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RE: new to lifestyle - 1/20/2006 7:23:58 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OscarHargraves
If you define yourself as a Slave then this is entirely true. However if you define yourself as a Submissive then you have choices too and one of those is to say no if you want too. (Just like most wives today.)

Actually slaves can easily be told by their owners that they can refuse orders on certain grounds.

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"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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Post #: 21

RE: new to lifestyle - 1/20/2006 8:49:22 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce
But then the question becomes if you only choose to submit to those things you want, to what are you really submitting?[/color]

Unfortunately this train of thought quickly tends to lead people down the path of "It's only submitting if you DONT like it."

I agree, My girls submit to my will... My authority in the relationship. Sometimes what I want happens to be what they want other times not so much. The submission is towards My Authority! Now a Dominants Authority can be limited. You see this in negotiation and the establishment of limits. In M/s relationships there is the perception that limits to Authority do not exist. But, often even in these relationships they do exist. For Example, My girls both are required not to take any action that would harm their Well-Being, no matter if it was my instruction or not. This is a prime directive and the basis of our Power structure.

I see alot of individuals focus on the idea that submission is to be distasteful or hard. That is not always the case. In my thought process... the acts of Submission are three basic groupings.

Passionate - These are the actions/behaviors a submissive takes great personally enjoyment in doing them. If able to, a submissive would choose to do them often.

Indifference - These are the actions/behaviors a submissive takes that provide no measurable affect upon them, emotionally or otherwise. Sometimes these are just mindless habits.

Tolerate - These are the actions/behaviors a submissive takes mental and emotional effort to carry out. There is no emotional pleasure directly from the act/behavior. The only pleasure comes from the fulfillment gained in pleasing the Dominant in doing the act/behavior. These are often the very actions/behaviors that a submissive will not choose to do.

There needs to be a balance between the three. To many Acts of Tolerance can eventually lead to distress with the submissives emotional state. It is actually the Acts of Passion that balance this from happening. Now every person is different and even the individual will be in different states that would deteremine where the balance is.

However, the submission is to the authority of doing which acts and when! The good dominants seeks to maintain a balance... whatever the balance happens to be. Some will micro-manage othes are more macro in their approach. Take note, that submissives are either like to be micro-managed or macroly managed as well. So finding a compatiability in this regard is rather important to say the least!

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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Post #: 22

RE: new to lifestyle - 1/20/2006 9:05:02 AM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce
But then the question becomes if you only choose to submit to those things you want, to what are you really submitting?[/color]

Unfortunately this train of thought quickly tends to lead people down the path of "It's only submitting if you DONT like it."

Hey, what if a dom tells you what to do and you ALWAYS want to do it? On some level, we ALL want to ALWAYS obey. On another level, we might be pissed off at a particular order.

To me submission does not equal endurance or sacrifice, it means simply following anothers authority. Some slaves LOVE having their masters pick out their clothes for them. Does that mean they aren't submitting when the master picks out a dress for them?

I'm in agreement with LA on this one.

And, I would like to raise a question to the OP about the use of the words "true submissive". This is something I have heard tossed around before and I'm always leary of it. I've heard it used specifically by a Dom whose sub has a hard limit that he wanted to rid her of immediately and he claimed that if she was a "true submissive" she would do what he ordered. This is a very cheap kind of manipulative tactic that breaks down the spirit and morale of a sub.
A sub is sub or is not and the definition of what you will or won't do as a sub depends on your limits and the negotiations between you and your Dominant BEFORE you enter into the relationship. If you have a Dom that's telling you that a "true sub" will do such and such then you have a completely different set of issues, beginning with not having a "true Dominant".

My "true" two cents worth.

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"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

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Post #: 23

RE: new to lifestyle - 1/21/2006 6:51:36 PM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
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quote:

Unfortunately this train of thought quickly tends to lead people down the path of "It's only submitting if you DONT like it."

No disputing that fact. But the opposite is also true, in that there are those who will claim to be "submissive," yet refuse to "submit" to even the simplest of commands because it's something they don't particularly want to do. It is to those people I ask, "to what are you submitting?"

Submission doesn't require that the command being issued be something heinous and vile, but it also does not mean it's always going to be exactly what the submissive wants, either.

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Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

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Post #: 24