Noah
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Joined: 7/5/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: complexpainslave
My relationship is only partly D/s. This is not a formal owner/slave dynamic.
It bothers me greatly that there are things she enjoys that can drop me into boredom.
I'm not burning with guilt but because I love her I'd like to see if there is a way for me to break through this. That may not be possible.
But maybe one of you has dealt with this and managed to modify your responses.
I'd appreciate it if you'd take a look at
http://www.sensualsadist.com/archives/headspaces/visions_of_boredom.php
And share any insights you might have to offer.
Thanks,
Richard
I don't bore easily so I have a hard time relating to someone who does. It seems to me to bespeak a lack of imagination. I wouldn't engage personally with a prospective partner who seemed to have much trouble staying present in any given moment whether serving me or waiting in line at the auto bureau. I like to start with someone reasonable adept at this and then continuously hone the capability.
But there you find yourself. Boredom is a sort of discomfort, isn't it? Kind of like the physical discomfort arising from crouching interminably with someone's heels on your back. Suffer the boredom for her. Enter into it. Wallow in it. Hate it. Ramp the discomfort right up to pain if you can and care to. Or if you can't and that is just the problem, then wallow in that. The meta-discomfort, if you'll pardon the expression.
Are you there to serve and suffer for her or to be endlessly diverted by her?
Hard to think of a whinier complaint than: "I dislike this but I don't dislike it enough and I really dislike that a lot." The complaint (forgive my pointed paraphrase) indicates layers of self-absorbtion exactly where a top might like to find layers of effort to serve.
Not that I presume any such simple analysis gets things right. Is this the tip of some much larger submerged issue, for instance? I can't possibly say more about that, having asked.
I'd encourage you to consider your propensity for boredom much more broadly meanwhile. Are you pleased to be a person who lacks the internal resources which allow one to engage the world anywhere, any time? Even to engage the world while performing a given task in the sort of context present here? If so, cool. There are worse quirks and limitations; I'm sure I have several. But if you think it might be worthwhile to have the experience of someone who quite generally doesn't encounter boredom then you can back up and take a much bigger look at things. Adjust your thinking and your reading and all of your interactions with an eye toward learning more about engagement, and practicing it.
Good luck.
One more thought which might sound facetious or just silly (it isn't facetious.)
Consider a distinction which might be drawn between the word boredom and the word ennui. Which one best describes the upholstery on your boss's footstool? Maybe a person best addresses ennui somewhat differently from boredom. Maybe it points to a different sort of underlying issue, if any.
You seem like the sort of person who could maybe gain a little leverage here.
Just looking up the two words won't help much for those who aren't familiar already with the distinction. The lexical definitions are usually awfully close. If instead you note the systematically varying applications of these words in decent literature you can get a sense that there are two distinct sorts of wrinkles in the human condition, though similar, which can be sorted under these headings.
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Coping with, perhaps diminishing or eliminating boredom - 
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But he's a smart boy. He knows it's a small price to pay for all the other *perks* that come with being my submissive.
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