RE: Being Released (Full Version)

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MasterTslave -> RE: Being Released (2/12/2009 6:24:27 AM)

Sorry about the release...but he sounds like a jerk.  I would think that a face to face will just get you lies or he will tell you more things that you were not aware of (things you would not want to know that he did).  Sorry and good luck in the future.



DarkSteven -> RE: Being Released (2/12/2009 7:42:33 AM)

My condolences.



NuevaVida -> RE: Being Released (2/12/2009 8:21:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

My gut reaction is that the face-to-face is not going to give you the "closure" you desire.  You are the only one who can give that to yourself.

His way of ending things was, in my book, less than honorable.  What makes you think he is going to be honorable in person?  I would just walk and not look back.


Cali



I only got as far as this reply and have not yet read the others, but Cali's reply was spot on.

I was also released by way of email, at 3:00 in the morning, after 4 years of giving him my life.  I understand your grief and the level of shock you are feeling.  It's been six months and I'm still dealing with the ramifications of it.

Trust me when I say, to be thrown out like that, only you can heal yourself.  Had he had any concern about my well being, he'd have transitioned me out gracefully.  There is truly nothing he can say at this point that can help me heal - I have to do that on my own.  He has recently tried to come around and talk it out.  I have told him it's too late for that.  There is no "do over."  He lost his opportunity to afford me a gentle landing.  With a release like that, what could he possibly tell me that I would trust, anyway?? 

So yeah, it's rough.  Very rough.  And time does lessen the pain.  Take this time to feel and understand your grief, get to know yourself, understand what it is you need in the future, and seek your friends for aid in healing.  There is nothing he can give you now.



heartfeltsub -> RE: Being Released (2/12/2009 10:13:45 AM)

i know it is not quite exactly the same thing, but after 22 years of marriage my now ex-husband told me he wanted a divorce via an email. And yeah, it was a shock to the system and such a cowardly action, i would not have thought it possible for him.

heartfelt



sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Being Released (2/12/2009 12:32:55 PM)

If he didn't have the decency to do it in person then I doubt a face to face will give you the closure you want. Sound like there are other issues and the best thing to do is walk away. Sometimes we never know why someone did what they did and sometimes it is just best to turn the other way.



lighthearted -> RE: Being Released (2/12/2009 12:45:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: favesclava

one day a Man will look at you and laugh out loud thinking of the stupid man who let you slip away. 


I think that is a great sentiment!



KatyLied -> RE: Being Released (2/12/2009 1:09:43 PM)

quote:


one day a Man will look at you and laugh out loud thinking of the stupid man who let you slip away.


Or perhaps you'll find one who will shrug, then grab ya!



MzMia -> RE: Being Released (2/12/2009 8:49:48 PM)

I am not sure a face-to-face meeting is going to help you at this point,
especially since you realize that he has been telling you a lot of lies.
I am sorry that you were released, but I think your spirit is wonderful.
 
I love the fact that you "sensed" things were not quite right.
More often than not, people have a sense that things are not right, but are
in denial.
At this point, I would let him make the next move.
I would not contact him and ask for a meeting, but if/when he contacts you, why not
ask, if you really need the face-to-face meeting for closure.
He lost the best submissive he will ever have.
I tried to cmail you, but your profile was not active.
Keep your pretty chin up. 
 



barelysubmissive -> RE: Being Released (2/12/2009 11:13:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

quote:

I have asked for it, he told me he was too angry and that it would happen when he felt more sure that the meeting would be a good one.


Meaning he will woo you and screw you--dont fall for it.


I fell for it.  We had a planned vacation together last September, but in August he sent me an email saying he didnt feel he was Dominant enough to be MY Dom.  He wanted us to be friends, and keep meeting like we had been, but without any formal arrangement.

I had told him that I cant submit like he wanted me to during "just play" now,  without a relationship, without a commitment.  So he said we should still go on vacation together, for closure. 

On vacation, he became romantic and Dominant again, taking me to deeper levels of submission.  As our time together was ending and we were saying good bye (we were long distance and real time), he said he still loved me, and wanted to work things out with me.   

Two weeks later he asked me to meet with him in Chicago.   I was so excited because we usually couldnt meet that often.  In Chicago,  he was more Dominant than he had ever been, pushing me past my limits, and taking me to the deepest levels of submission I had ever felt.   I couldnt say "NO" to anything he wanted, and he did things to me that had been hard limits before.

After getting home, I wrote him an email telling him how incredible our time together had been, how close I felt to him again, even more so than ever before.  I told him that with him I felt a sense of "coming home" to who and what I was truly was.  I was so moved and touched by his increased Dominance, and my deepening submission.

He sent me an email back, saying that he had a great time too, but that its clear that he isnt the right man for me, and that I need to move on, to find another man to be with.  He told me to move on, to go be with other men, and that we shouldnt see each other any more.  But that in the meantime, until I found another, he would still like to meet for play and sex.

I cant describe how hurt and confused I was.  I felt so betrayed and gutted.  I still do to some degree, as well as feeling stupid for letting him take me so far that last time, for thinking that he wanted to be MY Dom again, for believing that I could see him, say goodby, and actually feel like I had closure. 

That was 3 1/2 months ago.  We have exchanged a couple of emails, mostly because I wanted him to know how hurt I was, that I felt betrayed.  I finally have been able to wish him well, instead of wishing his penis would rot and fall off LOL

For ME, meeting in person for closure just confused me more and kept things going longer.  It dragged the relationship on,  making me think we were finding our way to an even better relationship.  It gave me false hope and made the end even more painful.

Being self aware, being honest, and being accountable were not character traits he possessed.  So he told me what he thought I wanted to hear, while he was pulling away, lying to me, and in time, cheating on me.  So I was expecting him to magically be able to be self aware, to be honest, and to be accountable in giving me closure, when he couldnt do it IN the relationship.

And here I am now, not able to trust any Dom who approaches me, not able to trust myself or my instincts, and not able to trust in my submission.  I cannot imagine ever, EVER, giving that much of myself away again.  Hence, my new name "barely submissive".  Now I just want to play and not become totally committed.

I hope the OP finds peace to fully move on, and not depend on him for anything, especially closure.  



chamberqueen -> RE: Being Released (2/13/2009 12:56:45 AM)

I got an unexpected update tonight.  I had removed my profile from CM in late December when a cyberstalker started attacking me along with others.  It turns out that my "Master" put up a profile combined with another slave's as soon as I left.  Obviously this has been in the works for quite some time and I just didn't see it happening.  At this point I have been told about lies he has passed on to her, telling her that he released me in November when it was only a few days ago. 

At this point it is clear that I have been played.  I think that he hated to have me go because I did everything he wanted of me, told me a week before he released me that I was perfect for him, and then couldn't pull off the double life any more.  I don't want to see him in person any more.  I will remember and treasure the good times but  now I see what a dishonorable man he truly was.  This chapter in my life is closed, and the next man I give myself to will be someone truly worthy of me.



yours2command -> RE: Being Released (2/13/2009 4:55:17 AM)

Please can i add my affirmation that if you give your gift of submission to someone not worthy of it then you are detracting from the preciousness of it. I have had some rather volatile reactions to asking for release having realised that we were living a lie. i was then branded and felt all wonderful again then found that was a way of marking the territory so no one else could have me.

Anyway my point is this, my heart on many occasions after being released when i see them was desperately yearning for me to be on my knees having my head stroked or to hear that i was a good slave. i had to take my power back from there and behave as though their opinion didn't matter, the more i did it, the more it became true. i understand the heart you have for him but lets me true, you cannot get the connection with him now that gives you the soul food that true dom sub connection gives.

i have now learnt that the most empowering thing for me was to go and collect my belongings and say bye bye, no acknowledgement of what had been and then walk around the corner before balling my eyes out.

the domme knows what i gave was valuable and now has to live with her actions and i know it is causing her some pain. i have now found a great deal of learning from it and actually this has taken my submission to new levels that are so powerful and empowering, also though it puts me more in touch with healthier people as like attracts like and i know the spiritual side of BDSM is amazing. or if you have anything of his like a tag or something, send it back via the post, no meeting and he will have to deal with the hurt in himself.

the branding is fading now and actually is quite meaningless to other dommes, the power of it was lost when i got myself well



Serenelysmiles -> RE: Being Released (2/13/2009 5:35:49 AM)

I am so sorry. It wasn't a good situation all around it seems.  Ending a relationship is never easy, and ending long term BDSM relationships, especially your first, like your first true love, is always that much more difficult, but it's compounded by the fact that this so called "Dominant" was so dishonest, and so cold.  It seems he never had any emotional investment in the relationship.  A face to face meeting wouldn't be at all healthy in this case.  Unfortunately, this type of thing isn't uncommon.  My first Master tried to break up with me in an instant message.  I insisted on the face to face, and it ended up only prolonging my pain and grief.  The important thing to remember in this case is that you did nothing wrong in this.  Whatever reason he gave for ending this, or whatever excuses he has about this other sub, those are his issues, not yours.  It seems he isn't going to change since he's begun another relationship, also based in lies, and you are really much better off in the long run.



subangi -> RE: Being Released (2/13/2009 6:54:42 AM)

The intensity of a D/s relationship demands communication.  If he were a true Dominant and you did everything you say,and for that long,  then releasing you in person with explanation  would have been the healthiest result in closure.  I found that the best way to move on,,,, just like in a vanilla relationship, is to get back on the saddle!!!! 



chamberqueen -> RE: Being Released (2/13/2009 6:59:59 AM)

Namaste, I was part of the slave board you oversee and recently had to leave.  I was wickedspet on there (obviously no longer his pet).  Once I come up with a new email address I will check into joining the board again.

To all of you - thank you so much for your support.  I have surrounded myself with friends, will be taking a mini-vacation with one where it doesn't snow, and have been just overwhelmed by the warmth shown by all of you.  Having found out more facts I now feel vindicated both as a person and as a slave.  I can see that no matter how perfect a job I tried to do that this dismissal would have come anyway.  God and I know that I acted only out of integrity, love, and for the pleasure of one who told me that he was my Destined One.  I have nothing to be ashamed of.  I am moving on, figuratively and literally.



enslavedto1 -> RE: Being Released (2/13/2009 1:57:59 PM)

I think that is the hardest thing to endure is being released.  As a slave.. you are going to have to accept that its always the Master's decision to do so.  I was released via a text.  I drove to his house and cried. I deserved at least that.. to process that kind of pain and shock close to Him.   I think when you serve someone full heartedly that yes.. that anyone deserves to be treated with some integrity. The only closure you can give yourself is that it is the Master's decision, accept it and try to find some peace that you served Him to your fullest. Your Master had his reasons and whether you agree or not, you have to accept it.  I can honestly say that is what sucks about being a sub.  Most decisions are out of your control even down to being released.  Its something that all should know going in and realize it can very well happen.  There are no guarantees with any relationship.

You cant talk someone out of it.  I stuck around and served Him 8 months after that.  Walk away.  I only delayed the inevitable when I could have used that time and been over it much sooner. 

With all that said.. I truly dont get Master's that dont fully grasp how open/vulnerable a sub/slave are to their Master... Master/Dom's really need to show consideration and appreication when its decided to part ways.

Give yourself time to heal before you move onto another... you will be stronger for it.  Take each experience and grow from it.  



velvetslave -> RE: Being Released (2/13/2009 3:52:30 PM)

chamberqueen,
I am very sorry to hear of your release.  {{{HUGS}}}  I know how it feels to be released by an e-mail as it happened to me by an instant message 3 days before Christmas.  I too asked for a face to face.  I got that 3 days after Christmas.  I know that I am in the minority but, for me the face to face was very helpful to me.  It didn't take away my pain but it helped me feel better equipped to move on.  I understand that our circumstances are different but I wanted to let you know that wanting or needing a face to face doesn't have to mean that you are weak or that it will end poorly.  There are instances where it is a very emotional and wonderful thing.  It is only after almost 2 months that I can see the value in that last meeting.
Many {{{HUGS}}} and much luck for you in your future.
pet



frazzle121 -> RE: Being Released (2/13/2009 6:40:11 PM)

general comment to noone.

Seems my ex and his first are now checking what i write.

By asking for some time to think, i had asked for release. 

Therefore i was not released by email, it was all my doing.   My apologies for thinking otherwise!!!!



feydeplume -> RE: Being Released (2/13/2009 6:44:29 PM)

That sounds like primo drama. I am so ...... baffled by his/their behavior. What can i say but good luck and have fun deleting the emails and phone numbers.



frazzle121 -> RE: Being Released (2/13/2009 6:57:46 PM)

I will try and keep this polite.

Just because i recognise myself as sub/slave doesnt mean i left my brain at the front door.  They moved the goal posts not me.

They both knew Poly was a new concept for me. I dont see asking for some think time, when things had changed, as me trying to be a prima donna.




feydeplume -> RE: Being Released (2/13/2009 7:10:36 PM)

Good for you for keeping it above the belt and concise. there is pushing limits and there there is jump through flaming hoops into a pit of acid. I am sorry that this relationship seems to have been the later sort.




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