RE: training question for all orentations

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DesFIP -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/22/2009 7:09:24 PM)
He taught me how he likes his tea first thing. And I didn't get beaten within an inch of my life when I messed up which I did several times in the beginning. Seriously, teach her that you are a man of your word. If you ask her to be honest and open with you, then you had better not blow your top when she tells you things about yourself that she dislikes. Have self control. It isn't about porn, it's about being a person of worth. Prove that you are worthy of respect and admiration. Think before you speak, don't promise things if you can't do them, pay attention to her and learn about her from her.

devotedOwner19 -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/22/2009 7:10:57 PM)
loving pet you have it mostly right

lovingpet -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/22/2009 7:15:05 PM)
I'm glad I could help. Could you clarify it a little more so folks may be able to help you better? lovingpet

SunNMoon -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/22/2009 7:17:45 PM)
I’m assuming you want this to be special. I’d say you could do some type of ceremony. You might want to do something to mark her (I’d personally skip a tattoo), you could do a henna tattoo or a sharpie. The positive if you can see how it looks and it’ll be on her for a few months. Otherwise you could do some type of training in something, such as how to do a tea ceremony. The problem is I don’t know very much about your relationship so my ideas are limited.

devotedOwner19 -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/22/2009 7:21:13 PM)
okay ill try to clarify what im looking for advice on and maybe get rid of the many and assorted snarky comment im getting. im looking for advice and ideas on a four day maybe longer period of intense play and training along the line of she learning how best to please me also llooking to deepen the submissive dominat nature and to commerate something special to both of us with an new exciting memory yes im comparitvly inexperiance to some or even most however that doesnt make me an idiot im doing my reserach and homework now so ill have a better plan of action u can tell me that i have no clue but that not the case i have my own ideas i jsut wanted more opions and advice from people who might have experianced this before what worked best for them and what didnt

Lockit -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/22/2009 7:24:45 PM)
How about doing things that show your devotion to her as a dominant. Like give her a bath... talking in a near whisper... telling her how you adore her... but also will use her as your girl... pamper her and talk gently... watch her closely. When finished... have her stand as you dry her off and gently wrap your hand in her hair, lift her chin, look into her eyes and ask her if she wants to be your girl. When she says yes... move into the four day period. Let her see the gentle Sir and be comfortable and then move into teaching her to serve you. Then move into some reward play or some of what other's have suggested.

devotedOwner19 -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/22/2009 7:26:34 PM)
u know that actually a great idea i hadnt thought of that thank you

lovingpet -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/22/2009 7:43:53 PM)
That was beautiful Lockit! Now unless you are a terribly simplistic person, I doubt she can learn every single way to serve you perfectly in a couple of days. I would focus on deeply personal ones that are very important to you. Only maybe 1-3 things a day, but make them big ones. Remember why you are doing it. You want this to be a time she will not forget and it is part of forging a new future together. These should be things that will become part of your ritual and dance as long as you are a couple. That's the way I see it anyway. lovingpet

LovingMistress45 -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/22/2009 7:47:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 LovingMistress45 seemed capable of doing it. Perhaps she is a better dominant than you. I don't know that I am a better dominant. But what I do know is that there seems to be a poking fun of people that ask questions. Everyone was new at sometime and everyone had questions. It seems to me it is better to give the benefit of the doubt and try to offer helpful advice. I think all the snarking puts people off and makes them reluctant to ask questions.

CarrieO -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/22/2009 8:01:36 PM)
Well, I think the lesson learned is to be as clear as possible when posting a question in a venue such as CM. OP, thanks for coming back and making things a bit clearer. You've gotten some wonderful suggestions but I would like to offer one that has always been a favorite of mine. I love ritual and one way to explore that is through a tea ceremony. The time required to learn the proper way of serving, the setting of the scene and the grace and beauty shown by a server who has "done the work" required to see the ceremony to it's honorable end is a joy to behold. Here's a link that offers information on this with a D/s approach http://ds-arts.com/RopeArt/mainrope.html It also has much to offer in regards to rope play, which you may choose to incorporate into your period of play. *Be sure to only* do what you are able to and take all safety precautions before involving rope**. As I said before....Good luck to you and your girl.

Crueltobekind -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/22/2009 8:06:59 PM)
Maybe she is and maybe the OP is, too. To the OP. The first thing I have to point out is that whilst your ability to communicate effectively to your slave may be in good shape, it doesn't come through here. I'm not talking about your spelling or choice of words but simply that you need to be a lot clearer in what you want, what you're looking for and what you hope to achieve. My suspicion is that communication is an issue for you with her but I could be wrong. If it is an issue, it's fixable with time and effort and patience. You'll find pretty much everything is. But what you hope to achieve drives how you set about attaining it and how well you know your slave and her responses is what will, in turn, drive that. Remember to differentiate between short term wants and longer term objectives; they don't neccessarily feed into one another. What you want to do immediately may not help in any way towards refining her into the slave you need. It sounds like you hope to achieve two things; resonate with her to leave a lasting memory of this time and also leave her knowing she was safe in your hands. Please remember the latter is more important than the former. Lasting memories can be good or bad. I think one of the things that has bought you here is a slight insecurity with regard to how she perceives you and your abilities as a dominant. I'm not saying that she doesn't know your level of experience but more that you want her to feel safe and confident with you, but how you feel about your own skills means you come here looking for very 'ground-level' advice despite having what I think are some very lofty ambitions. Please remember that if you do not have confidence in yourself then she will almost certainly pick up on it and that is why it's important to not push too far too quickly. Perhaps it would have been better for you to list some of the ideas going round in your head and not hide them from those you seek advice from. I know you profess to having 'no idea' what to do, but I would guess the truth is closer to you know a great deal about what you want to do but not how to start working to achieve it. Any opinion given in training a girl will likely either be generic or too specific to the giver. It may work for her or it may not but what is in your head already is much more likely to work for you, even if you start with the very basics. It's easier to believe in something if you understand how it's going to lead to where you want it to go. You have to start there and that means you have to put a little of your own thoughts and feelings out in plain sight. If the ideas are beyond your skills, and they probably will be, then seek advice on where to start in achieving them, but be honest and wherever possible specific. Don't be afraid to say your desires; just be wary as hell of trying to do them before you're ready. Practise makes perfect and all that; it's not a race because there's no finish line. You learn all the way. Finally, I cannot stress how important it is to simply know your slave, from the emotional aspect of her strengths and weaknesses, fears and phobias, to the physical side with her level of fitness, existing medical conditions. It sounds very PC but it's more than that; knowledge is, after all, power. If you do not understand the nature of the girl you're working with, how can you hope to control and shape and guide her? I'm not going to give any practical advice because I don't know enough about where you want to start, I just know you do have your own ideas and your own ambitions. You have to; you're a dominant man with a willing slave, after all. Edit for a typo and clarification.

antipode -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/22/2009 9:35:09 PM)
quote: someone who knows he is entering unfamiliar waters, and asks for help, is to be commended Sure thing, but that isn't the case here. He is going to do a four day session "similar to the training of O". So he found thetrainingofo.com, and kink.com, there are approximately 732 different ideas right there, all in nice pictorials and bits of video. Then there are numerous texts that can be found via Google, free for the taking. So yes, novices that ask questions are to be commended, but I reserve my commendations for those novices that have done their homework, put together a plan of action, and are now asking how-to's about things they have selected, or that interest them. So if what the OP has read and viewed does not give him ideas, one has to wonder what exactly he thinks he is going to get here that he does not already have. He is either terminally lazy, or he has his head up his a**. IMHO. Remember also that he is doing one of those oneliner things, which to me usually means one way traffic.

LovingMistress45 -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/22/2009 10:07:18 PM)
This is just a comment before I head to bed. I just had very nice chat one on one with the OP. He seems to be a very nice and sincere young man. He also does have a foundation of basic knowledge that I was able to determine from a few well placed questions. Sometimes it really is good to give someone a chance and maybe think that he/she didn't express their ideas clearly than jump down their throat.

MaamJay -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/22/2009 10:56:21 PM)
OK having waded through all of this, and accepting that the OP does have a few clues, just didn't express himself well, here are some more suggestions to add to those already given. 1) A shaving session. Makes someone very vulnerable and subby-feeling to be spread open naked while their Dominant slowly soaps them up and shaves their genitals. If pics are acceptable, stopping to take pics at various stages, even mind-fucking by threatening to leave them "half and half" can all be fun! If you also want her to learn to serve you, have her shave you (face, chest, genitals ... as you desire). If she's the spacy type though, I recommend you get her to do you before you do her! A spacy sub + razor is a bit of a dangerous combo! 2) If watersports is OK with you, have her bring you several glasses of water and drink them over a shortish period, then perhaps have a moderately intense impact play session such as a spanking, then order her to go and kneel in the shower naked, either facing you or with her back to you (less confronting for both of you if you're not used to watersports). Walk in, slowly unzip and then give her a golden shower. Having it run over the freshly spanked butt is especially memorable! It can also be a very intimate connection, a real bonding experience. 3) For a bit of fun and light relief, set challenges. Examples include: to undress you with her hands bound behind her back, using her mouth and teeth; putting away the shopping with her hands bound behind her back; or put her in a simple predicament bondage where movement of one part will increase the tension on another. 4) Buy a remote controlled egg vibe. Insert it into her pussy, allow her to wear panties so it stays in. Go out to a buffet restaurant for dinner. Sit so you have a view of the buffet. Have her fill your plate for you by pausing at each dish and you buzz her if you want it. And later give her a real surprise by buzzing her when she is using the toilet! None of these are particularly dangerous, so should be safe for a relatively inexperienced Dom. Have fun ... but as everyone else has said, DON'T look on this time as a one-stop-training-shop ... it's all in the journey not the destination. And I would suggest avoiding the whole concept of "breaking"! Good luck! Maam Jay aka violet[A]

Knite064 -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/23/2009 4:51:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: devotedOwner19 Howdy, im doing a four day training with my sub similar to training of O to mark her introduction as my perment alpha slave, however im at a lost for ideas of what i should do,not do,what works best or not for breaking/training of a slave any idea would be awsome My sincere advice is to ditch the four day time scale and focus on making what you have together gel and mould naturally. you could both have the most wonderful four days you could imagine or it could go belly up in day two when the realisation hits you both of how mentally and physically draining this adventure really was......without really knowing her at her deepest level what your planning is(in my mind) a gamble that will either pay off or blow up in your face with the odds already stacked against you. An alternative suggestion would be to explore an area your both interested in and take bite sized pieces getting there,you will learn more about your girls deeper self in the long run if you travel at a pace that keeps her just within her comfort zone with the occasional stretching of her comfort zone to keep her mind flowing (speculate to accumalate) be well

feydeplume -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/23/2009 6:36:14 AM)
Here are a few bits of advice that are generic to the extreme. buy 3 times the condoms you think you will need. swap often, it will help decrease your sensation so you can physically manage those "no ideas" that you have in your head. Invest heavily in energy drinks. not the crap caffeine ones, but the ones at the health food store that help restore electrolyte balance. and healthy foods that are quick and easy to eat. come to terms that you personally are not in physical condition to do all day marathon sex acts BDSM or otherwise. so make sure you have LOTS of "no ideas" about what to do for the down times and the nap times, and sore muscles. plan accordingly with warm blankets, funny and restful movies or audio books, and, if your buget with stretch to it, a massage session from professionals for both of you. You will break first. have back up or "lazy dom" plans. (i usually reccomend a list so you don't get repetative or have to think to hard in the moment) that will keep her amused, feeling safe, have a bit of the sexy to them, and let you recharge. if you go with clips, keep and eye on the clock and remove them before damage can start, if it is vibrators, then buy a a couple of blocks of batteries from Costco or wherever. If it "journal/essay how great this was for you" buy extra pens and notebooks, cuz computers do weird shit when you need them to babysit for you. Let's see, check the restrains when you start, and about 15 minutes into play. Blood pressure goes up and the dang things get tighter. leave any blood sport to the last, as bleeding on the sheets just makes them crunky and smelly faster. Have a plan in place for fresh towels, sheets, underwear, socks (cold feet is not just an expression) and extra blankets. Buy tums, pain killers, the good over the counter stuff, cough drops, and juice boxes. Some of the BEST D/M's i have ever met have tums, pain pills, band aids, neosporin, and ace bandage, a warm sweater, naile file and clippers, that instant hand wash stuff, a small bottle of water, clean gauze, something for muscle cramps, a teddy bear, some chocolate and granola bars, and some easy to read mind settling book in thier "bag of tricks" for long scenes or just in the trunk of the car in case. 4 days is a lot longer that you really imagine, and it gets much longer on day 2. Is this happening in a hotel, motel, or your place(towels, dishes, food, sheets, laundry, trash, noise, wake up calls, cleanliness, space to be together and apart (especially if you want to discipline with corner time or sleeping on the floor, or any other physically distancing behavoirs), comfort, furnature strength and quantity, shampoo, conditioner, toothbrushes, mouth wash, etc)? Why don't you already have a list of her deepest fantacies and have woked up how you can give her a few with a minimun of risk and exersion on your and her part? what are you going to do when she is flying in subspace and jsut sitting there smiling like a goon for 3 hours? What are you having her bring? Best of luck to you both. Just keep in mind that all plans go out the door once battle starts, and that is just as true with sex. just mt little piggy bank

peppermint -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/23/2009 7:19:02 AM)
Show her how you want your coffee prepared in the morning. Also how you wish her to be prepared in the morning. Do you like your bacon crispy or sort or burnt...white or wheat toast....eggs scrambled, over easy, over hard, etc? For lunch she'll need to know what types of sandwiches you might like and if you like butter, ketchup, mayo, or mustard on them. Will she eat sitting at table with you...or kneeling beside you while you feed her...or eating from a dish on the floor? If you take her out to a restaurant, will you do all the ordering for both of you? Must she wait for you to take the first bite before eating? These are rather simple protocols that can be part of your training. Decide which you would enjoy and add them to whatever you plan on doing.

LadyPact -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/23/2009 9:47:01 AM)
To the OP: Do everyone, including yourself and especially the girl in question, a huge favor. Improve your communication skills. If you can't explain here what you want clearly and effectively, how on earth are you going to do that when it comes time for giving instructions, affirming trust, and a multitude of other goals that good communication is necessary to obtain. Next favor, get the fantasy stuff out of your head. Whether it be "The Story of O," the online wank fodder, or the porn that seems really hot and you'd like to take a swing at. Those things that look and sound so great may not exactly be the things that someone with no experience in certain forms of play should dabble in. Believe it or not, some of this is a little more complicated than how to make a cup of coffee. Don't go attempting those things that are far above your level. Have you thought at all about using those same four days to coincide with a multiple day BDSM type event? It would definitely be something your girl would never forget. At the same time, there would be plenty of classes to give you ideas on things you would like to explore. Plus, you'd get some actual instruction on how to do them.

Mercnbeth -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/23/2009 10:16:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: devotedOwner19 im at a lost for ideas of what i should do,not do,what works best or not for breaking/training of a slave any idea would be awsome Only one... Don't do anything but hang out with her as much as you can and watch, read, and, if possible, meet in person with as many people claiming to have 'experience'. While going through that process, talk and discuss with the partner you are considering your reactions to what you've seen and heard. Each of you should be determining if the OMG!'s shared during the experiences were generated from personal excitement or disgust. Focus on the common 'excitement' generating 'OMG's'; agree to avoid (for now-because people and 'taste' evolve) those generating disgust. Go over in detail and negotiate reactions where your 'excitement' is her 'disgust'; and vice versa. You'll know you are both ready to go forward when the sentence quoted above can be re-phased as; "I've got soooo many ideas of what I should do, an what I think we'll enjoy best together that I can't wait to start the process and enjoying sharing experiences with my partner!" A little secret... Sharing the preparation and learning experience together is almost as much fun as the actually doing. Enjoy the sexual tension filled giggling, have FUN and GOOD LUCK!

Prinsexx -> RE: training question for all orentations (2/23/2009 10:27:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: devotedOwner19 Howdy, im doing a four day training with my sub similar to training of O to mark her introduction as my perment alpha slave, however im at a lost for ideas of what i should do,not do,what works best or not for breaking/training of a slave any idea would be awsome You say: ~im at a lost for ideas of what i should do.~ Oh god that doesn't bode well does it from the words of an owner?

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