quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

Concentrate on spending time with friends, and perhaps other submissives, until you find your way out of the grief.

I know it sounds insipid to say but the only cure for your pain is time.

You will not find any answers online.  You will find your peace and tranquility in activity.

I was once told that it takes a minimum of one third the length of a relationship to get over it.  Ergo if you were together six years it takes about two years to get on your feet.  If you were together 12 years you can expect to struggle about 4 years.  That's actually pretty accurate.

In the case of a deep and abiding love, a fairly short term relationship of 2 to 3 years may be something you never truly 'get over' but you can learn to love again without it being the same situation.

Schedule some lunch visits with friends, or take a class to learn something new.  Put yourself in situations where you can peacefully interact with people who are not demanding service from you.  Make yourself go to a library or museum once a week.  Go window shopping.

You have to make time for activities that you probably won't want to engage in.

One of the best ways to overcome loss is to do something for someone else. Volunteer in a shelter or with a church group that's engaged in helping your community.

Change your focus from your loss to what you're going to do tomorrow.

In time your heart will heal and you'll be ready for another Dom.

Give yourself that time.

Good luck to you,

TM

PS there was a great book I read once on learning to let go, with a title similar to that.  It basically gave some techniques for changing your thinking pattern, how to stop cherished greivances and painful memories by telling yourself to 'stop them' and focus on something positive or pleasant, instead.  It also devoted several chapters to essentially say that a painful breakup is usually the result of a difference in lifestyle needs.  For example: she needs classical music and learning and wants to live in a condo, and he, as much as she loves him, likes football and fishing and has a place in the country.  If you examine the differences the two of you had in your lifestyle expectations you'll probably realize why you split up and will recognize it as a good thing.  I can't find the book online but if I run across it I'll post the title and authors.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsFlutter

quote:

ORIGINAL: QuixoticErrant

quote:

ORIGINAL: bitterlystung

I have posted two places here and have had wonderful responses and terrific emails of support.  Most everyone is in agreement I need to move on and let go.  Any suggestions on good books that I could read on how to do that?  I try, I really do, but the pain just will not go away.  I keep thinking of those damn commercials with Jane Seymour:  Keep your heart open and love will find it's way in, or something to that effect.  How can I open what has been hurt so badly?  I don't know where to post this question and hope it is okay to post it in this forum.  He was not the only love in my life but he was the love of my life.  I am only 37 and that is too young to be a spinster.  Thank you for your ideas and support.

The fact of the matter is, that it sucks.  It will continue to suck.  Talking about it will help relieve the pain for a while, but then it will suck some more.  It will seem that the universe is conspiring to remind you of this person - like the radio is talking to you with each crappy love song or break-up song.  At times, it will seem that all you can do is wallow in this until you are exhausted.....

Wow - VERY well put, QE, and every bit of it is true.
 
Bitterly ~ one way to distract yourself (and perhaps restore a little perspective) is by giving a bit of time to those who may be in greater pain than you are.
 
Donate some of your time at the local humane society as a cuddler/walker. The animals there have no one and their future is uncertain. They welcome cuddles and hugs and don't mind if you cry into their fur.