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RE: ~~Decision Making~~ - 2/26/2009 11:37:58 AM

pinkwind

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We look to each other for input when we are faced with a major decision, no matter who it eventually effects more in the end. Between us we talk, research, talk some more, take time to think and evaluate options, and then, together, we make the final decision.

Only if, at the end of all that, there is no consensus, it is Andy who has the final say. And in exercising that responsibility we both accept the decision, no matter the ultimate outcome.

Andy is my Master, but also my partner in a relationship that has entwined all it's elements into one entity, and as such my opinion has equal value to his, equal weight as his, and neither of us is precious about our own views when the others strength of conviction carries the day.

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RE: ~~Decision Making~~ - 2/26/2009 11:56:55 AM

Cuffkinks

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For the most part, I make the final decision for My little girl and myself. I will always take her opinion and point of view into consideration, but in the end it's me who makes the final decision.
There are exceptions to that rule. When she was debating which career path to follow, I offered advice, but that decision was hers to make. The same goes for her children. I will offer advice, if asked, but I would never try to decide for her how to care for her children. Just a couple of examples of the exception to the rule. But as I said, if it's a decision that needs to be made regarding her and I...After discussing it together, the final decision is mine.

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RE: ~~Decision Making~~ - 2/26/2009 12:01:34 PM

allthatjaz

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Good decision making is about being absolutely clear about what the decision is, what the constraints of that decision are and how it should be implemented. Communicating that decision is a very important part of decision making, making sure everyone effected knows in advance. However, you can't make a decision unless you understand in full what the problem is that you are trying to solve. We shouldn't always assume that our perspective is right. Asking pertinent questions of the person that is going to be effected by the decision and not to present someone with a solution to there problem without giving them guidance on how they should do it or how its going to be implemented.
Any guidance has to be practical and achievable otherwise there is absolutely no point in making a decision on someone elses behalf.

An example of this is cutting Marias smoking down. The first thing was that I understood there was a problem. Secondly I knew that she wanted to battle this but just kept failing. I knew I had her on board for any reasonable decision I should make. I went through the options , give her moral support so she could do this on her own, ban her from smoking. These two options were clearly not going to work and the last thing I wanted was to set Maria up for failure. The third option was to inform her that she would never again buy a packet of cigarettes but I would in turn buy them for her and ration them accordingly. I have just asked her why she feels this has worked so well and she tells me its because firstly she felt I was sacrificing not only my own money to supply her need but that I cared enough about her health to want to implement this.

P.S I also warned her if she failed I would beet the living shit out of her!!!
P.P.S It has been proven that someone who wants to change something in there life will succeed if they can manage the first 21 days.

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RE: ~~Decision Making~~ - 2/26/2009 12:20:29 PM

RealSub58

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I was searching for something and found this quote.....
it fits perfectly. Not that it is my philosophy, altho I wish it would rub off on me !.

"It has been my philosophy of life that
difficulties vanish when faced boldly."
- Isaac Asimov

< Message edited by RealSub58 -- 2/26/2009 12:22:12 PM >

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RE: ~~Decision Making~~ - 2/26/2009 1:10:45 PM

junecleaver

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I always felt like he put my own interests even above the relationships. He supported me in the things I needed even though he knew they would eventually take me away from the relationship. I'll always be very grateful for that.

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RE: ~~Decision Making~~ - 2/26/2009 2:50:09 PM

kdsub

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All decisions between two people should be based on what is good for the other. It is each individual’s job to learn the likes and dislikes of the other and act according to the mutual agreements reached when partnered.

If this concept does not work then I believe you are not meant for each other.

Butch

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RE: ~~Decision Making~~ - 2/26/2009 3:06:30 PM

Knite064

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MoGa

quote:

When you have a serious decision to make that affects both you and your sub or perhaps even your sub only, which in reflection should affect you also, how do you go about making such a decision? Do you make one at all?

I have never made a decision that I didn't first talk over with my submissive, if it concerned him too. He is an adult, with the capabilities of understanding a situation and therefore able to come to a conclusion on how to handle it. However, he has not made a decision that effects me, without first consulting me. He values my opinion and advice. Ultimately, the decision is both of ours.

With that said, I have made decisions regarding his health and well being, that he may not have liked at the time, but respected it nonetheless. If I saw him leading down a path that I know will have a fall at the end of it, I will step in. By the same token, if he sees me doing something that will ultimately hurt me, he will offer quiet advice, done with respect. We watch each other's backs in other words.

Good question Steel :)

MoGa

Pretty much speaks for me also by replacing he with she.

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RE: ~~Decision Making~~ - 2/26/2009 3:52:31 PM

LATEXBABY64

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this is true some people never understand that

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RE: ~~Decision Making~~ - 2/26/2009 3:53:51 PM

LATEXBABY64

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but lets see what if the choice deals with letting someone go becaues you catch them in a bad lie what degree would you do then or trust issue

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RE: ~~Decision Making~~ - 2/26/2009 11:34:02 PM

StormsSlave

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After discussing this together, it was decided between My Lord and I that we discuss things together and make decisions jointly. When it concerns my UM's, I usually seek his advice, but My Lord understands he is not good parent material, so rarely offers without my prompting. When it concerns anything that effects me only, he will state his opinion, but leave the final choice up to me. That way, if he's right, he gets to say he told me so, and if he's wrong, I can't blame him for my fuck up.

If it impacts both of us, we will discuss, debate, fight, scream at other (sometimes) and eventually come to an agreement on how it will be handled.

My Lord picked me because I am smart and capable and not afraid to speak up and state opinions and stand at his side. He needed a partner in life, not a liability, and would be much less satisfied with his wife if I were to become overtly passive. We complement each other in our weaknesses and strengths, and my not being an active participant would make him work harder, which is never what My Lord wants.

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RE: ~~Decision Making~~ - 2/27/2009 3:01:02 AM

silkncarol

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In my last D/s relationship we always sat down and discussed any major decisions together. We would both have input....but.....He always had the final decision.

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RE: ~~Decision Making~~ - 2/27/2009 10:34:31 AM

Jeptha

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I don't own slaves, and I don't get that embroiled in my partner's lives that I want to majorly influence the big decisions. I mostly want to stand back, or maybe help clarify matters if I can, so that they can make decisions on their own.

Part of the clarifying is that I've observed the average lifespan of my relationships to be about 1- 3 years. Some may go longer (maybe even forever), some may not.

I have no problem with that.

I also tend to want to live by myself (though I could try some experimental co-habitation at some point.)

So I put that out there up front for my sub to use in her decision making processes.

I used to have some little sayings that I'd found to be true:
1) I've never regretted quitting a job;
2) I've never regretted moving somewhere.
Those guidelines probably don't apply to everyone, though.

Also, I don't seem to be following my own advice anymore, as I've worked at the same place for 10 years (although I quit, took 8 months off, and then was rehired about 2 years ago) and lived in the same house for 8.

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