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~~Decision Making~~ - 2/25/2009 8:34:17 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
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It's choice - not chance - that determines your destiny. ~ Jean Nidetch

As a dominant my submissive looks to me for guidance when a difficult decision needs to be made, and I have made them when necessary.

I am curious how other dominants handle making the seriously difficult decisions that face our lives today.

When you have a serious decision to make that affects both you and your sub or perhaps even your sub only, which in reflection should affect you also, how do you go about making such a decision? Do you make one at all?

Do you make these decisions for them after taking their thoughts into account or do you weigh the concept alone and make a decision on what you think is best for you and the order of your home.

If you are a sub have you ever had your Master make a SERIOUS decision for you, not just what you wear or how you talk or when you go to bed or what you do when he gets home but decisions that can affect your life from that point on? If So how exactly did you handle the situation how did your Master handle it?

Curious to find out how others exist beyond the slap and tickle and how much of what they believe and live by expands into the things that change lives.

This is in no way saying that what it is that we do is trivial because I know it is far from it, but often we see threads about girls who burned a meal and it’s the end of the world, or that they just don’t feel good enough for their Mistress, or perhaps they don’t feel their partner orders them around enough. I am curious about the decisions to leave a job, or the decision to take a former partner to court, or even the decision to make oneself infertile.

How are these decisions made when they are made by someone other than whom they would affect the most?

Steel

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Post #: 1

RE: ~~Decision Making~~ - 2/25/2009 9:57:58 PM

IronBear

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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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I make decisions based on the best available intel and my guit feeling. bad intel and no gut feeling either way usually means no drama although I may have egg on my gface for a moment. If the decision is not the best one, I make the best of the situation and if it is a jolly great disaster, then I move into cluster fuck control mode..

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 2

RE: ~~Decision Making~~ - 2/25/2009 10:14:22 PM

Vendaval

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ROFLMAO!!!

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
and if it is a jolly great disaster, then I move into cluster fuck control mode..

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
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Post #: 3

RE: ~~Decision Making~~ - 2/25/2009 10:21:43 PM

dreamerdreaming

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*Hopes for an invite to IronBear's next "jolly great disaster"*

;o)

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Post #: 4

RE: ~~Decision Making~~ - 2/25/2009 10:22:52 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
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From: St George Utah
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I wanna know what aerodynamic changes occur when he goes into Cluster Fuck Control Mode.

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Post #: 5

RE: ~~Decision Making~~ - 2/25/2009 10:28:46 PM

Vendaval

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First you consider all the options.

And if you are able to achieve the impossible then -

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 6

RE: ~~Decision Making~~ - 2/25/2009 10:33:35 PM

NYLass

Posts: 409
Joined: 12/30/2008
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Mebbe when gathering intel from Interpol and the CIA?

Hey my son's pc has an "Intel Inside" logo on it. Think it's cluster fuck mode compatible?

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 7

RE: ~~Decision Making~~ - 2/25/2009 10:59:44 PM

Andalusite

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When I was with my submissive, he asked for my opinion on which major (of two possibilities) to focus on, and for my judgement of which job offer to accept when he had multiple offers, and a few other fairly serious things. I didn't dictate that he comply with my judgement, but he chose to do so.

(in reply to NYLass)

Post #: 8

RE: ~~Decision Making~~ - 2/25/2009 11:10:07 PM

apple2

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Joined: 8/3/2004
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Hi Steel,

Good to see another interesting post come from you.

Decisions... for my house, they come in different flavors or shades. And whether I act in any given situation is determined by many factors, and even a bit of intuition.

In general, I don't micromanage because I generally do not accept people who can't manage their own lives. Also, my partner, while submissive to me, is a fully capable dominant in her own right.

But in our years together and through our experiences with poly I've had to take complete control a number of times. Most of the time these decisions have been made to protect either the household, or myself, and rarely these decisions have been made to protect my people. I say rarely, because people do not learn lessons if all I'm doing is playing "fixit man". So there are times when I give an opinion, wait for the outcome, and let the lesson be learned.

We have a dynamic in my household based on our individual strengths. I'm a big picture person. I plot the course, make plans for the future, and execute bold moves (Big decisions). Details are handled by my partner, and/or our slave (If we are so blessed).

So I'm the "big decision man". I generally make those decisions without input, but I do let the people in my household know they are happening, why they are happening, and when they are happening. (Some of that has to do with the idea of informed consent, some of it is a nagging feeling that the people I live with have the right to know where the ship is going).

On the micro non-big-picture level I am kept constantly *informed*, which can be a pain in the ass because of the huge information flow. I experience some form of information overload pretty often.

So to the point of difficult decisions... I make many. And only intervene on things I deem as important enough that I have to come out of my "big picture cloud". There have been many times this has happened. And the people involved with my house sometimes do not like them at face value. I leave room for my people to fail on issues that may require difficult decisions, assuming the consequences of that failure do not negatively affect the overall running of the house.

The important thing about decisions however, is to understand consequences. Whenever you say yes to something, you are saying no to something else. Many consequences are "unintended consequences". You didn't see them coming, and sometimes you pay dearly for lack of understanding or intuition.

So I handle decision making "The best way I can". Which is to say that I try to be informed, understanding of the consequences, and try to have enough finesse to know when to intervene, and when not too.

I'd say I'm 80% successful over the long term at making good decisions either in a corrective or big picture sense. No one is perfect.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 9

RE: ~~Decision Making~~ - 2/26/2009 2:17:40 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

I wanna know what aerodynamic changes occur when he goes into Cluster Fuck Control Mode.

Usually the air turns various shades of blue .. The temperature moves wildly from boiling hot to cold enough to freeze the tits off a bull (If one were present). da Bear speaketh in toungs (usually of the Anglo-Saxon and Australian kind) with many words having only four letters although there will be numerous occasions when the ancestory of both inanimate objects and beings of the theoretically human kind, where their forbears are described as belonging to a diverse variety of beasts of the fields and woods.. This is followed by a rolling up of sleeves and attending the coal front in order to, like an avenging angel;, make some meaningfull attempt to salvage what is salvagable and rebuild bridges after pouring copious quantities of oil upon troubled waters.. If all else fails there is always several slabs of ice cold Fosters to act as bribes and what ever works to get things back on track. (I found that Iced Fosters or what ever the local inhabitants imbibe works better than me trying to perform facial alterations and brain modifications on a number of irate and/or guilty people with my bare knuckles).... I suppose I could make an international phone call to Uncle Samuel and ask him to send in the Marines. Never needed to go down that path..

< Message edited by IronBear -- 2/26/2009 2:22:45 AM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 10

RE: ~~Decision Making~~ - 2/26/2009 3:43:31 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Brainstorming works best when it involves everyone offering ideas freely, not just the boss making the decision upfront. Of course he asks my advice, I have a different slant on things than he does which means I often offer information that he just doesn't notice otherwise.

He's better on making the logical decisions, but if he's seeking to minimize any emotional harm to anyone as a result, he listens to me.

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(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 11

RE: ~~Decision Making~~ - 2/26/2009 4:33:49 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
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fr

Himself made a decision to uproot everything we have ever known and move to a foreign country, 7000 miles from friends and family. I would put that into the ´serious´decision category for sure. It was not a decision made lightly or overnight. He thought about it for several months, had me do tons of research and we made a trip out here before we actually moved. Actually, he made a few trips out here, I just came out once before the move. In the end, we made the move because he decided that´s what we would do.

Ultimately, the decisions which are made, hopefully with input from all parties, are what are best for the strength and growth of the relationship as a whole even if there are some setbacks at times. In our case, the decision to move was made not because our relationship needed growth, but because it was what was best for his career path and due to that, I am taking the backseat until things get on a more even keel. In other words, I am not the priority at this time. It´s not always easy, but I´m a big girl and I will survive. I would rather be in his backseat than driving somewhere else without him. If it turns out there are other consequences from making the radical change which we have made, we will cross that bridge when we get to it.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

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Post #: 12

RE: ~~Decision Making~~ - 2/26/2009 4:49:13 AM

Lashra

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Joined: 2/9/2006
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We do something very old fashioned, we sit down and discuss it together. We listen to each others view points and weigh the options. In the end I make the decision based upon the information exchanged. It is that simple. He trusts me to make the decisions and I trust him to follow through with me.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 13

RE: ~~Decision Making~~ - 2/26/2009 5:16:52 AM

rabinyaZharovna

Posts: 106
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

fr

Ultimately, the decisions which are made, hopefully with input from all parties, are what are best for the strength and growth of the relationship as a whole even if there are some setbacks at times.

I would rather be in his backseat than driving somewhere else without him. If it turns out there are other consequences from making the radical change which we have made, we will cross that bridge when we get to it.

I agree! (No surprise, I seem to almost always agree with your posts!) :) He makes all the decisions straight down the line. He has made few promises to me, but one from the start, was to always do what was best for our relationship. Not him, not me, the relationship and he has kept that promise.

Sometimes he asks what I think, he might take it into account, he may not. He might ask and he might not. He makes the decision, we move forward, if it turns out to go south, he rethinks and plots a new direction. He recently told me to quit my job to pursue something else... done. There wasn't a big discussion, he didn't ask if I wanted to stick it out for a bit, he evaluated from a distance what was happening and then told me he was considerring having me quit. Two days later he told me to give my notice. He makes the decsions, I obey... works for us :)

If I didn't trust him to make the right decisions I wouldn't be enslaved to him. If I weren't enslaved to him, I wouldn't worship him... when you worship someone it doesn't really occur to you to second guess them :)
rz{PF}

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In making me nothing, He makes me everything

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 14

RE: ~~Decision Making~~ - 2/26/2009 5:21:39 AM

sambamanslilgirl

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From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

i have asked Daddy for advice especially anything concerning my oldest's medical care/treatment however He hasn't made any (major) decisions for me.

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RE: ~~Decision Making~~ - 2/26/2009 5:27:28 AM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
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the dominants that i've been with are smart enough to not make a decision for me; they do, however, give me feed-back that will enable me to come to my decision with less dificulty.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 16

RE: ~~Decision Making~~ - 2/26/2009 5:55:15 AM

MoGa

Posts: 1001
Joined: 8/25/2008
From: Hellizona!
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quote:

When you have a serious decision to make that affects both you and your sub or perhaps even your sub only, which in reflection should affect you also, how do you go about making such a decision? Do you make one at all?

I have never made a decision that I didn't first talk over with my submissive, if it concerned him too. He is an adult, with the capabilities of understanding a situation and therefore able to come to a conclusion on how to handle it. However, he has not made a decision that effects me, without first consulting me. He values my opinion and advice. Ultimately, the decision is both of ours.

With that said, I have made decisions regarding his health and well being, that he may not have liked at the time, but respected it nonetheless. If I saw him leading down a path that I know will have a fall at the end of it, I will step in. By the same token, if he sees me doing something that will ultimately hurt me, he will offer quiet advice, done with respect. We watch each other's backs in other words.

Good question Steel :)

MoGa

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RE: ~~Decision Making~~ - 2/26/2009 6:03:58 AM

MsFlutter

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From: East Coast
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
... if it is a jolly great disaster, then I move into cluster fuck control mode..

ROFL Bear - now I have to clean coffee off my screen ! After a bunch of years in military service, I am familiar with this mode you speak of. I'm sure yours would be far more interesting to witness.

LOL.. you nut - I LOVE the way you think !

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Post #: 18

RE: ~~Decision Making~~ - 2/26/2009 6:57:12 AM

feydeplume

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It does bring interesting images to mind.

And the need for earplugs to lessen the noise hazard from the yelling, wailing, and gnashing of teeth.

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Post #: 19

RE: ~~Decision Making~~ - 2/26/2009 11:10:11 AM

IvyMorgan

Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline

There was one decision. My right to choose got severely curtailed.

I don't let other people make decisions for me very much, I figure my degree course is going to last longer than my relationship. Though, to be fair, there aren't that many big decisions to be made in my life right now, the next 3 years being mostly planned out. There's a decision about work, and one about meds, but, that's really it. Exciting, no?

(in reply to feydeplume)

Post #: 20

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