ignoring.. just a question (Full Version)

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MARIEL -> ignoring.. just a question (2/26/2009 3:48:09 AM)

what do you say about Doms ignoring their sub when gone wrong/done wrong,and put you in limbo for longer time? Is that abuse or can it be correct?



MissMorrigan -> RE: ignoring.. just a question (2/26/2009 4:36:11 AM)

That's subjective and will differ from person to person. My personal take on it is this: If an issue arises between dominant and submissive, each needs to effectively communicate to discern the problem and discuss ways in which it can and will be altered, the willingness to do so has to be from both persons. What is ignoring a person going to achieve other than to instill doubt, uncertainty, a lack of confidence and emotional isolation?

As I've said previously, a dominant using the 'ignoring a sub' tactic is their way of communicating that they cannot deal with the problem, so rather than discuss it rationally and perhaps show a chink in their armour, they'll rather play the silence card - it's something a teenager would do to gain attention and does nothing to solve the issue. It's passive aggressive bollocks.

If it's 'in scene', it can be an amusing tool.

Edited to add: Those are just my opinions, what are YOURS? Only you can decide what is/isn't right for you.



subangi -> RE: ignoring.. just a question (2/26/2009 4:58:30 AM)

Personally, I feel communication is the key. Unless, it had been discussed that ignoring will result if a certain negative behavior arises.



Lashra -> RE: ignoring.. just a question (2/26/2009 5:00:15 AM)

I know one of the worst punishments that a Dominant can do to a sub is ignore them. Many have feelings of abandonment when ignored and that is a ugly feeling. I have never ignored my submissive as punishment. If I want to punish him I know other ways of accomplishing that without making him feel abandoned.

But each Dominant is different just as every relationship. So that may be his way of handling things.

~Lashra



Aileen1968 -> RE: ignoring.. just a question (2/26/2009 5:02:28 AM)

The Turkish guy didn't call back?



HouseofWayfarers -> RE: ignoring.. just a question (2/26/2009 5:25:50 AM)

I tend to wander away and forget people when they ignore me.  Though I suspect it will be a good tool for someone to use on you, you'll go back to him even more estatic because he's paying attention to you.



HouseofWayfarers -> RE: ignoring.. just a question (2/26/2009 5:27:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HouseofWayfarers

I tend to wander away and forget people when they ignore me.  Though I suspect it will be a good tool for someone to use on you, you'll go back to him even more estatic because he's paying attention to you.


Sorry, this was me, OmegaG and apparently I have to work on this.



OmegaG -> RE: ignoring.. just a question (2/26/2009 5:30:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HouseofWayfarers

quote:

ORIGINAL: HouseofWayfarers

I tend to wander away and forget people when they ignore me.  Though I suspect it will be a good tool for someone to use on you, you'll go back to him even more estatic because he's paying attention to you.


Sorry, this was me, OmegaG and apparently I have to work on this.


I think I have it right now, ooops.  Carry on.



starshineowned -> RE: ignoring.. just a question (2/26/2009 5:30:20 AM)

quote:

is that abuse or can it be correct?


Interesting...2 grown or more adults in a agreed upon relationship and the need to use a term like "abuse" comes into play because someone wont talk or pay attention to you when you want it?

boo hoo..yes your honor he/she abused me because they ignored me. Really..the loose term of abuse on these forums is absurd sometimes.

If you don't like not getting your way of how things go then leave. Pretty simple.

starshine



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: ignoring.. just a question (2/26/2009 5:35:47 AM)

speaking for my relationship only - ignoring is not abuse. 

Daddy has used it before as a punishent in which He doesn't talk to me up 24hrs.



OmegaG -> RE: ignoring.. just a question (2/26/2009 5:39:37 AM)

I suspect that he might have said something to you indicating that he was going to ignore you and how long it would last so you wouldn't be in limbo though, right?



MARIEL -> RE: ignoring.. just a question (2/26/2009 5:43:14 AM)

I thought more on long term basis lots more than 24 hours and not agreed



IrishMist -> RE: ignoring.. just a question (2/26/2009 5:48:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MARIEL

what do you say about Doms ignoring their sub when gone wrong/done wrong,and put you in limbo for longer time? Is that abuse or can it be correct?

I don't say anything about it. Other's relationships do not concern me in the least. What they do is their business and only their business.



OmegaG -> RE: ignoring.. just a question (2/26/2009 5:48:28 AM)

it is not abuse but it is not an effective measure to sustain a viable relationship for most people. 

From what you have written, you have been involved in a series of train wrecks but you continue to jusify those so called relationships.  What do you want?  Peope to tell you tha you desperate actions are perfectly normal and healthy?  Mos won't.  You want the attention and advise that you are recieving?  Even that will fade as people get tired of banging their heads against the wall you've errected.

You say you aren't desperate, why don't you start showing that, and maybe start showing us that you have more sence then God gave a goat.



SassySarijane -> RE: ignoring.. just a question (2/26/2009 6:20:40 AM)

Taking a brief timeout to cool off after communicating such, why, and length is one thing; ignoring without first communicating it and why and how long will end the relationship because I will then assume he is no longer interested, or he's just not into me enough to further mess with building a relationship and I will move on. I am too old for those kinds of games and refuse to play them. I will also say goodbye if it is communicated that the timeout or ignoring will be for too extended a period of time as that usually denotes playing games with my feelings and needs and negative manipulation in my experience.



feydeplume -> RE: ignoring.. just a question (2/26/2009 6:41:51 AM)

~fr~

then he is just not that into you. move on.

end of soap opera.



LaTigresse -> RE: ignoring.. just a question (2/26/2009 7:44:32 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MARIEL

what do you say about Doms ignoring their sub when gone wrong/done wrong,and put you in limbo for longer time? Is that abuse or can it be correct?


If it's online, then yeah, they aren't that into you.

In real life, there are many reasons I might be "ignoring" someone. Perhaps I am focused on something else. After all, it isn't about the sub/slave ALL the time now is it?!?!

If I get really angry with someone, I may take a time out to calm down before addressing the issue. That might be construed as ignoring. Whomever I might be angry with should only appreciate it.



Lockit -> RE: ignoring.. just a question (2/26/2009 8:04:14 AM)

The abuse here that I see is of your own doing.  Accepting an online master/dominant quickly, who, which ever one you are talking about at the moment... shows signs that red flag most everyone else, but you defend... who suggest risky things... who you again defend.

You are your own abuser in my opinion.



camille65 -> RE: ignoring.. just a question (2/26/2009 8:04:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MARIEL

I thought more on long term basis lots more than 24 hours and not agreed


24 hours?
Are you being serious?

Some people work.. run errands.. take care of the UMs etc.

I am having a tough time grasping just what it is you are trying to understand with all of your posts. [8|]



OmegaG -> RE: ignoring.. just a question (2/26/2009 8:08:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

quote:

ORIGINAL: MARIEL

I thought more on long term basis lots more than 24 hours and not agreed


24 hours?
Are you being serious?

Some people work.. run errands.. take care of the UMs etc.

I am having a tough time grasping just what it is you are trying to understand with all of your posts. [8|]



When we were still long distance, if there was a day when we wouldn't have contact it was discussed before-hand.  Of course we also were spending physical time together.



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