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New sub confused.... - 2/21/2009 2:20:08 PM   
Ariella10


Posts: 17
Joined: 10/3/2008
Status: offline 		Right now i am wondering how to make this short and sweet.  i have recently met a Dom on here and we seem to have hit it off very well.  He has asked me to Journal him everday and to keep in touch. i have done so faithfully . It has been  a week and i havent heard a peep from him.  This might seem like a short amount of time to some, but when you are just starting out, this seems like an eternity. Is this something normal for alot of Dom's/Master's to do, bc it leaves me feeling rather abandoned here.  Do You think i am out or order, or should i have expected just a little feedback?  Thanks for Your time and replies. 
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: New sub confused.... - 2/21/2009 2:34:21 PM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline 		I am not a dom, of course, but I'd like to say if you are sending him your journal entries, you are sharing personal thoughts and feelings and if there is no response,  well, stop sending him your journals. You owe him nothing after a week of silence.  About 3 months after emailing back and forth daily to each other and then starting  phone contact, my Sir did not call me Friday evening, all day Sat or Sun.  My heart sank.  I will admit.  Monday morning he called and apologized as he was taking care of something (I know what it was) and had no phone, totally believably because of what and where he was.     I find this type of thing acceptable but not a week.  JMHO  
"I learn by going where I have to go."     
             ~~Theodore Roethke from "The Waking" 

(in reply to Ariella10)
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RE: New sub confused.... - 2/21/2009 2:34:34 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		Expectations are the hobgoblins that destroy new relationships. Unless it has been discussed you shouldn't expect anything, however if you didn't discuss it then maybe you should think about that.

As for what you describe I would be put off by it. If I was truely interested in someone I would make contact. Have you tried to write him and ask him why he isn't responding?

If your feelings aren't important to him is this someone you want owning you?

All things you may want to think about in the event that this doesn;t work out for next time.

Steel

_____________________________

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Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
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(in reply to Ariella10)
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RE: New sub confused.... - 2/21/2009 3:55:27 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		Communication is vital to any relationship.  If it is not present now, then it is doubtful it will get any better.  It is possible something has come up, but I would send a polite note letting him know that I would not be sending any further notes until he is able to correspond with me again.  It make him feel bad he hasn't been able to respond if something did go wrong and you will be sharing personal information with someone who has not earned that right if it is intentional, so just put a stop to it.  Just don't be guilty of doing the same vanishing act he has and tell him the score.

lovingpet

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: New sub confused.... - 2/22/2009 6:41:28 AM   
MasterBdybldr


Posts: 4
Joined: 2/14/2009
Status: offline 		Is it normal normal for a lot of Doms/Masters to do? Nothing on here is "normal" anymore...lol. But in all seriousness (which is rare for me), I would seriously think about this. You are writting him everyday with no resonse. Sure he could be busy or unavailable for a few days yes, a week?? Possible, but he can take a minute or two to quickly let you know that I feel. You said he hasnt written you back, have you looked at his profile to see when he was last on? Has he been on and just nor writting you, if so that is a clearer indication of what is going on I think.

Stop writting him all together and see how long it takes for him to write you and scold you for not writting everyday like he asked. If he does write you at that point, find out whats going on. If he doesnt write you, then you know its just a game to him.

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: New sub confused.... - 2/22/2009 7:01:54 AM   
VeryNastyDom


Posts: 403
Joined: 9/23/2006
Status: offline 		I am usually a good correspondent, replying within a day or so.  Even when I get very busy and cannot compose a thoughtful reply, I will zip off a "really busy right now, but will get back to you soon" type message if more than 48-72 hours have gone by.  A week is unacceptable for somebody that is truly interested, and "the dog ate my computer" is not a valid excuse in this age of web mail and public computers at libraries and such.

(in reply to MasterBdybldr)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: New sub confused.... - 2/22/2009 7:06:00 AM   
Leonidas


Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline 		Welcome to the wild and wacky world of online mating rituals.  Short and sweet?  Ok.  He had you start "journaling" to him to cut you from the herd and get you to stop talking to other dudes, then he forgot about you/got more interested in someone else.  Want a longer version?  Read on.

First thing for you to understand is that 90% of the membership of collarme is male.  That's not unique to collarme, it's pretty consistant for any internet site where there are pictures of naked girls and/or the opportunity for / possiblity of sex.  Since it's an environment where men vastly out-number women, the top priority for the men is to get noticed.  This generally means spamming every female member who is even remotely of interest.

The second priority is to try to get you to stop paying attention to all of the other men that are trying to get noticed.  This means moving a lot further a lot faster than would otherwise make any sense, for example telling you to put on your profile that you are "Under Consideration" after one mail back and forth or a few minutes of chat, or treating you as if you belong to them after a similarly small number of exchanges.  They couldn't possibly know whether they actually want you after a conversation or two.  It's all about cornering you until they can figure it out. 

Long story short, in your earstwhile Dom's fishing expedition here on Collarme, he got unusually lucky, and got more than one bite at the same time.  He kept the other one, and threw you back.  Better luck next time.




_____________________________

Take care of yourself

Leonidas

(in reply to Ariella10)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: New sub confused.... - 2/22/2009 7:23:55 AM   
Ariella10


Posts: 17
Joined: 10/3/2008
Status: offline 		A big Thank-You to all who wrote in.  i am settling with this much better now because of all the advice.  Yes, if someone is interested they would let you know. Unless there is a family emergency of dire straights, i see no reason for the silence.  Still, like its been said, it only takes a minute.  Take care all and again thanks.

(in reply to Leonidas)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: New sub confused.... - 2/22/2009 7:31:56 AM   
TwilightsKitten


Posts: 55
Joined: 2/10/2009
Status: offline 		I can't speak for everyone, but if I had found someone I was sincerely interested in, they'd hear from me everyday, at least to see how they are doing and whats going on. Even if I had a lot going on, it takes 20 seconds to fire off a mail saying you have a lot going on. The asking someone to write you journals thing isn't unheard of. I've asked it, and had it asked of me. But 1 week of silence....it leads me to think you weren't the only one he was interested in. Some people here are just after sex, be it real or cyber, and some to just toy with people. You can check your sent mail folder to see if they were even read or not, as well as being able to look up his profile and see when the last time he was on was. If they aren't read and he has been on, then its fairly obvious what is going on. Or, even if they are read and he has been on, the same picture is drawn. At the least, some response was warranted. In any event, I am sorry this has happened to you.

_____________________________

~*Kitten*~

Friend: "So, you're a cat boy?"
Me: "Cat girls need love too"

Mew!

[Straight, Male, Switch]

(in reply to Leonidas)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: New sub confused.... - 2/22/2009 9:41:25 AM   
lilgirl2008


Posts: 73
Joined: 1/4/2008
Status: offline 		I am going to get right to the point here. If a man doesn't contact you within a week, he just isn't that into you. Do not waste anymore time or energy on someone who doesn't deserve it. If something happened, he would contact you in some way within a few days. No one is ever that busy. If he is that unattentive now, think how he would be in a few months. Believe me when I say this, if a man in interested in you, be it a Dom or vanilla, he will want you around.

(in reply to Ariella10)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: New sub confused.... - 2/22/2009 12:53:36 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		His wife found out what he was doing and that's why he isn't responding. Or his mother, and in that case his computer priveleges have been taken away.

Common sense is your friend.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to lilgirl2008)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: New sub confused.... - 2/22/2009 5:55:59 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		As said above, he's just not that into you. Forget about him.

Block him so that he can't contact you with some lame excuse, and try to jack you around some more whenever he's done jerking around his "slave du jour". Then be on the lookout, in case he comes back with some other screen name.

Turn your jerk detector to the "on" position, so that you won't let this sort of thing happen to you again. Remember that online, as in real life, there are a lot of jerks, fools, etc. who will waste your time if you let them. So don't let them.

Insist on a reciprocal relationship, in which you get as much you give. Don't settle for less.

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to Ariella10)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: New sub confused.... - 2/22/2009 6:21:07 PM   
Ariella10


Posts: 17
Joined: 10/3/2008
Status: offline 		Oh lord, i'm laughing here.  Yes, my "jerk detector' is on high now.  Thank you for the smiles you gave me.  Yes, it looks like he did a good little number on me and 'cut me from the herd ' in an eloquent way.  But, i will be back in the saddle soon.  i have one particular Dom in mind.  Take care all and again many thanks!!

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: New sub confused.... - 2/22/2009 6:23:33 PM   
Crueltobekind


Posts: 10
Joined: 2/29/2004
Status: offline 		As much as I'd like to defend the guy by saying something may have come up in his life that prevents him getting in contact, it is unlikely. A week is a long time for someone to be unable to contact you. Even if his house burned down he could go to an internet cafe or something. A personal tragedy, again, doesn't stop him getting in touch.

Really the only reason why he wouldn't be able to do this is he's dead or in hospital. Both possible but it's more likely he's screwing you around.

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: New sub confused.... - 2/22/2009 7:01:31 PM   
serisa


Posts: 219
Joined: 9/28/2007
Status: offline 		just ask Him... 'if You wish me to continue, please let me know... or i will presume that you are no longer interested'.  Good luck and move on if you have no response after a few days of Him reading your message x

(in reply to Ariella10)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: New sub confused.... - 2/22/2009 8:12:51 PM   
WiseCracknSadist


Posts: 163
Joined: 10/27/2006
Status: offline 		Some people like to play games. Head games, power games, checkers, in the end it's all just for amusement. Then again he could have been in an accident or perhaps hospitalized, jailed. Life is organic and even though we'd like to travel in straight paths it often does not. I say continue to live life like you have always done. If he contacts you, all will be explained. If he does not you are on the path to find someone new.

(in reply to serisa)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: New sub confused.... - 2/23/2009 1:38:31 AM   
SirDarkside357


Posts: 393
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline 		I can't answer for him or anyone else, but as for me, one of my rules is to always stay in touch.  If I'm talking to a girl and she disappears, even for a few days, she had better have one very good reason that I'll believe, and I don't usually believe much.  If I am going to be away for more than a few days, I always let them know if I can, if not, I do as soon as I can.  But then, that's just me.

(in reply to Ariella10)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: New sub confused.... - 2/23/2009 6:44:16 PM   
Ariella10


Posts: 17
Joined: 10/3/2008
Status: offline 		Hi again.  Yes, i did send 2 very nice emails and then one last night that was straight to the point.  Which was, dont bother me again i'm not looking for a boy, i'm looking for a man.  What woman wants a boy, when there are so many real men out there who know what they want?  Take care all and happy hunting for that special one..........a

(in reply to SirDarkside357)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: New sub confused.... - 2/23/2009 7:28:26 PM   
Crueltobekind


Posts: 10
Joined: 2/29/2004
Status: offline 		Why belittle him? Even if the guy is an arsehole, which is still unproven, there's no need to lower yourself to that level.

(in reply to Ariella10)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: New sub confused.... - 2/23/2009 7:43:10 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Crueltobekind

Why belittle him? Even if the guy is an arsehole, which is still unproven, there's no need to lower yourself to that level.



(in reply to Crueltobekind)
Profile   Post #: 20
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