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lovingpet -> RE: PLEASE help !!!???? (2/26/2009 6:45:14 PM)
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Yes, I understand very well. My husband does this when he attempts to be the domly one with me. Just when it is starting to get really good, he'll begin apologizing and pull back or stop altogether. There has been many a fuss over this between us. He could tip over that edge into being fully dominant, at least in the bedroom, with little provocation if he really was willing to do so. I really believe it to be the same for you and I am happy to help you make that transition if you would like, but it has to be something you want. It doesn't mean you have to be dominant with her or with any of your current partners, but that it is a way you are able to sexually express yourself in a relationship that sparks it in you.
I will tell you that D/s that occurs organically out of a pre established relationship often functions just the way you two are currently doing things. Rules to set boundaries and safewords are used between people who don't know each other well yet as a safety precaution. There are some awesome couples on here that do not believe in limits and safewords and they have very good reasons for it. It doesn't mean that they don't avoid certain things in their play because of boundaries that exist and it doesn't mean that either the dominant or submissive cannot stop play in an emergency, but it means that they have a very deep knowledge of each other and can read each other well.
As far as mindset, you will eventually find your own set of triggers that draw you into dominant headspace. Think of some of the times this has happened between the two of you. You may soon see patterns of behaviors, words, looks, dress, positions, and more that brought that out in you. She has a similar set of triggers that draws her in as well. Learning to utilize both will give you more control over when and how things progress so you are not caught off guard by how you are behaving. I will warn you that dominant headspace has the potential for a drop after a scene. You may or may not experience it and you will experience it in your own way. She, too, will likely have such a reaction afterwards and it is important to help her through it. All of this is something you have to experience and learn how to handle in the right way.
You are flirting with this way more than you probably realized. Now it is time to figure out what to do about it. I say, hang around and read, listen, meet people, and learn. You will be surprised what you may find out about yourself.
lovingpet
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