junecleaver
Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: softness
It's a fairly derrogatory term for most "weekend warrior" ... and rightly so, it insinuates that BDSM (whatever parts of that you subscribe to) is something you do friday to sunday and those who do it 24/7/365 therefore are "truer". From the start I am not saying that relationships go on pause monday to friday ... the relationship is there even when the partner is not, and the D/s is also present even when the partner is not. I have never believed that physical proximity itself creates credibility and integrity in a relationship. Some of the most devoted service I have ever seen has occured between people who are long distance, and some of the least credible relationships have been between people actually living together.
Realistically however I would imagine that the majority of people who have BDSM in their lives are not able to be "doing it" 24/7 ... real life intervenes, jobs have to be gone to, children have to be washed and fed, dogs walked ... things like that .. and most simply .. many are not ready/able to live together even if they desire it with all their heart.
What I wanted to ask about though were those people for whom the proactive relationship (the physically being together in one place) is confined to the weekend because of distance or work or anyother real life factor and especially those people who spend every weekend together and are constantly in that weekend warrior, weekday worker situation.
I find it quite challenging - something I have been doing for several months now and I will admit it is throwing struggles my way. Some I anticipated, some I didn't. For example:
I predicted that often what I wanted/planned/expected for a weekend had to change at the last minute because of things going on in His life - exciting, horny, sweaty plans getting swapped for cleaning or family visits for instance. So I would arrive, all excited about something that was then cancelled .. all my week's planning and shopping coming to nothing. Bummer.
I didn't predict the exhaustion of going from a hardcore working week of my own, to a hardcore service (and I mean domestic not sexual) weekend, back to a hardcore working week ... and never actually getting the break/rest/relax part of the weekend. Service is a big part of how I submit, acting as a servant, its a service I love to give - but its also much more exhausting that giving a blow job, and far less restful.
So am curious ... for both D and s types who have a relationship proactively limited to the weekends ... what challenges have you faced? What were the benefits, what were the burdens? Which did you expect? Which didn't you? and for those who have had the delight of moving together .. what got easier from the transition from weekend only to 24/7 ? .. and is there anything you miss about having your weeks to yourself?
be well all,
I'm currently single...but I was involved in a LDR for two years. It eventually came to the point where one of us would have had to switch careers/dreams or end the relationship before we started to hate each other. We decided the relationship was good, but not worth giving up so much so we broke up.
What I missed most was weekends with my girlfriends or a Saturday afternoon spent shopping with my mom or just a pedicure and some alone time. I'm sure he missed being able to play ball with his friends, go to weekend games, sit around and drink beer shirtless. Or something manly like that. I think we would have probably argued a little less if we had spent more weekend time apart. He worked a more than full-time job. I was working and going to school. The weekends were really the only free time we had to spend together.
I think that if I could go back...I would remind us that to have a healthy relationship we had to be healthy ourselves and not sacrifice 'me-time.' If you aren't getting enough rest, it will affect your service. It's just a fact. When I haven't dealt with that fact and been honest with myself and my D, it has caused resentment to fester.
I remember this guy once talking about the idea of sabbath at an AA meeting. I'm not Jewish and that's the only AA meeting I have ever attended, so forgive me if I botch this. But sabbath was a day of rest for the Jews to think about God or whatever. He made the point that maybe we don't have an entire day we can devote to rest and meditation (whatever your belief or non-belief is.) But we can take an hour to turn off our television, computer, and cellphone and sit in a quiet room and recharge. When we get infront of the computer and the television and the conversations with our friends...we are turned off, not recharging. Made we have had some respite from the day, but have we recovered from it? Not really. I guess what he meant was sabbath is a state of mind more than a day of rest. You can put yourself into that state of mind on the drive over or with a glass of wine after a day of work or over a cup of coffee in the morning. At one point this year I was working two jobs and going to school full-time and in a D/s relationship...finding sabbath for me meant writing it into my schedule and was probably the reason I did not go batshit insane. Ha.
_____________________________
"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger
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Calling all "Weekend Warriors" - 
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