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RE: Humiliation "Help" - 2/26/2009 4:01:31 PM

AAkasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirandwench

Many activities can create this sensation of uneasiness, self-consciousness and loss of dignity in a sub, and many of them are woven into the basic fabric of BDSM. For example, what is often the first thing we do with a sub? We get them naked. That in itself is often humiliation. Think about it - if you were home alone this weekend, no one else around, and you were ordered to stay naked all weekend, wouldn't you feel a sensation of uneasiness, self-consciousness and loss of dignity?

So, as you are thinking about humiliation, think about ways to make your sub feel that sensation of uneasiness, self-consciousness and loss of dignity, and ways that you can train them to crave and be aroused by that feeling. Hope that helps.

This is a lovely post. Thank you.

The highlighted portions of the quoted text are, I think, indicative of some of the confusion I experience when it comes to this topic. I just don't get self-conscious very often. Many things that cause this type of uneasiness for others, I wouldn't give a second thought. I have difficulty figuring out what things might cause that discomfort because *I* would not be uncomfortable. I don't understand why someone else would be.

I discovered some interesting videos on YouTube in which dominant women insult and (theoretically) humiliate viewers. The comments ran along the lines of "what a goddess, I bow to your superiority" -- yet, to me, the women seemed ridiculous. I have also been slowly working my way through the archives here and found an old post by a pro-dominant who gave an extensive list of activities she'd used. I don't understand the appeal, but I still would like to be able to provide this sort of experience if that's what a sub wants.

I'll keep researching. Thanks again for your suggestions.

Bolded and underlined are mine: "if that's what a sub wants."

It's not about what a sub wants. It's about what you want. While a lot of submissive men may be turned on by being humiliated, I would venture to say most, if not all, are more turned on by what turns YOU on about humiliation. It's not just the point if making him do or endure things that bend his ego, make him feel shame or make him feel embarrassed -- it's how you react to and enjoy him doing it.

That's why humiliation can be somewhat jacked up. There's no point in humiliating a man in a manner that makes you feel like he's a loser for allowing you to do it; you need to instead feel turned on that he's allowing you to do it. For me, that can make or break it. Making a man drink water out of a dog bowl because I have shoved his head into it is HOT. That turns me on in a HUGE way. What turns on the guy? Probably a little bit of the shame that his face is shoved into a dog bowl - but more, the fact that I'm so turned on by it, and that's why he's willing to endure it.

At least that's how the dynamic works for me.

Akasha

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RE: Humiliation "Help" - 2/27/2009 7:18:33 AM

Freyathelady

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Humiliation is really tricky. If you look at it obejctively a lot of it just sounds really fake and corny. The trick isto ignore these feelings and keep going. If the sub believes you are a powerful mistress and his penis is the size of a grain of rice (or whatever his personal humiliation kick is) then he will eat it all up and hopefully, before long you'll get caught up in the moment too and stop feeling silly. At least this has been my experience when doing humiliation. Your job is made easier by the fact that he WANTS to believe this. However, as many people have said, you have to know your sub and what they find humiliating. A good idea is asking him to write you an essay or fill out a questionaire about what he finds humiliating. The bonus of this is that mere act of thinking so intently about his fantasies and actualy putting them down on paper can, in and of itself, be very embarassing for him. Hope this helps some.

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RE: Humiliation "Help" - 2/27/2009 7:46:42 AM

SailingBum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessTeaze

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Yer way to lazy for me you just gotta plow thru it.

BadOne

I thought it, you said it!
Too funny

GoddezzT`

YEP yep and yep. Great to see you.

Lust you. BadOne

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RE: Humiliation "Help" - 2/27/2009 8:20:25 AM

MsFlutter

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I'm nodding in agreement with both Aakasha and Freya.

Yes, it IS about what the Dominant wants and it IS helpful to know the submissive well enough to be intuitive about what really registers with him.

I've met very very few Dominas who do not devote a fair amount of time and energy thinking up creative ways to play (whatever 'play' may mean to each person.) These threads hold many examples of clever, caring dominant women who aren't shy about blowing a submissive's mind with their creativity.

Why? Speaking only for me, I get a huge charge out of weaving innovation and creativity together not only for what *I* get out of it but also to see the reaction of the submissive who appreciates the levels of eroticism and attention to detail. Admit it - it it isnt interesting enough to make the skin tingle and the mind dance, who would really want to come back for more?

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RE: Humiliation "Help" - 2/27/2009 8:25:55 AM

AAkasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsFlutter

I'm nodding in agreement with both Aakasha and Freya.

Yes, it IS about what the Dominant wants and it IS helpful to know the submissive well enough to be intuitive about what really registers with him.

I've met very very few Dominas who do not devote a fair amount of time and energy thinking up creative ways to play (whatever 'play' may mean to each person.) These threads hold many examples of clever, caring dominant women who aren't shy about blowing a submissive's mind with their creativity.

Why? Speaking only for me, I get a huge charge out of weaving innovation and creativity together not only for what *I* get out of it but also to see the reaction of the submissive who appreciates the levels of eroticism and attention to detail. Admit it - it it isnt interesting enough to make the skin tingle and the mind dance, who would really want to come back for more?

You have to be careful, though. The minute your focus goes from your pleasure to your submissive's pleasure and stays locked in that mode, you open yourself to huge burnout, resentment and a very spoiled sub who is used to having his world rocked because you spend more time thinking of ways to cater to him than satisfying your own urges. It is a very careful balance.

Also, most submissive men WANT you to address your femdom lusts first, and use him as a tool to get that done. If they sense you are trying to cater to him, while it may be fun on some levels, he's left feeling catered to and comes around with the common complaint, "I just feel like my Mistress does things to please me, not herself."

I respond, at the core, to my need to see my man suffer or endure for my pleasure. If on some level I integrate his fetishes as a tool to manipulate him (for my pleasure) or break him down (for my pleasure) it's all good; but really, for the most part, I respond to my own desires first and foremost as a femdom. Whether or not I choose to address his fetishes, fantasies or kinks is up to me. The minute I'm doing it for him, I feel a very draining sense of obligation. Fortunately, most submissive men I connect with would rather I satisfy my lusts and desires and trust that I'll deal with his fantasies in my own way.

Akasha

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RE: Humiliation "Help" - 2/27/2009 8:39:51 AM

MsFlutter

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You speak great truths ! To do otherwise turns a Domme into a service top and that just isn't fun!

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Post #: 46

RE: Humiliation "Help" - 2/27/2009 9:56:25 AM

HeavansKeeper

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Sylvere and others,

I adore humiliation. I break it down into two sorts: General and Specific. General humiliation is basically talking dirty at the subject. This is most often populated with accurate verbal description of the situation and statements of the obvious. Suppose you have a submissive tied doggy style over a stool. I could do this in general terms, but you may appreciate an applied example.
(all with a demeaning tone, as if to say "aww... poor baby..")
"Hello Whore. I know... you're gagged. I'll unplug that hole when I need it. Do you like your new position? (don't wait for an answer, their answers don't matter). Of course you do, fuckdoll, anything that lets you get fucked. That's why you're here. You don't have to lie to me. All you want it to cum. You'll put up with whatever I want. Licking my feet, eating my ass, sucking my friend's cocks.. just for a chance to cum. And tied like this I don't think you could say "no". Not that you have permission to turn down men and women I rent you too. You're too stupid to figure out how to cum without going through this, Blow-Up-Doll."

Said paragraph can go on and on. Common tactics I use are to describe words they're comfortable with in vile and vulgar ways. Making them repeat "their mouth is a sexhole, just like their ass," is pretty humiliating. Notice, it's all true, but takes no personal factors of the subject into account. The bottom there could be male, smart, experienced, physically fit, secure about their sexuality, new to you, a pain slut OR the complete opposite, and any combination in between. It's very nonspecific, which is why I consider it generic humiliation. It is real and accurate, but lacks the personal touch.

If you knew more about the subject, you can engage in personal humiliation. Take My Pet, for example. A female, intelligent, multi-orgasmic (or, at least, takes a few before she stops humping my leg), chubby, been with me for 2 years, shared online (but not in the real world yet), skilled with felatio, likes spankings, thrives after hardcore humiliation, possibly bisexual.
Imagine her in the same situation, and how the humiliation could go.

"Hello Whore. How's my throat shaped sex toy feeling today? I know you're gagged. We'll unplug that cum drain when I want a blowjob. After all, it's why I keep you around. It's not because of your obedience or looks. You're a fat insatiable cum piggy who needs her face inflated with dick or drowning in pussy. Has your mistress used your face or can I skip hosing you down? I was thinking tonight we can go to the bar and pick up some chick so she and I can laugh while you drink the cum out of the condom I just fucked her."

This paragraph can go on and on. It's more vulgar. Possibly because the prospect of humiliation excites me, but mostly because while both examples are real and true, this version is closer to the heart. Explaining how their "sick and perverted" fetishes are seen by the public can illicit shame in insecure bottoms.

Not everything is sexual. Humiliation can come from dehumanizing activities. Turning them into furniture or a bondage model is very powerful in reminding their body where they stand while your words take care of the mind. Especially in bottoms who are new to serving in public (either general public or select friends), having others be around is wonderfully humiliating. The most vile concepts I can spit can't hold a candle to having my pet be made to strip for a few of the fellas.

Strong personal humiliation is borderline abuse, which is what makes it very effective. There are things I can say to my pet to make her cry and truly hate herself and her past... While that can tap some very strong emotions and feelings, it must be dealt with carefully, and aftercare applied responsibly. It would be irresponsible of me to send her to bed thinking she'd be better off dead... That level of humiliation, while very possible, has never been something I enjoy (and feel very few bottoms would).

In short:
1) Strive for inventive ways to name parts of their body.
2) Remind them of the position/predicament they're in. (especially the power imbalance)
3) Prey on specific weaknesses and insecurities, but do so carefully.
4) Make them repeat/admit inventive phrases.
5) Ignore their responses/answer for them.
(While not shown here) 6) Humiliate physically by exposing and exploring their body with no shame. They are meat, and they belong to you.
7) Combine verbal humiliation with some sort of bondage to physically parallel the verbal message.
8) Mock their fetishes.
9) Consider the kicker of having others watch.
10) Be responsible. Take time for aftercare when needed. Do not cause lasting psychological harm.

This is no doubt my dissertation on humiliation. Such a tome would take much longer to write and require more slaves to take dictation. If you have any questions about this taste of how humiliation can function, I'll give my answer. (Discreet answers available in letters).

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RE: Humiliation "Help" - 2/27/2009 10:09:24 AM

HeavansKeeper

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How and Why are different questions. The long answer above dealt with "how". This deals with why.

Humiliation allows the sick past and present we all have to shine without judgement. Knowing you will be appreciated more (or at least the same) after this data has been outed is therapeutic. The shame built up over years of hiding secret desires and actions can come though is an exciting moment of truth and intimacy. Extracting those glimmers of shame in the dark recesses of the slave's mind is far more intimate than sex. "Getting laid" isn't hard. Two people weaving a cloud of lies to keep a one night stand aloft is boring. Seeing someone cringe right before they yell "YES! I SUCKED COCK FOR CASH!!!!" is the thrill of the kill.

My most favoritest movie quote comes from The Devil's Advocate:
"I've nurtured every sensation man's been inspired to have. I cared about what he wanted and I never judged him. Why? Because I never rejected him. In spite of all his imperfections, I'm a fan of man! I'm a humanist. Maybe the last humanist. "

Call me the devil. I'm not here to judge and reject people. I'M A FAN OF MAN!

(in fact, here's a link to IMDB's memorable quotes from that stellar movie. The Devil's Advocate Quotes.

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