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RE: Advice and help needed - 2/11/2009 1:19:14 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		I would suggest rape crisis and seeing your doctor.  If you have a doctor who knows you and on you can speak to, or even the practise nurse.  You can always ask them to be with you when you report the incident and they can give you advise on the next course of action medical wise.  Like suggested, contact rape crisis.  Here is their website - http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/
 
Another suggestion I would have is - if you can - have a friend or relative present.  I understand this isn't always possible and you may not want to share such information, but it would be good to have support.
 
Depending where you are (obviously you want to remain private) I would google your area/town/county and there may be a rape centre closeby.
 
There is also 'Cara'.  Website here - http://www.crcl.org.uk/
 
You are welcome to contact us via the other side.  I would also check out the link that gabrielle posted on the media section 9depending where you are based) and check the guy that is currently being looked for in the UK for another incident and look on IC for further info.
 
I know this is a big if - but if you still have clothing and shoes that you wore that day and haven't washed them, bag them and keep them somewhere safe.  Shoes may be the one thing you haven't washed/destroyed.  These may be vital for evidence.
 
the.dark.

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RE: Advice and help needed - 2/11/2009 1:25:14 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Advice and help needed - 2/11/2009 1:56:49 PM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline 		Thanks for giving good solid advice about how to proceed. It is far to easy for us all to get caught up in the emotions and not deal with evidence and the next steps. My respect for you (both?) has just gone up even higher. 

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RE: Advice and help needed - 2/11/2009 2:01:28 PM   
DomKen


Posts: 19457
Joined: 7/4/2004
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		Sounds like aggravated rape to me. Report the guy, get a restraining order, get tested for disease and pregnancy but first go talk to a crisis counselor.

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Advice and help needed - 2/11/2009 2:03:52 PM   
corysub


Posts: 1492
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

Well that sucks. You did nothing wrong. Personally, I'd have a large male friend pay him a visit to explain to him that what he did to you really wasn't very nice...


You said that with a lot more tact than I was using in my edited comment. You are so right..."explain what he did was not very nice"...

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Advice and help needed - 2/11/2009 2:10:03 PM   
SilverMark


Posts: 3457
Joined: 5/9/2007
Status: offline 		The low rent bastard needs to be arrested for assault!....

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RE: Advice and help needed - 2/11/2009 2:14:20 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		So he knows where you live, right?  Reporting this to the police becomes even more important along with a medical exam and talking to rape crisis.  And do file for the Canadian version of a restraining order or order of protection.  


quote:

ORIGINAL: anonsubuk
Several weeks ago I met someone from cm.  We had a couple of vanilla dates, and he was the perfect gentleman.  So, I invited him for dinner.  We ate, had a couple of drinks, and started fooling around on the sofa.


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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Advice and help needed - 2/11/2009 4:43:52 PM   
omega1955sjoy


Posts: 30
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

yes it was rape in every sense of the word, and if you cannot afford an attorney you should get a hold of your local civil liberties union they are all over the world. and they will help you with any legal processes you may need. As far as the cutting goes that falls into the catagory of bodily injury and that alone carries a stiff penalty. Please do not wait to ck these things out. I believe there is a statue of limitations in most situations from 2 to 7 years. I know 5 years ago i walked away from the life for awhile and was seeing someone who decided that he was going to use me as a punching bag, and he was a recovering heroin addict one day he decides to put my head through a wall and spit in my face so they got him for reckless in dangerment, bodily injury in result of the wall and attempted murder for spitting in my face, because now i have to have HIV test ran every 6 months for years and he's in prison because of this. So just so you know OP: they do not play when it comes to violating anyones rights physically or sexually anymore.
please be well & in peace..
omega1955sjoy/srln:654-049-049

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Advice and help needed - 2/12/2009 7:51:03 AM   
anonsubuk


Posts: 4
Joined: 2/11/2009
Status: offline 		First of all, let me thank all of you for responding so positively and with such support.

Yesterday I was in a bad, bad place emotionally.  I could see no way out.  My last ditch effort was to post, and I had no idea that I would be so cared for by people I've never even met.  I have telephone numbers from people, messages of support and offers of help - you guys are fantastic.

You've saved my life. 

I have contacted a local rape crisis centre.  I will be going to see them later on today, and they will help me through the medical stuff and will work with me to figure out what I need to do next. 

I'm not alone, and that is the most wonderful gift I've received these last two days.

Thank you all, and bless every one of you for helping me.  I'll never forget.

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Advice and help needed - 2/12/2009 8:17:44 AM   
MissMorrigan


Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		I am so pleased that instead of retreating further, you've taken steps to get some help with this. Good luck with your meeting later today, you'll find them non-judgemental, informative and supportive which is what you need right now.

If you need to, use those numbers, you can maintain your anonymity without pressure.

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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Advice and help needed - 2/12/2009 8:19:02 AM   
cjan


Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline 		Report the rape, assault and battery to the police, asap. This guy is dangerous and needs to be stopped. If for no other reason, press charges in the hope that he won't continue to assault other women. Don't take this shit ! Prosecute the motherfucker.

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Advice and help needed - 2/12/2009 8:46:29 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		Don't forget OP, it doesn't matter where or how (lifestyle/net) you met a person, they have no right to violate you as he has. 

If it comes up with any counsellors or police when they ask how you met this guy, be strong and tell them up front where and how.  Do no be ashamed of being a submissive and a lil kinky, that doesn't mean you are prime candidate ready or available for rape for the fun of it.

If necessary, see an attourney ASAP to make sure your rights are taken care of through the victim process.

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Advice and help needed - 2/12/2009 8:54:21 AM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline 		We didn't save your life, you did.

YOU reached out for help, you broke the silence, you took steps to get yourself safe. YOU did it. And now YOU are taking the next steps. You don't have to take them alone, we will be here with and for you, but YOU are the hero here, not us. 

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Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Advice and help needed - 2/12/2009 8:56:36 AM   
Termyn8or


Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline 		fr

I don't know about the laws there, but here if you cannot give consent for ANY reason, be that age, intoxication or fear, it constitutes forcible rape.

Ready yourself, a serious charge like this is likely to be defended quite vigorously.

But do proceed by all means, if you don't you might find it hard to live with.

When the going gets rough, we'll be here.You said this was a vanilla date, so you might just come out of it OK.

T

Added : Well it was SUPPOSED to be a vanilla date.

T

< Message edited by Termyn8or -- 2/12/2009 8:58:01 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Advice and help needed - 2/12/2009 10:35:45 AM   
lighthearted


Posts: 1165
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline 		sending prayers your way.

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Advice and help needed - 2/12/2009 10:47:13 AM   
sensura


Posts: 71
Joined: 2/8/2009
Status: offline 		Im so sorry this happened to you. You were raped and assaulted. I understand your wanting to keep this private. Just know that it was not your fault. If you need to chat you can always email me. It will take time, it will get better. You will learn how to deal with this.It may seem hopeless right now but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

hugs

sensura

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Profile   Post #: 36
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