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RE: High Expectations - 1/19/2006 6:01:08 AM   
themischievous1


Posts: 151
Joined: 4/3/2005
From: San Antonio, Texas
Status: offline 		Hi aurora,

I haven't settled yet and I've got the bar set extremely high. This hasn't affected my list of admirers nor do I have any problem getting a date for munches, parties, dinner, movies, coffee, etc. The difficulty lies in finding the right one that I desire to build a daily life with, trust with my unmentionable, and partner up with for the long term.

It's easy to find someone to play with. Play partners are a dime a dozen around here and I'm sure the majority of submissives/slaves on here can have their pick. If you want more than that, keep your expectations very high. You owe it to your unmentionable and yourself not to settle no matter how difficult the search may be. Enjoy the journey and expect to make some mistakes along the way. Whatever you do, background check these people, hon. The majority on most of these sites are so totally married, it's pathetic, and they do lie about it without a qualm. You really need to know who the hell this prospective "Master" is, especially when you're going to be exposing your unmentionable to him. Never ever let someone around the little one until they've been thoroughly checked for criminal history nationwide. That includes male and female.

Keep yourself and your little one safe, try to utilize your best judgment, and raise the bar as high as your dreams. You've only got one life, aurora. Best wishes on your search.

(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: High Expectations - 1/19/2006 6:18:33 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: aurora31

TammyJo,

I do have some very limited r/t experiances. But I have lots of experiances with nilla relationships and I feel that alot of the same principles apply for finding some one you compatable with.

As far as meeting for weekend here or there that is dificult since we are close to 700 miles apart. I will get to meet then both in march as they will be traveling to where I am at for a hunting trip.

I would hate to uproot my daughter and move that far from my friends and faimily for something that was not going to be forever. Or at least the intent of forever

aurora


I didn't realize there was such a great distance between you.

I can't offer more advice then because I do not do long-distance relationships very often and I personally still expect to do it in slow stages before asking anyone to move -- which is generally a deal breaker from those who write to me from states away.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: High Expectations - 1/19/2006 6:28:00 AM   
DesertRat


Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Aw cmon, everyone knows the path to true happiness is to give up what you really want, really need and compromise your personal values just for the sake of being in a relationship with someone.

That always gives a happily ever after ending doesn't it?


Yeah, and delaying it for a couple years just makes it better, right?

Bob

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: High Expectations - 1/19/2006 7:08:56 AM   
justheather


Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesertRat

You should stick to your guns...keep reaching for the gold ring...whatever metaphor works for you. Don't settle. You'll find the right one in due time and then you won't be asking yourself questions about logistics and specifications.

Bob


I agree completely. There is a point at which being open to the right person(s) coming in a slightly different package turns into being willing to compromise core values and needs that are intrinsic to your happiness. Nobody does anyone any favors by settling, especially when the people involved are deeply engaged in life and wish to live it in honesty. It appears from your post that you are a person who is committed to living your life deeply and honestly. I dont think you'd last long in a relationship that was less than genuinely experienced as "right" by all parties.
When it's right, it just is.
Hang in there and keep your eye on the prize.


_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to DesertRat)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: High Expectations - 1/19/2006 7:18:16 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Aurora I think you are still getting into relationships too fast. Back in August you were talking with a couple...and then you had a dom...and then you ended it and said often that you got involved too quickly, and then you had another dom, long distance who encouraged you to play with others...and now this.

In less than a year.

The day before you posted this you started a thread on how to balance being true to yourself with a dom who wants you to cross your limits.

I know you've said you find it very difficult to ask the right questions of potential doms and that it's very hard for you to speak up about what you need and communicate openly.

Now, I don't know all the specifics, only what you've posted online. But you've posted enough for me to say that you really need to just focus on yourself for awhile, figure out what's driving you to NEED to be in a relationship, against what you KNOW the right and sensible thing is.

Do yourself a favor- give yourself a limit of being in ANY relationships for 6 months.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: High Expectations - 1/19/2006 11:10:45 AM   
EvilGeoff


Posts: 523
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
..... Now, I don't know all the specifics, only what you've posted online. But you've posted enough for me to say that you really need to just focus on yourself for awhile, figure out what's driving you to NEED to be in a relationship, against what you KNOW the right and sensible thing is.

Do yourself a favor- give yourself a limit of being in ANY relationships for 6 months.


I'll echo what LA is sharing here and re-inforce it with advice I've given (and seen given) many times:

If you keep getting into these same kinds of short term relationships relationships over and over again and they never work out, you need to do some serious soul searching and figure out WHY. Your "good partner" filter is broken and you need to reset your way of approaching relationships and selecting partners.

Stop trying to find a partner. Start trying to define who you are on _your_ terms. Once you know who and what you are and are secure in that, then you might have some luck finding a compatible person. If you don't know who and what you are and what you have to offer and what you need to be happy, healthy and whole as a person, how in the world can you expect someone who doesn't know you to?

YIK,
- Geoff

< Message edited by EvilGeoff -- 1/19/2006 11:11:52 AM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: High Expectations - 1/19/2006 1:13:47 PM   
Petruchio


Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

"Cheaply given, Cheaply valued".


It's been a while since I've heard that.

quote:

Aw cmon, everyone knows the path to true happiness is to give up what you really want, really need and compromise your personal values just for the sake of being in a relationship with someone.


(laughing) Go, Alby.


(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: High Expectations - 1/19/2006 2:51:47 PM   
aurora31


Posts: 266
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline 		Lucky,

Thanks for the adivice but I think something has gotten mixed up here. I have only been in one commited D/s relationship and that ended before I ever joined collareme. I have talked with many and even a couple of times thought that maybe I have found what I was looking for...but there was never anything past friendship with hopes that given time it would grow to something more. I even went so far on a couple of occasions as to stop talking with others with the intent of looking for a relationship in order to focus on what could be. I am still friends with all parties but given time it was decided that things were not going to progress past friendship.

I am in no hurry to rush into something. Part of the reason I post here is to get advice and other peoples views in order to avoid repeating past mistakes. I both of my last two threads I have given specific examples only to help clarify where I was coming from in my thought processes. The intent was to get in general advice to carry through in all my talks to help solidify in my mind the things I needed to do in order to find a healthy relationship. Yes I get very excited in the begining especially when things are starting to look really good. But so far I have managed to put the breaks on and not rush into a commitment.

When I finally commit to someone I intend it to be forever. But in order to find who that person is I need to "date" and get to know people. I know that meeting on-line is not the ideal way to do things...I would love to be able to go to a munch or demo and be able to meet like minded people face to face. Unfortunatly there is nothing very close to me and transportation has been a issue. One that I hope will soon be resolved. At which point I intend to try and be able to drive the two hrs each way at least every other month in order to attend a munch or demo.

I hope this clarifys some things.

aurora

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: High Expectations - 1/19/2006 3:37:57 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I am starting to wonder if my expectations for what I am looking for in a Dom/Master are to high. I want it all my best friend, lover, soul mate. I am looking for a 24/7 live in relationship. And I feel that it is very improtant that we share similar intrests, have common views and values. To Share simlar dreams and goals for the future. Since I am a singel parent I think we should share similar parenting styles. Share similar views and intrests lifestyle wise. I could go on and on.

My question is am I setting my expectations for what I want in Dom/Master so high that no one will ever meet them?


Sounds a little "toppy from the bottom" but that too shall pass. I think there's a big differance between being selective and having a fantasy. I waited years until the right one came along. I had people I played with that were friends, but we were not intimate.

I think you need to be realistic. Men that are compatible don't grow on trees, and Doms that are compatible are even harder to find. When I read your 'laundry list' of requirements, it makes me wonder if you aren't forting yourself up and possibly finding ways to keep potential men away because they aren't 'perfect'. Just a thought.

I think if you want to meet someone who you may be able to enter into a long term committed D/s relationship with, the chances of finding him in the personals are slim. I would suggest that you find your local group, and go check them out. If nothing else, you get to meet like minded folks and probably open yourself up to opportunities for friendships and educational opportunities.

Kassie

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: High Expectations - 1/19/2006 4:04:39 PM   
aurora31


Posts: 266
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I think you need to be realistic. Men that are compatible don't grow on trees, and Doms that are compatible are even harder to find. When I read your 'laundry list' of requirements, it makes me wonder if you aren't forting yourself up and possibly finding ways to keep potential men away because they aren't 'perfect'. Just a thought.


I have asked myself this question many times. Part of the reason I started this thread was to try and find an answer to that. But I don't think it is so much perfect as it is fear. I know there is no "perfect" out there. I know that we all have good and bad that we all make mistakes. It is a matter of deciding what qualities are a must and what are not.

As for local groups as I stated earlier so far the closest I can find is a 2 hr drive away. I have found links to ones closer but when I try to contact I get no response. So I make due the best I can.

aurora

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: High Expectations - 1/19/2006 5:22:42 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Do not settle for less than you need! Do not promise more than you can give!

Know that this awareness is only good for the moment in time you consider it

For the next moment your feelings and thoughts from experience will change.

What you need and what you can give changes with experience and time.




< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 1/19/2006 5:28:36 PM >

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: High Expectations - 1/19/2006 5:27:05 PM   
NeedToUseYou


Posts: 2297
Joined: 12/24/2005
From: None of your business
Status: offline 		I'd think the question you should ask yourself. Is being in a non-ideal relationship more important than possibly not finding mister/misses right. The answer is different for different people, some are willing to put up with alot of things they don't like because of the desire for companionship and they love the good qualities the other possesses though not all of them. For some only perfection will do. Both can be happy or miserable if they don't know what they really "need" in a relationship or compromise to much depending on there unique personalities.

I guess, the question is how tolerant are you of your partners flaws. You'd have to be very honest with yourself because there is no wrong answer. If you are the type that is pretty laid back about things, well you might try reaching outside the box a little more. If most of your past relationships have ended up with you focusing on the negative aspects of the person you are seeing, well, you probably shouldn't go outside that box.

I don't think this is really a question that can be answered by anyone else though ultimately.

(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: High Expectations - 1/19/2006 5:36:58 PM   
aurora31


Posts: 266
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you KOM. As always you have wise words of advice that have given me much to think about.

aurora

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: High Expectations - 1/20/2006 12:12:26 AM   
ExistentialSteel


Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline 		Waiting for the one perfect person to the point where you abstain from relationships is a self-defeating, erroneous conviction. I’ve never found a perfect match until I have gotten to know someone on profound levels. People are complex and it takes time to find jewels. If you are experiencing life your perfect person may come from where least expected. A lot could happen. Your view of what you want may change or the other person could change into someone who mesmerizes you. Why waste your life waiting for ideal situations? We learn as we improve. We learn about others and our opinion of them improves.

< Message edited by ExistentialSteel -- 1/20/2006 12:14:15 AM >

_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: High Expectations - 1/20/2006 1:27:06 AM   
fldrkhorse


Posts: 158
Joined: 11/5/2005
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Seek and ye shall find. Catchy huh? I just made that up and feel free to quote me.

_____________________________

I'm not where I need to be, but I'm better than I was yesterday.

Namaste, I honor the divine in you

(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: High Expectations - 1/20/2006 1:54:00 PM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline 		quote:

"Cheaply given, Cheaply valued".

It's been a while since I've heard that.

===============================

yes welllllllllllllllllllllllllll

the issue "I" see is far too many people always want something good for nothing........
so the cheaply given..is what is EXPECTED........................

i have found very very few people on this planet willing to go the extra mile for something of value..
they all want it for nothing and on a silver platter..........



_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to Petruchio)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: High Expectations - 1/20/2006 2:07:08 PM   
KittenWithaTwist


Posts: 490
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		All I can say is this:

I thought I wanted it all too. When I first started out, I wanted the TPE, the 24/7, the on my knees, service-oriented, constant S&M fantasy. What I have now is rather indescribable, but makes me happier than I have ever been.

I find that when you aren't looking, you find what you need the most.

_____________________________

"Time travel: It's a cornocopia of disturbing concepts." ~Ron Stoppable

(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 37
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