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RE: Anger issues and play - 2/10/2009 9:05:37 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		i'm a submissive as well as an owner of a pet.

he enjoys feeling pain whether i'm having a bad day or not.  more the pain, the better he feels especially if he's having a bad day too. he refuses to use his safeword preferring to be pushed to the edge. there are times when i have sent him to business meetings bruised and sore with a smile on his face.

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(in reply to MistressAinCT)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Anger issues and play - 2/10/2009 9:08:31 AM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		fey, I can see that, but I've read posts by a few submissives/slaves who have said straight up that they will hit their Dom/me or Top when they are angry enough, and nobody seems to bat an eyelash.

I can actively enjoy feeling scared, or a little angry/agressive in play, to some extent - I usually don't get into a negative headspace as a top, but I have been known to channel a little anger into martial arts sparring - I pull the strikes/pins/etc. enough not to harm anyone, but it gives me a little more "oomph" to be able to accomplish them with someone who is a lot bigger than I am. I don't do it enough to get out of control, just enough to get a boost of adrenaline/etc. I don't do that if I start out angry/in a bad mood, and I'm not mad at the other person, just to clarify.

Anyway, I think BDSM can result in some powerful emotions, for both people, both good and bad. As long as there is enough control that nobody is being unconsentually harmed, I think that *can* be a positive, healthy thing. If someone is out of control in a way that is likely to do unconsentual harm, on either side, they shouldn't be playing.

(in reply to feydeplume)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Anger issues and play - 2/10/2009 9:16:55 AM   
MarcEsadrian


Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressAinCT
When does it stop being loving play, and start becomming all out brutality just to satisfy a Dominant's need to vent? Is BDSM an excuse sometimes to hit another human being without repercussions?


More than most would care to admit; the reptile in us all is well hidden and seldom self-incriminates. Love behind the play isn't a mutually reciprocated factor in well over half of heavy "BDSM" relationships, I tend to suspect, but the rhetoric is quite plentiful. I've always found people who can discuss the reptile without garnish to be a little rare, but more my speed.

All that aside, chronic anger-induced and out of control violence to the extreme is sign of an authentic skull and crossbones personality disorder. Serve at your own risk.

(in reply to MistressAinCT)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Anger issues and play - 2/10/2009 9:52:02 AM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline 		Yes i remember a thread not to long ago about a female (i think) that was darned proud to have turned the table on her dom and made him her bitch. I think those were her words. My guess is that it is too shocking, too outside the accepted paradigm, for a sub or slave to act out in violence for people to really know how to process it. In that thread we saw a lot of "well then you aren't a sub" and "I would never do that" and "I bet this is a lie or a troll" from a lot of people for just that reason. How to you shift your mind around to understand something outside your system of belief?

Anyhooo back to the topic ...The key there is "non-consensually" and how, at times, both side actually do lose the objectivity to have consent be real outside of that moment, B/S/S willing to be beaten to death and T/D/M willing to beat to death both with love in their hearts and smiles on their faces. 

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Anger issues and play - 2/10/2009 9:57:33 AM   
FRSguy


Posts: 653
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		I really have to be on an emotional even keel in order to get really sadistic.  Its an emotional thing for me but part of it is dealing with anger issues and what not.... so I can say anger sometimes comes into play but it allways wells up slightly... I dont even know if you could call it anger so much as a hard on to hurt in a good way. Everything has to be kept in ballance and in check. Sometimes its not about what you can do and get away with but what you can do and get away with that you choose not to do. There is also something about an s type that is totaly lovin it, taken it and is shaking and soaking herself over it... that requires a little guidence and thought behind the actions in order to get those rivers running down the legs...  If you screw it up just once then they would be here whining and getting a thousand responses to break it off with ya which could be rightfully so... You just cant fuck up a scene and part of being a Dom I think is having a degree of control over our emotions.

I do take out my bad days.. just within reason and without brutality.... I can make my SO cum for me over and over or serve with a greater intensity so I do demand more from the poor girl but its not really in a brutal way... just sort of a dance for me / feed me off your body / sit at my feet or give me a massage or a bath or something... things that certainly relieve my stress at her expense but not in violent type ways.

(in reply to MistressAinCT)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Anger issues and play - 2/10/2009 9:59:06 AM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		Yeah, I saw that too. I think there isn't much tolerance for a sub trying to humiliate her Master/Dom and make him cry, but I've seen a *LOT* of women say that they have or would hit their partner.

FRSguy, I definitely agree with you that getting my partner something to eat or drink, and giving them a massage, or otherwise pampering them when they've had a bad day can really help!

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 2/10/2009 10:02:37 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Anger issues and play - 2/10/2009 9:59:09 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsFlutter

I wouldnt dare pick up a toy/instrument when I am angry. It takes a great deal to GET me that way but it would be irresponsible and thoughtless of me to do so while incensed. 
 
There's been only one person in my life in the last decade that had the ability to get me that angry and he was dumbfounded when I locked the toycase away until the veins in my forehead stopped standing out. It made a greater statement than my having caned him til he safeworded. He very richly deserved it and may even have been hoping that would be the end result but I forced myself to be bigger than the provocation.
 
Taking the edge off with a happy round of play is one thing. Beating someone senseless while you're blinded with anger is a level of stupidity I'm unable to comprehend. 


I love the dumbfounded!  I had never wanted to bloody an ass before, but that came the day after this evening... I knew what could happen when I confronted the man, with what I learned and woke him binding him to the bed.  How I wanted to lash out in pain... but I also wanted some answers and to do a bit of a mind fuck.  I knew if I confronted him, he could walk.  So I bound him.  He awoke to a wonderful thought... oh... goodie... I get some!  I then sat on the bed and told him all I knew.  I cannot tell you how big his eyes got realizing he was bound and could do nothing and that I had every reason to shread him.

When I was done and all he could do was say he was sorry, I slowly took the binding off.  He got nothing.  He even wanted that beating and he claims he continues to feel bad and I should have. 

I don't care what he wanted or felt he deserved.  He deserved nothing from me but my contempt and absence.  I will not lower my standards and hit in anger, pain and loss.  I was not raging... I rarely rage... but I won't do it in anger and although in a rage I might picture it... like wanting to bloody that ass... no way would I.

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Anger issues and play - 2/10/2009 10:37:43 AM   
Honsoku


Posts: 422
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressAinCT

I posted this on another board on another site, so I'm interested in what you have to say about it. I left it in General so everyone can post.


Everyone would have posted anyway.

quote:

I have always believed that hitting someone in a rage is not a good idea no matter who I'm angry with. I think this can cause great injury if someone is beaten or hit when I'm seeing RED. It's best a person leave Me alone for an undetermined amount of time, especially when My anger is directed at them. I'm not talking about "punishing" a slave, I'm talking about having maybe a shitty day then taking it out on him/her.


There is a difference here. Having a shitty day is different from being enraged. Whether we like it or not, are mood will always color how we treat others. So if someone has a shitty day, other people will get treated differently because of it.

quote:

I have seen some posts on this and some other site where people use play as "getting out their aggressions" and I was wondering what others thought about it. I have heard slaves say "take your bad day out on me" which I know is a cry for play/attention, but do they REALLY want Me to do that?


I don't think that it is generally the wisest course of action to take out your aggressions on another person, as taking out aggressions on something less sentient is a lot safer. However, that doesn't cut it for some people. Yes, some people really do want you to take your bad day out on them and not just as a cry for play/attention.

quote:

I had one slave tell Me he wanted to be beaten so badly that he wouldn't be able to stand up after (a fantasy, I know, but he was SERIOUS). I told him to go home, that NO responsible person would do no matter how sadistic they were but alas, I have seen it with My own two eyes at clubs. I agree whole heartedly that SSC is compromised-hell, COMMON SENSE is compromised- and yet, it still exists where someone somewhere will take an implement and wail on some poor, unsuspecting sub just because something pissed them off that day.


How do you know that? Did you ask them what their motivations were?

quote:

If a person has such anger issues they feel they have to BEAT another human being, or HIT just for the sake of hitting, they should probably not be into BDSM. We know that even the lightest play can cause serious problems like internal bleeding, deep black and blue marks, kidney bruising, etc. Imagine what an all out assualt would bring. Anger Management is better.


*looks at the silk flogger* You mean I can cause bleeding and bruises with that? If what you are doing can cause those things, than it isn't the lightest of play. I also want to see the bruises and internal bleeding caused by calling someone a "slut"

quote:

What if a Dominant is having more than just ONE bad day-what if its a bad WEEK (been there, done that) or month or YEAR?


If the dominant manages to be having that bad of a year, then the dominant needs to be doing something differently in his/her life.

quote:

As a Dominant and Top, I have seen subs/bottoms go into subspace during some intense play-and its wonderful. However, I have to know when to STOP when they can't safe because their adrenaline or endorphins are running. That is MY responsibility as a safe player. I don't care if it disappoints them, I am in charge. And I have to keep a cool head. If I push those limits because I am ANGRY, who is going to suffer the most? If I lose that perspective because some asshole driver cut Me off and I was pissed, what is going to happen?


What's going to happen depends on what you are doing. Just because you are mad doesn't mean that limits are going to be pushed or overrun.

quote:

Bottoms/submissives have to TRUST the tops to stop when either has too much, but if you are enraged and can't judge, a safeword could make you ANGRIER! Your sub might say "take it out on me" but he or she also knows that you will stop if it gets too much: what if you can't?


Actually, the bottom/submissive doesn't really have to trust the other person at all. You seem to constantly make the connection that being mad/upset/miffed equals enraged. Perhaps you do have an anger problem. Throwing around "what if you can't"s is a rather futile exercise because there are a nearly infinite number of things that could go wrong.

quote:

When does it stop being loving play, and start becomming all out brutality just to satisfy a Dominant's need to vent?


Why does it always need to be "loving play"?

quote:

Is BDSM an excuse sometimes, to hit another human being without repercussions?


Absolutely. It is also frequently an excuse to get hit at times without having to royally piss someone off.

I'll say it again because it bears repeating: You seem to constantly make the connection that being mad/upset/miffed equals enraged. This is not the case for most adults. Perhaps you have an anger problem.

(in reply to MistressAinCT)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Anger issues and play - 2/10/2009 10:54:38 AM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Honsoku
*looks at the silk flogger* You mean I can cause bleeding and bruises with that? If what you are doing can cause those things, than it isn't the lightest of play. I also want to see the bruises and internal bleeding caused by calling someone a "slut"

But their heart bleeds... Seriously, I haven't tried a silk flogger, but I have one I call my Barbie flogger (hot pink handle that looks like a dildo, and long blond hair extensions) that you can whale on someone really hard without doing any damage with. Bunny floggers tend to be useful for that kind of play, too. I imagine you could even work up something with nerf/foam that would be useful for that kind of play.

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 2/10/2009 10:55:44 AM >

(in reply to Honsoku)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Anger issues and play - 2/10/2009 12:28:31 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		It is hard for me to imagine any scene I would find 'wrong' if it was happening between two or more informed and consenting adults.  No matter how far from the 'norm.'

I think the idea of someone taking their anger out on me physically is hot.  A good play partner for me is one who can touch my anger/frustration button with little to no effort and use it against me.  A man who lets me fight and scream and be angry...and then does whatever he wants anyway.  Yum!  But there are always limits...like I might try to scratch his eyes out...but I would never go for the balls.  It seems like it would be fine to reverse the situation and play with his anger instead of mine.  It's not like I'd be scening with some Christian Bale wanna-be wielding a baseball bat.  He would be angry and frustrated....not insane.  Maybe it's that I have never 'seen red' or been so angry that normal things were not important and present in my thoughts.  Sure, it pisses me off when someone pulls in front of me.  But I love my car and I won't be ramming it into their bumper.  Etc.

Anyway...it just seems like a fun way to blow off steam as long as all parties are aware and okay with what is happening.


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--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to MistressAinCT)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Anger issues and play - 2/10/2009 1:57:37 PM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit


I love the dumbfounded!  I had never wanted to bloody an ass before, but that came the day after this evening... I knew what could happen when I confronted the man, with what I learned and woke him binding him to the bed.  How I wanted to lash out in pain... but I also wanted some answers and to do a bit of a mind fuck.  I knew if I confronted him, he could walk.  So I bound him.  He awoke to a wonderful thought... oh... goodie... I get some!  I then sat on the bed and told him all I knew.  I cannot tell you how big his eyes got realizing he was bound and could do nothing and that I had every reason to shread him.

When I was done and all he could do was say he was sorry, I slowly took the binding off.  He got nothing.  He even wanted that beating and he claims he continues to feel bad and I should have. 

I don't care what he wanted or felt he deserved.  He deserved nothing from me but my contempt and absence.  I will not lower my standards and hit in anger, pain and loss.  I was not raging... I rarely rage... but I won't do it in anger and although in a rage I might picture it... like wanting to bloody that ass... no way would I.


Lockit Im not sure why but this made me feel quite emotional when I read it and I must point out that Im not an over emotional person
That act of control is pretty impressive and not what I was expecting when I started to read your post. Its reading posts like this that make me use this site.


Maria

< Message edited by allthatjaz -- 2/10/2009 2:02:01 PM >

_____________________________

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Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Anger issues and play - 2/10/2009 3:00:20 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		As has been noted, there is a huge difference between being angry and being enraged.  Tis been a long time since I was enraged over anything.  Perhaps the fact that I've been smart enough to use a therapist when need be over the last 15 years has been one reason.  Another reason could well be the fact that the times I have been enraged, I have ended up appalled at my own lack of control over myself.

But...anger is not the same thing as being enraged.  Andalusite noted the fact that it seems to be O.K. for the submissive to experience...and express...her full range of emotions but that in many ways, the dominant is always to be in control of his and that they preferably be of a good nature.  Sorry folks, I experience sadness, frustration, anger, irritation in much the same way...even if not at the same frequency...as many people do and sometimes, that needs a cathartic release. 

Someone mentioned the fact that what makes it different is that I am the "holder" of implements that bring pain.  True...but I do that when I am happy, joyful, stressed, tired-but-wanting-to-reward-a-masochistic-submissive who's been good all week.  There were many times when my second submissive wanted "a beating" just to release her pent-up emotions.  The fact that she was experiencing these emotions did not keep her from retaining control over herself...never once had her fail to call out her safeword, if need be, because of her anger/sadness/irritation.  So why does it follow that a dominant who is angry and "beating" on his submissive will, instead of feeling his anger ebb away with each strike, get angrier and angrier until he is out of control?  That belief comes across as a bit ironic and paradoxical, given the level of control that submissives "imbue" the term of "dominance" with, does it not?  Or is it that, for all the praise heaped upon the self-control that dominants have, the belief is that they only have it when they are on a "good emotion" level?

(in reply to MistressAinCT)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Anger issues and play - 2/10/2009 10:44:45 PM   
GoddessTeaze


Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressAinCT

I had one slave tell Me he wanted to be beaten so badly that he wouldn't be able to stand up after (a fantasy, I know, but he was SERIOUS). I told him to go home, that NO responsible person would do no matter how sadistic they were but alas, I have seen it with My own two eyes at clubs. I agree whole heartedly that SSC is compromised-hell, COMMON SENSE is compromised- and yet, it still exists where someone somewhere will take an implement and wail on some poor, unsuspecting sub just because something pissed them off that day.

What if a Dominant is having more than just ONE bad day-what if its a bad WEEK (been there, done that) or month or YEAR?

Hello MistressA,

subs who ask such a ridiculous question,
or the once who say, "you can take your anger
out on me..."

I don't take them serious,
because if they Really knew Me,
they know I'm way too loving
to ever ever do such.



I wish you enough.

GoddezzT`


_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to MistressAinCT)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Anger issues and play - 2/11/2009 3:48:15 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressAinCT
DesFip: what if it doesn't "channel" to sex?  Is it still all right?


Yes. For us physical play channels to sex since all strong emotions are linked and sex is well known as a life affirming emotion.

Look, you can quietly fume at the idiot in front of you who leaves his turn signal on for miles without turning, or you can pull out a gun and commit full blown road rage. Unless you have a mental problem causing rage to be out of control, and there is medication to treat that, you choose when to lose it and when not to.

People everyday choose how to handle their anger. Choose healthy ways to deal with yours.

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Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Anger issues and play - 2/11/2009 6:08:30 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Being hit, or hitting another is the main reason that I took an interest in BDSM. And by being hit, I don't mean some lame ass spanking

I am a violent person, I don't deny it or try to hide it. I am attracted to violent men. I actually enjoy and thrive on what most would call serious physical abuse. I have in the past been beaten so badly that I had bones broken and the blood flows freely. Those were some of the most calming moments of my life. Violence actually calms me down; BDSM gave me outlet for the violence...I was lucky enough to find a man who was much the same as I was. He understood what I needed and wanted; I understood what he needed and wanted....it was a beautiful relationship that we had.

Now granted, this is not something that I would ever tell another is 'ok'. People like me are few and far between; and if someone was to come to me and say this was happening to them, my first response would be to get the hell out and fast. But not everyone wants things easy...there are those of us out there who actually do enjoy things this way.

There's nothing wrong with our minds, nothing in my past to explain it....it's just the way that I am wired. And honestly, I am quite happy with myself exactly the way that I am

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RE: Anger issues and play - 2/11/2009 10:32:53 AM   
sparkyRBF


Posts: 157
Joined: 2/23/2007
Status: offline 		Anger is ok and it is ok to be angry.   My job as Master's slave is not so much to make him happy when he's angry, but to  let him know nothing is wrong with him being angry.  Being angry does not mean you are out of control, just like being happy doesn't mean you are out of control. 

I read an interesting article i found truth in about SSC and that it doesn't really fit what we do.  What we do is not usually  "Safe", it is definitely not considered "Sane", but it is always Consentual.

Something that seems to fit better is RACK Risk Aware Consentual Kink.

One of my first play parties i went to, the hostess took me aside and let me know her and a top were going to be doing a resistance type of play where he was going to punch, kick and otherwise 'abuse' her.  It was very hard to watch and i even closed my eyes sometime, but when they were open i could see that even though it appeared angry and violent, it was still controlled.   She was aware of the risk and consented to it.  This was getting HER aggressions out as well.  When it was over it appeared as if a weight had been lifted from her, releasing her from tensions and frustrations. 

I also feel this way sometimes when Master and i play.  Its like he is beating away my tensions, frustrations, guilt, all that bad negative energy and i feel clean, happy, calm when He is done.  The physical effort Master exerts also uses up that negative energy.  It isn't that he's taking it out on me, but it is being released during the play.

So, my response is, playing while angry is not a bad thing.  playing out of control would be.


_____________________________

sparkyRBF
Happily owned slave
of
RedBotttomFarms

(in reply to MistressAinCT)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Anger issues and play - 2/11/2009 10:41:53 AM   
QuixoticErrant


Posts: 260
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressAinCT

I posted this on another board on another site, so I'm interested in what you have to say about it.  I left it in General so everyone can post.


I have always believed that hitting someone in a rage is not a good idea no matter who I'm angry with. I think this can cause great injury if someone is beaten or hit when I'm seeing RED. It's best a person leave Me alone for an undetermined amount of time, especially when My anger is directed at them. I'm not talking about "punishing" a slave, I'm talking about having maybe a shitty day then taking it out on him/her.

I have seen some posts on this and some other site where people use play as "getting out their aggressions" and I was wondering what others thought about it. I have heard slaves say "take your bad day out on me" which I know is a cry for play/attention, but do they REALLY want Me to do that?

I had one slave tell Me he wanted to be beaten so badly that he wouldn't be able to stand up after (a fantasy, I know, but he was SERIOUS). I told him to go home, that NO responsible person would do no matter how sadistic they were but alas, I have seen it with My own two eyes at clubs. I agree whole heartedly that SSC is compromised-hell, COMMON SENSE is compromised- and yet, it still exists where someone somewhere will take an implement and wail on some poor, unsuspecting sub just because something pissed them off that day.

If a person has such anger issues they feel they have to BEAT another human being, or HIT just for the sake of hitting, they should probably not be into BDSM. We know that even the lightest play can cause serious problems like internal bleeding, deep black and blue marks, kidney bruising, etc. Imagine what an all out assualt would bring. Anger Management is better.

What if a Dominant is having more than just ONE bad day-what if its a bad WEEK (been there, done that) or month or YEAR?

As a Dominant and Top, I have seen subs/bottoms go into subspace during some intense play-and its wonderful. However, I have to know when to STOP when they can't safe because their adrenaline or endorphins are running. That is MY responsibility as a safe player. I don't care if it disappoints them, I am in charge. And I have to keep a cool head. If I push those limits because I am  ANGRY, who is going to suffer the most? If I lose that perspective because some asshole driver cut Me off and I was pissed, what is going to happen?

Bottoms/submissives have to TRUST the tops to stop when either has too much, but if you are enraged and can't judge, a safeword could make you ANGRIER! Your sub might say "take it out on me" but he or she also knows that you will stop if it gets too much: what if you can't? 

When does it stop being loving play, and start becomming all out brutality just to satisfy a Dominant's need to vent?
Is BDSM an excuse sometimes, to hit another human being without repercussions?


OK, never, NEVER play when you are angry.  The first rule of being a Dom is mastering yourself.  If you are having a bad day, congratulations, you are an adult.  Do not have a childish tantrum and break your toys.  More importantly, your submissive is a person, have the dignity to not see them as a toy.  If you don't have the self respect, self control and inner strength to get this, you have no business being on the top side.

The second rule is that she or he is trusting you to use the control properly.  They may belong to you, but you have an obligation to not forget that they are people who care about you. 

Anger is a form of loosing control.  Further, given that we play intensely as it is, if you are out of control the risk of going too far is deeply magnified.  You will be even more upset in prison.

YOU MUST CARE ABOUT YOUR SUBMISSIVE AND RESPECT THEM.  THE MOST DANGEROUS THING FOR ONE OF THEM IS A NARCISSISTIC DOM/ME

< Message edited by QuixoticErrant -- 2/11/2009 10:48:20 AM >

(in reply to MistressAinCT)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Anger issues and play - 2/11/2009 12:32:52 PM   
SassySarijane


Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline 		I'm going to add a little more than I did in an earlier post to the thread. In that, my short answer was bdsm was not an excuse to abuse, more or less. I see several saying not to play when angry. I think there is a huge difference between angry and enraged.

When angry you can still reason and I don't think angry = don't play. It's going to depend on why you are angry, who or what you're angry with, how angry you are and a whole lot of other variables. I have bottomed when angry with no adverse effects and have had a friend top me when they were angry with no ill effects. Angry has a lot of variables in my opinion. Enraged..........nope, wouldn't do it because there's too much chance of reason having gone on vacation when someone is enraged.

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Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
LPTnB

(in reply to QuixoticErrant)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Anger issues and play - 2/11/2009 10:28:58 PM   
GoddessTeaze


Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: QuixoticErrant
OK, never, NEVER play when you are angry.  The first rule of being a Dom is mastering yourself.  If you are having a bad day, congratulations, you are an adult.  Do not have a childish tantrum and break your toys.  More importantly, your submissive is a person, have the dignity to not see them as a toy.  If you don't have the self respect, self control and inner strength to get this, you have no business being on the top side.

The second rule is that she or he is trusting you to use the control properly.  They may belong to you, but you have an obligation to not forget that they are people who care about you. 

Anger is a form of loosing control.  Further, given that we play intensely as it is, if you are out of control the risk of going too far is deeply magnified.  You will be even more upset in prison.

YOU MUST CARE ABOUT YOUR SUBMISSIVE AND RESPECT THEM.  THE MOST DANGEROUS THING FOR ONE OF THEM IS A NARCISSISTIC DOM/ME

I couldn't agree with You more,
good to hear sane people here.

I wish You enough.

GoddezzT`


_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to QuixoticErrant)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Anger issues and play - 2/11/2009 11:51:46 PM   
TazDevil


Posts: 155
Joined: 2/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

There's a difference between being tense because of anger and stress and being in a blind rage. If he had the drive from hell and is in a bad mood as a result, and that spanks me hard thus getting out a lot of his stress plus channeling the rest into sex, that's a lot different from picking up a chair and breaking it over my head because I missed removing something red from the load of whites.

Not all anger is rage. Not all people are out of control when angry. Anger, like every other emotions, comes in different amounts.


I like that, I naver thot of it that way

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 40
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