Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Questions Needed Answered, Please!


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Questions Needed Answered, Please! Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/9/2009 1:50:29 PM   
Secretslave1138


Posts: 48
Joined: 3/18/2008
Status: offline 		Hello Fellow Friends,

Alot of you helped me with my last problem, so I am here for a second round.

More recently, the trust between my Master and i has been estranged.  i do not trust Him in any sense of the way, right now.  W/we have a different kind of M/s relationship, but it is our relationship.  Anyways...He has done quite a few things behind my back and has even considered taking another slave, unbenounced to me.  Now, i know that a Master has pergogative, but in most of the M/s relationships i know, it is discussed first with all involved.  Plus, He has hurt my self-esteem and made me feel inadequate, unintentionally! 

With all the above and a few other things, He has cause me to have a total distrust in Him.  Now, i am not one who goes running away just because of a hiccup in a relationship, but i need help.

How can the trust be re-invented between a slave and Master once completely broken?  How can a slave feel safe again, even though she has reservations?  I just need to know that, this has a chance.

Thank you for your help!


< Message edited by Secretslave1138 -- 2/9/2009 1:51:15 PM >

_____________________________

"I look forward to completing your training. In time you will call me Master!" Emperor Palpatine, Star Wars
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/9/2009 1:53:22 PM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline 		My kneejerk reaction is leave now, just walk away. I know there is more to this story and that i am not Dear Abby, but ask yourself WHO are you serving by staying, your daydream of a Master or the person themselves.




_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to Secretslave1138)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/9/2009 1:57:58 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		Lying and searching for another without that being within limits of your relationship is more than a mere 'hiccup'.

quote:

How can the trust be re-invented between a slave and Master once completely broken?


You are asking (some) people who wouldn't put up with this for more than 5 minutes.  There is no accurate answer.  You will feel safe for as long as he lies to you and you accept those lies.  Good of you to hang in there though, I am sure he is as surprised as you are that you do.


(in reply to Secretslave1138)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/9/2009 2:00:46 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		there really isn't much information here.. but from what you've said, if you were my best friend (and I'll suggest you think of it this way.. if this were your best friend, honestly, what would you say to her or him?) ... I'd kick your ass if you continued with this.. I'd really get on you ... make you realize you're worth a LOT more... and that its time to kick this one to the curb and move on...

but thats my opinion from what you've shared.. but I am not in your relationship and I'm not you...

best to you...

< Message edited by Madame4a -- 2/9/2009 2:01:54 PM >

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to Secretslave1138)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/9/2009 2:00:47 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Do you mean that he intentionally tried to make you feel bad about yourself?

If he is not being forthright and you are feeling so bad... and it isn't based in insecurity within you that was there before him and he is intentionally saying things to make you feel bad... what's to save?

You can't expect that we would understand what is going on completly and know what you should do.  What does your gut say?  Have you talked to him about any of this?  What does he say?  You must decide this, not us.  I wish you well in it... but try to do things from a calm state... being emotional and high on it all can lead to things being pretty bad.  Breath... calm... then act.  Hang in there.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to feydeplume)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/9/2009 2:02:37 PM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		I agree , we can not be seeing reading the whole story but from what your saying if you do feel it is worth saving , the main  way is communications and follow through .You and He can speak and communicate all you want til your blue in the face  yet if all one give is lip service and no resolution , reexamination would be a good call at that point  at least..

Broken trust can be earned back  but it shall take work , time , and  effort .Have you told  him  of you not trusting him anymore ? 

(in reply to feydeplume)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/9/2009 2:37:07 PM   
Secretslave1138


Posts: 48
Joined: 3/18/2008
Status: offline 		Yes, He is aware of all of this.  i am gosh darn sick over it all.  i have always been forthright in my discussions with Him, even to the point of humbling myself. 

i am hearing what everyone is saying here and i certainly will have to do a great deal of thinking. 

i know i did not give the story in its entirity, but there is soooo much to tell i tried to abridge it. 

i require complete trust, honesty, and loyalty in this lifestyle.  i mean there are soooo many things W/we do that pretty much requires it.  i have to admit, i feel naked without the trust.  Almost like i am a shell of a slave/woman.  i am not an overly emotional person/woman, but i feel like $hit.  i have given Him oppotunity after opportunity and chance after chace...i cannot play this hand of poker anymore, not with my life, and not with my body for sure.

i would like to hear more suggestions, so please keep them coming.  Thank you all soooo very much, i am happy to have someone to talk to about all this. 

Hugs!

_____________________________

"I look forward to completing your training. In time you will call me Master!" Emperor Palpatine, Star Wars

(in reply to azropedntied)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/9/2009 2:39:25 PM   
Usako


Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		A) You stay and work it out. And actually WORK at it. Talking, therapy, whatever it takes.
B) You leave.

Not saying A will work but if the relationship is worth something you might want to at least try. If you're just fed up then just leave. *shrugs*

(in reply to azropedntied)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/9/2009 2:58:16 PM   
VanessaChaland


Posts: 362
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline 		Dump him. Life is too short to waste on those that can not even be honest. Many people thing thats some sort of rare trait, its not.

(in reply to Secretslave1138)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/9/2009 3:03:17 PM   
BondageBarbieX


Posts: 495
Joined: 4/1/2008
Status: offline 		I would walk away from this situation...trust is vital to me.

(in reply to Secretslave1138)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/9/2009 3:04:30 PM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		We cannot tell you if there is a chance, only you can decide that and only you can decide if you can forgive---because it all comes down to two things:
 
                                 Open communication  and  Forgiveness
 
and no M/s relationship precludes you from asking the all important question:
 
                                   WTF are you trying to do here....Master

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to Secretslave1138)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/9/2009 3:07:16 PM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		I could not do what i do , nor have things done to me , and be who i am  with out trust ..

(in reply to BondageBarbieX)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/9/2009 3:11:04 PM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline 		Why have you stayed as long as you have?

_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to Secretslave1138)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/9/2009 3:53:26 PM   
Secretslave1138


Posts: 48
Joined: 3/18/2008
Status: offline 		Because i thought we were a match and completely compatible.  We have a life together.  Also, love!

_____________________________

"I look forward to completing your training. In time you will call me Master!" Emperor Palpatine, Star Wars

(in reply to feydeplume)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/9/2009 3:54:32 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Secretslave1138


How can the trust be re-invented between a slave and Master once completely broken?  How can a slave feel safe again, even though she has reservations? 

In my opinion.... trust can never be re-invented....
it's like asking how do I get back on the roof once I have fallen off.....
if it feels at any point like trust has come back then it's a poor imitation. remember you are the one who GAVE your consent and you are the one who can rescind it. It's never too late to get out but it can be costly, emotionally so especially.


_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to Secretslave1138)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/9/2009 3:57:46 PM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline 		So now, do you think you are completely compatible? Did you really just have good chemistry and a lot of kinks in common? I don't doubt the love at all, if you didn't love you wouldn't even be pretending to try to fix this. But are you and he REALLY compatible if you you feel that he is going behind your back and you feel that you can't trust him. What do you still feel for him?

_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to Secretslave1138)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/9/2009 3:58:28 PM   
SimplyIsaac


Posts: 376
Joined: 12/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Secretslave1138

Hello Fellow Friends,

Alot of you helped me with my last problem, so I am here for a second round.

More recently, the trust between my Master and i has been estranged.  i do not trust Him in any sense of the way, right now.  W/we have a different kind of M/s relationship, but it is our relationship.  Anyways...He has done quite a few things behind my back and has even considered taking another slave, unbenounced to me.  Now, i know that a Master has pergogative, but in most of the M/s relationships i know, it is discussed first with all involved.  Plus, He has hurt my self-esteem and made me feel inadequate, unintentionally! 

With all the above and a few other things, He has cause me to have a total distrust in Him.  Now, i am not one who goes running away just because of a hiccup in a relationship, but i need help.

How can the trust be re-invented between a slave and Master once completely broken?  How can a slave feel safe again, even though she has reservations?  I just need to know that, this has a chance.

Thank you for your help!



Just end it. You've had time to think it out, it seems. Your weak will and self-serving 'slavery' isn't going to fix things...ever. Maybe he's just a jerk, too.

How are we supposed to help manage this relationship though the narrow and cloudy looking glass of a message board?

(in reply to Secretslave1138)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/9/2009 4:02:19 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		How are you compatible with someone you don't trust?  You say "i thought' ... are you really?  or do you now think differently? ... you have a life together?  really.. what does it entail, besides a certain amount of dishonesty?

love... well, I don't know how old you are.. but you will eventually realize that love is GREAT.. but not always enough... in the last few years.. I've ended three relationships where the love was VERY strong.. and wonderful.. but not enough.. for either party.. one very recently... love is great.. and VERY important, but not always enough.. unfortunately

quote:

ORIGINAL: Secretslave1138

Because i thought we were a match and completely compatible.  We have a life together.  Also, love!


_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to Secretslave1138)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/9/2009 4:03:15 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		Take a step back, it might not be easy but look at the situation...

You know you got 2 options, to stay or to walk away...

Ask yourself if you want to stay or if you think the relationship can ever function again, it might take a lot of work, are you both prepared to put in that work (and I wouldn't rely on him saying he is, he would have to show you), or do you think you simply can't get over it and there will always be some distrust? If you think there is no chance that it will work, I would walk away instead of dragging out what's going to happen anyway.

Not knowing the whole story and your relationship, that's all I can say and it wouldn't be any different if a vanilla couple would have the same problem, trust is pretty essential in any relationship.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to Secretslave1138)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Questions Needed Answered, Please! - 2/9/2009 4:07:59 PM   
Secretslave1138


Posts: 48
Joined: 3/18/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you for your candor!

I am not asking that anyone solve my relationship problems, but rather give advice on the information given.  I know it is very difficult to help someone in a situation as mine, without knowing U/us in real life, but i am just looking to see what others would do, in my situation.

Perhaps it is kink and chemistry, but i do believe there is love there on both sides.  i just think He was completely stupid and did perhaps did not think everything through before acting on His own.  I do not have those answers, and all He says, is He was stupid.

As for the "completely compatiable" thing.  I did think so, but not so sure now!  Maybe it was just the commonalities W/we possessed and the lifestyle desire...i am still trying to sort out all of this.  i know relationships are difficult, but i guess i never saw any of this coming.  I mean, He knows what it is like to be in a relationship with mistrusts...so why invoke those ideals on your current relationship.  Gaaaaahhh, this is driving me nuts, because this is my first real Master, and i am sooo loyal...it is making me sick!

I hate all this and wished i never had to go through this....sorry, this is where my emotional side begins to come out!


Thank you again!

_____________________________

"I look forward to completing your training. In time you will call me Master!" Emperor Palpatine, Star Wars

(in reply to SimplyIsaac)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Questions Needed Answered, Please! Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094