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RE: is it common.... - 2/28/2009 10:09:56 AM

catize

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

Hey, let’s do lunch! Where shall we go?

I don't know, where do you want to go?

Anything would be fine.
What do you feel like?

I don't care--you decide??

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Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

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Post #: 41

RE: is it common.... - 2/28/2009 10:34:29 AM

crazyredhead1957

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Joined: 12/10/2008
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i used to be like that all the time, even when i was totally vanilla. Now, since i am submissive and ORDERED at times to give my opinion, i am finally realizing that the few times i am asked for it, it pleases the other person to know it.......so it is easier to give it, as i love to please.

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Post #: 42

RE: is it common.... - 2/28/2009 12:18:51 PM

WestBaySlave

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Joined: 9/24/2008
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I am chronically indecisive. It's a personality flaw, but having a decision maker around makes life much easier.

I find it easier to speak about my feelings and such, but making little daily decisions like where to go out to eat is hard if I have to decide for the other person. It's the trivial things in life that trip me up, not the big, necessary decisions.

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RE: is it common.... - 2/28/2009 2:40:41 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Nobody I know can decide every night what they want to eat, or where. It's because we have to make that same damn decision nightly and we get tired of it. That's why magazines publish food menus for a month.

Beyond that, I think much of the indecisiveness comes from the fact that in past relationships we were sand bagged. If you were asked where you wanted to go for dinner, said the Chinese restaurant, and then had a partner who was nasty to you all night because you should have read their mind and known they wanted Mexican, then you would learn that it isn't safe to make a decision.And you wouldn't give an opinion in a new relationship until you felt it was safe to do so. Safe doesn't mean knowing him or her for two months, but more like two years.

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Post #: 44

RE: is it common.... - 2/28/2009 5:24:49 PM

Zechriel

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Joined: 11/19/2007
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Good evening!
Most times that I say "I don't know" is when I am actually stumped. I am not used to being treated well by people and to have Daddy baby me and spoil me is still hard to get used to. So when he says "what do you want to eat?" or "what do I want for my birthday/xmas..whatever.." I get stumped. He probably gets as frustrated with me at those times as I do when I ask him what we will be doing during the next play session. He goes "I don't know" but in his case, he likes to play it by ear. Good luck!
Love,
Zechriel

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Post #: 45

RE: is it common.... - 3/1/2009 10:02:08 AM

lilsub18

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ive always had a tendency to say i dont know when i am for whatever reason reluctant to asnwer a question. my Dom just calmly says what? i didnt catch that? or something along those lines intil i answer him. We have gotten to the point now that i dont as often say i dont know and when i do say it, i often immediately correct myself and answer before he says anything.

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Post #: 46

RE: is it common.... - 3/2/2009 12:13:22 PM

EclipseAbove

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I don't know if it is common or not, but I have a very low tolerance for that kind of thing. When I hear "I don't know", I'm going to respond with "Think about it". If it is about feelings or preferences (things only the person can know), I won't accept "I don't know" as an answer. For other things, I'm ok with that kind of response some of the time. If it happens too often, that just tells me there is a lack of effort and that isn't acceptable. Just because the power is in one person's hands, it doesn't mean the other person gets to coast along.

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Post #: 47

RE: is it common.... - 3/2/2009 5:16:12 PM

Drifa

Posts: 547
Joined: 7/27/2007
From: Rural Texas
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Even though I'm submissive, I hate the "I don't know" answer. Because, all too often, the person DOES know and you're supposed to play a psychic mind game to deduce the right answer.

I used to have a small app on my PDA that was like the spinner on Wheel of Fortune, except ahead of time you primed it with the names of all your local restaurants. Then when the "Where do you want to eat lunch?" was followed by "I don't know..." I could whip it out and spin. The answer had been randomly picked so I didn't get the passive aggressive BS for failing to guess the "right" restaurant.

If I don't have a preference, I say exactly that. My Lady expects a real answer, and I will say "I really don't have a preference, do you want me to select?" As others have mentioned, good communication is a valuable skill, from top or bottom, in private or in public.

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Post #: 48

RE: is it common.... - 3/4/2009 9:28:45 AM

CuriousPuppy

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Joined: 6/20/2004
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I don't know is a nondescript answer that fits many different questions, as well as many different interpretations of the same question, is why it's such a common answer.
[list]

I don't know... what I'd like for dinner because saying I don't care could sound rude.

I don't know... what I'd like for dinner because last time I suggested something I found out you were allergic to shellfish once we got seated at the seafood place and you mentioned it.

I don't know... what I'd like for dinner but still want to be able to say I'm not sure about something if don't feel like what you suggest.

I don't know... what I'd like for dinner because I'm not actually hungry. That's strange, I know I should be hungry though, maybe my appetite will spark itself if you make a suggestion. I say I'm not hungry that kind of spikes the dinner suggestion back in your face, I can always get a salad or something light.

I don't know... you want me to wear/do what where? I can't say your crazy, and saying no outright isn't quite accurate, pickup on that tone and realize this isn't such an easy answer and help me understand/be convinced.

I don't know... are you really going to make me point out how unsafe that is or will you pickup on it yourself?

I don't know... are you really going to point out how that could get -me- arrested if we get caught?

I don't know... sure I don't mind wearing X here with you in private, and I could maybe consider wearing it in public with some convincing... but right now I'm going to see how important this is to you

I don't know... sure I don't mind wearing X here with you in private, and I could maybe consider wearing it in public if I understood it better... but right now I need you to explain the appeal to me.

I don't know... I mean the pink collar is just a collar that happens to be pink, aside from the fact that it's a collar it doesn't do anything for me one way or the other... but wearing a dress is a big step.

I don't know... I'm sort of uncomfortable answering that and I'm uncomfortable admitting that I'm uncomfortable answering that.

I don't know... I'm scared to look at that dark corner of my mind where I hide the answer to that question.. please let me skate by with I don't know and don't make me look at what I know is there.

I don't know... I'm not ready to answer that question because I can't pin down my feelings yet

I don't know... I'm not ready to answer that question because I know the answer but I'm still too scared of it

I don't know... I'm not ready/don't want to answer that question because I know your feelings about the answer

I don't know... I'm not ready/don't want to answer that question because I haven't quite decided how to bring up that topic yet.

I don't know... I really wasn't thinking about anything, my brain went into standby about 20 minutes ago when I sat down here on the beach/couch/poolside/etc with you

etc.[/list]

There are too many things that I don't know can cover, that ambiguity makes it a perfect answer for even more things where the answer is known but the person who "doesn't know" isn't ready or doesn't want to say it.

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Post #: 49

RE: is it common.... - 3/8/2009 6:27:38 AM

MistressStephi

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I've been pretty busy, but thank you for all the replies! We had a long talk, and from what I found out with her, she doesn't like to think about all that, because she usually does with everyone and everything else. I had a amazing experience last night, and we are a lot happier now as a couple. I planned something out for a while, and I made a promise, finally was able to do something about it. I got her a collar and collared her before we went out for the evening. She wore the collar to both places, and her personality shined....way more than it usually did when we were out. She seemed like she could think clearer, knew what she wanted when I "demanded" to know. I have to verbalize things a certian way, to get my answers. I think part of it was new bounds and it was the first time either of us took it out of online, into a r/l relationship, but two months and growing stronger every day. She recently started telling me when she feels weak and needs me by her, weather its little family things or really big things, and I stay by her when she needs me, and she does whatever I need her to. I can't remember where I've read it before, but the not having a mind of your own when you have a sub sort of seems to fit my situation...when I really get into the dominant sort of stuff, she will often say she doesn't know, or if I ask her if she is thinking about anything, she'll tell me no. I believe these parts are common... please tell me if I'm wrong...but anyway, thats the update on whats been going on, and thank you all for the advice, I'll gladly read up on it, the books that were mentioned, and what else was said...and do my best to reply!

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RE: is it common.... - 3/8/2009 6:29:58 AM

MistressStephi

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quote:

but the not having a mind of your own when you have a sub

this quote may become confusing as I re read it, but usually about the subs not having a mind of their own when you question them but if you demand to know it seems to work a lot better, its all in the way of verbalizing I have noticed.

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Post #: 51