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CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! (2/9/2009 4:40:46 PM)
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quote:
More recently, the trust between my Master and i has been estranged. i do not trust Him in any sense of the way, right now. W/we have a different kind of M/s relationship, but it is our relationship. Anyways...He has done quite a few things behind my back and has even considered taking another slave, unbenounced to me. Now, i know that a Master has pergogative, but in most of the M/s relationships i know, it is discussed first with all involved. Plus, He has hurt my self-esteem and made me feel inadequate, unintentionally!
A few thoughts:
There is far too little information to make a cogent attempt at giving advice about what to do next, but there are some things to think about. There is no indication in the OP of what you agreed to when you accepted a "Master/slave" dynamic... We haven't been given any clue of how major decisions about your household would be made? Was the issue of additional household members discussed at all? Does your 'contract' (verbal, written, or implied) include anything about how much your Master is required to disclose to you about his decisions in order to retain your trust? Without that information, there is insufficient information to determine whether this is unwarranted behavior on his part, or a reaction to not having considered the full implications of the relationship that was offered and accepted on yours.
In addition to that, people do not -make- us feel anything. We choose how we feel, in response to stimuli bought about in the relationship. If you have allowed his (presumed) inappropriate behavior to impact your self-esteem, that is an issue that you need to work out, and perhaps with a neutral third party or with a therapist. Our self-esteem is just that... it is our own perception of ourselves, and regardless of our station in a given relationship, should remain secure in our knowledge that we are completely ourselves, and that we are unique and valuable in our own right. Retaining responsibility for our perception of our self-esteem, and accepting responsibility for our feelings, recognizing the reality that we feel what we feel, without it being someone else's responsibility or fault, helps to remind a person of the boundaries of hir authority, and make healthy choices about how xhe will retain or release that authority to another.
A perception of inadequacy usually comes out of the fallacy that one person can be 'everything' to another person. Even in monogamous relationships, one person is not the ONLY person that the other interacts with. Needs that are not covered by the monogamous partner may be met by friends, teachers, students, professionals, ministers, parents, offspring, co-workers... anywhere in the profound web of interactions that we all experience in our lives. Our perception of our own capacity to thrive in a relationship works best if we believe in ourselves first. Sometimes, the best thing we can do to heal a relationship is to heal ourselves. I would suggest asking what it is that makes you feel inadequate, and then try to express that in a way that can be addressed by both of of you. You may find that your Master's interest in another person has nothing to do with you -- you may be perfectly fulfilling your position in his life and household, and he -still- may be looking to find someone who brings an aspect that is not encompassed in your nature. Think of it like parents -- they typically don't have more offspring because of an inadequacy in their existing saplings, but instead, to enjoy the experience of raising more unique individuals to adulthood. In many ways, having a household with multiple servants is similar -- each has hir niche, and each can succeed fully without it taking anything away from the other servants' success.
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