RE: training question for all orentations (Full Version)

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jennifer819 -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/22/2009 5:37:54 PM)

To the OP you are a perfect example of why we need more tng groups out there.Im so lucky to have a strong local comunity because i cant even imagine if i had to rely on these boards for advice and suport after reading this thread.



RedMagic1 -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/22/2009 5:43:16 PM)

Jennifer, people are reacting to his use of the word, "break."  My guess is that he didn't mean it the way some doms have meant it, so I took him seriously.  It's a bad idea to break something you can't put back together, though.

OP, the purpose of my suggestions was to build her trust in you, and for her to learn how better to please you.  I'd suggest those be the goals of the four days.  Don't worry about breaking and training.  Building and solidifying matter more.



devotedOwner19 -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/22/2009 5:46:16 PM)

thank you red magic that was helpful and u made a good point it one of the majior points of what i was planning besides it beign injoyable and thrilling for both of us



RedMagic1 -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/22/2009 5:57:02 PM)

You're welcome.  The idea of "breaking a slave" often means, "removing a person's self-esteem completely," or, "breaking down her ego to shape her according to my will."  It's a dangerous thing to attempt, and people can end up damaged for a long time.  I thought you were just using the word "break" because you thought it was the right word to use, because you have the word "devoted" in your username, which indicates compassion and care toward your sub, not uberdom I'm-gonna-break-you assholeness.  But please understand -- there's a reason people go apeshit when they hear about "breaking" someone.

Congratulations, and I hope it all goes well.



devotedOwner19 -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/22/2009 6:04:47 PM)

ur correct maybe i missused the term but the reason devoted in my title becouce i care and have compassion for my sub and while i do have my uber dom mood im not one to break down her self esteem in fact i like making her feel good about herself though usally it particuler to her subbie way the way i and ehr use the word descirbes a particulerly intense session or scene where i make her feel particulerly submissive and put her in a deep sense of subspace euphoria



Crueltobekind -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/22/2009 6:16:03 PM)

Sorry but when someone mentions 'breaking' a submissive and qualifies it by mentioning a site like TSoO I don't think there's much doubt as to the nature of the 'training' that was in the OP's mind.

'Breaking' can, at a push, be variously defined according to preference, though it still implies a hell of a lot. The content of sites like TSoO, which are carefully controlled and run by professionals who know precisely what they're doing, really isn't open to interpretation. Start trying to emulate that and all involved need to know beyond any doubt what they're getting into and how to do it.

Nothing the OP has said so far makes me think he does.



RedMagic1 -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/22/2009 6:22:20 PM)

Then provide a concise, positive suggestion of what he could do instead of "breaking," or I will think you are an online wanker.  If you are skilled, you can help.  Any shmoe can criticize without providing any evidence of their own expertise.

Of course people starting out get 99% of their "ideas" from porn sites.  Is this a frikkin shock?  It took me less than three minutes to write my first post on this thread.  Who's going to provide real-time, non-porn-related ideas, except for real-time, non-wanker people who really do BDSM?

Either demonstrate you give a shit, or demonstrate you don't.  Your choice.



sunshinemiss -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/22/2009 6:31:44 PM)

Red, I lubs you.  Can I draw you a bath pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?



RedMagic1 -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/22/2009 6:32:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Red, I lubs you.  Can I draw you a bath pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?

No.  However, if you post a suggestion for the OP, I will change my answer to yes.



Sfortzando -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/22/2009 6:35:38 PM)

You're right - no one likes to be told they're a danger to their sub. Too bad. Sometimes the truth hurts.



devotedOwner19 -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/22/2009 6:38:05 PM)

Fine if im such a danger to my sub would u please provide a suggestion of how to rectify the problem in a postive way



RedMagic1 -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/22/2009 6:39:11 PM)

WTF, Miss "Virgin to the Lifestyle"??????

From one opening post you know this?  Really?  You've been living online a lot if you're that psychic.  Do you know what his sub does for a living?  I do.  Not a wilting flower.  Get a frikkin grip.



Lockit -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/22/2009 6:39:53 PM)

I do thank you Red for trying to mediate this thread.

However I do have a bit of a snag when trying to think of how to advise someone who has presented as someone who is very inexperienced, mentioning O and more than one submissive and a four day training session.  Where to start???

The impression I got was someone young, trying to get into something he really doesn't know, in a hurry, who wants to add another submissive before he has a handle on one submissive and his dominance or dynamic's there.

It is hard to know what to say in a situation like this.  We don't know the foundation... we don't know the relationship and I know I am personally waiting to see where this goes beyond what has been presented so far.  My advice would be to slow down... learn a lot more or simply show devotion and love and stick with what you know and has been accepted so far. 



LovingMistress45 -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/22/2009 6:49:00 PM)

Ok, I am going to try to be nice here, so I hope you don't take this offensively.  But you are 19 and she is 18 - please back away from the whole slave thing. There is no way you have enough experience at this point for that type of relationship.  BDSM can be a lot of fun but it can also cause injury both physical and emotional when things go bad.  You have said that the group in your area requires you to be 21, check some of the larger areas that may be a bit of drive, what you really need is someone to mentor you in person. 

Slow and steady is always best when first starting out. I think you might should rethink the whole adding another sub until you have a good strong relationship that is what you want D/s wise with your current girl.

Don't do anything to her that you would not let be done you.  Some may disagree, but my personal stance if I can't let it be done to me first then I really have no business doing it to someone else.  Any new toys I try on myself first, any new techniques I have someone that I trust do to me first.  Which is why I will never do needles, scarification or branding. 

Now for some fun but safe ideas for your 4 days of relationship development:

1. Orgasm control - take her to the brink and then back off telling her she is not allowed to cum. Do it over and over again until she is begging you to let her, but continue to deny her. Have her bring you to climax while still denying her.  Depending on how sadistic you feel make her wait an entire day or more, before you let her climax, but keep her on the brink as much as possible during that time.

2. Take her out in public with anal beads or plug inserted (let her wear underwear - you don't want it to fallout in public). If she has not had this type of play before, take her to a toy store and buy a very slender plug, you can get them finger size and tell her how much you will enjoy using it. Get some good lube - plain not the sensation kind - use plenty on the plug. Rather than write explicit direction on how to start training someone for anal play if you have questions feel free to email me and I will give very detailed explanation.

3.  Do some reading on Tantra and then spend time just touching her with your energy - it is highly erotic and again if you want details feel free to contact me. 

4. Have her stand before you fully clothed and very slowly undress her. Taking a lot time to touch every part of her. It should take you at least 30 mins to undress her the goal is for it to be very sensuous and drive her crazy with the soft touching.  You should stay clothed, there is a power thing if you are clothed and she is naked. Have her kneel in front of you and then offer all of her body to you one piece at time telling you that is yours to use however you wish. Here again I can give more details if you desire.

If you want to chat email me and I will give you my yahoo id.  Remember - enjoy yourself this should be fun.



Crueltobekind -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/22/2009 6:51:50 PM)

You know, all I have to go on is a 19 year old guy who says he's about to embark on a 4 day training session similar to a website he saw. He says he's 'lost for ideas' and asks what works best for 'breaking' a slave. How the hell is anyone meant to reply to that? Who embarks on something even remotely similar to the content TSoO whilst admitting he has no real idea what he's going to do.

Now your reply implies he has a sub who is experienced somehow, though it's not specified in what way. So far, so vague. What does she do for a living? Is it relevant? Have they discussed it? Is she teaching him? Is she practising with him?

Perhaps the best suggestion would be for him to sit down with her and talk it through. Maybe he has, though if he's still 'lost for ideas' then that worries me even more.

You want to call people on giving negative advice, how about supplying all the facts so people know more about what they're responding to? From everything I've read so far there is no advice to be given because there is not even the vaguest indication of the guys level of expertise. All I know is he mentions TSoO and he wants to know the best way to break a slave.

Is it unreasonable that alarms bell start going off?



RedMagic1 -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/22/2009 6:54:04 PM)

LovingMistress45 seemed capable of doing it.  Perhaps she is a better dominant than you.



lovingpet -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/22/2009 6:55:28 PM)

I am going to leap frog the whole issue of what breaking a submissive may or may not mean to this OP.  I am going to go on what I would imagine something like this is meant to be.  I could be completely off base and my answer may be completely invalid, but I don't have the energy for much else.

I am guessing the OP wants to take a relationship from a commited, but not yet permanent level to one of lifetime magnitude.  Is this correct?  As part of that, he wants to embark on a four day "honeymoon" or special bonding adventure that will be a  means of significantly marking for them both this momentous occasion.  He wants to do something that will deepen their love, trust, respect, and communication by means of approaching something extremely difficult for them both and making it through it together.  Am I at all on target?

I would suggest taking one of her soft limits that she has communicated is due to fear and use this for such a purpose.  Only use one that you know beyond a shadow of a doubt you can guide her through and will not wind up revalidating her fear and result in the antithesis of deepened trust and submission.  Plan out very carefully how you will take her through it.  Do not reveal it untl it is time.  I think this is an admirable thing to want to do, but it is going to take a level of care and concern for her welfare you may have never had to exercise before.  That is the whole point.  It is to make you a better dominant... for her and to make her a better submissive... for you in a way that is intimate, difficult, and incredibly rewarding for you both.

I would caution that something like this will require both of you to have time during those days to process everything and that each of you may want to have a mentor present to kind of keep things from getting out of hand.  It is not my questioning your ability, but that there will be so much emotional investment from the both of you that an unbiased third party can bridge the gaps.  Do your homework.  Be very prepared and know that the game you are playing is very high stakes.

If this is what you had in mind, it is a beautiful thing and I wish you all the best as you get ready for it!

lovingpet



Lockit -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/22/2009 6:56:37 PM)

I saw it the same way.  I guess I am no good as a dominant either Red... Really with what we were given... it is easy to go where we did.  And it might take a few to redirect and start again.



Sfortzando -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/22/2009 6:57:01 PM)

I did. I advised that you should slow down and work with your sub to find out what works best for the two of you. I advised working with a more experienced Dom/me to get some ideas of what you eventually want to incorporate into your scenes. While BDSM is supposed to fun and enjoyable, you've still got to make sure you know what you're doing when you get into the heavier stuff like you're talking about, and that's something you just can't learn on the internet. If that's too hard to hear, then you seriously need to consider if you're capable of training anyone.

RedMagic - I never claimed to be the slave whisperer myself. That's why I'm not giving any specific ideas of what he should or should not do. I do however have the common sense to know that someone with as much experience as devotedOwner has should not go around breaking or training people. He should be observing and studying for himself - just like I am.

And I don't care if she's not a wilting flower. Strong people get themselves into dangerous situations they can't control just the same as weaker people do.



RedMagic1 -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/22/2009 7:04:13 PM)

Lockit, please understand... there is an entire generation now whose BDSM "experience" comes from online sources, mainly porn sites and Second Life.  As a result, it is different for this group of people when they move to real time.  They know a lot of fancy words, and perhaps have done major edgeplay in text, or had to follow orders on cam, but it's not the same as getting hit for real.

The reason I took him seriously was because of his age.  If a 45-year-old man had written the same post, I would have interpreted it as you did, because his relationship to the word "break" would be different.

Other things being equal, someone who knows he is entering unfamiliar waters, and asks for help, is to be commended, not attacked.  The only way to replace porn ideas with reality is to replace it with things that are real.  Therefore, it helps a lot to suggest real things.  Lovingpet's approach, for example, is fantastic.

And, Sfortzando, if you had written your most recent post as your first post, I would have had no concerns.  Please consider turning down the snark.



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