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shanaya -> RE: feeling low (2/21/2009 1:44:02 AM)
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I agree that sub drop could very well be the case, I have suffered that before quite a few times, thankfully it passes within a day or two.
It also might be worth considering if maybe deep inside you have come to a point that you want the comfort of having him stay all night, and wanting more . I only am mentioning it due to my own past experience so i could be well of base. I met my first Dominant when I was 40 years old, it is now 4 years later and around a year ago I began to feel that overwhelming sadness whenever we got offline, off the phone or after a visit, I knew there was no future by then, although secretely deep down I hoped there would be ...... that deep down I didn't like to admit it to myself.
He is 42 and has never been married or had a live in relationship with another woman for many, many years. He can be caring, kind, understanding, and loving, yet on the other hand he can be such a perfectionist that no matter how hard you try you will never come up to par, and other traits that a Man ends up with when he only has to think of his own needs for most of his adult life which are not conducive to forming a healthy relationship. Upon realising that my importance to him was nowhere what i would have ever considered acceptable before meeting him ( as the result would be my needs and self value would suffer )
I sat down and realised i was not getting any younger, that i not only wanted a future with someone who would spend the night with me but who i could share my life with daily. After many months of arguing, as i hadn't realised how resentful deep inside i had become towards him, from comments that would wound the most confident woman down to smaller comments said a few years back that had taken on their own life form a volcano of emotions , good and bad came spilling out. I looked back at the time after he left etc that my mood would drop to a new time low, I finally faced that my mood was caused by the empty feeling of loneliness and life passing me by, all so I could have sometime with him.
I had invested so much of myself, I gave him my submission, all I wanted was to please him and I loved him with all my heart but he was never going to give me more. I took stock and removed my leather wristband and cried myself to sleep, it wouldn't be the first night of crying until sleep took over, many more nights followed. I am not yet healed but I'm taking all the right steps , I'm being kind to myself, going out and meeting new people, and spending time with friends, family and doing my artwork and studying.
This my not be the case with you, as it may just well be sub drop but I felt it worth mentioning just in case, as I know it can be so hard to even imagine life without him, that going there in thought can just be to frightnening but imo it is worth it as life stops for no one. My apology if i'm off base and best luck and warm wishes
~shanaya~
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