Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

A simple question....


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> A simple question.... Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
A simple question.... - 2/12/2009 11:37:28 PM   
TwilightsKitten


Posts: 55
Joined: 2/10/2009
Status: offline 		I am still a bit new to the lifestyle, and when I started, my Mistress found me. Later on, after being on my own, a pet found me as well. The pet had heard things about me and my personality and shyly approached me about it. The question is, as I am still new, how common is it for a pet to approach a dom that they find interesting? My thinking is that, having known some confident subs, that some would, and some wouldn't. And, is it rude or disrespectful for a submissive to take interest in and approach a dom? And I guess I should mention that I am thinking more along the lines of a pet type submissive.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: A simple question.... - 2/12/2009 11:58:40 PM   
ThatDamnedPanda


Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TwilightsKitten

The question is, as I am still new, how common is it for a pet to approach a dom that they find interesting? My thinking is that, having known some confident subs, that some would, and some wouldn't.


I do it all the time, or at least any time I meet someone who interests me... which admittedly happens very rarely, but still, I would never hesitate to approach someone to whom I'm attracted. Why not do it? If you want something, go and get it.



quote:

ORIGINAL: TwilightsKitten
And, is it rude or disrespectful for a submissive to take interest in and approach a dom?


No, not at all - assuming they do so in a reasonably polite and civilized manner. It's just two adult human beings getting to know one another, same as any other setting.


_____________________________

Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?


(in reply to TwilightsKitten)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: A simple question.... - 2/13/2009 12:05:00 AM   
TwilightsKitten


Posts: 55
Joined: 2/10/2009
Status: offline 		Thank you for the reply. Being a switch, I just wanted to make sure it would be acceptable to approach a dom if I found one that interested me, or if a pet took an interest in me, if they would approach me. As I said, I'm still new, but always looking to learn more. Once again, thank you. Mew!

_____________________________

~*Kitten*~

Friend: "So, you're a cat boy?"
Me: "Cat girls need love too"

Mew!

[Straight, Male, Switch]

(in reply to ThatDamnedPanda)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: A simple question.... - 2/13/2009 12:09:54 AM   
ThatDamnedPanda


Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TwilightsKitten

Thank you for the reply. Being a switch, I just wanted to make sure it would be acceptable to approach a dom if I found one that interested me, or if a pet took an interest in me, if they would approach me. As I said, I'm still new, but always looking to learn more. Once again, thank you. Mew!


Yep - go get 'em! It's possible you may run into some dom someday who does take some offense, but if they do, they've just taught you something very valuable about how seriously they take themselves. Good luck, and welcome to the forums!


_____________________________

Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?


(in reply to TwilightsKitten)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: A simple question.... - 2/13/2009 2:48:24 AM   
StrangerThan


Posts: 1515
Joined: 4/25/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TwilightsKitten

Thank you for the reply. Being a switch, I just wanted to make sure it would be acceptable to approach a dom if I found one that interested me, or if a pet took an interest in me, if they would approach me. As I said, I'm still new, but always looking to learn more. Once again, thank you. Mew!


Go for it. And quit worrying about what's acceptable. Someone here once said they didn't step outside of boundaries society has set for what's normal and acceptable just to let another group of people start defining those things for them. It's good advice.


< Message edited by StrangerThan -- 2/13/2009 2:49:44 AM >

(in reply to TwilightsKitten)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: A simple question.... - 2/13/2009 2:56:19 AM   
TwilightsKitten


Posts: 55
Joined: 2/10/2009
Status: offline 		You have a very good point, I appreciate the reply. You're right, if I can't be me here, where can I be?

_____________________________

~*Kitten*~

Friend: "So, you're a cat boy?"
Me: "Cat girls need love too"

Mew!

[Straight, Male, Switch]

(in reply to StrangerThan)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: A simple question.... - 2/13/2009 3:23:56 AM   
chainedgirl


Posts: 142
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline 		The rules will change depending on what group you hang out with.  I've been in a large city that had 2 or 3 main groups, each with their own take on how things should be done.  I'm not in another place where the scene is much more laid back.  At the end of the day, as long as you are respectful (should be with people anyway is my take), then approach whomever you want.  Nothing ventured, nothing gained as they say.  If that person has an issue with it, then its their issue.  

(in reply to TwilightsKitten)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: A simple question.... - 2/13/2009 3:27:50 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Someone always has to make the first approach. But once that's done, both people have to feel good enough to continue. We choose each other or we don't have a relationship.

If you're uncomfortable with women approaching you, then someone who does this wouldn't be compatible with you. Since you were fine with being approached, then for you it doesn't matter. And at the end of the day, that is all that matters; our individual relationship.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to chainedgirl)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: A simple question.... - 2/13/2009 3:42:21 AM   
QuixoticErrant


Posts: 260
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TwilightsKitten

I am still a bit new to the lifestyle, and when I started, my Mistress found me. Later on, after being on my own, a pet found me as well. The pet had heard things about me and my personality and shyly approached me about it. The question is, as I am still new, how common is it for a pet to approach a dom that they find interesting? My thinking is that, having known some confident subs, that some would, and some wouldn't. And, is it rude or disrespectful for a submissive to take interest in and approach a dom? And I guess I should mention that I am thinking more along the lines of a pet type submissive.


Most of the submissive partners I have had contacted me.  They have a radar for Dom types and they know what they like.  The second part is not so different from the vanilla world.  Usually the woman says "I want that one."  Now there are a ton of things that you can do to improve your chances of having her think that way, but that is another discussion.  Unless you think there is something obnoxious about her, you should enjoy your good fortune.

(in reply to TwilightsKitten)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: A simple question.... - 2/13/2009 3:47:28 AM   
MG4Apuppygirl


Posts: 59
Joined: 1/12/2007
Status: offline 		Depends on the dom you are approaching if you are a pet. I stay away from kittens though, there is an old saying, Dogs have masters, cats have staff. Not much point contacting an inexperienced dom either. In fact, good pets are extremely difficult to find, as are good "masters" so if you find a dom that suits then you would be absolutely mindless if you didn't initiate contact. The master/pet dynamic is quite traditional so it would be up to you to "apply" for a position as a pet.   

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: A simple question.... - 2/13/2009 4:00:34 AM   
TwilightsKitten


Posts: 55
Joined: 2/10/2009
Status: offline 		I did enjoy my good fortune for awhile, but it ended, and now I'm here after some time away from relationships in general to try and find someone new. As to Dom radar, I sometimes worry I don't really come off as the Dom type, partly because of personality, and partly because of how some people feel over switches. I've accepted being a switch, as well as my kitten-like personality, it just seems a lot of people seek someone...for lack of a better word....harsher then I am. It makes me wonder if people associate the two or something. Personally, I think a Dom can be caring and loving with a sub that is more pet like. After all, a pet is still owned and told what to do, they are just also loved and appreciated. But, perhaps this is a discussion for another time and another thread. In any event, I appreciate all the replies. Mew!

_____________________________

~*Kitten*~

Friend: "So, you're a cat boy?"
Me: "Cat girls need love too"

Mew!

[Straight, Male, Switch]

(in reply to QuixoticErrant)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: A simple question.... - 2/13/2009 4:18:05 AM   
TwilightsKitten


Posts: 55
Joined: 2/10/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MG4Apuppygirl

Depends on the dom you are approaching if you are a pet. I stay away from kittens though, there is an old saying, Dogs have masters, cats have staff. Not much point contacting an inexperienced dom either. In fact, good pets are extremely difficult to find, as are good "masters" so if you find a dom that suits then you would be absolutely mindless if you didn't initiate contact. The master/pet dynamic is quite traditional so it would be up to you to "apply" for a position as a pet.   


The kitten I knew was very submissive. She just had a few boundaries that were respected, and wanted to be loved. Perhaps not all kittens are the same, and perhaps, defining myself as a kitten has made life harder on me. A Dom I trust and was trained by for awhile is how I realized I was kitten-like, and for her, it was something she loved about me. As to being an inexperienced Dom, since I am one, I find it disheartening that people can feel there is no point in bothering with us. I've been a Dom before, I can't say I've done it for years and years, but me and my pet were happy and learning together. And a good pet is honestly in the eyes of the beholder so to speak. What one may consider a good pet, another might not. It comes down to personal preference. When I was a pet, my Dom told me I was a good one, not so much in the compliment kind of way as much as the "You are one and don't argue the point" kind of way, but that doesn't mean everyone will feel the same about me. But at the same time, you are right, finding someone that fits what you want is difficult. But, to each their own opinion. I've come to terms with who I am, and if someone isn't understanding and open-minded about it, they probably wouldn't fit me anyway. Mew!


_____________________________

~*Kitten*~

Friend: "So, you're a cat boy?"
Me: "Cat girls need love too"

Mew!

[Straight, Male, Switch]

(in reply to MG4Apuppygirl)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: A simple question.... - 2/13/2009 4:47:08 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		...until hell freezes over can be a very very long time--we are people here, not animals in a shelter waiting for adoption--until there is an agreement as to who is what and how that "what" is going to work---you are still people trying to find a mate.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to TwilightsKitten)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: A simple question.... - 2/13/2009 5:04:39 AM   
TwilightsKitten


Posts: 55
Joined: 2/10/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

...until hell freezes over can be a very very long time--we are people here, not animals in a shelter waiting for adoption--until there is an agreement as to who is what and how that "what" is going to work---you are still people trying to find a mate.


If that is directed toward me, I apologize if I came across sounding like I think people here are animals in a shelter. I merely describe myself as a kitten, and know of others that do as well. I was in no way trying to imply everyone is that way. And yes, until its been agreed on, we are just people here looking for someone. My use of kitten is more a personality descriptor then anything else. When I use kitten, I think of someone that is cute, cuddly, and affectionate. I don't picture an animal waiting for someone to take them home. My fault again for not explaining my use of certain words that can be taken in a variety of ways. The short of it is this...whether I am a dom or a sub, I am a cuddly, affectionate and loving person, kinks aside, and I want the same in a dom or sub. And my use of pet merely denotes a sub that is loved and cared for. It was just how I learned to describe it, and myself. That is all I meant, and if I came across offensive in some way, I apologize.


_____________________________

~*Kitten*~

Friend: "So, you're a cat boy?"
Me: "Cat girls need love too"

Mew!

[Straight, Male, Switch]

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: A simple question.... - 2/13/2009 5:37:58 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		No offense taken at all, My point was simply that until proclivities are defined, we are still people seeking a relationship and should feel free to do what it takes.
 


_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to TwilightsKitten)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: A simple question.... - 2/13/2009 6:29:16 AM   
MG4Apuppygirl


Posts: 59
Joined: 1/12/2007
Status: offline 		Woops. I didn't realise you were a straight male switch who identifies as a kitten. What was I thinking? Now I'm totally confused.     

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: A simple question.... - 2/13/2009 6:49:32 AM   
MarcEsadrian


Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TwilightsKitten

Is it rude or disrespectful for a submissive to take interest in and approach a dom?


Hi Twilight,

No and no. Many in fact prefer you approach them.

(in reply to TwilightsKitten)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: A simple question.... - 2/13/2009 6:56:45 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I have never been upset by anyone approaching me in a polite manner. Even when they miss the important parts.....dominant and lesbian. Sometimes it's flattering.

If they have been polite, there is a very high probability I am polite in return. I've even made a few good friends that way.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to TwilightsKitten)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: A simple question.... - 2/13/2009 7:12:30 AM   
TwilightsKitten


Posts: 55
Joined: 2/10/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MG4Apuppygirl

Woops. I didn't realize you were a straight male switch who identifies as a kitten. What was I thinking? Now I'm totally confused.     


No worries, I know I am an odd one. I've come to terms with my kitty boyness and often feminine personality. No offense taken, and none intended by my response. Mew!

On a side note, I sometimes wonder if I am too nice for my own good. I've already received a mail about how I can't possibly be dominant with my personality. *shrug* I'm me, not a whole lot I can do about that. Thanks for the responses. Mew.

< Message edited by TwilightsKitten -- 2/13/2009 7:51:58 AM >

_____________________________

~*Kitten*~

Friend: "So, you're a cat boy?"
Me: "Cat girls need love too"

Mew!

[Straight, Male, Switch]

(in reply to MG4Apuppygirl)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: A simple question.... - 2/13/2009 8:12:49 AM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TwilightsKitten
is it rude or disrespectful for a submissive to take interest in and approach a dom?


It's perfectly acceptible for a s-type to approach a d-type.  In some circles, the sub is expected to petition the dominant in much the same way one sends out a resume for a job.  Then the dominant conducts an interview and things proceed, or not, from there.
 
In my case, I rarely approach subs.  I don't require a formal petition, but I have found it's a much better use of my time to wait for them to come to me.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl
"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to TwilightsKitten)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> A simple question.... Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.156