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RE: Advice for a new girl - 2/21/2009 12:33:19 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
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hehe - i met my Sir after 3 emails on cm. He doesn't like chatting on line, so suggested we get together and chat, and we did. The other doms i was chatting with were pipped to the post, so to speak. I did everything wrong and still ended up with a man who knocks my socks off! - with a cane and a single tail *grins*

the point is, is to do what feels right to you -and don't expect to be calm and "ready". You won't. You'll be nervous and scared and thats ok - for one thing it will help keep you safe. Meeting for the first time is kind of like babies - you aren't ever ready, but when it happens it's great!

The other thing you need to research is sub frenzy. Most of us have a bad case of sub frenzy when looking for our first dom, and a little knowledge would be very helpful for you. That way, maybe you can avoid that particular problem. Of course, i didn't know about it, had it, and survived anyway. But you would be better off knowing.

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Post #: 21

RE: Advice for a new girl - 2/22/2009 11:41:05 AM

MMagic

Posts: 183
Joined: 2/9/2009
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Thanks Butterfly...ok I only wrote back because I just watched Death Proof and your name reminded me of Butterfly.
The woods are lovely dark and deep, and I've got places to be and miles before I sleep..did you hear me butterfly..miles to go before you sleep...Sorry I couldn't resist!

LOL
Seriously though I'm waiting until I meet before I jump the gun. Thanks all for your advice. Feel free to keep it flowing, it's why I posted this in the first.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlebutterfly

Okay can I be honest with you?..well ok I don't really care whether you say yes or no ..you get my opinion anyway :P
Surely I may be wrong and all that but ...erm..you say you've been here for two weeks and already met 3 doms that you really really really like? I honestly find that a PHENOMINAL success in only 2 weeks. I'd advice you to be careful and should you hold something back? Yes I believe you should hold some things back before you've gotten to know them really well (preferrably met them in real life)
I agree with what's been said on here..just 'cause you're kinky doesn't mean you're supposed to stop thinking like a vanilla. You take the normal caution when meeting in r/l as well as when giving personal information online (especially details!).
My recipe for deciding on what you should do would be: using a slight amount of heart, a considerable amount of mind and a few of tons of logic.

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Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. -Mae West

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Post #: 22

RE: Advice for a new girl - 2/22/2009 12:25:27 PM

ItzKat

Posts: 86
Joined: 6/29/2005
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Congratulations on finding your kink. It is clear you know you have submissive tendencies but you are you just at the beginning of your disovery. Finding people here is certainly one way to go about it. Personally, I am always a little suspicious of these long distance suiters. It seems to me that most are just looking for someone far enough away to have fantasies with. Surely if they are active there are poeple near by they can play with.

Here is another way you can get to know people and find a compatible Dom... find a local club or organization such as Power Exchange, Black Rose or Society of Janus. I am not sure how many are out there but it seems that every city has at least one. This is a place where you can meet others in the scene, get some information and safely explore your own desires. Join the club, volunteer to help out at play parties and go to classes. You will learn great ideas, safety guidelines and meet some pretty amazing people.

Remember not everyone that is kinky does it the same way. We all get different things out of this. Finding a local club can give you the time and space to discover what you want. Once you know what you like/don't like, you have a good basis to start from. Then a Dom can help you explore more.

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That which does not kill us... can really mess up our hair!

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Post #: 23

RE: Advice for a new girl - 2/24/2009 4:01:47 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MMagic

I have been honest with all involved. And I must say I'm a little wierded out by the prospect of having to just pick one and focus on him without having talked to anyone else.
As a reasonably intelligent woman, it would be stupid of me to do so and while I understand Doms have the whole "pride" issue, we live in the real world. It cannot be expected of a woman to not get to know people she's talking to, to make sure that she clicks and the person isn't nuts.

Sorry but I can't agree with you there. I'd like to NOT end up on the back of a milk carton thank you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

LOL wow.. I must be wired weird. When I was dating, it could be 1 man, or more that I would spend time with. I went dancing with some, surfing with others, ect. It wasn't until I decided who I liked enough to get intimate with, that I decided there was only room for one in my life.
It seems odd to me to focus on one so quickly.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

I'm confused; why *3* doms at once....? This is how you dated in your vanilla relationships? And assuming each dom knows about the others, seems to me they maybe not as interested in you the individual so much as you, "available newbie meat"....

Lol, and I never put myself in a position of being one of those male drones hoping to be the chosen one of the apparent many. Date as many as you like, I s'pose, but I can't help thinking that if you're honest and up-front about these multiple liasons, then I wouldn't be the only one removing myself from the *contest*. Some of us males are burdened with pride, standards and self respect, too, don'tchaknow....

Focus.

Ok, first of all, I trust you (as "a reasonably intelligent woman") noted I was responding to Missokyst in this instance and not you, yes?

So what's this "real world" you're talking about - the one where you apparently can't prioritise between someone living across town vs someone living across the Atlantic freakin' Ocean?

And you're NOT "weirded out" that someone waaaay across the Atlantic, who you've never met and are unlikely to, is still interested even though he knows you (whose "been honest with all involved"), are just across town from one of his rivals? Dunno what this "milk carton" bizzo is but you seem to have your red flags backwards or quite an ego blazing. <shrugs>

Focus.

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Post #: 24

RE: Advice for a new girl - 2/25/2009 2:17:00 PM

angelinamaddox

Posts: 10
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline

My advice is to wait at least six months before meeting them. Use that time to get to know them, establish trust. When you do first meet one, make it in a very public place and keep it that way, then move down the next steps later, but definately wait. I know you are new to this, and I have years of experience with this, and know what I am talking about from both sides of the whip. So my best advice can be to wait and get to know them, and think practically too, the one in the UK will most likely never work, so concentrate on what can.

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RE: Advice for a new girl - 2/25/2009 3:21:21 PM

maybemaybenot

Posts: 2817
Joined: 9/22/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelinamaddox

My advice is to wait at least six months before meeting them.

6 months ?
If you met a guy at the laundrymat and struck up a conversation and were attracted to him, would you only write letters or speak on the phone to him for six months before you met him for a date ?

I can only speak from my own perspective, but the sooner I meet a potential new partner face to face, the better I will get to know him. I don't believe one really
" gets to know" anyone online only. You get snipets and edited versions. That's just my opinion and how I work.
Example : Me: I am a hospice nurse. I am on call for one week every 6 weeks. 24/7. So I am chatting online to someone and have all night to chat my brains out. I can triage calls while I am chatting if need be and if I have to go out to see a patient I can sign off. In real life, it's a little different. We make plans to attend a function, we go to said function and I get a call. Not quite as cute for my partner if I have to run off for a few hours and leave him there, or have to spend 1/2 hour on phone explaining a procedure to a family member.
I would much rather e mail a few times, perhaps chat, altho I am not a chatter, but phone works for me and meet fairly soon. If it isn't what I or he expected, we haven't wasted each others time and can move on.
YMMV.

mbmbn

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When tolerance is not reciprocated, tolerance becomes surrender.

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Post #: 26

RE: Advice for a new girl - 2/26/2009 7:50:17 PM

MMagic

Posts: 183
Joined: 2/9/2009
Status: offline

>>Ok, first of all, I trust you (as "a reasonably intelligent woman") noted I was responding to Missokyst in this instance and not you, yes?

So what's this "real world" you're talking about - the one where you apparently can't prioritise between someone living across town vs someone living across the Atlantic freakin' Ocean?

And you're NOT "weirded out" that someone waaaay across the Atlantic, who you've never met and are unlikely to, is still interested even though he knows you (whose "been honest with all involved"), are just across town from one of his rivals? Dunno what this "milk carton" bizzo is but you seem to have your red flags backwards or quite an ego blazing. <shrugs>

Focus.<<

LOL,

Yes I do have an ego as does everyone in existence. Now if you're hinting that I'm not giving you your respect as a Dom..well it is known by the ones that I'm talking to, when I'm not in the bedroom or on my knees in front of said Dom, then I'm not at ALL submissive. But I digress since I don't know you and you don't know me, could be we're misunderstanding each other.

As for prioritizing...I don't even think that has anything to do with this. While I can't travel to the UK now, in a few months...who knows. It's not priorities, it's preference, two different things all together. And while it may not seem wierd to YOU to pick one person and say ok I'm going with this one, I and apparently several other subs here don't operate that way and see it as lunacy to even think so. You, I and everyone else here has differing opinions. Period. I don't happen to agree with yours nor you mine. I also don't have to take your advice, just as you didn't have to give it. That's my long winded way of saying, we'll agree to disagree and walk away.

Now..I did get to meet one of the Doms today. And had a very nice time! He, as he is online, very easy to talk to and quite attractive. So we'll keep speaking and see how much further it develops, if it does. But I did like him a lot...that's putting it mildly, lol. I don't click with people easily nor trust them easily and my instincts rarely if ever lead me wrong about people, so I follow it often. We get along like old friends who've known each other forever. Had a very nice time with him and yes ladies I was in a public place and all safe, had my safe call set up and cell phone picture of him sent to safe call party, lol.

Thanks all again for the advice and I do mean all, even the snippy bits, lol. It all helps me think. If you're interested in further developments just message me, I'm moving on to other threads to see what more interesting things I can learn.

Love and light all

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Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. -Mae West

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RE: Advice for a new girl - 2/26/2009 7:52:59 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
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glad to hear you had a good time!

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