I'm not sure

I'm not sure (Full Version)

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daddysgurl2l -> I'm not sure (2/19/2009 2:38:38 AM)
if a sub asks her owner if he's going to sleep with another woman she knows of and he says he will not after a long disscusion and the sub says if he must she would simply like to know if he's going to and he still says he's not going to sleep with the woman .... a week later the sub finds out he did after all without telling her and there never being any other women does it make sense for the sub to be hurt what should the sub feel?

simpleplan2 -> RE: I'm not sure (2/19/2009 2:42:50 AM)
First off, you have a right to feel whatever you feel...no one can tell you how you should feel. Secondly, he lied to you. Why wouldn't you be hurt? Of course, this is presuming that what you "found out" is fact. I'd prolly confront him with it and, depending upon what he said, decide what to do after that. good luck.

daddysgurl2l -> RE: I'm not sure (2/19/2009 2:45:55 AM)
proof was fact I confronted him he said he was sorry and would never do it again I'm not leaving but it doesn't feel right every thing going back to normal

simpleplan2 -> RE: I'm not sure (2/19/2009 2:51:50 AM)
Well, if you're not leaving, then you pretty much have to suck it up and move on. Be hurt...then get over it.

sirsholly -> RE: I'm not sure (2/19/2009 2:55:17 AM)
He betrayed your trust by both sleeping with her and lying to you. Of course you have every right to be hurt and angry.

Focus50 -> RE: I'm not sure (2/19/2009 3:24:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daddysgurl2l if a sub asks her owner if he's going to sleep with another woman she knows of and he says he will not after a long disscusion and the sub says if he must she would simply like to know if he's going to and he still says he's not going to sleep with the woman .... a week later the sub finds out he did after all without telling her and there never being any other women does it make sense for the sub to be hurt what should the sub feel? You have every right to your own feelings. You also have the right to decide if you really wanna be with a lying arsehole who's a slave to his own dick. He has that right, of course, (everyone's actions define who they really are...) but from where I sit, his actions aren't compatible with your needs and the obvious and sensible thing to do is dump his transparently sorry arse. Yep, it's easy when I have nothing invested in the outcome - but it also allows uncluttered clarity.... Focus.

BondageBarbieX -> RE: I'm not sure (2/19/2009 3:25:38 AM)
Of course you have the right to be both hurt and angry.

Leonidas -> RE: I'm not sure (2/19/2009 3:26:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daddysgurl2l if a sub asks her owner if he's going to sleep with another woman she knows of and he says he will not after a long disscusion and the sub says if he must she would simply like to know if he's going to and he still says he's not going to sleep with the woman .... a week later the sub finds out he did after all without telling her and there never being any other women does it make sense for the sub to be hurt what should the sub feel? If I told you what you should feel, would you feel differently? How about you focus on what you do feel. You're hurt and pissed off. I don't know all the context here, but if you were having "long discussions" about it, I'm guessing that his sexual interest in this other woman was fairly clear. So, you managed to extract an assertion from him that he wasn't going to act upon that interest (after a "long discussion") that he went back on. Your first step out of your predicament is to recognize that your strategy of having a "long discussion" until he gives in ain't going to work. Pretend for a moment that he just handed you a note that reads: I MIGHT SAY WHAT I HAVE TO SAY TO SHUT YOU UP SOMETIMES, BUT I'M GOING TO DO AS I DAMN WELL PLEASE. Read it, and believe it. Now, do you still want to be there? If so, how will you behave differently in the future, as not to waste your time and his, and set yourself up to be disappointed and pissed off again? Notice I'm asking what you're going to do, not what he ought to do, or what you should try to get him to do. In your situation, young Miss, that is all you can bank on.

daddysgurl2l -> RE: I'm not sure (2/19/2009 4:38:09 AM)
thank you all

peppermint -> RE: I'm not sure (2/19/2009 5:27:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daddysgurl2l proof was fact I confronted him he said he was sorry and would never do it again I'm not leaving but it doesn't feel right every thing going back to normal Yes, cheaters are always sorry. My second husband used to confess his naughty affairs when he was drunk and ask for forgiveness. Then he'd forget he'd confessed and confess the next time he got drunk too. Since he never remember confessing, he stayed properly guilty inbetween confessions.

subangi -> RE: I'm not sure (2/19/2009 6:26:10 AM)
Lies, pain, and guilt are never healthy ingredients for any relationship. Look at yourself....arent you worthy of a healthy, honest relationship? I would think...yes. Easier said than done,,,, but will you ever have trust again? I think you know the answer, and know what you need to do....just read what you wrote and pretend it is someone else that wrote that....what advice would you give?

LaTigresse -> RE: I'm not sure (2/19/2009 6:54:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daddysgurl2l proof was fact I confronted him he said he was sorry and would never do it again I'm not leaving but it doesn't feel right every thing going back to normal So be hurt or whatever, but if your staying, your consenting. Suck it up and deal. Oh yeah, I almost forgot............he will do it again.

SimplyMichael -> RE: I'm not sure (2/19/2009 7:13:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leonidas quote: ORIGINAL: daddysgurl2l if a sub asks her owner if he's going to sleep with another woman she knows of and he says he will not after a long disscusion and the sub says if he must she would simply like to know if he's going to and he still says he's not going to sleep with the woman .... a week later the sub finds out he did after all without telling her and there never being any other women does it make sense for the sub to be hurt what should the sub feel? If I told you what you should feel, would you feel differently? How about you focus on what you do feel. You're hurt and pissed off. I don't know all the context here, but if you were having "long discussions" about it, I'm guessing that his sexual interest in this other woman was fairly clear. So, you managed to extract an assertion from him that he wasn't going to act upon that interest (after a "long discussion") that he went back on. Your first step out of your predicament is to recognize that your strategy of having a "long discussion" until he gives in ain't going to work. Pretend for a moment that he just handed you a note that reads: I MIGHT SAY WHAT I HAVE TO SAY TO SHUT YOU UP SOMETIMES, BUT I'M GOING TO DO AS I DAMN WELL PLEASE. Read it, and believe it. Now, do you still want to be there? If so, how will you behave differently in the future, as not to waste your time and his, and set yourself up to be disappointed and pissed off again? Notice I'm asking what you're going to do, not what he ought to do, or what you should try to get him to do. In your situation, young Miss, that is all you can bank on. It is a rare day when a gorian and I agree but I have to agree with this.

tazzygirl -> RE: I'm not sure (2/19/2009 8:35:00 AM)
~grins at michael's post~ Sometimes even goreans are smart, huh? i happen to enjoy the posts by Master Leonidas. as far as the OP. you can look at this a few ways. one, he had an itch to scratch. he scratched, most men will. maybe he is lying to you by saying it will never happen again... maybe not. does he still express any interest in her? seems like, by your posts, he may have before which tipped you off and made you question. maybe she was terrible in bed and he found out? maybe he had such a case of the guilties that he wont do so again? thats the optimistic view. now for the pessimistic one. how many times has he cheated that you didnt find out about? men, god bless them, are creatures of habit, so its told. he cared more about what he was sliding into then who he was in a relationship with. you have to decide, in your own mind, if you are willing to take second place to the next woman who makes him itch. its a hard decision and it took me four years to make my own. i do wish you luck

TreasureKY -> RE: I'm not sure (2/19/2009 8:36:48 AM)
So you're asking if it's okay to be upset if you find out you've been lied to?

subtlebutterfly -> RE: I'm not sure (2/19/2009 8:40:26 AM)
sigh the difference between various interpretations of the word submissive. That's all I have to say.[8\|]

DesFIP -> RE: I'm not sure (2/19/2009 8:49:59 AM)
FR Yes things have gone back to normal, normal being him lying right and left. Now that you know he isn't to be trusted, the ball is in your court. You can hope he had the sense to use a condom, although you can't believe him if he claims to have. If you stay with him, be sure you folks use protection from now on, condoms and dental dams since you can catch diseases through unprotected oral sex. Remember; no glove, no love. Or you can allow him to risk your life. Your call

tazzygirl -> RE: I'm not sure (2/19/2009 8:53:45 AM)
yes there are various interpretations of the word submissive... i happen to believe there are different depths as well. whats yours, subtlebutterfly?

Lockit -> RE: I'm not sure (2/19/2009 8:59:05 AM)
Many may have an itch to scratch... but they are honest about it. It isn't always the itch that's the problem.. but how they conduct themselves when they have an itch. It is easier to deal with an itch than it is a lie. It's clear he lied... you will do what you will... just don't get so caught up in his lie's that you lie to yourself. Hang in there and think about your needs.

KatyLied -> RE: I'm not sure (2/19/2009 9:05:05 AM)
Maybe if you'd not brought it up so much he wouldn't have found it so appealing.

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