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a very public display - 2/21/2009 2:55:09 AM

InTonguesslave

Posts: 342
Joined: 2/6/2009
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i found a thread from another site. the gist was that because a Master felt that his slave tended to forget her place in public he had threatened to take her to a supermarket/mall and have her either kneel at his feet or lie face down on the floor.

i dont remember if that was naked or not.

maybe its because im english and outward displays of private issues are uncomfortable for me. but i find this idea really irritating. how is it appropriate to involve the unsuspecting public in your personal life. how isnt it arrogant to assume that this behaviour is actually innappropriate and how ignorant can you be that you cant for one minute consider that there will be children and elderly people shopping there who on various levels will find the spectacle alarming.

i have no truck with people wanting to express themselves joyfully in public, led by a lead, if its done sympathetically etc, wearing certain clothes and going it LARGE. but to use a public place to settle a private matter feels wrong.

noone else from any other walk feels the need to air their private life publicly, why should we be so arrogant or are there some of us who feel so fiercely that we should be accepted that they dont care if they upset the sensibilities of kids their parents and their grandparents - surely thats just going to make people resentful and angry rather than excepting, so it cant be that, so what is it - i say arrogance.

... or am i just an english prude (god i hope not)

Post #: 1

RE: a very public display - 2/21/2009 3:57:49 AM

wewalkamongyu

Posts: 75
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline

I couldn't agree more. You are no prude. It is just wrong to do that in public. It gives us all a bad name. We don't need another negative story in the news, and that is exactly what it could lead to.

(in reply to InTonguesslave)

Post #: 2

RE: a very public display - 2/21/2009 4:00:56 AM

MidMichCowboy

Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline

I totally agree with you. If I was there with my ummms, I'd have you arrested.
There are parts of life that are totally inappropriate to share with the public. Using them as part of a punishment, is just wrong.
For society to work, we must respect the rights of others. What we do in private, within boundaries, is our business. In our interactions in public, we much take into account others. If people get upset at two people of the same sex, holding hands - tough. They have the same rights as any other couple. If a couple wants to parade naked in the supermarket to validate their lifestyle, they have went too far. They have now infringed on others rights.

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to InTonguesslave)

Post #: 3

RE: a very public display - 2/21/2009 4:02:42 AM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

Hey, Cowboy...but parading around the barn nekkid is still okay, right?

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to MidMichCowboy)

Post #: 4

RE: a very public display - 2/21/2009 4:07:30 AM

purepleasure

Posts: 6941
Joined: 4/9/2004
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
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you got it perse, as long as everyone in the barn is cool with it, and doesn't involve an unsuspecting and unwilling bystander.

I'm with the OP on this matter, by the way. There are just some things that are inappropriate to do in a public setting where there are children, or people not involved in wiitwd.

_____________________________

Patience, grasshopper.

Your stupidity does not impress me.

blame it on your hormones!!! - beerbug aka ydd

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 5

RE: a very public display - 2/21/2009 4:09:28 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
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what Peaches said

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Post #: 6

RE: a very public display - 2/21/2009 4:15:03 AM

persephonee

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Well, of course i agree that its unethical and more than rude to include people in a public setting in something private and usually associated with sex. i have to live here too...meaning in society.

i get uncomfortable in private situations...invited to someones home for dinner for example...if i am then forced to witness an intense display of their private dynamic...whether its kinky or just a regular old bickering match...i came for dinner and conversation, not to watch someone dom their partner or argue over who was supposed to take the garbage out.

If i were to see something in the grocery store...i would more than likely become quite irritated.

Now, back to that barn concept.....*mind wanders*

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to purepleasure)

Post #: 7

RE: a very public display - 2/21/2009 4:39:19 AM

MidMichCowboy

Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

Hey, Cowboy...but parading around the barn nekkid is still okay, right?

Isn't that one of the reasons you have a barn?

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 8

RE: a very public display - 2/21/2009 4:44:41 AM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
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i would think thats the only reason to have one these days....but im kind of a one track mind sort of girl lately.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to MidMichCowboy)

Post #: 9

RE: a very public display - 2/21/2009 4:48:44 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MidMichCowboy

quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

Hey, Cowboy...but parading around the barn nekkid is still okay, right?

Isn't that one of the reasons you have a barn?

one of them.

not that i am ever nekkid in the barn...course not! Never ever. Nope...not me.

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)

(in reply to MidMichCowboy)

Post #: 10

RE: a very public display - 2/21/2009 5:08:59 AM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslave

i found a thread from another site. the gist was that because a Master felt that his slave tended to forget her place in public he had threatened to take her to a supermarket/mall and have her either kneel at his feet or lie face down on the floor.

i dont remember if that was naked or not.

maybe its because im english and outward displays of private issues are uncomfortable for me. but i find this idea really irritating. how is it appropriate to involve the unsuspecting public in your personal life. how isnt it arrogant to assume that this behaviour is actually innappropriate and how ignorant can you be that you cant for one minute consider that there will be children and elderly people shopping there who on various levels will find the spectacle alarming.

i have no truck with people wanting to express themselves joyfully in public, led by a lead, if its done sympathetically etc, wearing certain clothes and going it LARGE. but to use a public place to settle a private matter feels wrong.

noone else from any other walk feels the need to air their private life publicly, why should we be so arrogant or are there some of us who feel so fiercely that we should be accepted that they dont care if they upset the sensibilities of kids their parents and their grandparents - surely thats just going to make people resentful and angry rather than excepting, so it cant be that, so what is it - i say arrogance.

... or am i just an english prude (god i hope not)

Difficult to pinpont the motive behind the sentiment, but it's certainly misguided. Does he really want the embarrassment of being thrown out of a shop? On the other hand, perhaps he has no intention of following through on the threat, and rather the idea is to instill a spot of fear, which again seems an odd way of imposing discipline.

Privacy is an obsession in England and we identify with our homes to the extreme. How many other nations in the world actually give their homes a name? Not a number and a street name, but an actual name such as Dumroamin or Shady Leas. I think it speaks volumes for the importance we place on our homes, our individuality and our privacy; which means that airing our dirty laundry in public is avoided at all costs. There's nothing prudish about that; it's a matter of the private and public arena having their separate functions.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to InTonguesslave)

Post #: 11

RE: a very public display - 2/21/2009 5:41:06 AM

silkncarol

Posts: 318
Status: offline

I agree with the previous posters.....I don't believe you should involve unsuspecting people or possibly minors in your kink or other private personal relationship dynamics.

_____________________________

We attract hearts by the qualities we display. We retain them by the qualities we possess.

Shoes can change your life................. Cinderella

(in reply to NorthernGent)

Post #: 12

RE: a very public display - 2/21/2009 5:48:52 AM

shorn

Posts: 30
Joined: 1/31/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MidMichCowboy

quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

Hey, Cowboy...but parading around the barn nekkid is still okay, right?

Isn't that one of the reasons you have a barn?

We keep Ponies in ours.

shorn has been on a leash in public, but only at things like the Greenwich Village Holloween Parade where it is rather conservative and can be shown on TV. shorn likes it but has no interest in either shocking people or getting arrested. There are bars and was a resturant in the Village where people on leashes are fairly common, and shorn has seen people kneeling by tables not sitting.

_____________________________

shorn

The thought of it staggered my mind and struck me with a wave of envious desire. To be in such a situation, bought for the night, available to anyone at the crook of a finger!

Phèdre – Kushiels's Dart

(in reply to MidMichCowboy)

Post #: 13

RE: a very public display - 2/21/2009 6:04:59 AM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

IMHO, I think behind this is one arrogant D who thinks if he carried this off, he would come off a hero with the ball scratching crowd and she would learn her lesson, when I believe in the contrary, he would look the buffoon. I say go for it and I guarantee it would be the last time he ever had any community respect and the last time she ever followed his "lead".

My Daddy once said, never make a threat you are not prepared to carry out--I say I doubledare the dude.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to InTonguesslave)

Post #: 14

RE: a very public display - 2/21/2009 6:12:42 AM

SirJ40

Posts: 164
Joined: 12/21/2008
Status: offline

Sooner or later, this concept shows up on every message board (at least once).. and I'm always torn. I have a problem with the general concept of "involving the vanilla public".. if I am not asking them to participate, I am not involving them. If they observe Me living My life and they don't like it .. DON'T LOOK.
I am not ashamed of My Life. I don't "flaunt it", but I don't like to hide it- now, that being said, this situation isn't one I'd likely find Myself proposing.. it just wouldn't do any good as a punishment. BUT.. If I am forced to be exposed to things every day that annoy, offend, or irritate Me.. for instance, I do not follow organized religions.. I am, in fact, so greatly against them that the sight of a religious bookstore or the like makes Me queasy.. anyhow, I see and am exposed to things every day that offend Me. But I don't rail and scream against the christian bookstore in the mall, I don't complain to mall management every time some needlessly obese teen with 2 or 3 or 4 illegitimate kids lets them run rampant and screaming in the diner or the shops or the mall.... I don't call the cops when the jehovahs come to the door, and the TV stations are still running feminine protection ads at dinner time.. so why should anyone who witnesses Me and babygirl out and about, enjoying our lives as a D/s couple, be allowed to become "offended" by it? Why do children have to be "protected" from it? It's a valid, loving lifestyle we have. It's far more functional and constructive than a thousand others I can think of. I'm not talking about flogging her in public or something.. I'm talking about her wearing a Collar, acting respectfully, and following Protocol. I've seen a few thousand dysfunctional couples this year alone that could all benefit from the addition of a little respect to their relationships.
We go out in public as D/s quite often. It is a "kink" for Me, maybe, but I enjoy being .. hmm.. not "obvious", but.. "unhidden". It DOES get funny looks and whispered comments. I don't give a shit. When someone can PROVE that I'm acting in an uncaring or uncivilized manner that damages the public well being, I'll consider addressing their concern. But if the redneck wife and child abuser with the trucknuts doesn't like it? Screw him. I don't care what he thinks. His lifestyle, attitude, and trucknuts offend Me.. so why do I care if I offend him?
And do you know what? When someone recognizes it for what it is, and is intelligent enough to respect it? That feels good for everyone involved.
So although I might disagree with making someone lie face down on a mall floor for health reasons... if I saw it in a mall? I'd wonder what that person did to deserve THAT.. but that's all.

(in reply to silkncarol)

Post #: 15

RE: a very public display - 2/21/2009 6:28:23 AM

marie2

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
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I agree with the essence of what you said, I'm going to take this from a general point of view rather than one of just bdsm. I don't think it's so much an issue of "consent" where the public is concerned. To me there are certain behaviors and actions (bdsm and otherwise) that aren't appropriate to display in public.

This seems to be another topic that gets particularly heated, and my observation is that it comes down to another case of bdsmers struggling to be accepted in society at large as bdsmers instead of just regular people. Therefore they feel they should be able to do those types of things and force others to accept it because god dammit we shouldn't have to hide in the closet blah blah blah. I wouldn't do something like this in public any more than I would have an argument with my partner in public. I guess if one wants to do something like that, they can, but they'll have to deal with the stares and comments, or worse yet, security or a cop coming over to tell them to get up off the floor. I can't see how laying down in a public establishment could be considered acceptable.

(in reply to InTonguesslave)

Post #: 16

RE: a very public display - 2/21/2009 6:58:36 AM

feydeplume

Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline

SirJ40 this one does come up eventually and I come down more on the "I have rights too" side than the "hide it in case some "innocent" is "damaged" by seeing me" side.

I am a pretty live and let live sort of person. I have seen way too much weird and bad and beautiful and miraculous not to be. I am not so arrogant to think that i understand every other human action that i see.

But yah know what? I do step in, as unwanted as it is to them, when the abusive spouse starts making a scene while i am having dinner. And i don't get into trying to embarrass them for their actions, I ask them if this violence is consensual between them. When (inevitiably) the aggressor yells at me for *interfereing*, I call over the manager and ask that they be removed and the police be called becaue I want to press charges for verbal assult as a hate crime. Same kinda thing when i see the sugared-up obese kids going all Lord of the Flies at dinner. Once the kid gives me and excuse to interfer, I do. AND i make it a big, loud, public thing. Cuz, bottomline here, I don't see why i should have to witness hateful violence with my dessert. I DID NOT CONSENT TO BEING WITNESS TO THEIR HATE.

When i see the teens walking around glued together at the hip and lip, I giggle. When i see the lovers feeding each other off thier plates, I smile. When small children ask my M about his blue hair, we kneel down and talk to the child. When i see the mother with 3 or 4 kids that are running her ragged but she is honestly trying to keep up with them AND get some othter task done, I offer her my help. It won't hurt me to open a door for a mom with a babe in arms and a toddler and a shopping cart and it MIGHT get into the head of the toddler that it is ok to be nice to strangers.

I try not to get confused about the differences between hate, love, and sex, in their many forms. I will not accept hate to go unchallenged and pretend that it is acceptable. I try to support love in it's zillion forms by witnessing it and letting it enrich my life. Sex is sex and happens all the time everywhere, more than hate or love. It's freekin' Spring people, what do YOU think pollin is? (my mother, a wise wacky woman, calls pollin bukkae and complains, laughing about snowballing when she coughs hard from her allergies). When i see sex around me, be it bugs, flowers, teens, or old people holding hands, I accept it. and I am thankful that it is happening. I don't necessarily want to be part of the sex (no one seems to even feel the need to put bugs on there hard limits list, it is just too deep a base assumption) but I am thankful that it is happening.

So to sort of make this ramble into really small bites...

ACTS OF HATE= me being "that guy" and calling them on it and if possible fucking thier day by calling the police in on it.
ACTS OF LOVE= me being supportive and happy and thankful that i get to see it.
ACTS OF SEX= get the fuck *wink* over it, it is happening all around you all the time and seeing sex isnt going to shock a grandma. Get real, HOW do to think she BECAME a grandma? it is (probably) not going to damage a child, they just won't get what the big deal is and think it is funny or weird or start their sexual education before they become sexually active, yanno like we teach people how to do a job before we make them do it (warning rant material here)

But what do i know about being socially acceptable and keeping my life to myself. Some day stop and think about that sentance. What do you really know about being invisable and being some mythical social norm.

*sigh* i think my soapbox is wearing out.

_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to SirJ40)

Post #: 17

RE: a very public display - 2/21/2009 6:58:59 AM

TwilightsKitten

Posts: 55
Joined: 2/10/2009
Status: offline

Odds are, that kind of behavior wouldn't be tolerated, and they'd be ask to leave. People have their freedom, but only if it doesn't intrude on someone else's. A leash in public, not a big deal, a collar, sure....but something like that? That's just asking for it. A collar and leash, in my eyes, is like a vanilla couple holding hands, its not a big deal. But something like that? That's just asking for an incident. People that would see it, are probably vanilla. The security, probably vanilla. So if someone complains, guess what....game over.

_____________________________

~*Kitten*~

Friend: "So, you're a cat boy?"
Me: "Cat girls need love too"

Mew!

[Straight, Male, Switch]

(in reply to marie2)

Post #: 18

RE: a very public display - 2/21/2009 7:14:41 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

recently i attended a fetish event to review a band performing at this bar/venue and this dominant was publicly reprimanded his submissive/slave (not really sure) outside in full view of witnesses who were or not part of the fetish event. next thing i saw blue flashing lights and handcuffs on the man. it turns out the bar/venue owner called the police and politely told the hostess of the fetish event to never come back again.

now was this bar owner in the right?

in Chicago, there are a few places that will allow fetish/kinky people to host parties for a higher extra fee than they would for an ordinary rock show.

_____________________________

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(in reply to InTonguesslave)

Post #: 19

RE: a very public display - 2/21/2009 7:18:17 AM

SassySarijane

Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline

You know...I'm kinky (big surprise there I'm sure!), but there are some things that shouldn't be done in public around people who most definitely did not consent to seeing it and who just may call the cops on you or tell the owner/manager of the place and have you tossed out for it.

Just because I'm into bdsm does not mean the entire world is nor do they have to be. It's individual choice and does not give one the right to slap others in the face with it or push it on them. I'm sure as hell not going to have an s/m session in the mall or grocery store or resturant where people aren't consenting to seeing it, nor am I going to have sex in those places like that.

There is a line between expressing yourself and involving others nonconsentually in your kink and a punishment scene as described with or without the sub being naked stands a good chance of getting them kicked out, possibly banned and maybe having a talk with police depending..

I play naked at play parties and walk around naked at them and don't think a thing of it. It's natural and accepted; and in fact at a party awhile back a top friend came into the play area and commented that he almost didn't recognize me with my clothes on *grin*. I just hadn't played yet so was still dressed, but I'm so not going to do that at a grocery store, mall, or resturant. I mean come on, let's not go overboard in expressing our kinky happiness ok?

_____________________________

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Deviant Mind
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(in reply to TwilightsKitten)

Post #: 20

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