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RE: New sub confused.... - 2/23/2009 8:40:04 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

Expectations are the hobgoblins that destroy new relationships. Unless it has been discussed you shouldn't expect anything, however if you didn't discuss it then maybe you should think about that.


Steel


Hmmmmm, I agree to a large extent although I think that there are certian baselines (Though, others baselines may differ and that, to a large degree, proves Steel's statement :>  ).  Steel, I don't always agree but you do have a way of stating things sometimes that gives one pause. 
OP:  I'd ditch the dude.  It's too long a period of time to flake out, imo. 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: New sub confused.... - 2/24/2009 7:43:17 PM   
marysdream


Posts: 126
Joined: 5/31/2008
Status: offline
hmmm the first thought that came to mind, was is this on-line or have you met, i will assume because it seems to be the "thing" on here it is on-line..i have fallen into this so i am speaking from my experiences. first you do not even know if he is a true, natural Dom..which should be your goal....if he was he would not request such  activities to be done again on line! i just wish subs on here would be proud enough to stand up to these men..with a small m...meet  them here, is a great tool to learn about lifestyle interests, then quickly chat, phone if you feel safe, them meet! they should respect that you do not know who they are untill you meet them!
good luck
ree!

(in reply to Ariella10)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: New sub confused.... - 2/24/2009 9:47:10 PM   
MasterDelvin


Posts: 7
Joined: 3/25/2006
From: Austin, Texas
Status: offline
Would feel kinda crappy if he had a car accident and was in the hospital or worse...

careful with assumptions and advice

D


(in reply to marysdream)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: New sub confused.... - 2/24/2009 10:01:54 PM   
VAcontroldom


Posts: 65
Joined: 6/5/2005
Status: offline
C'mon, does the fact she got mad the guy poofed on her and now her profile is gone strike anyone as ironic?  Anyone?  Bueller?

(in reply to MasterDelvin)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: New sub confused.... - 2/25/2009 6:09:01 PM   
Ariella10


Posts: 17
Joined: 10/3/2008
Status: offline
Hi.  My profile is hidden right now bc i have decided to take a short break.  The only response i thought was serious was him, and now he is gone.  i am trying to get myself straightened out, so that when i do want to try again, i will be stronger and be able to give my all to the right Dom/Master. He would have been my 2nd Dom, and since the first one ended up cheating on me and treating me badly i think its time to get my head straight about what i really want. Thanks again for all the advice and help, talk soon.

(in reply to VAcontroldom)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: New sub confused.... - 2/26/2009 1:07:57 PM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline
You go girl !
You are responsible and accountable only to yourself.

Journey well .......... 

(in reply to Ariella10)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: New sub confused.... - 2/26/2009 5:57:36 PM   
InkedDsCouple


Posts: 14
Joined: 9/13/2007
Status: offline
indeed... if he didn't make contact for a week then he's probably just getting his kicks by stringing you along, most likely there are many others he does the same thing to... if he was truely interested in a relationship of any kind with you he would stay in regular contact with you

(in reply to Ariella10)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: New sub confused.... - 2/26/2009 6:19:03 PM   
Racquelle


Posts: 600
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline
I have some thoughts on journaling as an assignment, both in "our life" and in "real life".  I feel it is distinctly unkind to ask for anyone to journal and give no feedback in a reasonable amount of time - and not unkind in that delightful dommy way, just flat unkind.  You had every reason to expect feedback.  I see too often where journaling is given as an assignment in situations that are, at that moment, on-line only, as a way to essentially waste the sub's time and create an activity they can be ordered to do for which there is no thoughtful purpose.  To journal for yourself, to even journal for your dominant, can be a wonderful way to disclose thoughts, communicate, develop a discipline, and improve writing skills.  But if no one reads or cares about what you write enough to respond, why do it?  Journal for yourself if you feel it's a positive activity, and share your journal when someone comes a long who has truly earned entree to your private thoughts.  And yes, us dominants have to "earn it" too - by being responsive, trustworthy, decent.

I go through periods where I am super busy, can't respond quickly, and I recognize that tentative connections have been lost because I couldn't respond in a way that was conducive to keeping up the relationship.  I disclose that rather openly and do not try to excuse it away, and I don't try to deflect the blame on the other party.  It is very much my loss - and I hope this dominant understands it is his loss.

(in reply to InkedDsCouple)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: New sub confused.... - 3/4/2009 6:17:32 AM   
zero69u2


Posts: 107
Joined: 7/12/2004
Status: offline
Ariella10..
I have to agree with Leonides on this one.. You've Caught yourself a Internet Cylon.

the guy probably sent out quite a few inviting offers to potential submissives.. they usually try and capture more then they can handle and eliminate other male suitors as quickly as possible.. with Velcro Collars and Considered Ownership and Fancy Contracts.. With Internet Initiation Rituals.

You know how to narrow down the real Single Dominants from the internet Gamers.. Get their Phone Number/Messenger after a few emails.. what not and get straight to the point answers.  Are you Married, Are you seeing other Submissives, Where do i fit into your life in the next 3 months, Who's your Daddy and What does he do ? How many Children do you have ? What are your hobbies other then sex with strangers on the internet ? whatever questions might happen to be on your mind.. other then stalker questions.

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: New sub confused.... - 3/13/2009 6:39:17 PM   
MMagic


Posts: 183
Joined: 2/9/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leonidas

Welcome to the wild and wacky world of online mating rituals.  Short and sweet?  Ok.  He had you start "journaling" to him to cut you from the herd and get you to stop talking to other dudes, then he forgot about you/got more interested in someone else.  Want a longer version?  Read on.

First thing for you to understand is that 90% of the membership of collarme is male.  That's not unique to collarme, it's pretty consistant for any internet site where there are pictures of naked girls and/or the opportunity for / possiblity of sex.  Since it's an environment where men vastly out-number women, the top priority for the men is to get noticed.  This generally means spamming every female member who is even remotely of interest.

The second priority is to try to get you to stop paying attention to all of the other men that are trying to get noticed.  This means moving a lot further a lot faster than would otherwise make any sense, for example telling you to put on your profile that you are "Under Consideration" after one mail back and forth or a few minutes of chat, or treating you as if you belong to them after a similarly small number of exchanges.  They couldn't possibly know whether they actually want you after a conversation or two.  It's all about cornering you until they can figure it out. 

Long story short, in your earstwhile Dom's fishing expedition here on Collarme, he got unusually lucky, and got more than one bite at the same time.  He kept the other one, and threw you back.  Better luck next time.





I just had this happen to me in a similar but different way.  I wasn't asked to DO anything like journal, but we did meet, great chemistry, great kisses all of that. Then 2 days after, no more texts, no more calls. Or if I did get them it was once a day instead of all day like it was the first 3 weeks.  I use to get quick texts even when he was busy saying he was thinking of me. After our meeting he called immediately to ask how I felt about the meeting and said he was definitely interested in taking it further.  So I actually emailed and flat out asked hey..you're not talking to me like you use to..if you're not interested or testing the waters to see if you're sure about me, let me know.  I got a response back via IMs (the most he'd said to me in days btw) that said he was very interested, yes he talked to others but I was the only one he was interested in, felt like I was already his, blah blah blah and it goes on.  Next day. Not even so much as a hello.  I texted all day thinking something really awful must have happened and praying all was well with him.  Finally after hours of silence he finally texts back to say he'll text me later, busy day.  when he did text me it was talk to you tomorrow...I got up...nada other than a message on CM saying he wasn't sure why his profile says he had been on CM when he really wasn't (I'd checked there to see if at least he'd logged in and I could make sure he really was alive at least).  Message was brief and no other text or messages from him other than when I said I'd gotten his message on CM, he reponded with ok and nothing else..the rest of the day.

I finally said enough is enough and texted him and said ok, I'm backing off, you obviously aren't as interested as you were.  I thank you Leonidas for providing me what I suspect is the reason for this sudden departure from being so attentive, to barely saying a word to me all day.  What I don't get is..I can't speak for everyone else here, but I'm brutally honest and I have no misconceptions about why we're all here.  why I'm here. While I may not be into a one time, one night thing, why not just say, hey I was  into this chic, I was horny, I went and hooked up with her, I know you want long term, let's continue talking to see if it works out, you keep talking to other people, I'll keep talking...let's just see.  I have NO problem with that.  So why do people lie or evade when I say hey I'm cool so long as I know the entire deal up front?  I don't want any surprises, such as an angry sub walking up while we're out together saying hey you told me..blah or ME being that sub thinking we're one thing when we really aren't...Geesh, what a GREAT first experience I had.  Sorry, I'm still venting, I'll be fine tomorrow...today I'm dumb founded and upset.


_____________________________

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. -Mae West



(in reply to Leonidas)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: New sub confused.... - 3/13/2009 8:15:03 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

So why do people lie or evade when I say hey I'm cool so long as I know the entire deal up front?


Typical case of a guy being in it for the hunt, not the roast. Bummer.

(in reply to MMagic)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: New sub confused.... - 3/13/2009 9:09:43 PM   
masterlink65


Posts: 683
Joined: 11/3/2007
Status: offline
did this dom tell you he was going to journal you everyday? or just for you to contact him? one part of showing a potential master you are genuine and able to follow orders. i generally do the same thing during the interview process. i require slaves to keep in constant contact. sometimes i sit back and watch to see if this potential slave can follow the simple task of daily email. if a slave cannot follow that simple order, how is it going to be able to follow orders in a fulltime situation.

so again, i ask, did he tell he was going to write to you daily, or was it a simple order to see if you are capable of doing so. after all how hard is it to email someone daily? i am not saying i would do the same thing by ignoring you for a week. i am in constant contact with my slaves throughout the day. then again i am in a position to be able to do so.

maybe you can gently ask him what his intentions are. i dont see why he would tell you to keep daily contact if he wasnt interested in pursuing this. maybe something happened and he is legitimate. dont let others enourage you to do something you may regret. i agree that you should not belittle him, that solves nothing. maybe he was reading your mail waiting to see if you are going to react. and you did. maybe the only one who can answer all this is him


cheers

(in reply to Ariella10)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: New sub confused.... - 3/13/2009 9:41:13 PM   
Ihmenjo


Posts: 12
Joined: 6/18/2007
Status: offline
Point in fact, welcome to the world of online mating rituals...

I think you'll do fine with the advice given to you, but at the same time, do try to at least attempt to keep an open mind.  Hard to do, as it's a bit difficult to see the forest through the sleaze sometimes, but at the same time, there ARE good folks out there.  Just don't forget during those moments where you are wearing rose-colored glasses, and I assure you that all should be just fine.

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: New sub confused.... - 3/14/2009 3:08:41 PM   
IamFargo


Posts: 1
Joined: 3/12/2009
Status: offline
You are not his submissive until you both agree on the way a relationshipo will be. Stop acting like one. Until you actually submit to him, he cannot tell you a damn thing to do. So far it is one sided .. his. Drop him!

Fargo

(in reply to Ariella10)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: New sub confused.... - 3/14/2009 8:57:03 PM   
frazzle121


Posts: 116
Joined: 3/28/2007
Status: offline
She isnt his slave, she's a potential. If he cant be bothered to acknowledge her efforts, why should she hang around.  

Or as a sub/slave should we put up with being treated like idiots.

It would be nice, if just for once you answered the question raised, instead of the holy than thou attitude.    Oh and im answering for me, not my Master. Some of us slaves/subs have attitudes of our own and are allowed to state them.

(in reply to masterlink65)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: New sub confused.... - 3/14/2009 11:43:53 PM   
bestofgirls


Posts: 2
Joined: 2/18/2008
Status: offline
My two cents, with some experience at the search for Mr. Dominant online is this:

until you meet this man, you have no committments to him at all. If you are unhappy with how things are going, you should tell him so by email, and let him respond.

If he expects you to act like a collared sub when you haven't even met him, he's not a great Dom, in my opinion.

good luck girlie!!



_____________________________

good girl
strengthinsubmission at blogger

(in reply to frazzle121)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: New sub confused.... - 3/15/2009 11:07:16 AM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline
Try the living breathing in the flesh types  not the  random OL only  types ?

Better times are ahead , lesson learned .

(in reply to bestofgirls)
Profile   Post #: 37
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