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RE: Settling in a relationship, what does that mean? - 2/25/2009 8:55:06 PM   
NewlySingle329


Posts: 39
Joined: 9/14/2008
Status: offline 		I am one who has stated "I am not willing to settle".  To me, it means there are things I will not compromise in a relationship.  (There are many other things that I am very flexible on.)  I am divorced after a 20 year marriage and spent a solid year being alone (no dates, no relationships other than friendships).  I used this time to truly understand what I wanted to improve about myself and also about my choices in relationships.  I decided that I would rather be alone than with the wrong person.  And I can make it on my own - I don't want to be with someone out of dependency or need alone.
So, no, I won't "settle" for less.

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RE: Settling in a relationship, what does that mean? - 2/25/2009 8:56:28 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
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From: St George Utah
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Vendaval

Are people just being too picky and too finicky?


99% of the time I believe this to be true, however maybe I'm not as amazing as I think I am.

Steel

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RE: Settling in a relationship, what does that mean? - 2/25/2009 9:06:44 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		How about a poll or a taste test then?

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RE: Settling in a relationship, what does that mean? - 2/25/2009 9:09:00 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		No I like my Self esteem the way it is thank you.

I donlt really want to know what you people REALLY think of me.

Taste Test might be good. But how would we determine the Scoring System?

Steel

_____________________________

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Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

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RE: Settling in a relationship, what does that mean? - 2/25/2009 9:13:26 PM   
Juliannadelion


Posts: 869
Joined: 7/25/2008
From: circusofthedamned
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Vendaval

I have had a few conversations with female friends on the topic of "settling in a relationship" and remain confused to the concept.
 
Does this mean that the relatinship dynamics are less than desirable?
Or that the current partner(s) are not what you really want?
 
Is this the reason you see people "trading up" and getting trophy spouses?
 
Are people just being too picky and too finicky?


I always thought this an odd concept.  why would one settle for less than they desire?  Why would you spend your life with someone who isn't what you are looking for?

I do believe that there are some people who just have unrealistic expectations - I want a Master with a big dick and a big house and lots of money and a sense of humor and I want to be tied up and beaten 24/7 (okay, seriously, who doesn't want to be tied up?!?!?) 

But I am a firm believer in you get as good as you give, and if you can start from there, what could possibly go wrong? 

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RE: Settling in a relationship, what does that mean? - 2/25/2009 9:42:21 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Use either beer steins or shot glasses on a scale of 1-10.


quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

No I like my Self esteem the way it is thank you.

I donlt really want to know what you people REALLY think of me.

Taste Test might be good. But how would we determine the Scoring System?

Steel


_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

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RE: Settling in a relationship, what does that mean? - 2/26/2009 1:20:06 AM   
steviemichael


Posts: 177
Joined: 1/6/2007
Status: offline 		relationship, i am guessing here it means to the person who is making that statement !
let  me think  on the question and and answer it personally ,i am in a relationship, with myself i serve myself
and often have sex with myself and sometimes the sex is good and sometimes not so good just like any other that is in a relationship, and their are types of relationship, mine is known as
Schizophrenia.


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RE: Settling in a relationship, what does that mean? - 2/26/2009 1:29:53 AM   
steviemichael


Posts: 177
Joined: 1/6/2007
Status: offline 		it means your comfortable and secure with yourself and does not require any person to fullfill anything since you are in a secure
Schizophrenia  mode .

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RE: Settling in a relationship, what does that mean? - 2/26/2009 2:28:23 AM   
chezzy71


Posts: 412
Joined: 4/19/2008
Status: offline 		We are all guilty at one point or another of settling and not necessarily within a BDSM structured relationship.There are times we become infatuated with a person only to find out down the road they weren't what you first realized.Then there are those who seemingly remain hidden to the eye and you find out more about them..enugh anyways to further into knowing that person..and that doesn't work out either.katy is right..circumstances play a huge role.My patience this time around allowed for a friendship to bloom ever so slowly to the point where now,neither of us are settling.Mistress Cat and i have a mutual admiration for each other.The best part is we only just begun.

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RE: Settling in a relationship, what does that mean? - 2/27/2009 7:09:45 AM   
ELUSIVE1


Posts: 536
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline 		I consider 'settling' in a relationship the same as 'settling' in for a cold winter...preparing for the 'new', finding comfort zones, likes dislikes, etc

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RE: Settling in a relationship, what does that mean? - 2/27/2009 8:19:03 AM   
aravain


Posts: 1211
Joined: 8/26/2008
Status: offline 		To me settling has so many different connotations...

The most obvious would be accepting (or even pursuing) a partner that you would not be/are not happy with. To me, the equivalent of dating someone I don't find attractive, someone I can't relate to, or someone who's old enough to be my father. It's not something I *ever* want to do. Some may say my standards are high (and insultingly so, too, in the past. Don't understand how they're trying to score points with me by saying 'you don't deserve that' but people are funny things) in this regard, but I'm really not asking for much.

I want him to be attractive to me, and I want him to be attracted to me.
I want him to be relatively close in age.
I want to be able to talk to him, and actually be able to talk on end about nothing important.

Essentially if I break any of those, I will consider myself to be settling for the purposes of having a relationship, and I will *not* be happy about it long term. Despite that, though, I would tell the person flat out that I'm settling, too. Chances are if one of the above are not there, then he's just settling as well and we can accept it for what it is, a relationship of convenience, which aren't *always* bad, in my opinion.

Another 'tier' of settling (pre-serious relationship, still) would be accepting someone who doesn't meet all of my needs. I can deal with that, and be perfectly happy pursuing any of those needs outside the relationship. I don't mind. This isn't a *bad* type of settling for me... it's just being pragmatic. If the top three things are there, then it's not a big deal (as long as he isn't an insanely monogamous, and 'only I can touch you' type and will not mind me getting needs met elsewhere).

The last of settling when picking a partner would be picking a 'piece of work' to fix. This is to be avoided at ALL costs. I understand that not everyone can tell ahead of time (including me) that this is what they're getting into, but that's why I have my friends on the look out! If they sense ANY sort of 'I'm going to fix him!' vibe from me or the potential it's out the door!


Beyond that all the connotations of settling are quite benevolent unless *made* otherwise by a partner. Settling into a routine, into being a couple, etc.

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RE: Settling in a relationship, what does that mean? - 2/27/2009 2:42:02 PM   
InTonguesslave


Posts: 342
Joined: 2/6/2009
Status: offline 		wow - different for me.  settled, settling 'in' a relationship, being settled, feeling settled means to me, that i feel at peace, that all the jiggles and niggles have 'settled' - im happy and calm in my space and my life.

to settle 'in' a relationship means to me that youre happy and at peace
but to settle 'for' a relationship means that youre making do with something thats less than perfect or happy.

semantics i know, but they make all the difference

< Message edited by InTonguesslave -- 2/27/2009 2:44:42 PM >

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