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RE: Finding good Doms/Masters..... - 2/24/2009 9:16:48 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
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to the OP

As a 50 year old woman, you have a rough road ahead of you even if you are attractive. Men in your age range that are single are often that way for a reason and those who aren't broken are in high demand.

Not only that, meeting people through profiles is fraught with problems, but so is doing it any other way. Best advice I can give is bite the bullet and post a picture, post so that intelligent people can recognize that you are also an intelligent woman.

Get involved locally, some scenes are better than others but at the very least step into the scene long enough to be known, and befriend a few people and let them know what you are looking for so they can let you know if someone interesting shows up.

Most importantly, get on with your life. Seriously, don't "wait" for someone to complete you, start being you, exploring whatever you find interesting. I think there are far more interesting vanilla men (and women) out there who are pefectly kinky and perverted than there are in the scene and they are often more grounded and far more interesting that those "living the lifestyle"...

There is a great used bookstore near my house that I stop in once a week at. About once a month they get a small batch of used BDSM books. They aren't from anyone I know! Also, having run bdsm groups for as long as I have, I have seen far more interesting people come into the scene for a while and leave than I have ever seen stay.

So, buy a backpack, start riding a bicycle, volunteer somewhere, hit a bdsm munch once in a while, but live life large!

Best of luck!

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 21

RE: Finding good Doms/Masters..... - 2/24/2009 9:36:46 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

As a 50 year old woman, you have a rough road ahead of you even if you are attractive. Men in your age range that are single are often that way for a reason and those who aren't broken are in high demand.

Gee, um thanks.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 22

RE: Finding good Doms/Masters..... - 2/24/2009 9:43:07 AM

cjan

Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
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quote:

Michael quote

As a 50 year old woman, you have a rough road ahead of you even if you are attractive. Men in your age range that are single are often that way for a reason and those who aren't broken are in high demand.

Michael, do you have any data to cite for this asinine generalization ?

_____________________________

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall ,frozen , dead, from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."- D.H. L

" When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks in to you"- Frank Nitti

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 23

RE: Finding good Doms/Masters..... - 2/24/2009 9:52:10 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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He's not far off the mark, ask any 50 y/o woman...

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to cjan)

Post #: 24

RE: Finding good Doms/Masters..... - 2/24/2009 9:55:15 AM

feydeplume

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Joined: 12/24/2008
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"As a (insert any freakin age here) year old woman, you have a rough road ahead of you even if you are attractive. Men in your age range that are single are often that way for a reason and those who aren't broken are in high demand."

if it were easy, there wouldn't be so many dating sites, duh

_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 25

RE: Finding good Doms/Masters..... - 2/24/2009 10:09:14 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
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Ugly truths are still truths and we all have them.

Mine is I am a student and living like one. Doesn't work for the women I would prefer as partners so I get to suck it up and deal with it.

Life can be a bitch, best thing to do is bend the bitch over and fuck the shit out of her, life that is. That is at least my goal. I went riding on a tandem bicycle last night in a wild ride in the middle of the night with a crazy woman who is a dear friend of mine. I don't know the last time I had so much fun, just something random and joyful about it and that is how I intend to be until I am riding that bike with the woman I want to grow old with.

(in reply to feydeplume)

Post #: 26

RE: Finding good Doms/Masters..... - 2/24/2009 10:36:07 AM

cjan

Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline

Well, I can't help it if I'm lucky. I know plenty of middle-aged people, both men and women , who are happy. Some of them are single for various reasons, including some who, at this point in their lives, prefer to be so. None of them are "broken".

< Message edited by cjan -- 2/24/2009 10:37:06 AM >

_____________________________

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall ,frozen , dead, from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."- D.H. L

" When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks in to you"- Frank Nitti

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 27

RE: Finding good Doms/Masters..... - 2/24/2009 10:50:00 AM

SimplyMichael

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Joined: 1/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: cjan

quote:

Michael quote

As a 50 year old woman, you have a rough road ahead of you even if you are attractive. Men in your age range that are single are often that way for a reason and those who aren't broken are in high demand.

I never said all are broken.

[mod edit font size]

< Message edited by ModeratorSixteen -- 2/24/2009 12:58:18 PM >

(in reply to cjan)

Post #: 28

RE: Finding good Doms/Masters..... - 2/24/2009 10:52:14 AM

marie2

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

He's not far off the mark, ask any 50 y/o woman...

Ask any 30 y/o or 40 y/o woman, too. Let's face it, even when we are searching in earnest it's hard to find a suitable partner at any age. But one of the reasons I believe it's harder to find a partner at an older age is that we're far less willing to "settle", and we have way less tolerance for things that we were willing to put up with in our twenties and thirties, we've also learned from our mistakes, and we now recognize the red flags that we didn't see in partners back then. I'm in my mid-forties and I've found there to be no shortage of available men, that's for sure, and I would say that the majority of them just aren't right for me. But I wouldn't say there's something wrong with them because of that. My boring loser is someone else's master, my unbearable romantic sap is someone else's Mr. Right. My lying bastard is some dumb cunt's knight in shining armor.

SimplyMichael wrote:

quote:

As a 50 year old woman, you have a rough road ahead of you even if you are attractive. Men in your age range that are single are often that way for a reason and those who aren't broken are in high demand.

Michael: What's "attractive"? What is attractive to one man isn't attractive to another. Just look around at the array of attached females and see the variety of "looks" that men of various ages find attractive.

And the second part of your statement is very general, and doesn't account for men who have recently come out of relationships that were no longer working for them for a possible myriad of valid reasons, men who have been widowed, men grew in a different direction than they're ex partner, men who have re-located, men who wanted time alone to clear their head after a divorce, etc etc etc.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 29

RE: Finding good Doms/Masters..... - 2/24/2009 11:12:46 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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Part of the problem I have and it is a huge issue, is that at age 50, I've now been on my own, post-separation/divorce for almost 12 years. That is a long period of being selfish and independent. I don't consider myself "broken", if anything I think I'm more highly functioning than a lot of people in similar circumstancs. I do think that the way I live my life would make it difficult to integrate another person into it. He would have to be an incredible person, and there just aren't a lot of them out there to choose from. I don't cry over it though, because you never know what you will find around the next bend. Meanwhile I live my life for me and it's good whether I'm partnered or not. There is certainly no shortage of available men; but there is most definitely a shortage of available men for the discriminating woman.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to marie2)

Post #: 30

RE: Finding good Doms/Masters..... - 2/24/2009 11:37:54 AM

marie2

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Part of the problem I have and it is a huge issue, is that at age 50, I've now been on my own, post-separation/divorce for almost 12 years. That is a long period of being selfish and independent. I don't consider myself "broken", if anything I think I'm more highly functioning than a lot of people in similar circumstancs. I do think that the way I live my life would make it difficult to integrate another person into it. He would have to be an incredible person, and there just aren't a lot of them out there to choose from. I don't cry over it though, because you never know what you will find around the next bend. Meanwhile I live my life for me and it's good whether I'm partnered or not. There is certainly no shortage of available men; but there is most definitely a shortage of available men for the discriminating woman.

I think I'm in a similar mindset, Katy. I've been on my own for about 4 yrs now and have become very independent and self-reliant as the result. While I do think I could integrate a partner into my life fairly easily, I'm not at a point right now where I would want to live with someone again. Not sure if I'll get that desire back at some point down the road or not, but I think there are also divorced men in our age bracket who don't necessarily want to shack up, but then I've known many were looking for their second wife. And I'm just not there at this time in my life.

I think my "problem" is that I don't have a problem not being in a relationship. I've gotten to a point where I can basically "take it or leave it" and I think that's why I haven't ended up attached again. I've had a couple of short-lived relationships since my divorce, but nothing with long term potential, and I find myself coming in and out of the desire for that. I think I'm at a point right now where if it happens it happens, and in the meantime, I'm very content with my life as it is.

I think if I made consistent effort in my search, I could be hooked up by now, but I just don't feel the "need" to be attached. For a while I'll go through that "getting to know you" stage with a few guys, and then I just tire of the whole process, and I take a break. I'll enjoy a relationship when it happens, but I'm not really going out of my way to make it happen.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 31

RE: Finding good Doms/Masters..... - 2/24/2009 11:45:34 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

I think my "problem" is that I don't have a problem not being in a relationship.

Do you find that having this "problem" tends to make you attractive to men? This has been my experience. Men tend to like women who are a bit aloof and not into chasing them. It's weirdly funny. I won't complain too much about my relationships that haven't worked out because I figure I have to shoulder at least half the blame for wrongly picking the guys I did. But I've not had a serious relationship in 12 years. And that is what makes me wonder if it's out there.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to marie2)

Post #: 32

RE: Finding good Doms/Masters..... - 2/24/2009 11:55:29 AM

JustHereReading

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Joined: 2/24/2009
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"Fairy tales can come true, it can happen to you, no matter what age". (Apologies to Walt Disney for changing the words a bit.) I was married at 19, divorced at 23 with a one-month old child. Dated on and off, mostly off, for the next 24 years. Learned and happily accepted my submissive/slave nature at 47. Had two Masters in the first two years of my journey into the lifestyle - one was online only and one was long-distance but we visited often. Then, after they did not work out, met a married a Dom and thought i found heaven - i was wrong. At 57 i was lucky enough to find the Master who i was meant to serve. Funny thing about that was that i had given up and stopped looking. I had convinced myself that i was too old now and would have to resign myself to never satisfying that slave ache inside me. But He popped into my life and we are still together and He is also in His late fifties. It had its rocky moment but all relationships do. So, from my experience, I would say that your age may not be a problem. Sometimes you just need to stop looking so hard and you might be as lucky as i was in finding the Master who is everything I ever hoped for in a Master. So please do not give up; the One for you may be sitting at His computer right now thinking the same things. If there are lifestyle groups in your area, that may be a better way to finding someone compatible and in your age range than online. And also remember this, there is nothing wrong with being single. It usually means you find yourself always in the company of someone interesting...~grins~....my best wishes to you.

Edited because I did not realize the font was so small. My apologies to all you "old" people out there...darn, even I was having trouble reading it!

< Message edited by JustHereReading -- 2/24/2009 11:59:12 AM >

(in reply to marie2)

Post #: 33

RE: Finding good Doms/Masters..... - 2/24/2009 12:07:40 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

And also remember this, there is nothing wrong with being single. It usually means you find yourself always in the company of someone interesting...

That's true, except when I'm boring myself to tears!

Anyway, there is some truth in what you say. I have friends in relationships who envy my single status. I know their relationships aren't perfect, yet I sometimes envy them because they don't have to put up with the getting to know you disclosure stuff and the trying to start a new relationship bumpy ride, it can all be tiring.

I'm not sure how not looking will bring someone in to my sphere. I know people use that as a strategy, but I'd rather be partially engaged in the process of attempt, or at the very least open to it happening (which I am).

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to JustHereReading)

Post #: 34

RE: Finding good Doms/Masters..... - 2/24/2009 12:28:24 PM

marie2

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

I think my "problem" is that I don't have a problem not being in a relationship.

Do you find that having this "problem" tends to make you attractive to men? This has been my experience. Men tend to like women who are a bit aloof and not into chasing them. It's weirdly funny. I won't complain too much about my relationships that haven't worked out because I figure I have to shoulder at least half the blame for wrongly picking the guys I did. But I've not had a serious relationship in 12 years. And that is what makes me wonder if it's out there.

Hard to say, Katy. I think it's actually been off-putting to some men, especially those who identify as "dominants". I'm not saying this is the case for all men of course, but in my own travels I have found that a lot of men actually prefer a needy girl, or someone who is looking for that savior in her life. Not saying that's good or bad, but it's not something that works for me.

I think what you're refering to though (about some men being drawn to a female who is somewhat aloof) is human nature to some extent....Wanting something that seems slightly out of reach, or wanting something that's challenging rather than wanting something that comes easily. Again, from my own experiences dealing with those who strongly identify as "doms" (as opposed to those who see themselves as mortal men who are looking for a ds relationship) I've seen more that favor the damsel in distress rather than the aloof stronger type.

Anyway, yes, I do believe that serious relationships are out there. But I think it's like any other thing in life. You have to want it and be willing to go through the process of getting it (getting to know people, going out to meet, being disappointed, trying again, having a run with someone, breaking up etc etc). I suppose it's happened by accident for some people, but in general, I would think you (generic) have to be "open" to the possibility of it as you go about your life, even if you're not consciously in search mode. I think if you only "sorta" "kinda" half-way want it, and can take it or leave it, it's most likely not going to present itself. Anyway, don't know if that applies to you, but that's what I attribute my own "unattachedness" to.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 35

RE: Finding good Doms/Masters..... - 2/24/2009 12:34:33 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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I am sure that I don't fit the "mold" of submissive and have been told this by men who have pursued me, and by one in particular who was not put off by it but actually liked it because I was "different" (although at this point, I'm not sure that's still working for me). I do think that it works better if the man is controlling the chasing and if women make it more of a challenge (yeah, I know how sexist this sounds), not by playing games, but more by having a fulfilling, busy life, not one of sitting around and chasing men. In the past few years I've drastically challenged and changed my outlook on this entire thing. A few years ago I wanted nothing more than a lifetime D/s relationship, and I spent a lot of time striving to be perfect. At this point I'm more open to finding a compatible person, in general than a tight label of "dominant", and I've also come to the conclusion that the guy has to "fit" me as well as I "fit" him. It's been liberating. I'll let you know if/when it works...

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to marie2)

Post #: 36

RE: Finding good Doms/Masters..... - 2/24/2009 5:42:57 PM

Ariella10

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Joined: 10/3/2008
Status: offline

Hi and thank-you for all the reply's. i am getting an education, to be sure. Its funny, but it is much harder now to find a relationship than it was when i was younger. i am just looking for a man who wants to be serious about this, and hopefully we can be a 24/7 couple if it works out. Seems simple to me, but its like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Well, im digging good and hard for that needle! Yes, maybe he is sitting at his computer right now searching. Take care all and may you all find 'the one'.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 37

RE: Finding good Doms/Masters..... - 2/24/2009 6:33:05 PM

PrincessEllie

Posts: 287
Joined: 11/30/2006
Status: offline

See here's the thing. I feel like there are are many more Doms out there than people realize. I met mine through a completely unrelated to BDSM school friendship. He was my friend, then my boyfriend, and when we both pulled out heads out of our butts and admitted our interest to each other, he became my Dom.

But I had been searching for one actively ever since the age of 14. It was not until I gave up that I found mine!

_____________________________

Sticks and stones
May break my bones
But whips and chains excite me
So tie me up
Or hold me down
And bite me baby, bite me!

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--Discreet BDSM day clothes--

(in reply to Ariella10)

Post #: 38

RE: Finding good Doms/Masters..... - 2/25/2009 3:29:40 PM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ariella10

i honestly didnt think it would be this hard to find a good Dom.

Have you thought of what constitutes a good partner in your eyes and focused on that when choosing a partner?

Perhaps, the 'loving and tolerant' is a euphanism for 'will pretty much try any partner'....leading to disappointment

What about having a core of 'must haves' with a certain amount of flexibility around other characteristics?

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to Ariella10)

Post #: 39

RE: Finding good Doms/Masters..... - 2/26/2009 2:33:33 PM

Coldwarrior57

Posts: 297
Joined: 12/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

It's just my opinion
(and this comment will probably start a raft o'shit)

But I think it is much more difficult for a serious submissive/slave to find a good master than it is the other way around.

It's not easy finding any good relationship
BDSM makes it that much tougher
Plus the pool is much smaller
which limits the selection
making it a very difficult thing indeed.
I generally don't offer unsolicited commentary
but in this case I think I will.
Its better to take a little while longer and be sure that you have found someone good than to rush into something awful and get mangled.

Words of caution that apply equally to both sides of the whipping post.

africking men!
Very very hard to find the match. just better to search then to end up with a jerk or crook.
Keep searching , keep positive and just for the safe side , NEVER meet any one alone in a secluded place from any web place. always in a safe secure area!
That is all, carry on.

_____________________________

"People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf."
-- George Orwell

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 40

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