically the whole weekend.


((((hugs))))  yum.[:)]

I love the part of proceed with caution.....and the part about poof....all good reminders.....I have him reading books at this stage and doing construction....some play...mostly work though ;)




crouchingtigress -> RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks (2/8/2009 2:57:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

Hey CT…welcome back, you smart and beautiful lady. I commented on another thread concerning age that intelligence and personality will eventually win out, but I’ll be honest here and offer the word of caution. At nineteen, you can’t even legally drink. It is not about D/s. Frankly, I wouldn’t contract/partner with a nineteen year old for most anything. Don't think it is any different because it is about D/s.


Hmmm good thoughts...and thankyou for the compliment (blush) great to see you too.

I am going to precede with caution....open a hand out to him, but not grab him and throw him into a wall with it.

he seems a good boy...but i am going to make him work for this.....



Wickad -> RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks (2/8/2009 3:13:31 PM)

(fast reply)

Greetings,

I have a friend who is about his mid 40's and he happened to really connect with a woman who was in her early 20's. The both seemed to be on the same page as to what they wanted from the relationship -mainly D/s. This arrangement has been ticking along just fine for a couple of years until recently. As it turns out she wants to have children at some point. My friend has 2 children who are only a few years younger than her and doesn't want any more. This is starting to look like a pretty big sticking point in an otherwise happy D/s relationship.

I guess my bit of advice for the OP is to know what you want and to find out what he wants. Someone who is 19 is often in a very different place emotionally, physically, and life-wise than someone who is 40. If you can accept that this relationship might last or that it might not ... then I suggest taking the big leap. If, on the other hand, you, or he, are looking for something that the other can't give ... maybe it would be best to simply be this young man's friend and mentor. The choice is, of course, yours.

Wickad



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