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RE: no...no...yes...no... - 1/21/2006 7:34:17 AM

Smythe

Posts: 369
Joined: 12/31/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: veronicaofML

some folks have the backbone to face it..some of us follow our fears..
it depends i guess on which is which..
m a y b e ?
time, patience, loving hands...soft voice...and..talk it out...

i guess just try..
good luck best wishes

you dog, veronica :) who would have figured you for a softie needing loving hands and a soft voice?? But yes, that's the ticket. Thanks.

Smythe

_____________________________

Do not consider painful what is good for you.
Euripides

(in reply to veronicaofML)

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Post #: 21

RE: no...no...yes...no... - 1/21/2006 7:38:55 AM

Smythe

Posts: 369
Joined: 12/31/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

quote:

ORIGINAL: fldrkhorse

The answer is the Masters power has to be stronger than the subs fears. That's why so many of these "relationships" end ugly, because we are in search of someone whose hot, or hung, hairy, or agrees with our fantasy, or whatever. A Masters power is not in his physical being. A Masters exterior really adds nothing, other than lust I suppose, to the D/s dynamic. Thats why its critical to go through the courting stage for the sub to understand the Masters power. Is it physical? Emotional? Psychological? Spritual? Does His power meet/match/mesh with the subs needs/fears? I know what I'm attracted to physically but that person might not, or atleast has not so far in my life, been a match as a sub for me.

The other thing I might add is never, ever, ever say yes and mean no. Say what you mean and mean what you say. All these threads are saying communicate, but if you communicate the wrong message that also will end in disaster.

BRAVO! well stated.

Yes I like that as well. Sometimes a submissive just doesn't want to say no, for fear of not appearing submissive enough, but if they feel no, and mean no then it's important to communicate that.
Smythe

_____________________________

Do not consider painful what is good for you.
Euripides

(in reply to MHOO314)

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Post #: 22

RE: no...no...yes...no... - 1/21/2006 7:30:56 PM

Sirandlittle1

Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

the whole, "and if he says he fears something, it excites me even more", that works for me as a submissive. If its a play behaviour, then seeing his excitement, will excite me.

Communication of truth is the way to go. That is what a safe word traffic light system of orange is for, as in, im struggling, please help me.

But sometimes, like someone said, its not to do with trust, or anything to do with the dominant. As his submissive, i came to him at 41, with a lifetime of history and fears, some are able to be overcome because of his strength being stronger than my fears.
But some things are just too scary. And i have a promise, that he will do me no harm. I expect him to take that seriously, and not push me, when it is unwise to do so.

If after careful consideration, i seriously thought it unwise to do some behaviour, then i would safe word out with a red.
I know myself well. More so than any other could. I know when something is too difficult for me to achieve even in the long run.

I have a friend, that indulges in a play form that would crack me open i would fear, never to be repaired. If my Sir wished to play in that field with me, i would have to ask, is he truly acting in my best interests to push for this?
Is he qualified to repair my broken psyche, can he afford to support me financially if i became mentally ill from this form of using me and could not work?

There are fears, and there are fears. Some limits are hard and to be respected.

But playing with the soft limits, pushing, including fear as a part of play? it gets me hot!

little1

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Post #: 23