RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/8/2009 3:33:34 PM

NCNutCase

Posts: 129
Joined: 2/2/2005
Status: offline

So I have the right impression that...

You (CT) are not looking at him as a potential 'life partner', but instead are looking at him as a sincere boy who wishes to learn abotu the lifestyle under your guidance...

Naturally in time that could change, but assuming that is going to change or counting on that changing would be silly for either one of you. I find it works best if the goal/direction of a relationship is mutually understood in the begining and assumptions about that changing are avoided. Then if/when thoughts/feelings do begin to change that is discussed openly and honestly.

I've always understood/believed that open, honest communication was key to any relatinoship... and have always been a very open person... but I've recently been 'burned' in a relationship with a girl who wasn't able to be open and honest in her communication... So it's a thumping point for me right now :-)

(in reply to Wickad)

Post #: 41

RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/8/2009 3:40:10 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NCNutCase

So I have the right impression that...

You (CT) are not looking at him as a potential 'life partner', but instead are looking at him as a sincere boy who wishes to learn abotu the lifestyle under your guidance...

Naturally in time that could change, but assuming that is going to change or counting on that changing would be silly for either one of you. I find it works best if the goal/direction of a relationship is mutually understood in the begining and assumptions about that changing are avoided. Then if/when thoughts/feelings do begin to change that is discussed openly and honestly.

I've always understood/believed that open, honest communication was key to any relatinoship... and have always been a very open person... but I've recently been 'burned' in a relationship with a girl who wasn't able to be open and honest in her communication... So it's a thumping point for me right now :-)

I am sorry...ouch that hurts...(((hugs)))

So yes you have that right, i dont think in terms of long relationships with my boys, not sure why, I am poly, but I have a primary relationship who lives off island, and its weird there just does not seem as though I need more then him, but the boys are helpful and useful and I do like keeping them around..esp when they are wanting to learn about wiitwd...

< Message edited by crouchingtigress -- 2/8/2009 3:50:02 PM >

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to NCNutCase)

Post #: 42

RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/8/2009 6:15:42 PM

LovingMistress45

Posts: 271
Joined: 2/7/2009
Status: offline

I am going to throw my 2 cents in - as long as you are sure he is 19 then I don't see a problem. When I was 35 I spent a summer with a newbie malesub 24 not quite the same age difference but he was very inexperienced BDSM and sexually. It was a great summer he learned a lot, I had a lot fun. I never looked to have it be more than temp and we parted ways friendly.

My first real D/s relationship was over 12 years ago and it still holds a very special place in heart for me. I don't think there is anything quite the same as your first.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 43

RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/8/2009 6:26:37 PM

LovingMistress45

Posts: 271
Joined: 2/7/2009
Status: offline

Why is there a "Vanilla" ice cream cone under my name and how do I get rid of?

(in reply to LovingMistress45)

Post #: 44

RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/8/2009 6:27:17 PM

T1981

Posts: 557
Joined: 12/6/2008
Status: offline

That's a post counter, I think after 25 posts it will change to something else.

_____________________________

"Nothing is pointless, every single thing you do resonates." -Pintsize

(in reply to LovingMistress45)

Post #: 45

RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/8/2009 7:15:54 PM

MarcEsadrian

Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

How do you feel about a 40 year old, training a 19 year old in the ways of leather and the lifestyle and to be my houseboy.

Not too clear on "the ways of leather", but otherwise I think the idea is quite nice. Good luck in your efforts.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 46

RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/8/2009 7:49:54 PM

ExKat

Posts: 300
Joined: 8/25/2008
Status: offline

Tigress, I suppose it depends on your relationship with him. If you're looking for a full-time partner in all things, a boy so young may not be the best choice. Far be it for me to deride someone for being young, but the simple fact is that he likely hasn't experienced as much of the world as you have. At 19, he probably has a lot of growing up to do. He may grow out of BDSM, or it may be something he thinks he wants and he doesn't, just the same as any newbie.

If you're looking for someone to train, teach, and play with, then he might be just the right match. You'll show him the ropes, make sure he has a good head on his shoulders, and when he wants to watch 8 hours straight of cartoon network, you can send him home. Make sure he knows the extent of your relationship: if you just want him to dust the furniture until you get bored of him, and he wants to be your man-wife, then that's not going to be a good situation for either of you.

As for the lying, that should be his problem. Ex and I dated a 19-year-old who told her parents literally everything. When I was 19, as long as I told them when I was going to be home and when I wasn't, they were alright. If his parents are the type who need to know his life down to his last bowel movement, then getting into a relationship with him probably would be more frustrating and secretive than it ought to be. If his parents treat him as a semi-grown-up and he can find a good excuse, then you should be fine.

_____________________________

~*~ The amalgam of Exquemelin and Katie978~*~
In the forums, it'll usually be Katie you're speaking to.
testing
"That's the plan/ Rule the world/ You and me/ Anyday ::wink::"

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 47

RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/8/2009 8:48:57 PM

badboy88

Posts: 1
Joined: 1/5/2006
Status: offline

I'm 25 and if it was me I would love it.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 48

RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/8/2009 8:55:52 PM

Coupleofwhats

Posts: 280
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline

In terms of personal taste, I was a 15 year old girl the last time a 19 year old boy seemed remotely interesting...so it's a squicky setup to me on a totally visceral level.

There's definitely a lot of potential for drama (outraged parents, teenage outbursts.)

What exactly do you get out of being with him in particular?
I mean, if it's for the 19 year old hot bod, then go for it, and be clear about your intent.
But if that's not the basis, then I would suggest looking for a real adult. (And that's coming from someone who has been the "barely legal" half of several May-December romances in the past.)

Just my 2 cents.

_____________________________

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fm6JgZ35w8w

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 49

RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/8/2009 11:38:46 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I'll give the same response I gave to this thread

http://www.collarchat.com/m_2430112/tm.htm
is an 18 yo sub too young for a 30 yo dom

The likelihood of you growing on the same path in the next five years is very very slim.

But it does exist. And who cares about five years? If it feels right now, then do it.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 50

RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/9/2009 9:21:48 AM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress
I have not been here in a while, a big Aloha to every one I have missed.

How do you feel about a 40 year old, training a 19 year old in the ways of leather and the lifestyle and to be my houseboy.
If you know me at all you know I am pretty dedicated to bdsm education and out reach for all who are interested.

Anyway one boy wrote and has a sincere interest in his heart, and we met for coffee, he was adorable and very submissive hearted.
We played, it was fun, and now I am puzzling weather I should take this on.

Cons: He lives with his parents, He is so young can he really make good decisions about his sexual and emotional health?
Pros: he is sweet and submissive and searching....

Here is what I am thinking, "god I wish I met someone like me when I was his age, Someone to take me under their wing and steward me in the ways of what was to become the most satisfying part of my life.

Also "He is going to be kinky his whole life that is not going to change, I am not corrupting him, by giving him a channel to put that energy"

But I don't want to be mi-optic in my thinking here, so jump in with your thoughts please.

I have told him that I do not want to be exposed in anyway to his parents and to his friends and I have asked him to start a LJ

Hi, crouchingtigress----
I preved your profile as I've not seen posts from you until recently, thus was hoping to get a 'flavor' of where you're coming from and what you wish as related to your post.
I don't see the age difference as an issue per se. Had I not met, grew to love, and married my ex- at a young age, 40 would have been more along the age demographic I would have found appealing. I married at 18, so when you asked if he can make good decisions about his sexual and emotional health, I just smiled. Depends entirely on the person, not to mention, we can only make the best decisions of which we are capable in any given moment and with the information provided.
Perhaps my biggest concern would, in this instance, be his not understanding that you want him to be a houseboy and not to be intwined in his life (If I am understanding that properly), although you have made clear that you do not wish to interact with his parents and friends. I think that through that, you are attempting to set parameters and express the limits of the relationship but I would think that being more clear about what the lines are and such may be useful.
It also occurs to me that at 19 or 20, I realized that I truly desired D/s in my relationship with my ex-. I can't say how I (Or we or any number of factors) would be different now had that come to pass but I will say that I wouldn't have had years of hungering for that with my spouse had he said he was amenable. The Universe unfolds as it will, however, as we can only control those things within our power. I think you're right that if he's got a proclivity, it's going to always be a part of him, whether he gets to play it out or not. If you're forthright, caring, and conscientious as your profile and the things that you have said suggest and you believe he can understand the limitations that you wish to place on the relationship from a physical as well as emotional context, I say 'go for it' and, of course, best wishes. :>
Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 51

RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/9/2009 9:27:29 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

I knew a few 19 year olds flying front line fighter jets, so I guess they were able to make mature decisions..... Knew a lot of kids that age in Vietnam too some were Commissioned Officers too..

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to TheBadAngel)

Post #: 52

RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/9/2009 10:00:59 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

quote:

Perhaps my biggest concern would, in this instance, be his not understanding that you want him to be a houseboy and not to be intwined in his life (If I am understanding that properly), although you have made clear that you do not wish to interact with his parents and friends. I think that through that, you are attempting to set parameters and express the limits of the relationship but I would think that being more clear about what the lines are and such may be useful.

That was my concern too, but this thread has been very illuminating, plus he and I have talked more, and Lee and I have talked about it. What I have come to is the idea that he can set his own boundaries with his parents and freinds, that I was being to confining...and that I am going to adopt an attitude of well see....

He has shown a hunger for this life, but is that the hunger of eating what is put in front of him, or the hunger of going out on the hunt, and bringing back a kill? I decided I am not going to prepare a feast for him...only offer him bread crumbs and if he is really hungry he will show up at my front door step, kneeling, with war paint on his cheeks....woof.

Sorry my analogy just got me wet...yeah I have decided 19 is old enough to figure out what you need and then go after it with a passion that knows no bounds.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 53

RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/9/2009 10:05:24 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

~FR~

I am not into the youngsters, but I don't see an issue on the surface. The possible issue is that HE could get seriously hurt emotionally because he will become far more attached to you, than you to him. Plus, the whole sneaking around thing? Not so great. Still, as long as you are willing to work around that, why not help out someone who needs it? I was lucky to find talented people to help me when I was new, I feel very strongly about passing on what I have learned.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to TheBadAngel)

Post #: 54

RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/9/2009 3:16:48 PM

sodsta

Posts: 246
Joined: 7/19/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline

As lots of people have said already, if he is of legal age, is ok with the age gap, and you're ok with the age gap, then go for it. I had my first D/s relationship at 20 with a 39 year-old Domme and there were no problems. We're not together any more but we're still great friends.

The parents thing... well... that might be a bit trickier to overcome. Do his parents know about him? Some parents are more understanding and liberal than you'd think. My folks knew about me and my Domme so there was no problem. I think the two of you should talk about that before you make any decisions one way or the other.

I hope it works out for you. :)

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 55

RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/9/2009 3:21:41 PM

TheBadAngel

Posts: 4
Joined: 2/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

yum.

If I may, what is the yum in reference to?

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 56

RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/9/2009 3:24:34 PM

MistressAinCT

Posts: 205
Joined: 2/21/2004
Status: offline

I don't know if I could take someone a year younger than My own daughter (which is why I put age requirements in My profile), but I suppose if it works for you guys then go for it. Besides, he will get the best education from you than he would from blogs, websites, books-PORN-etc. The better the information, the better the slave. And he will always remember you for it: what a nice tribute!

I would be careful if he wants to be marked though. Unless he is into sports and gets bruised a lot, this might be something he doesn't want his folks to know about and might find just a tad difficult to explain. I tried to hide My first tattoo from My parents when I was 19 and it was a BITCH. Marks fade, ink is FOREVER.

_____________________________

When you have them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow www.mobiusmetals.webs.com

So many toys-so little flesh...

(in reply to TheBadAngel)

Post #: 57

RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/10/2009 10:55:11 AM

BondageBarbieX

Posts: 495
Joined: 4/1/2008
Status: offline

Nothing wrong with it.I met my MasterDaddy when I was 15 and he was close to 30.He actually liked that I was so young so he could mold me to his ways.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 58

RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/11/2009 8:28:54 AM

hardbodysub

Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JustDarkness

what is a LJ?

Heck, I don't even know what "CI" is, either.

(in reply to JustDarkness)

Post #: 59

RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/11/2009 6:25:32 PM

lilmisssubmiss

Posts: 284
Joined: 9/29/2008
Status: offline

As long as you don't take advantage and know where to draw the lines i wouldn't think there is anything wrong with it.

(in reply to TheBadAngel)

Post #: 60

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094